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(Guardian)   Dear advice Columnist: a lesbian couple moved into the apartment across the street from us, and have no curtains or shades for the floor-to-ceiling picture window in their bedroom, what should I do? Columnist: Charge admission?   (guardian.co.uk) divider line 79
    More: Amusing, University and college admissions, high-rise apartment, ceilings, telephoto lens, curtains, bedrooms, lesbians, sunglasses  
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8902 clicks; posted to Geek » on 22 Jan 2013 at 6:03 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-22 03:52:31 PM
Are they "The L Word" type lesbians? Lesbian is a broad category.
 
2013-01-22 03:54:21 PM
I assure you that this is not a joke. I can send you pictures if you need proof.

I need proof
 
2013-01-22 03:56:54 PM
Maybe you could climb back in your window from your fire escape and put down your binoculars.
 
2013-01-22 04:14:50 PM
I have no way of contacting the building's management or home owners' association.

Really? You don't have access to one of these:

www.theoldtelephone.co.uk

and one of these:

earth911.com
 
2013-01-22 04:17:30 PM
Set up a live webcam?
 
2013-01-22 04:44:55 PM
What, no helpful pic of what a lesbian couple engaged in intercourse may look like?

Well now how am I supposed to know?
 
2013-01-22 05:19:56 PM
Dear Diedre,

My hot lesbian neighbors insist on having sex with the shades down and the curtain drawn on their pitifully small bedroom windows.  How can I convince them that it would be in the best interests of everyone if they would have their lingerie pillow fights, naked body fingerpainting sessions, and Rabbit-Habit-a-Thons right out on the front lawn, as God intended?

Love, Chari
 
2013-01-22 05:27:27 PM
(This comment has been removed)
 
2013-01-22 05:52:30 PM
My last house was in a new build neighborhood.  I moved in about two weeks before the people in the house behind me.  Was a little slow getting the window blinds ordered.  One morning I wake up, get out of bed and see two kids eating breakfast at a table facing my house's direction.  I had temporary blinds up by that afternoon.

Something tells me that the ladies in the article will catch on in a similar fashion.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-01-22 05:54:39 PM
Just hypothetically, if two hot lesbians go at it with no blinds and I use my telephoto lens to record video, does it violate the law against secretly photographing naked people?

Sadly, just a hypothetical. But I do have a big lens if anybody wants to make it real.
 
2013-01-22 06:08:05 PM
Draw your own drapes when the sexy time starts?
 
2013-01-22 06:14:14 PM
That was way less derpy than I was expecting.
 
2013-01-22 06:18:16 PM
Paul Anka how would you handle this situation?

"Just don't look".

/comes with a guarantee
 
2013-01-22 06:24:07 PM
2.bp.blogspot.com
Good Lord, it's a hairless ape. Burn it.
 
2013-01-22 06:26:49 PM

lewismarktwo: Is lesbo fingerbangin SFW?


You need glasses.
 
2013-01-22 06:28:08 PM
Celebrate?
 
2013-01-22 06:30:48 PM
The lesbians next door bought me a Rolex for Christmas.

I think they misundersood me. When they asked me what I would like for Christmas, I said "I wanna watch"
 
2013-01-22 06:36:42 PM
as usual, whether this is an issue depends entirely on whether they are:

1) attractive
2) not unattractive
 
2013-01-22 06:39:21 PM

Cyberluddite: scottydoesntknow: I assure you that this is not a joke. I can send you pictures if you need proof.
I need proof

Be careful what you ask for when it comes to these matters:

[www.majhost.com image 300x350]


Someone needs to make a heterosexual version of that.
 
2013-01-22 06:44:30 PM
I'd politely ask them to either let you join in or put curtains up.

If they refuse, put a webcam up aimed at their window.
 
2013-01-22 06:45:09 PM

demaL-demaL-yeH: lewismarktwo: Is lesbo fingerbangin SFW?

You need glasses.


So do many managers.
 
2013-01-22 06:48:20 PM

Cyberluddite: scottydoesntknow: I assure you that this is not a joke. I can send you pictures if you need proof.
I need proof

Be careful what you ask for when it comes to these matters:


Is there a way to pause that on the "Fantasy" half?
 
