Bpjosep: If he had put it in a batch of stroganoff, no one would have noticed.

Stroganoff was how he got it.

Come on, everyone. Don't be hard on this guy. At least he came clean with authorities when he got caught. If he shows a little spunk, he can turn his life around now; if he gets good friends, instead of the circle of jerks he probably hangs with now, he may even turn into an upright member of society. That would be a stroke of luck for the nation as a whole.

I'm just gonna leave this here (FTFA):

"...adulterating a food item."

deanis: Some pranks, although gross, are funny. This guy is sick. What ever happened to whoopie cushions!?

It takes a lot longer to fill those with semen.

Mrs. Freidman: I've had this taste in my mouth before

Sure, he will have his record sealed, but the internet is around forever...

"adulterating a food product"? That's a law?
Who else went out their way to jizz in/on food and hand it out to others to make it a law?

/this is why we can't have nice things

Theaetetus: Bpjosep: If he had put it in a batch of stroganoff, no one would have noticed.

Stroganoff was how he got it.

Ha! Everyone on the train is looking at me now.

Awesome that they put his name in the paper like this. I'm sure it will come up in a google search for future employers, despite the "sealed record".... Boss move by the paper.

This "kid" sure as hell shouldn't be getting off so light for what amounts to a sex crime. What if he gave them HPV or HIV or Herpes or something else?! Disgusting. People get on the sex offenders list for peeing in the bushes.... THIS guy should be on the offenders list.

Jizzmints.....for that just came breath.

The Angry Hand of God: Everything else aside, how in the hell did he get caught?

Asparagus?

Everyone knows you use a mint-scented urinal cake dipped in chocolate.

/What a rube
//Now let me tell you what I think about Huey Lewis and the News

Now that's what I call a Rusty Venture.