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(CNN)   North Korea discloses nuke test and promises "upcoming all-out action" against U.S   (cnn.com) divider line 236
    More: Followup, North Korea, United States, United Nations Security Council, nuclear tests, KCNA, Security Council resolutions, National Defence Commission  
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11478 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Jan 2013 at 2:36 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-24 07:56:49 AM  
Silly North Korea, you think you can take us on with your army and nukes? America doesn't fear you!

The only thing America fears is its armed populace. According to gun nuts and Fark threads, it is the only thing keeping the country from becoming like you guys.
 
2013-01-24 07:58:21 AM  
For a look at how such an "all-out action" might turn out:

i48.tinypic.com

/yeah, they invaded Australia and not the US, but you've got to start somewhere.
 
2013-01-24 08:03:47 AM  

Xenomech: For a look at how such an "all-out action" might turn out:

[i48.tinypic.com image 214x317]

/yeah, they invaded Australia and not the US, but you've got to start somewhere.


Somehow I think yelling "KOALAS!" with an AK-47 raised to the sky isn't quite as effective as "WOLVERINES!" was.

/C. Thomas Howell FTMFW!
 
2013-01-24 08:08:34 AM  
Sounds like a legitimate threat and we should send Japan in to take them over.
 
2013-01-24 08:14:27 AM  
My reaction to this:
www.vh1.com
 
2013-01-24 08:14:39 AM  
The thing most people here seem to fail to realize is that Best Korea doesn't need to be accurate, they just need to get a missile into the air.
When you hate everyone, you don't really care where it lands.
 
2013-01-24 08:19:08 AM  
Didn't these guys just beat us at a spy game recently?

Why are we taking them so lightly and blowing them off as 'not capable' of anything?

OH, no oil.
 
2013-01-24 08:32:20 AM  

Kell Hound: Oh, crap. They saw the Red Dawn remake and thought it was a 'how-to'...


Came here to say this.

/maybe they are being paid as part of the marketing campaign
 
2013-01-24 08:35:01 AM  

Xenomech: For a look at how such an "all-out action" might turn out:

[i48.tinypic.com image 214x317]

/yeah, they invaded Australia and not the US, but you've got to start somewhere.


Forget that flick. THIS is how the war began!!!!1!!1!! WOLVERINES!!!!!

mjcdn.motherjones.com

/sigh
 
2013-01-24 08:43:24 AM  
"North Korea announces intention to commit National Suicide."

or more realistically;

"North Korea as full of shiat as ever"
 
2013-01-24 08:54:05 AM  
The sooner the government of North Korea is consigned to the shiatheap of history, the better and if I could push a button and cause the highest-ranked 200 members of that regime to undergo Scanners-style head explosions, well . . . you could consider that button pushed.
 
2013-01-24 09:01:32 AM  
I really wish I has something diplomatic or intelligent to say about this but my only response is " are they farking retarded".
 
2013-01-24 09:03:41 AM  

Father_Jack: Richard C Stanford: NobleHam: miniflea: This About That: Would it cost us San Francisco or LA to finally be rid of N. Korea? It makes a difference.

North Korea is incapable of striking the United States, or of holding out for more than a few weeks of conventional war, if that. What they ARE capable of is causing hundreds of thousands of civilian deaths in Seoul within the first hours of any war.

Anti US bluster has always been a key part of the Kim's stranglehold on their country, but they (Jong Il at least, and lets hope his son as well) aren't so stupid as to believe their own propaganda.

I really doubt they could manage to do much damage to Seoul, and Seoul has pretty extensive preparations for such an event so casualties would be minimal. They might have been able to do some serious harm in the 80s, but at this point they'd only have about 10 minutes before all of their artillery bunkers were buried in rubble and rocket shrapnel. They certainly couldn't nuke Seoul. Any plane they sent would be shot down just over the DMZ and they don't have any other delivery method short of carrying it through a tunnel under the DMZ, and I don't think they've got any of those the South hasn't found.

