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(WTSP)   Saddest. First sentence. Ever   (wtsp.com) divider line 191
    More: Florida  
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47860 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jan 2013 at 4:19 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



191 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2013-01-22 02:10:55 PM
Burning cheese trifecta now in play
 
2013-01-22 02:55:28 PM
He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.
 
2013-01-23 12:14:40 PM
there but for a social safety net go i
 
2013-01-23 12:24:08 PM
Poor guy. I'm sending him a card.
 
2013-01-23 03:01:15 PM
I represent that sentence. :-(
 
2013-01-23 03:08:21 PM
2.bp.blogspot.com

i think if he was celebrating his birthday with a bowl of corn flakes and set that on fire, it might have been sadder.
 
2013-01-23 03:17:07 PM
That shiat is like the first few minutes of Up.
 
2013-01-23 03:24:55 PM

RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


Happy Birthday!!

loser
 
2013-01-23 03:31:53 PM
From the frying pan to the fire. Literally.
 
2013-01-23 03:32:17 PM
I hope he was listening to Samuel Barber's "Adagio for Strings" or watching the end of "Old Yeller" while he was cooking his feast.
 
2013-01-23 03:33:40 PM

RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


Do you mean you? Because if you do, let me go ahead and wish you a happy birthday. May you find a copy of Fantastic Four #2 hidden inside a stack of Life Magazine or something equally cool today.
 
2013-01-23 03:43:40 PM

RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


Many happy returns of the day, amigo!
 
2013-01-23 03:45:53 PM
FTFA: "Authorities say a man celebrating his 76th birthday alone was rescued from his apartment after a pan of macaroni and cheese caught fire on his stove."

No, that is not even remotely the saddest first sentence ever. For example, I'm quite sure this has happened to people who were not rescued from the subsequent fire.
 
2013-01-23 03:46:52 PM

RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


Enjoy.

i171.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-23 03:50:08 PM
So "feel asleep" is what we are now calling "passed out while trying to satify the munchies"?  Most regular people don't sleep while being being drenched with water.
 
2013-01-23 03:56:27 PM
You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?
 
2013-01-23 04:01:34 PM
Actually subby, this is

Not to mention the embarrassment of being named.
 
2013-01-23 04:09:16 PM

Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?


I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere
i.imgur.com
"Claude Eugene Riley III. Charges: Solicit prostitution - Everything for $240; Possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (2 counts); DWLSR. Summary: Single - Employed as a salesperson MAC Cosmetics; Suspended license"
Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits
 
2013-01-23 04:20:59 PM

minoridiot: So "feel asleep" is what we are now calling "passed out while trying to satify the munchies"?  Most regular people don't sleep while being being drenched with water.


www.texturemonkey.com
 
2013-01-23 04:21:46 PM
I couldn't help but laugh. Not at the guy or his sad life, but at the combination of the headline and the referenced sentence...
 
2013-01-23 04:23:53 PM
Should've used the microwave.
 
2013-01-23 04:23:58 PM

ITGreen: That shiat is like the first few minutes of Up.


So right. I loved that movie, but the first couple minutes make me want to get drunk.
 
2013-01-23 04:24:15 PM
Get off my mac&cheese.
craig.purplestateofmind.com
 
2013-01-23 04:24:20 PM
Well sad, but at least he's alive.

Now maybe he'll visit his local senior center more often.
 
2013-01-23 04:24:25 PM

SlothB77: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 300x228]

i think if he was celebrating his birthday with a bowl of corn flakes and set that on fire, it might have been sadder.


Came for that, leaving happy.
 
2013-01-23 04:24:42 PM
I ignore my birthday. I tell friends and family to ignore as well. My theory is, if you ignore birthdays, they don't happen, thus I don't age.

Working so far....

/definitely will be alone when/if I hit 76.
 
2013-01-23 04:24:47 PM

AirForceVet: I represent that sentence. :-(


Happy Birthday from an Air Force Brat. :)
 
2013-01-23 04:25:14 PM
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
 
2013-01-23 04:26:20 PM
He says his Army training kicked in as he saw smoke billowing from the stove

I've never been in the Army.  But I'm pretty sure I would have put out the fire too.  Do I get a medal for valor?

/This will be me when I'm 76
//Except it will be a frozen pizza
 
2013-01-23 04:26:23 PM
Authorities say a man celebrating his 76th birthday alone was rescued from his apartment after a pan of macaroni and cheese caught fire on his stove.


Damn! This dude knows how to PARTY!
 
2013-01-23 04:26:45 PM
There are some things I won't try to prepare when super drunk. Just go with the chef-boy-r-d, cold right out of the can. No fuss no muss.
 
