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(WTSP)   Saddest. First sentence. Ever   (wtsp.com) divider line 39
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47875 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jan 2013 at 4:19 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-01-23 03:24:55 PM  
11 votes:

RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


Happy Birthday!!

loser
2013-01-23 04:25:14 PM  
10 votes:
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
2013-01-23 04:31:12 PM  
9 votes:

FarkingReading: [encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com image 240x210]


Took me too long to find, but I can't help myself but to post this:
i.imgur.com
cdn2-b.examiner.com
2013-01-23 04:26:57 PM  
8 votes:
media.rofls.com
2013-01-23 03:08:21 PM  
6 votes:
2.bp.blogspot.com

i think if he was celebrating his birthday with a bowl of corn flakes and set that on fire, it might have been sadder.
2013-01-23 04:38:20 PM  
3 votes:
An. Old. Man. Turned 76.
Made some mac & cheese. And died the next day.

Like RAYAYAAAAAAIN on your wedding day...
2013-01-23 03:46:52 PM  
3 votes:

RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


Enjoy.

i171.photobucket.com
2013-01-23 03:17:07 PM  
3 votes:
That shiat is like the first few minutes of Up.
2013-01-23 04:53:59 PM  
2 votes:
www.wtsp.com


This look is caled "The penis two-tone".
2013-01-23 04:24:42 PM  
2 votes:
I ignore my birthday. I tell friends and family to ignore as well. My theory is, if you ignore birthdays, they don't happen, thus I don't age.

Working so far....

/definitely will be alone when/if I hit 76.
2013-01-23 04:09:16 PM  
2 votes:

Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?


I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere
i.imgur.com
"Claude Eugene Riley III. Charges: Solicit prostitution - Everything for $240; Possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (2 counts); DWLSR. Summary: Single - Employed as a salesperson MAC Cosmetics; Suspended license"
Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits
2013-01-23 04:01:34 PM  
2 votes:
Actually subby, this is

Not to mention the embarrassment of being named.
2013-01-23 03:31:53 PM  
2 votes:
From the frying pan to the fire. Literally.
2013-01-22 02:10:55 PM  
2 votes:
Burning cheese trifecta now in play
2013-01-24 12:14:14 AM  
1 votes:

unlikely: i upped my meds-up yours: Oh I see. You're saying loners hoard, and don't know what's valuable.

Er, no? I'm saying I know that Rex is a comic book collector and I wish on him that rare one-in-a-million find that all serious comic collectors daydream about.


But you know he's a loner. Loners collect things. It's our destiny.

/ah, fark it. just trying to save face here.
2013-01-23 10:06:23 PM  
1 votes:
blogs.publishersweekly.com
2013-01-23 09:03:37 PM  
1 votes:

Marcintosh: chevydeuce: Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone

we all die alone-


Not if you die in a plane crash, or a bigass earthquake, or a mass shooting, or nuclear explosion, or a molasses spill, or a bombing, or... Well, maybe you got my point.
2013-01-23 08:50:29 PM  
1 votes:
Actual first line:Authorities say a man celebrating his 76th birthday alone was rescued from his apartment after a pan of macaroni and cheese caught fire on his stove.

Sadder first line:Authorities say a man celebrating his 76th birthday alone was rescued from his apartment decades after losing his penis in a macaroni and cheese fire.
2013-01-23 08:42:49 PM  
1 votes:

blatz514: He says his Army training kicked in as he saw smoke billowing from the stove

I've never been in the Army.  But I'm pretty sure I would have put out the fire too.  Do I get a medal for valor?


No. Nothing you do means anything unless you've been to bootcamp first.

unlikely: RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.

Do you mean you? Because if you do, let me go ahead and wish you a happy birthday. May you find a copy of Fantastic Four #2 hidden inside a stack of Life Magazine or something equally cool today.


Oh I see. You're saying loners hoard, and don't know what's valuable.
2013-01-23 07:48:53 PM  
1 votes:

xanadian: Someimes, 4chan is pretty cool.