The problem with attacking Best Korea is that China would probably get involved. Attacking N. Korea would probably cause the Chinese to launch their own counter-attack against any invading forces. In order to go to war with N.Korea, we would have to convince China to support or stay neutral on the invasion.

Something i find curious about these Best Korea Invasion Threads is how little S. Korea seems to factor into people's calculus. Everyone talks about the big bad US Military kickin DPRK's butt, but wait, the Chinese...

Um, what about the S. Koreans?

The reason noone's done anything: S. Korea doesn't care about anything but the status quo. They've seen the issues the Germans have had with unification, and E. Germany was a goddamn paradise compared to the North. S. Korea doesn't *want* unification as they don't want to pay the freakin' bill and deal with it.

Furthermore, the S. Koreans are the ones who are potentially going to die in large numbers if in its death throes the n. Korean state decides to lob a nuke or two south. In the eyes of the S. Koreans, or so it would seem, the north aint worth it. Why risk losing seoul and hundreds of thousands to a worst case scenario war, only to have to then rebuild your own capital and economy AND rebuild the north and deal with millions of basically useless, destitute unskilled peasants and revamp at best completely wrecked early 20th century infrastructure?

From our perspective as people who don't really, fundamentally, have a dog in this fight, its easy to say "the north should be overthrown! Prison camps for generations! Horrible regime! [moral outrage reason!] [hypothetical security interest reason!] Well, sure, that's all true.

The world would be a better place without Best Korea, sure. But the vast majority of the cost of that is going to fall on the South, and frankly doesn't seem like they've got the stomach for the price they might have to pay if goes badly. And frankly... fair enough.

Reunification is a noble goal. Its not worth losing Seoul over.

(my inner internet tough guy and chairborne ranger self, however, would love the chance to see that war though... would be something to behold)


The way I see things, you're basically discounting the lessons learned since German reunification. The costs could be easily subsidized by nations (such as, say, the US) looking for a cheap and "ethical" alternative to Chinese factories, once the NKns drop this silly charade.

Which is probably a damn good reason China keeps propping them up, now that I think about it-- buy yourself a temporary monopoly.
 
2013-01-24 09:16:41 AM  
1) Wait until a few hours after nightfall during the week
2) Carpet bomb anything with electricity
3) Congratulations, you've destroyed the tyrannical ruling class
 
2013-01-24 09:24:46 AM  
GRASS PARKING ROT?
 
2013-01-24 09:35:16 AM  
I do think we should stop dealing with them, short of bombing everything that uses lights at night, just stop giving them food for their empty promises.

The people will either starve to death and there will be no country left to rule, or they'll see they have nothing to lose and rise up...

Either way, stop the cycle, no food for lies!!!
 
2013-01-24 09:36:17 AM  
Couplathings

1. The South is gonna rise again!!!
www.crwflags.com

2. Does NK realize that the US has a butt load of guns and crazy people just waiting to use them?
 
2013-01-24 09:45:13 AM  
"Analysts say it still has a lot of work to do to master the technology necessary to mount a nuclear warhead on missile or accurately target it."

duct tape and pop it in orbit over the u.s. does something called an 'emp' which sets everyone's gas gauges automatically to 'E'.
 
2013-01-24 09:46:21 AM  

KellyX: I do think we should stop dealing with them, short of bombing everything that uses lights at night, just stop giving them food for their empty promises.


hi, um, they shut the lights off at night, actually. to save electricity. it's kinda third-world-esque, but that's how they roll, brah.
 
2013-01-24 09:49:17 AM  
change 'one laptop per child' (OLPC) to One iPhone per North Korean (OINK) and start airdropping those things on them.

free speech and democracy, steve jobs will give you.
 
2013-01-24 09:56:43 AM  

The All-Powerful Atheismo: miniflea: but they (Jong Il at least, and lets hope his son as well) aren't so stupid as to believe their own propaganda.