2013-01-23 04:26:57 PM
media.rofls.com
 
2013-01-23 04:27:14 PM
All I ever ask for my birthday is to have one day to myself where everyone leaves me the fark alone. I never get it. This guy is living my dream.

/one farking day a year
//is that too much to ask?
 
2013-01-23 04:27:38 PM
Maybe he should of invested in a microwave?
 
2013-01-23 04:29:05 PM

abhorrent1: All I ever ask for my birthday is to have one day to myself where everyone leaves me the fark alone. I never get it. This guy is living my dream.

/one farking day a year
//is that too much to ask?


this
 
2013-01-23 04:30:32 PM

fruitloop: RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.

Enjoy.

[i171.photobucket.com image 223x200]


I worked with a girl who forgot to add water to one of those....she almost started the microwave on fire
 
2013-01-23 04:30:52 PM
I don't see what's sad about mac and cheese.
 
2013-01-23 04:31:12 PM

FarkingReading: [encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com image 240x210]


Took me too long to find, but I can't help myself but to post this:
i.imgur.com
cdn2-b.examiner.com
 
2013-01-23 04:31:53 PM

Pilikia: abhorrent1: All I ever ask for my birthday is to have one day to myself where everyone leaves me the fark alone. I never get it. This guy is living my dream.

/one farking day a year
//is that too much to ask?

this


thought I was the only one
 
2013-01-23 04:33:01 PM
Nearly every word on that entire page is about sadness and decay.
 
2013-01-23 04:33:36 PM
It's only the 3rd saddest thing I've heard today.
 
2013-01-23 04:33:40 PM
Or happiest, you know, if you're a loner. like abhorrent1, Pilikia, or thecpt.
 
2013-01-23 04:33:59 PM

Chinchillazilla: I don't see what's sad about mac and cheese.


it burned up.
 
2013-01-23 04:34:13 PM

LeroyBourne: There are some things I won't try to prepare when super drunk. Just go with the chef-boy-r-d, cold right out of the can. No fuss no muss.


interior semiotics much?
 
2013-01-23 04:35:24 PM
I will be celebrating my birthday alone tomorrow and no macaroni for me.
 
2013-01-23 04:35:26 PM
That will never happen to me............I know how to cook.
 
2013-01-23 04:35:28 PM
Lot of that going around

/me too
 
2013-01-23 04:35:49 PM

themasterdebater: Maybe he should of invested in a microwave?



I know that "should've" sounds like "should of", but the contraction is short for "should have".

Please use words responsibly.
 
2013-01-23 04:36:37 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup

 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?

I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere
[i.imgur.com image 640x360]
"Claude Eugene Riley III. Charges: Solicit prostitution - Everything for $240; Possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (2 counts); DWLSR. Summary: Single - Employed as a salesperson MAC Cosmetics; Suspended license"
Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits


Oh Internet you know us so well. Thanks Google Tracking. If only you also knew I liked my slideshows on deslide.clusterfake.

Wait, they list what they solicited and how much they paid?
Interesting some guys paid $35 for oral and some $80.
Then there is Image #1: Christina Clark. Charges: Solicit prostitution - oral sex for $300; Crap, I might blow someone for $300.
 
2013-01-23 04:36:52 PM

dv-ous: LeroyBourne: There are some things I won't try to prepare when super drunk. Just go with the chef-boy-r-d, cold right out of the can. No fuss no muss.

interior semiotics much?


ewwww, I haven't thought about that in a long time.
 
2013-01-23 04:37:06 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?

I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere
[i.imgur.com image 640x360]
"Claude Eugene Riley III. Charges: Solicit prostitution - Everything for $240; Possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (2 counts); DWLSR. Summary: Single - Employed as a salesperson MAC Cosmetics; Suspended license"
Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits


I got lucky... This was the Mugshot Roundup card I drew.

web.mit.edu
/she knows whar penis goes....
//don't bother having her cleaned, I'll take care of that later...
 
2013-01-23 04:37:34 PM
That is the most accurate headline I've ever seen on fark.
 
2013-01-23 04:37:39 PM
That was sad, but those chicks in the photos were hot. Well most of them, my standards couldn't get any lower without hitting magma.
 
2013-01-23 04:38:08 PM
I always celebrate my birthday alone. Sure I may have some well wishes before or after the date but I'm usually alone that day. I don't mind, really.

*sob*
 
2013-01-23 04:38:20 PM
An. Old. Man. Turned 76.
Made some mac & cheese. And died the next day.

