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(Gawker)   If a headline starts with "Naked Florida Man" and the story includes doctors being unable to determine what drugs he's on... welcome to your newfound celebrity status, good sir   (gawker.com) divider line 34
    More: Florida, North Fort Myers, master status, Carla Bruni  
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3829 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jan 2013 at 8:35 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



34 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-01-23 08:39:12 AM
Depends on what the naked man did with/to the hapless gator, doesn't it?
 
2013-01-23 08:41:40 AM
I know this one, what are bath salts?
 
2013-01-23 08:41:41 AM
www.iconsoffright.com
 
2013-01-23 08:42:24 AM

Apos: Depends on what the naked man did with/to the hapless gator, doesn't it?


Umm....Ignore the part about the gator. Clearly, I'm certainly on something this morning.
 
2013-01-23 08:44:01 AM
...Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates...

It's getting a little dusty, fappy in here.
 
2013-01-23 08:45:14 AM
FTFABruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, where several guns were stored...

Why do they store guns in their son's bedroom?
 
2013-01-23 08:45:21 AM
So, Tuesday in Florida, amirite?
 
2013-01-23 08:46:35 AM
3 warning shots from a .38 revolver

a .38 revolver typically only holds 6 shots

emptying half of the cylinder isn't "warning shots" but "crappy aim"
 
2013-01-23 08:46:42 AM
cdn.chud.com
 
2013-01-23 08:48:58 AM

eraser8: FTFA:  Bruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, where several guns were stored...

Why do they store guns in their son's bedroom?


Because Florida
 
2013-01-23 08:49:22 AM
Back in my day if you were found naked and on drugs they narrowed it down in a matter of minutes. Times certainly have changed for the worse.
 
2013-01-23 08:50:51 AM

The_Original_Roxtar: 3 warning shots from a .38 revolver

a .38 revolver typically only holds 6 shots

emptying half of the cylinder isn't "warning shots" but "crappy aim"


And that's  exactly why more law-abiding citizens should have large-capacity magazines, to protect themselves from naked druggies who empty vacuum cleaners.
 
2013-01-23 08:51:34 AM
FTA: "He sees a "large television" minding its own business and knocks it off its stand."

The television was minding its own business versus what, openly mocking him?
 
2013-01-23 08:53:02 AM

The Angry Hand of God: [www.iconsoffright.com image 325x183]


thumbs.anyclip.com
 
2013-01-23 08:53:03 AM

eraser8: FTFA:  Bruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, where several guns were stored...

Why do they store guns in their son's bedroom?


Because they're his?
 
2013-01-23 08:56:10 AM

Liz Lemon: FTA: "He sees a "large television" minding its own business and knocks it off its stand."

The television was minding its own business versus what, openly mocking him?


Reminds me of the evil and menacing fridge from Requim for a Dream
 
2013-01-23 09:02:07 AM
Time to round up the usual suspects, I suspect his dealer to be either the Count, the Irishman or the Bird:

madamezooble.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-01-23 09:03:49 AM

Rufus Lee King: Yay! Let's have a gun thread!


Man I was really hoping to avoid that in this one. After the 34 gun threads we had yesterday, I would really enjoy only having maybe 31 today.
 
2013-01-23 09:06:33 AM
He was high on life!
 
2013-01-23 09:08:31 AM

eraser8: FTFA:  Bruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, where several guns were stored...

Why do they store guns in their son's bedroom?


This isn't the last we hear from this family, methinks.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-01-23 09:14:34 AM
What percentage of "naked man" stories happen in Florida now?
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-01-23 09:16:12 AM

eraser8: FTFA:  Bruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, where several guns were stored...

Why do they store guns in their son's bedroom?


"I brought you into this world... I can take you out."

It's a constant reminder.
 
2013-01-23 09:35:00 AM

Nobistik: Time to round up the usual suspects, I suspect his dealer to be either the Count, the Irishman or the Bird:

[madamezooble.files.wordpress.com image 400x497]


My money is on the Keebler Elves.

/ those farking elves...
 
2013-01-23 09:39:16 AM
The unintended consequences of the drug war = drugs which are even worse. If this is not fixed soon, the eternal search to find a drug that does not show up on a drug test will lead to something like the rage virus.
 
2013-01-23 09:42:33 AM

jfivealive: eraser8: FTFA:  Bruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, where several guns were stored...

Why do they store guns in their son's bedroom?

Because Florida


And because it's Florida, the son is 35.
 
2013-01-23 09:52:09 AM
www.dreamindemon.com

Exactly how I pictured him
 
2013-01-23 09:54:10 AM

rev. dave: The unintended consequences of the drug war = drugs which are even worse. If this is not fixed soon, the eternal search to find a drug that does not show up on a drug test will lead to something like the rage virus.


You say that as if it's a bad thing.
 
2013-01-23 11:55:49 AM

ltdanman44: [www.dreamindemon.com image 386x482]

Exactly how I pictured him



This is going to make the next 60 years of employers/potential dates/housemates googling him interesting.
 
2013-01-23 04:21:32 PM
Headline of this needed the poop and masturbation angle to give the story justice. The HoughPo teaser on twitter is much better: "Rough Day For Alleged Violent Naked Pooping Masturbator."
 
2013-01-23 10:09:47 PM
TFA doesn't mention it, but the vacuum was a wet/dry version and after he spilled it he sucked some of the water out of the carpet.

Deputies said Bruni sucked up the water that had spilled from the vacuum and spit it out.

To me that's the crowning touch to this story.
 
2013-01-23 10:41:30 PM
Just another attempted robbery in Fark's favorite state.
 
2013-01-24 06:04:30 AM

eraser8: FTFA:  Bruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, where several guns were stored...

Why do they store guns in their son's bedroom?


Because they're responsible.
 
2013-01-24 06:07:42 AM

UnholyMudcrab: Just another attempted robbery in Fark's favorite state.


Wait, did he actually try to take anything?  From TFA, it sounded like he just wanted to be friends and loooove everyone and everything.  Especially any clothes left on the floor.
 
2013-01-24 06:08:33 AM

RepoManTSM: Headline of this needed the poop and masturbation angle to give the story justice. The HoughPo teaser on twitter is much better: "Rough Day For Alleged Violent Naked Pooping Masturbator."


Or just, "The Aristocrats!" Stories like these are what the Florida tag was made for.
 
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