Kim Jong Il isn't quite on the ball as he used to be.


He does tend to lay around a lot. Kinda lazy, apparently.
 
2013-01-24 09:58:23 AM  

utah dude: change 'one laptop per child' (OLPC) to One iPhone per North Korean (OINK) and start airdropping those things on them.

free speech and democracy, steve jobs will give you.


Free speech works up until the other guy decides to beat you back into line with a stick.
NK is far beyond the point where facebook can help.
 
2013-01-24 09:59:02 AM  

CipollinaFan: This About That: Would it cost us San Francisco or LA to finally be rid of N. Korea? It makes a difference.

Doubt that they have a rocket that will go that far. I would imagine that that take out Seoul first before that attempt anything against us.


They managed to put a satellite in orbit last month. That puts us in range.
 
2013-01-24 10:03:27 AM  

sid244: Couplathings

2. Does NK realize that the US has a butt load of guns and crazy people just waiting to use them?


Heck even many of the non crazy people with guns wouldn't mind getting in on the action I bet. Mean seriously, who isn't tired of NK's mouth at this point?
 
2013-01-24 10:05:37 AM  

way south: Free speech works up until the other guy decides to beat you back into line with a stick.
NK is far beyond the point where facebook can help.


fine, full auto-iPhones with high capacity magazines and bayonet mounts.
 
2013-01-24 10:16:34 AM  

Uchiha_Cycliste: Feral_and_Preposterous: I think we should just develop a long range hot-dog gun. Shoot a bunch of hot-dogs and burritos and packets of Charmin over there and let people (and especially their troops) develop a taste for something other than sawdust and shoe leather and get used to wiping their asses with some soft, plush TP. Maybe the problem will correct itself.

The problem is then fatty the grand Poobah tells the people that anyone caught in possession of these things will not only be sent to a labor camp, but will be condemning their families to labor camps as well.


Yeah, that whole "three generations" thing about NK is really, really farked up.

They declare you an enemy of the state without even so much as a kangaroo court/show trial, you go to prison, your entire extended family goes to prison, for life with no chance of release, ever. Then, the next two generations of that family are born into that prison and are prisoners from birth to grave, with the grandchildren being released from prison. That's assuming the family lives that long, and all members don't either starve or are summarily executed for even petty offenses.

By "prison" we mean conditions akin to a concentration camp, judging from the reports that have come in and the accounts of the only person to have ever escaped from them.
 
2013-01-24 10:20:52 AM  
Meh.  Call me back when they have real ICBMs, not just cardboard mock ups.
 
2013-01-24 10:22:08 AM  

MythDragon: How I think of NK
[i.imgur.com image 850x478]


Thanks! My new screen saver.
 
2013-01-24 10:26:55 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Trust me, Nork. We don't want to have any farking thing to do with you. Really. We just don't care about you at all.

We care about the sweet Korean twat buffet our soldiers get during their deployment, and we care about cheap LG and Samsung TVs. I suppose we care about those cheap Hyundais that have way better power than the Jap rice burners. And Korean BBQ is pretty great, but keep that dog meat away.

Anyway, settle the fark down. Hey, if you give up your nukes, you can visit Tokyo Disneyland. Our treat.


I loved my wrx :(
 
2013-01-24 10:45:15 AM  

utah dude: way south: Free speech works up until the other guy decides to beat you back into line with a stick.
NK is far beyond the point where facebook can help.

fine, full auto-iPhones with high capacity magazines and bayonet mounts.


I seriously wonder if a 2A solution would even work at this point.
Think of it as a nation sized domestic violence case. The folks there have lived in tyranny so long it would probably be a culture shock if they didn't have someone bossing them around.

/You could probably sprinkle phones, rifles, and RPG's everywhere and they'll just round the lot up and turn it in to the nearest army depot.
 
2013-01-24 10:45:51 AM  
Serious question - when was the last time a NATO country had a big parade to show off missiles? I don't remember one, but is it common practice anywhere in the west? It seems like China, NK, Pakistan, India and a few other nations do it regularly. Does Russia still feel the need?
 