Like RAYAYAAAAAAIN on your wedding day...
 
2013-01-23 04:38:22 PM

barefoot in the head: Nearly every word on that entire page is about sadness and decay.


I thought I saw the word ninja in there but I can't find it now.
 
2013-01-23 04:38:41 PM

genner: That will never happen to me............I know how to cook.


even drunk.
damned straight.
 
2013-01-23 04:39:31 PM
First I was : (

Then I scrolled down to the girl in the mugshot ; )
 
2013-01-23 04:40:37 PM
Sad? That sounds like the perfect birthday to me! (aside from nearly burning to death)

I had to figure out a tactful way to tell my boyfriend and friends that for this past birthday, all I wanted was a whole day to be left alone. The shiatty part about having a birthday right before Christmas is that by the time it rolls around, I'm completely burned out by the holiday season and have already been going to so many social events that all I want is one farking day with no obligations.

/Curmudgeonly at 33.
 
2013-01-23 04:41:11 PM
Ya, that was sad...but did you see the skags in the prostitution sting slidehell? 300 bucks for a beej? seriously? wtf...gah. dont look if you have just eaten.
 
2013-01-23 04:41:30 PM

rev. dave: I will be celebrating my birthday alone tomorrow and no macaroni for me.


2.bp.blogspot.com

NO SOUP FOR YOU EITHER.
 
2013-01-23 04:42:45 PM
Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone
 
2013-01-23 04:42:52 PM

Richard Flaccid: First I was : (

Then I scrolled down to the girl in the mugshot ; )


It's a trap, I was curious what she was charged with, she's not in that roundup.
 
2013-01-23 04:43:11 PM
Seventy-six... is... the loneliest number that you'll ever do...
 
2013-01-23 04:44:08 PM

TheGogmagog: drjekel_mrhyde: Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?

I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere
[i.imgur.com image 640x360]
"Claude Eugene Riley III. Charges: Solicit prostitution - Everything for $240; Possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (2 counts); DWLSR. Summary: Single - Employed as a salesperson MAC Cosmetics; Suspended license"
Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits

Oh Internet you know us so well. Thanks Google Tracking. If only you also knew I liked my slideshows on deslide.clusterfake.

Wait, they list what they solicited and how much they paid?
Interesting some guys paid $35 for oral and some $80.
Then there is Image #1: Christina Clark. Charges: Solicit prostitution - oral sex for $300; Crap, I might blow someone for $300.


Aaron Shaun Weiand. Charges: Solicit prostitution - 1 hour sexual intercourse for $80 Summary: Single - Employed at the Super Lube in Auburndale as a manager/mechanic


He is their favorite John!
 
2013-01-23 04:45:22 PM

dj_spanmaster: Or happiest, you know, if you're a loner. like abhorrent1, Pilikia, or thecpt.


Not a loner. I have a wife, family etc. I spend the whole year hearing, "we need to do this", "we need to do that", "Fix this" etc.
My wife always asks me what I want to do for my B-Day. When I tell her every year I want everyone to pretend I don't exist, she gets mad. My b-day is supposed to be about me. Not making others feel good about themselves because they did something for someone else (me).

You know what I want one day a year? To sit on my ass and drink beer, watch TV and play video games while someone else makes all the decisions and not hearing my name being called every 2 minutes. I don't think that's unreasonable.
 
2013-01-23 04:45:47 PM
I don't think he was celebrating. More like moping...
 
2013-01-23 04:45:49 PM

unchellmatt: drjekel_mrhyde: Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?

I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere
[i.imgur.com image 640x360]
"Claude Eugene Riley III. Charges: Solicit prostitution - Everything for $240; Possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (2 counts); DWLSR. Summary: Single - Employed as a salesperson MAC Cosmetics; Suspended license"
Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits

I got lucky... This was the Mugshot Roundup card I drew.


/she knows whar penis goes....
//don't bother having her cleaned, I'll take care of that later...


That's the one i got too. The 'notorious woman' just makes it hotter.

/i'll take her into custody officer
 
2013-01-23 04:47:23 PM
Holy shiat! I just scrolled the 92 women in the mugshots and I would have to say yes to about 80% of them. Seriously, 50% of them I would say were in the hot category, and these are mugshots.
 
2013-01-23 04:47:37 PM
So do we know his Fark handle?
 
2013-01-23 04:48:10 PM
We call it Kraft dinner up here - and I think it's made of asbestos from Quebec so how can it burn?
 
2013-01-23 04:49:12 PM
ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2013-01-23 04:49:22 PM

This text is now purple: It's only the 3rd saddest thing I've heard today.


