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(WTSP)   Saddest. First sentence. Ever   (wtsp.com) divider line 36
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47865 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jan 2013 at 4:19 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-01-23 04:35:49 PM
12 votes:

themasterdebater: Maybe he should of invested in a microwave?



I know that "should've" sounds like "should of", but the contraction is short for "should have".

Please use words responsibly.
2013-01-23 03:17:07 PM
11 votes:
That shiat is like the first few minutes of Up.
2013-01-23 04:42:45 PM
4 votes:
Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone
2013-01-23 12:14:40 PM
4 votes:
there but for a social safety net go i
2013-01-23 04:45:22 PM
3 votes:

dj_spanmaster: Or happiest, you know, if you're a loner. like abhorrent1, Pilikia, or thecpt.


Not a loner. I have a wife, family etc. I spend the whole year hearing, "we need to do this", "we need to do that", "Fix this" etc.
My wife always asks me what I want to do for my B-Day. When I tell her every year I want everyone to pretend I don't exist, she gets mad. My b-day is supposed to be about me. Not making others feel good about themselves because they did something for someone else (me).

You know what I want one day a year? To sit on my ass and drink beer, watch TV and play video games while someone else makes all the decisions and not hearing my name being called every 2 minutes. I don't think that's unreasonable.
2013-01-23 04:37:34 PM
3 votes:
That is the most accurate headline I've ever seen on fark.
2013-01-23 04:26:57 PM
3 votes:
media.rofls.com
2013-01-23 04:25:14 PM
3 votes:
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
2013-01-23 03:08:21 PM
3 votes:
2.bp.blogspot.com

i think if he was celebrating his birthday with a bowl of corn flakes and set that on fire, it might have been sadder.
2013-01-23 07:48:42 PM
2 votes:
dk47: Sounds like you need to start taking care of the other 364. Otherwise why in the world would they listen to you on your birthday?

I am all over that link. Thanks for the share.
2013-01-23 05:30:06 PM
2 votes:
After I got divorced I found myself celebrating my birthday alone one year and decided never again. Now I celebrate it with an annual trip to Las Vegas for blackjack, whiskey and hookers.
2013-01-23 04:24:42 PM
2 votes:
I ignore my birthday. I tell friends and family to ignore as well. My theory is, if you ignore birthdays, they don't happen, thus I don't age.

Working so far....

/definitely will be alone when/if I hit 76.
2013-01-22 02:55:28 PM
2 votes:
He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.
2013-01-24 08:20:27 AM
1 votes:

blatz514: /This will be me when I'm 76
//Except it will be a frozen pizza


That was me 1.5 years ago at 26. Fiancee and girlfriend of 7 years left me for a married guy. I had moved with her to another state to get her away from her emotionally abusive family. No friends. Family was 200 miles away. I spent my birthday with a frozen pizza and a bottle of sparkling white grape juice sitting on a couch trying to not remember that I was miserable.

To the farkers who go though the same shiat - happy birthday. Rex and the others, I'll throw back a shot for you after I get home.

/Things haven't gotten much better since then.
//FML.
///But, it's still better than many. I'm grateful for that, at least. Hard to remember that sometimes, though.
2013-01-23 08:42:49 PM
1 votes:

blatz514: He says his Army training kicked in as he saw smoke billowing from the stove

I've never been in the Army.  But I'm pretty sure I would have put out the fire too.  Do I get a medal for valor?


No. Nothing you do means anything unless you've been to bootcamp first.

unlikely: RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.

Do you mean you? Because if you do, let me go ahead and wish you a happy birthday. May you find a copy of Fantastic Four #2 hidden inside a stack of Life Magazine or something equally cool today.


Oh I see. You're saying loners hoard, and don't know what's valuable.
2013-01-23 07:53:44 PM
1 votes:

chevydeuce: Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone


I knew a guy who had some friends at the local bar and neighborhood, but the bar was closed on Sundays and that was the day his birthday feel on the first year I lived in the neighborhood so I asked what his plans were. Heating a frozen pizza and drinking beer alone didn't sound like a great birthday so I invited him over for a good pizza and beer.

Dude turned out to be a fascinating old hippy who was a great friend until he passed away last year. He was also the first person old enough to be my dad to say to me, "you mind if I smoke a bowl in here?" He was a helluva lot of fun to hang out with.

/not quite CSB
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-01-23 07:08:32 PM
1 votes:
It's the news of my future birthday slipping through a time hole...
2013-01-23 06:25:56 PM
1 votes:

abhorrent1: dj_spanmaster: Or happiest, you know, if you're a loner. like abhorrent1, Pilikia, or thecpt.