2013-01-22 06:53:13 PM
OK, true story here. A few summers ago we had renters in the house next to ours. Apparently they liked to have sex at 2-3 o'clock in the morning. Now, this wouldn't have been a problem except that they kept their bedroom window open, because it's summer and it's a little hot at night. Well, so do the rest of us of course. And thus I'm awakened in the middle of the night by this woman screaming in passion at the top of her lungs.

So I don't do anything the first time it happens because everyone gets the benefit of the doubt once. Well, a few nights later the same thing, and this time my wife wakes up too. I told her I was going to clap after they were finished but she wouldn't let me do it, so instead I just closed the window really loudly to try and get the point across. Didn't work. Same thing again a few nights later. So I left a very polite letter on their door asking them to please be considerate of their neighbors and to keep any loud noises quiet after bedtime or close their windows. Still didn't work.

So the next time it happened I woke my wife up and she had apparently had enough of it too, so she finally agreed to let me clap after they were done. To my surprise, out of nowhere, one of my neighbors starts clapping as well. My wife and I were just rolling with tears. We could hear the sex couple yelling at each other (or maybe it was us) but couldn't make out what they were saying. But we did hear their window shut and we never heard them having sex again.

Fortunately they moved out within six months (the landlord said they were deadbeats who weren't paying their rent), so I never had the pleasure of having to meet them face to face, because I'm not sure I could have done it without clapping.
 
2013-01-22 06:55:36 PM

dstanley: Cyberluddite: scottydoesntknow: I assure you that this is not a joke. I can send you pictures if you need proof.
I need proof

Be careful what you ask for when it comes to these matters:

Is there a way to pause that on the "Fantasy" half?


My phone appears to have done that for me. Thanks, Samsung.
 
2013-01-22 07:10:20 PM

Sin_City_Superhero: I have no way of contacting the building's management or home owners' association.

Really? You don't have access to one of these:

[www.theoldtelephone.co.uk image 850x566]

and one of these:

[earth911.com image 615x400]


Does anyone have access to a rotary phone anymore?
 
2013-01-22 07:14:12 PM
www.movieactors.com

Sadly unavailable.
 
2013-01-22 07:15:31 PM
Just use a laser pointer, zot it into their bedroom a couple times. If they hurridly hide, they didn't know, if they pick up the action, install a laser rave thingy aimed into their window, and cheer them on.

/Or grab the Mr, throw open your windows, and see if you can show them up.
 
2013-01-22 07:21:59 PM
Did it ever occur to her to close HER blinds?
 
2013-01-22 07:25:50 PM

Swoop1809: Did it ever occur to her to close HER blinds?


Well, she did say her husband liked to watch so I doubt that would solve her real problem with the situation.
 
2013-01-22 07:28:28 PM

posicat: Just use a laser pointer, zot it into their bedroom a couple times. If they hurridly hide, they didn't know, if they pick up the action, install a laser rave thingy aimed into their window, and cheer them on.

/Or grab the Mr, throw open your windows, and see if you can show them up.



I had something snarky written out, but saw your post out of the corner of my eye and just decided to delete what I wrong.
This is truly the best thing to do.
 
2013-01-22 07:31:12 PM
Here's an idea, she should hang a sign on her window that the Lesbians can read that says "Dear Lesbian couple, I'll be home a little late tonight, please wait for me".
 
2013-01-22 07:34:43 PM
Ah, Mariella Frostrup. One of the highlights of my Sunday morning reading the paper in bed.
 
2013-01-22 07:36:18 PM
"Shut up and touch yourself."
 
2013-01-22 08:11:35 PM
Just start recording them and posting that shiat. Eventually someone will do the work of finding them and letting them know for you, and in the meantime you get free amateur porn.

Not that porn isn't free anyway, but making it yourself is just that much saucier.
 
2013-01-22 08:19:32 PM
Obviously they're real life lesbians and not porn film lesbians. No one is going to want to pay for that.
 
2013-01-22 08:32:06 PM
sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2013-01-22 08:32:09 PM
First world problems
 
2013-01-22 08:34:34 PM
Send Tucker Max.
 
2013-01-22 09:02:42 PM
The joke goes, an old lady calls the police because the man next door is walking around completely naked. The cop looks out the window and says "I don't see anything" and the old lady says "Stand on the bed! Stand on the bed!"
 