Hi, I'm Smeggy Smurf and I'm here to fark up your day

Saddest news story ever
Don't click on it if you're not prepared to shed a tear
 
2013-01-23 04:50:21 PM

oldfarthenry: We call it Kraft dinner up here - and I think it's made of asbestos from Quebec so how can it burn?


Why do you call that up there?

Kraft makes a lot more than just mac and cheese...
 
2013-01-23 04:51:35 PM
- Authorities say a man celebrating his 76th birthday alone was rescued from his apartment after a pan of macaroni and cheese caught fire on his stove.

He should have alerted 4chan. As long as you're not a prepubescent girl they might help.
www.blogcdn.com
 
2013-01-23 04:51:40 PM
www.wtsp.com
"Stefanie Woods, 2009 arrest girl scout cookie thief"
Most definitely a keeper.
 
2013-01-23 04:53:59 PM
www.wtsp.com


This look is caled "The penis two-tone".
 
2013-01-23 04:54:06 PM

dv-ous: LeroyBourne: There are some things I won't try to prepare when super drunk. Just go with the chef-boy-r-d, cold right out of the can. No fuss no muss.

interior semiotics much?


I'm glad that the website warned me about the video.  Holy shiat that's weird.
 
2013-01-23 04:54:15 PM

whidbey: oldfarthenry: We call it Kraft dinner up here - and I think it's made of asbestos from Quebec so how can it burn?

Why do you call that up there?

Kraft makes a lot more than just mac and cheese...


Kraft printed "Kraft Dinner" on the packaging.
 
2013-01-23 04:54:17 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?

I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere

Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits


Hey, don't judge. Everyone has their own path to tits...I mean, happiness. Same diff.
 
2013-01-23 04:56:21 PM

chevydeuce: Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone


Be happy you made this guy's b-day a good one.  It's a csb.
 
2013-01-23 04:58:31 PM

cretinbob: Actually subby, this is

Not to mention the embarrassment of being named.


Holy farking shiate!

And it sounds like he earned it.
 
2013-01-23 04:58:49 PM

chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox


Who the hell has that on a jukebox?
 
2013-01-23 04:59:50 PM
www.wtsp.com

Jennifer Creque, found with 96 pills stashed in vagina during booking

WTF?!?
 
2013-01-23 05:01:01 PM

This text is now purple: It's only the 3rd saddest thing I've heard today.


What were the other two?
 
2013-01-23 05:01:03 PM

devalt: [www.wtsp.com image 640x360]

Jennifer Creque, found with 96 pills stashed in vagina during booking

WTF?!?


That's why her eyes are so buggy.
 
2013-01-23 05:01:15 PM

abhorrent1: chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox

Who the hell has that on a jukebox?


I hear the Beatles are pretty popular.
 
2013-01-23 05:02:25 PM

LeroyBourne: chevydeuce: Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone

Be happy you made this guy's b-day a good one.  It's a csb.


you are a good man, sir
 
2013-01-23 05:02:59 PM
Replace the word "stove" with "hot plate" and it's even sadder
 
2013-01-23 05:04:10 PM
So glad I stumbled home tipsy tonight after a great meal of Spanish tapas with friends instead of being like this guy.  I'm also ~50 years shy of his age, but still.

/Jan 23 is the best birthday ever by American date writing, as in 1/23
// December 3 is also acceptable
 
2013-01-23 05:07:51 PM

rev. dave: I will be celebrating my birthday alone tomorrow and no macaroni for me.


RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


Happy Birthday, guys. I'm sorry that there's nobody around but virtual friends to bring you a cake.

My birthday was my first one "alone", but my kids demanded to be brought over, then I went to work (brought cupcakes), went to band, and went to the pub.

I bought most of my own presents. They were great.
 
2013-01-23 05:08:05 PM

BarefootInTheFark: ITGreen: That shiat is like the first few minutes of Up.

So right. I loved that movie, but the first couple minutes make me want to get drunk.


Saddest kids movie ever, and it just keeps getting worse as it goes on.
 
2013-01-23 05:10:03 PM

AirForceVet: I represent that sentence. :-(


I hear you. For my 30th this past summer, I went to work. Then I went home.
 
2013-01-23 05:11:27 PM
I'm Having A Birthday Party and You're Invited!
No Cake - No Ice Cream - No Booze - No Music
But I'm Burning Some Mac and Cheese
RSVP
 
2013-01-23 05:11:38 PM

blatz514: abhorrent1: chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox

Who the hell has that on a jukebox?

I hear the Beatles are pretty popular.