2013-01-24 10:47:57 AM  

spacelord321: MythDragon: How I think of NK
[i.imgur.com image 850x478]

Thanks! My new screen saver.


Do a GIS for "bear come at me bro" and you can probably find a nice hi res image
 
2013-01-24 10:53:38 AM  
Best Korea in Winter
We set off nuke; sea of fire!
Give us stuff, ditch rats
 
2013-01-24 10:55:28 AM  

Feral_and_Preposterous: Uchiha_Cycliste: Feral_and_Preposterous: Uchiha_Cycliste: Feral_and_Preposterous: I think we should just develop a long range hot-dog gun. Shoot a bunch of hot-dogs and burritos and packets of Charmin over there and let people (and especially their troops) develop a taste for something other than sawdust and shoe leather and get used to wiping their asses with some soft, plush TP. Maybe the problem will correct itself.

The problem is then fatty the grand Poobah tells the people that anyone caught in possession of these things will not only be sent to a labor camp, but will be condemning their families to labor camps as well.

That's why we have to carpet the place with dogs, man. People don't have to possess them they just bend over when nobody's looking and take a bite. Then they just do the old grade-school "in class slow chew" and hum a bit and look at a cloud or something and go about their business. And the whole country has so much TP it looks like Rosie Rottencrotch's house the morning after homecoming when they're squatting in the bushes they just pluck it.

I contend that the punishment would be the same. It's the reason that I don't think air dropping happy means is a good idea either. I seriously think Kim would be willing to imprison whole cities to maintain his control of the population.

Okay, then. What about BBQ stands all along the DMZ with huge fans blowing the smell of succulent, succulent baby-back ribs and brisket and chicken and sausages across into NK?

Yeah, I know, mandatory nose-plugs or labor camps, etc. You're such a buzz-kill. How about brainstorming a little with me instead of ag'in' me, bro? I'm trying to solve a problem here.


I'm with you Bud, but we have to acknowledge the existing framework and bring change from within. These folks are too scared and possibly brainwashed for outside influence to have much effect outside of causing trouble to the very people we are trying to help. The change has to come from within and it has to be a hell of a lot of them, a 5th column sort of situation. Now how we can get that to happen I don't know. In the meantime the best we could do to assist the crushing hunger and poverty would be to slip people to pass around seeds I think . Give them the resources to start feeding themselves, now that laws on self-grown food are loosening a little bit.. Beyond that a small group of smuggled in plotters would have to be the beginning of a much larger and time consuming sedition plot.

\Sorry about the late reply, sleep and all that.
 
2013-01-24 10:58:20 AM  
Easiest way to solve the NK situation is to have the UN lean on China to get off of it's communist ass and deal with NK or lose their security council veto. It's not hard to justify either. How can you have any legitimacy in such an organization when you have insane neighbors actively trying to destabilize the region and you sit by and do nothing?
 
2013-01-24 11:00:17 AM  

Xenomech: For a look at how such an "all-out action" might turn out:

[i48.tinypic.com image 214x317]

/yeah, they invaded Australia and not the US, but you've got to start somewhere.


images4.wikia.nocookie.net
Shaka, when the walls fell
 
2013-01-24 11:08:07 AM  
I wouldn't worry too much. The tests they are carrying out are underground where, mostly, nobody can get hurt except the Norks themselves if they don't seal their borehole up well enough. Vaporizing their entire space launch complex is fairly easy, even with conventional munitions. A few submarine-launched tomahawks would do the job nicely.
 
2013-01-24 11:09:19 AM  
Any other Administration, I'd say North Korea is in for some urban renewal if they try that shiat, but with Obama?

He hates America and is probably coordinating the attack for greatest efficiency in killing the most Americans that can be accomplished.
 
2013-01-24 11:15:11 AM  
Is this the device?

Too obscure?
 