2013-01-22 09:04:15 PM
Once met my neighbors and they said "Oh you must be (my name)" then a long pause "we know your name because of your wife screaming it out"

I replied"but we dont fight"

There response "Oh you weren't fighting"

Very awkward moment. We made it a point to quiet it down after that. had NO idea it carried so well, and I suspect this lesbian couple doesn't realize they have an audience either.
 
2013-01-22 09:05:29 PM
Oh Yeah Baby, don't stop now!
ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2013-01-22 09:10:48 PM
I'm pretty sure I had a dream like this. Why is it that all my dreams happen to other people?
 
2013-01-22 09:11:41 PM

BalugaJoe: Send Tucker Max.


Two women living together, you're right, they might need a douche.
 
2013-01-22 09:31:23 PM
4.bp.blogspot.com

I like to watch.
 
2013-01-22 09:44:27 PM

Pincy: OK, true story here. A few summers ago we had renters in the house next to ours. Apparently they liked to have sex at 2-3 o'clock in the morning. Now, this wouldn't have been a problem except that they kept their bedroom window open, because it's summer and it's a little hot at night. Well, so do the rest of us of course. And thus I'm awakened in the middle of the night by this woman screaming in passion at the top of her lungs.

So I don't do anything the first time it happens because everyone gets the benefit of the doubt once. Well, a few nights later the same thing, and this time my wife wakes up too. I told her I was going to clap after they were finished but she wouldn't let me do it, so instead I just closed the window really loudly to try and get the point across. Didn't work. Same thing again a few nights later. So I left a very polite letter on their door asking them to please be considerate of their neighbors and to keep any loud noises quiet after bedtime or close their windows. Still didn't work.

So the next time it happened I woke my wife up and she had apparently had enough of it too, so she finally agreed to let me clap after they were done. To my surprise, out of nowhere, one of my neighbors starts clapping as well. My wife and I were just rolling with tears. We could hear the sex couple yelling at each other (or maybe it was us) but couldn't make out what they were saying. But we did hear their window shut and we never heard them having sex again.

Fortunately they moved out within six months (the landlord said they were deadbeats who weren't paying their rent), so I never had the pleasure of having to meet them face to face, because I'm not sure I could have done it without clapping.


ROFLMOAR
 
2013-01-22 09:48:24 PM

Greywar: I replied "but we dont fight"
There response "Oh you weren't fighting"


"Why are you called One-man-bucket?"
"...In my tribe we're traditionally named after the first thing my mother sees when she looks out of the tepee after the birth. It's short for one-man-pouring-a-bucket-of-water-over-two-dogs."
"That's pretty unfortunate."
"It's not too bad. It was my twin brother you had to feel sorry for. She looked out ten seconds before me to give him his name."
"don't tell me, let me guess. Two-dogs-fighting?"
"Two-dogs-fighting? Two-dogs-fighting? Wow, he would have given his right arm to be called Two-dogs-fighting."


Made me think of that, for some reason.
 
2013-01-22 09:51:48 PM

Greywar: Once met my neighbors and they said "Oh you must be (my name)" then a long pause "we know your name because of your wife screaming it out"

I replied"but we dont fight"

There response "Oh you weren't fighting"

Very awkward moment. We made it a point to quiet it down after that. had NO idea it carried so well, and I suspect this lesbian couple doesn't realize they have an audience either.


It would have been really funny if they called you by the wrong name.
 
2013-01-22 10:11:51 PM

Sin_City_Superhero: I have no way of contacting the building's management or home owners' association.

Really? You don't have access to one of these:

[www.theoldtelephone.co.uk image 850x566]

and one of these:

[earth911.com image 615x400]


The fark are those things?
 
2013-01-22 10:47:04 PM
meanwhile next door....

engineerblogs.org
 
2013-01-22 10:56:08 PM
I have no way of contacting the building's management or home owners' association.

Bull. shiat.

This woman clearly doesn't want a solution. She wants something to biatch about. She can send a letter like this

Building Manager


She can spend 5 minutes googling the address to find a phone number. Or she can just call the cops and report the lewd behavior. But all of that would end the controversy and she wouldn't have anything to biatch about.
 
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