Count me as one who can't stand The Beatles' "Happy Birthday."
 
2013-01-23 05:11:43 PM

AirForceVet: I represent that sentence. :-(


Happy Birthday from a fellow Vet!
 
2013-01-23 05:13:18 PM

oldfarthenry: whidbey: oldfarthenry: We call it Kraft dinner up here - and I think it's made of asbestos from Quebec so how can it burn?

Why do you call that up there?

Kraft makes a lot more than just mac and cheese...

Kraft printed "Kraft Dinner" on the packaging.


That, and there's not legally enough cheese in it to label it as such for Canada.
 
2013-01-23 05:14:56 PM

Pawprint: blatz514: abhorrent1: chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox

Who the hell has that on a jukebox?

I hear the Beatles are pretty popular.

Count me as one who can't stand The Beatles' "Happy Birthday."


Never said I liked the song, just was mentioning that most jukeboxes have it.
 
2013-01-23 05:15:12 PM
I was alone for my last birthday. So I went to Target and bought a couple hundred bucks' worth of kids toys and clothes and wrapped and brought them to a local Catholic charity that gives kids with cancer birthday presents. It made me forget all about my sad stupidity and was probably my best birthday ever. It's all about how you approach it.
 
2013-01-23 05:15:32 PM
That whole page is filled with sad.

And then there's this:

Police: Michael Smeriglio accidentally shoots off his penis and testicle

First line: "A teenager is recovering after police say he shot himself in the penis and testicle while cleaning a gun he just bought."

The picture is golden:
www.wtsp.com
 
2013-01-23 05:17:23 PM

Andromeda: So glad I stumbled home tipsy tonight after a great meal of Spanish tapas with friends instead of being like this guy.  I'm also ~50 years shy of his age, but still.

/Jan 23 is the best birthday ever by American date writing, as in 1/23
// December 3 is also acceptable


Or 12 March if you live in Europe.
 
2013-01-23 05:18:40 PM
Guy might be a total dick for all we know. You know that guy in his 30's that's a total dick? He'll be 76 some day.
 
2013-01-23 05:19:13 PM

abhorrent1: chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox

Who the hell has that on a jukebox?


You can download pretty much any song you want on the machine....costs a buck or two, depending on the song and sometimes takes anywhere from 10-40 minutes before you hear it, but it will come up...I just picked some generic version and downloaded it.
 
2013-01-23 05:22:09 PM

chevydeuce: abhorrent1: chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox

Who the hell has that on a jukebox?

You can download pretty much any song you want on the machine....costs a buck or two, depending on the song and sometimes takes anywhere from 10-40 minutes before you hear it, but it will come up...I just picked some generic version and downloaded it.


Wizardry! Been a looong time since I've looked at a bar jukebox. So they're like, iTunes enabled or something?
 
2013-01-23 05:22:42 PM

rev. dave: I will be celebrating my birthday alone tomorrow and no macaroni for me.


Happy Birthday.
 
2013-01-23 05:24:07 PM
Found after GIS for "happy birthday jukebox"

2.bp.blogspot.com

Would be thrilled to find a jukebox loaded with these tracks.

Also unsure of the guy who said he played "Happy Birthday" on a juke. Never seen something like that and I'm the guy that has to play with every jukebox at every bar/restaurant, etc. But whatever, maybe somebody did record it. I wonder who it was?
 
2013-01-23 05:24:23 PM

ariseatex: rev. dave: I will be celebrating my birthday alone tomorrow and no macaroni for me.

Happy Birthday.


Thank you. Cool!!!!
 
2013-01-23 05:27:39 PM

Robo Beat: Andromeda: So glad I stumbled home tipsy tonight after a great meal of Spanish tapas with friends instead of being like this guy.  I'm also ~50 years shy of his age, but still.

/Jan 23 is the best birthday ever by American date writing, as in 1/23
// December 3 is also acceptable

Or 12 March if you live in Europe.


I am a real American and I write and type dates constantly for work purposes. It's always either YYYYMMDD or DD MMM YYYY. It's catching on here.

/unlike the metric system
//my tiny brain can't comprehend it, but I think it's stupid that we haven't adopted it
///thankfully scientists and engineers use it for the most part
 
2013-01-23 05:30:06 PM
After I got divorced I found myself celebrating my birthday alone one year and decided never again. Now I celebrate it with an annual trip to Las Vegas for blackjack, whiskey and hookers.
 
2013-01-23 05:32:03 PM

abhorrent1: Wizardry! Been a looong time since I've looked at a bar jukebox. So they're like, iTunes enabled or something?