Even Reddit, but that's really rare


(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
2013-01-23 06:55:34 PM  
1 votes:
Surprised at how many Farkers seem to have the same birthday (or birthweek, I suppose, depending on time zones) as I do. That's pretty cool. Happy birthday to the rest of you. :)
2013-01-23 06:44:59 PM  
1 votes:
this is exactly how i want to spend my 76th year alone.
and it's great. who cares if she doesn't want to marry me

*weeps silently in the corner*
2013-01-23 06:08:09 PM  
1 votes:

Slaves2Darkness: After I got divorced I found myself celebrating my birthday alone one year and decided never again. Now I celebrate it with an annual trip to Las Vegas for blackjack, whiskey and hookers.


...in fact, forget the blackjack!

ccinsider.comedycentral.com
2013-01-23 05:43:34 PM  
1 votes:

Andromeda: So glad I stumbled home tipsy tonight after a great meal of Spanish tapas with friends instead of being like this...


Post time: 5:04PM EST
??
2013-01-23 05:37:41 PM  
1 votes:

TommyymmoT: [www.wtsp.com image 640x360]
Nancy Grace got arrested?


Looks more like Britney's let herself go. Further.
2013-01-23 05:30:06 PM  
1 votes:
After I got divorced I found myself celebrating my birthday alone one year and decided never again. Now I celebrate it with an annual trip to Las Vegas for blackjack, whiskey and hookers.
2013-01-23 05:11:27 PM  
1 votes:
I'm Having A Birthday Party and You're Invited!
No Cake - No Ice Cream - No Booze - No Music
But I'm Burning Some Mac and Cheese
RSVP
2013-01-23 04:40:37 PM  
1 votes:
Sad? That sounds like the perfect birthday to me! (aside from nearly burning to death)

I had to figure out a tactful way to tell my boyfriend and friends that for this past birthday, all I wanted was a whole day to be left alone. The shiatty part about having a birthday right before Christmas is that by the time it rolls around, I'm completely burned out by the holiday season and have already been going to so many social events that all I want is one farking day with no obligations.

/Curmudgeonly at 33.
2013-01-23 04:38:22 PM  
1 votes:

barefoot in the head: Nearly every word on that entire page is about sadness and decay.


I thought I saw the word ninja in there but I can't find it now.
2013-01-23 04:37:06 PM  
1 votes:

drjekel_mrhyde: Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?

I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere
[i.imgur.com image 640x360]
"Claude Eugene Riley III. Charges: Solicit prostitution - Everything for $240; Possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (2 counts); DWLSR. Summary: Single - Employed as a salesperson MAC Cosmetics; Suspended license"
Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits


I got lucky... This was the Mugshot Roundup card I drew.

web.mit.edu
/she knows whar penis goes....
//don't bother having her cleaned, I'll take care of that later...
2013-01-23 04:35:49 PM  
1 votes:

themasterdebater: Maybe he should of invested in a microwave?



I know that "should've" sounds like "should of", but the contraction is short for "should have".

Please use words responsibly.
2013-01-23 04:35:26 PM  
1 votes:
That will never happen to me............I know how to cook.
2013-01-23 04:29:05 PM  
1 votes:

abhorrent1: All I ever ask for my birthday is to have one day to myself where everyone leaves me the fark alone. I never get it. This guy is living my dream.

/one farking day a year
//is that too much to ask?


this
2013-01-23 04:27:14 PM  
1 votes:
All I ever ask for my birthday is to have one day to myself where everyone leaves me the fark alone. I never get it. This guy is living my dream.

/one farking day a year
//is that too much to ask?
2013-01-23 04:26:20 PM  
1 votes:
He says his Army training kicked in as he saw smoke billowing from the stove

I've never been in the Army.  But I'm pretty sure I would have put out the fire too.  Do I get a medal for valor?

/This will be me when I'm 76
//Except it will be a frozen pizza
2013-01-23 04:24:15 PM  
1 votes:
Get off my mac&cheese.
craig.purplestateofmind.com
2013-01-23 04:20:59 PM  
1 votes:

minoridiot: So "feel asleep" is what we are now calling "passed out while trying to satify the munchies"?  Most regular people don't sleep while being being drenched with water.


www.texturemonkey.com
2013-01-23 03:56:27 PM  
1 votes:
You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?
2013-01-23 03:45:53 PM  
1 votes:
FTFA: "Authorities say a man celebrating his 76th birthday alone was rescued from his apartment after a pan of macaroni and cheese caught fire on his stove."

No, that is not even remotely the saddest first sentence ever. For example, I'm quite sure this has happened to people who were not rescued from the subsequent fire.
 
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