2013-01-24 11:18:29 AM  
Damn hotlink protection.

Is this the device?

www.potatowave.com
 
2013-01-24 11:24:34 AM  
Hey, North Korea

I don't want to sound presumptuous, but isn't it a bit silly to go around waving your dick at people thousands of miles away when you can't even manage to feed, provide electricity for or educate your own people outside of a bunch of propaganda, pamphlet style "we are best in world, all you need to know" malarkey?

I mean, you might want to look into that.

Cause you ain't helping ANYBODY, let alone best Koreans.
 
2013-01-24 11:25:49 AM  

MythDragon: spacelord321: MythDragon: How I think of NK
[i.imgur.com image 850x478]

Thanks! My new screen saver.

Do a GIS for "bear come at me bro" and you can probably find a nice hi res image


; )
 
2013-01-24 11:39:44 AM  

ontariolightning: GAT_00: Quit with the newsflash. This isn't scary, they aren't going to attack us. They just threaten so they can offer something for more aid. By being scared of them you're doing exactly what they want.

North Korea says no dialogue on the denuclearization of their country will be possible in the future


Kinda hard to have a dialogue with a smoking crater.
 
2013-01-24 11:45:57 AM  
The only thing North Korea has going for it is it's friendship with China. But China isn't going to support them in a military action against us. All we have to do to keep China in line is tell them that if they give us any shiat, we'll offer massive tax incentives for Apple and other companies to produce their products in the US. China will then step aside and let us mop the floor with that dopey looking farker and his cadre of anal tonguing worshipers.
 
2013-01-24 11:47:12 AM  
That would be...unwise.
 
2013-01-24 11:50:08 AM  
media.giantbomb.com

Welcome to New Best Korea!
 
2013-01-24 12:26:45 PM  

Boojum2k: drjekel_mrhyde: GarretSidzaka: im usually not in favor of military action, and am a leftist. but some precision drone strikes to cripple their rocketry program are seeming prudent

We would have to destroy anything they have that can reach Seoul

Miles of built-in artillery sites, thoroughly hardened. What's in them may be as dangerous as snowballs for all we know, but it would be difficult to take them out in case they actually have working weaponry. Very difficult.


Not to mention extremely unfriendly terrain with lots of mountains. We can't take our big stuff there like tanks or Strykers.
 
2013-01-24 12:46:08 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: MmmmBacon: This is interesting. Best Korea starts talking tough again just after tensions between China and Japan reach a fever pitch over those stupid islands northsouth of Japan that both countries claim for themselves? NK may not be able to deliver a nuke to the US with any real accuracy, but they certainly can float a Junk into Tokyo Bay and blow up a nuke it might be carrying on-board.

Best Korea does nothing without China's approval.
China wants to put pressure on Japan to give up those islands.
Furthermore, China wants the US occupied elsewhere, so they can't interfere.

So Best Korea starts talking smack, which puts the fear of Un in both the leadership of Japan and South Korea, and it keep our attention focused on NK rather than the China/Japan standoff... or at least China hopes, anyway.

[www.csmonitor.com image 600x724]


You listen to too much western media bias. Truth is China has a lot less influence over NK than what most folks in America think. Also Japan and China are not going to war over Senkaku/Diaoyu islands. It's saber rattling and playing chicken/ dog and pony show to keep the ignorant populace happy.
 
2013-01-24 12:48:30 PM  

Egoy3k: Easiest way to solve the NK situation is to have the UN lean on China to get off of it's communist ass and deal with NK or lose their security council veto. It's not hard to justify either. How can you have any legitimacy in such an organization when you have insane neighbors actively trying to destabilize the region and you sit by and do nothing?


i am now in love with you.
 
2013-01-24 12:57:05 PM  

GAT_00: Quit with the newsflash. This isn't scary, they aren't going to attack us. They just threaten so they can offer something for more aid. By being scared of them you're doing exactly what they want.


You sound like someone who lives on the east coast.
 
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