The operators pay to providers like TouchTunes who provide the music catalog, reporting services, and hardware. You can do crazy things with the new ones, like pay via your phone then select and put on your songs without even going to the box that they have mounted.
 
2013-01-23 05:32:32 PM

abhorrent1: chevydeuce: abhorrent1: chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox

Who the hell has that on a jukebox?

You can download pretty much any song you want on the machine....costs a buck or two, depending on the song and sometimes takes anywhere from 10-40 minutes before you hear it, but it will come up...I just picked some generic version and downloaded it.

Wizardry! Been a looong time since I've looked at a bar jukebox. So they're like, iTunes enabled or something?


You can actually download an app and never have to get up to play the actual jukebox.  You can do it all from your bar stool.
 
2013-01-23 05:33:46 PM

adenosine: abhorrent1: Wizardry! Been a looong time since I've looked at a bar jukebox. So they're like, iTunes enabled or something?

The operators pay to providers like TouchTunes who provide the music catalog, reporting services, and hardware. You can do crazy things with the new ones, like pay via your phone then select and put on your songs without even going to the box that they have mounted.


19 seconds.  I've been bested twice today!!
 
2013-01-23 05:34:53 PM

Captain Blackadder: That whole page is filled with sad.

And then there's this:

Police: Michael Smeriglio accidentally shoots off his penis and testicle

First line: "A teenager is recovering after police say he shot himself in the penis and testicle while cleaning a gun he just bought."

The picture is golden:
[www.wtsp.com image 640x360]


He shouldn't be sad, cos two out of three ain't bad
 
2013-01-23 05:35:08 PM
www.wtsp.com

RUN!
 
2013-01-23 05:35:13 PM

YRThereSchool: Found after GIS for "happy birthday jukebox"

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x566]

Would be thrilled to find a jukebox loaded with these tracks.

Also unsure of the guy who said he played "Happy Birthday" on a juke. Never seen something like that and I'm the guy that has to play with every jukebox at every bar/restaurant, etc. But whatever, maybe somebody did record it. I wonder who it was?


Aside from ONJ and Otis....PASS.

/PS YOU OLD.
 
2013-01-23 05:35:51 PM
Sadly, this is how I will die when I am in my 70s.

Oh, wait, I forgot, my liver will fall out wayyyyy before I reach that age!

Whew, dodged a bullet there.
 
2013-01-23 05:36:28 PM
www.wtsp.com
Nancy Grace got arrested?
 
2013-01-23 05:36:48 PM
I just celebrated mine alone on the 17th, but only because we had my birthday dinner on the 16th and I didn't have macaroni and cheese on the 17th I had homemade taco pizza.
 
2013-01-23 05:37:41 PM

TommyymmoT: [www.wtsp.com image 640x360]
Nancy Grace got arrested?


Looks more like Britney's let herself go. Further.
 
2013-01-23 05:37:42 PM

RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


What? No way! Happy birthday! Remember, with Fark, it may demented and sad, but social!
 
2013-01-23 05:39:19 PM

abhorrent1: chevydeuce: abhorrent1: chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox

Who the hell has that on a jukebox?

You can download pretty much any song you want on the machine....costs a buck or two, depending on the song and sometimes takes anywhere from 10-40 minutes before you hear it, but it will come up...I just picked some generic version and downloaded it.

Wizardry! Been a looong time since I've looked at a bar jukebox. So they're like, iTunes enabled or something?


It's called Touch Tunes....I don't know the make/model of the box itself, but this is the service they use;

Link

I've seen the same box/service in several bars in SoCal


and

YRThereSchool: Found after GIS for "happy birthday jukebox"

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x566]

Would be thrilled to find a jukebox loaded with these tracks.

Also unsure of the guy who said he played "Happy Birthday" on a juke. Never seen something like that and I'm the guy that has to play with every jukebox at every bar/restaurant, etc. But whatever, maybe somebody did record it. I wonder who it was?


I just did a search on the jukebox for "Happy Birthday to you" and it returned several different versions...I picked the first one and it started playing shortly thereafter....if I remember correctly, it sounded like a generic 50's-60's version that might have been made just for big events or public play..
 
2013-01-23 05:39:58 PM

xenomorpheus: LeroyBourne: chevydeuce: Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone

Be happy you made this guy's b-day a good one.  It's a csb.

you are a good man, sir


Thanks, man.  I just didn't see what was so sad about that story.  They were obviously tears of joy.  Hell, I'd make it point to hang with the old guy if I saw him again.  Old people have the best stories.
 
2013-01-23 05:40:05 PM
To make it perfect, there ought to be something about his Total Fark account being overdue.
 