Not a loner. I have a wife, family etc. I spend the whole year hearing, "we need to do this", "we need to do that", "Fix this" etc.
My wife always asks me what I want to do for my B-Day. When I tell her every year I want everyone to pretend I don't exist, she gets mad. My b-day is supposed to be about me. Not making others feel good about themselves because they did something for someone else (me).

You know what I want one day a year? To sit on my ass and drink beer, watch TV and play video games while someone else makes all the decisions and not hearing my name being called every 2 minutes. I don't think that's unreasonable.


Sounds like you need to start taking care of the other 364. Otherwise why in the world would they listen to you on your birthday?
2013-01-23 06:08:09 PM
1 votes:

Slaves2Darkness: After I got divorced I found myself celebrating my birthday alone one year and decided never again. Now I celebrate it with an annual trip to Las Vegas for blackjack, whiskey and hookers.


...in fact, forget the blackjack!

ccinsider.comedycentral.com
2013-01-23 05:18:40 PM
1 votes:
Guy might be a total dick for all we know. You know that guy in his 30's that's a total dick? He'll be 76 some day.
2013-01-23 05:15:12 PM
1 votes:
I was alone for my last birthday. So I went to Target and bought a couple hundred bucks' worth of kids toys and clothes and wrapped and brought them to a local Catholic charity that gives kids with cancer birthday presents. It made me forget all about my sad stupidity and was probably my best birthday ever. It's all about how you approach it.
2013-01-23 04:51:35 PM
1 votes:
- Authorities say a man celebrating his 76th birthday alone was rescued from his apartment after a pan of macaroni and cheese caught fire on his stove.

He should have alerted 4chan. As long as you're not a prepubescent girl they might help.
www.blogcdn.com
2013-01-23 04:40:37 PM
1 votes:
Sad? That sounds like the perfect birthday to me! (aside from nearly burning to death)

I had to figure out a tactful way to tell my boyfriend and friends that for this past birthday, all I wanted was a whole day to be left alone. The shiatty part about having a birthday right before Christmas is that by the time it rolls around, I'm completely burned out by the holiday season and have already been going to so many social events that all I want is one farking day with no obligations.

/Curmudgeonly at 33.
2013-01-23 04:37:06 PM
1 votes:

drjekel_mrhyde: Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?

I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere
[i.imgur.com image 640x360]
"Claude Eugene Riley III. Charges: Solicit prostitution - Everything for $240; Possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (2 counts); DWLSR. Summary: Single - Employed as a salesperson MAC Cosmetics; Suspended license"
Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits


I got lucky... This was the Mugshot Roundup card I drew.

web.mit.edu
/she knows whar penis goes....
//don't bother having her cleaned, I'll take care of that later...
2013-01-23 04:35:26 PM
1 votes:
That will never happen to me............I know how to cook.
2013-01-23 04:33:01 PM
1 votes:
Nearly every word on that entire page is about sadness and decay.
2013-01-23 04:29:05 PM
1 votes:

abhorrent1: All I ever ask for my birthday is to have one day to myself where everyone leaves me the fark alone. I never get it. This guy is living my dream.

/one farking day a year
//is that too much to ask?


this
2013-01-23 04:27:14 PM
1 votes:
All I ever ask for my birthday is to have one day to myself where everyone leaves me the fark alone. I never get it. This guy is living my dream.

/one farking day a year
//is that too much to ask?
2013-01-23 04:21:46 PM
1 votes:
I couldn't help but laugh. Not at the guy or his sad life, but at the combination of the headline and the referenced sentence...
2013-01-23 03:56:27 PM
1 votes:
You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?
2013-01-23 03:46:52 PM
1 votes:

RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


Enjoy.

i171.photobucket.com
2013-01-23 03:45:53 PM
1 votes:
FTFA: "Authorities say a man celebrating his 76th birthday alone was rescued from his apartment after a pan of macaroni and cheese caught fire on his stove."

No, that is not even remotely the saddest first sentence ever. For example, I'm quite sure this has happened to people who were not rescued from the subsequent fire.
2013-01-23 03:31:53 PM
1 votes:
From the frying pan to the fire. Literally.
2013-01-23 03:24:55 PM
1 votes:

RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


Happy Birthday!!

loser
2013-01-23 12:24:08 PM
1 votes:
Poor guy. I'm sending him a card.
2013-01-22 02:10:55 PM
1 votes:
Burning cheese trifecta now in play
 
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