2013-01-23 05:40:28 PM
Damn, that is depressing. Quick. Somebody post a funny picture so I can be happy again.

FarkingReading: [encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com image 240x210]


Aahhhhh, works every time.
 
2013-01-23 05:43:34 PM

Andromeda: So glad I stumbled home tipsy tonight after a great meal of Spanish tapas with friends instead of being like this...


Post time: 5:04PM EST
??
 
2013-01-23 05:48:07 PM

Smeggy Smurf: This text is now purple: It's only the 3rd saddest thing I've heard today.

Hi, I'm Smeggy Smurf and I'm here to fark up your day

Saddest news story ever
Don't click on it if you're not prepared to shed a tear


fortnightlitpress.files.wordpress.com


*clicks link*

media.tumblr.com


seriously. way sadder than this old lonely bastard.

click it, i dare you, farker!
 
2013-01-23 05:49:50 PM
It depends on if he was celebrating alone (cake, gifts, etc...) or if that day just happened to be his birthday. Some people, or maybe just me, just don't care about our birthdays. I'm not unhappy or lonely, I just don't like people making a fuss over a day where I didn't really do anything. Hell I think it'd be more appropriate to throw my mom a party on my birthday, she did all the work.
 
2013-01-23 05:50:55 PM

abhorrent1: dj_spanmaster: Or happiest, you know, if you're a loner. like abhorrent1, Pilikia, or thecpt.

Not a loner. I have a wife, family etc. I spend the whole year hearing, "we need to do this", "we need to do that", "Fix this" etc.
My wife always asks me what I want to do for my B-Day. When I tell her every year I want everyone to pretend I don't exist, she gets mad. My b-day is supposed to be about me. Not making others feel good about themselves because they did something for someone else (me).

You know what I want one day a year? To sit on my ass and drink beer, watch TV and play video games while someone else makes all the decisions and not hearing my name being called every 2 minutes. I don't think that's unreasonable.


This ten times over.I can't even go to the movies by myself.Hang around for the kids and grandkids who live in town to drop over.Then wait for the out of towners to call.My wife plans the meal but I end up cooking it.Just one frigging day is all some of ask for.Is this to much?
 
2013-01-23 05:56:01 PM

GlobalStrategic MapleSyrup Reserve: [www.wtsp.com image 640x360]
"Stefanie Woods, 2009 arrest girl scout cookie thief"
Most definitely a keeper.


She was on Tosh.0 not so long ago. It's worth watching if you can find it somewhere.
 
2013-01-23 06:01:20 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?

I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere

"Claude Eugene Riley III. Charges: Solicit prostitution - Everything for $240; Possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (2 counts); DWLSR. Summary: Single - Employed as a salesperson MAC Cosmetics; Suspended license"
Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits


Knew a few makeup counter ladies and some have to take a second job to make ends meet. Nope, no boob jobs but basic stuff, plus supplies for makeup gigs.
 
2013-01-23 06:04:43 PM

TiiiMMMaHHH: Smeggy Smurf: This text is now purple: It's only the 3rd saddest thing I've heard today.

Hi, I'm Smeggy Smurf and I'm here to fark up your day

Saddest news story ever
Don't click on it if you're not prepared to shed a tear

[fortnightlitpress.files.wordpress.com image 325x265]


*clicks link*

[media.tumblr.com image 331x327]


seriously. way sadder than this old lonely bastard.

click it, i dare you, farker!


Just so you're aware, that kid has his vision back in his remaining eye:
http://pysih.com/2009/06/07/update-angelo-mendoza-jr-can-see/

He's lost half the light in the world, but all things considered he'll be okay. When the story first broke he was asking, "when will my eyes grow back?"

He's six now, maybe seven. He'll be the coolest kid in school with a Nick Fury eyepatch.
 
2013-01-23 06:05:22 PM

YRThereSchool: Found after GIS for "happy birthday jukebox"

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x566]

Would be thrilled to find a jukebox loaded with these tracks.

Also unsure of the guy who said he played "Happy Birthday" on a juke. Never seen something like that and I'm the guy that has to play with every jukebox at every bar/restaurant, etc. But whatever, maybe somebody did record it. I wonder who it was?


There's always the Weird Al song with the same title.  Probably a bit obscure. (Except in Farkistan, natch)
 
2013-01-23 06:08:09 PM

Slaves2Darkness: After I got divorced I found myself celebrating my birthday alone one year and decided never again. Now I celebrate it with an annual trip to Las Vegas for blackjack, whiskey and hookers.


...in fact, forget the blackjack!

ccinsider.comedycentral.com
 
2013-01-23 06:12:38 PM

casual disregard: Robo Beat: Andromeda: So glad I stumbled home tipsy tonight after a great meal of Spanish tapas with friends instead of being like this guy.  I'm also ~50 years shy of his age, but still.

/Jan 23 is the best birthday ever by American date writing, as in 1/23
// December 3 is also acceptable

Or 12 March if you live in Europe.

I am a real American and I write and type dates constantly for work purposes. It's always either YYYYMMDD or DD MMM YYYY. It's catching on here.

/unlike the metric system
//my tiny brain can't comprehend it, but I think it's stupid that we haven't adopted it
///thankfully scientists and engineers use it for the most part


I use whichever is easiest to remember. For my daughters i tend to put the day first and the month second, but for mine, july 8th, i like to write it 07/08
 
2013-01-23 06:25:45 PM

FarkingReading: [encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com image 240x210]


every time i see that pic i have the same reaction: that is farking sad
 
2013-01-23 06:25:56 PM

abhorrent1: dj_spanmaster: Or happiest, you know, if you're a loner. like abhorrent1, Pilikia, or thecpt.

Not a loner. I have a wife, family etc. I spend the whole year hearing, "we need to do this", "we need to do that", "Fix this" etc.
My wife always asks me what I want to do for my B-Day. When I tell her every year I want everyone to pretend I don't exist, she gets mad. My b-day is supposed to be about me. Not making others feel good about themselves because they did something for someone else (me).

You know what I want one day a year? To sit on my ass and drink beer, watch TV and play video games while someone else makes all the decisions and not hearing my name being called every 2 minutes. I don't think that's unreasonable.


Sounds like you need to start taking care of the other 364. Otherwise why in the world would they listen to you on your birthday?
 
2013-01-23 06:30:23 PM

inner ted: FarkingReading: [encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com image 240x210]

every time i see that pic i have the same reaction: that is farking sad


What is that from?
 
2013-01-23 06:37:11 PM
If you think this article is sad, don't ever watch The Way We Get By.

It took me a few days to get over that movie.
 
2013-01-23 06:44:59 PM
this is exactly how i want to spend my 76th year alone.
and it's great. who cares if she doesn't want to marry me

*weeps silently in the corner*
 
2013-01-23 06:50:35 PM
I spent my birthday alone on Sunday. But I went out Friday and Saturday. I mean, I have to get up at 5:30 on Mondays, so I couldn't really do much.
 
2013-01-23 06:55:34 PM
Surprised at how many Farkers seem to have the same birthday (or birthweek, I suppose, depending on time zones) as I do. That's pretty cool. Happy birthday to the rest of you. :)
 
2013-01-23 06:58:16 PM

Two16: [www.wtsp.com image 640x360]

RUN!


What? She's cute.
 
2013-01-23 07:00:29 PM
I thought this was the saddest first sentence ever:

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

Shudder! Gives me the creeps!
 
2013-01-23 07:08:11 PM

cretinbob: Actually subby, this is

Not to mention the embarrassment of being named.


No, that's just funny.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-01-23 07:08:32 PM
It's the news of my future birthday slipping through a time hole...
 
2013-01-23 07:16:05 PM

unchellmatt: drjekel_mrhyde: Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?

I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere
[i.imgur.com image 640x360]
"Claude Eugene Riley III. Charges: Solicit prostitution - Everything for $240; Possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (2 counts); DWLSR. Summary: Single - Employed as a salesperson MAC Cosmetics; Suspended license"
Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits

I got lucky... This was the Mugshot Roundup card I drew.

[web.mit.edu image 301x457]
/she knows whar penis goes....
//don't bother having her cleaned, I'll take care of that later...


You know she's going to shank you after you're finished, right?
 
2013-01-23 07:23:35 PM

chevydeuce: Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone


we all die alone-
 
2013-01-23 07:31:12 PM

Fluorescent Testicle: Surprised at how many Farkers seem to have the same birthday (or birthweek, I suppose, depending on time zones) as I do. That's pretty cool. Happy birthday to the rest of you. :)


Yeah no shiat. Happy Birthday.
 
2013-01-23 07:38:27 PM

Tyrosine: - Authorities say a man celebrating his 76th birthday alone was rescued from his apartment after a pan of macaroni and cheese caught fire on his stove.

He should have alerted 4chan. As long as you're not a prepubescent girl they might help.
[www.blogcdn.com image 348x232]


Wow.

Someimes, 4chan is pretty cool.

Even Reddit, but that's really rare.

:P
 
2013-01-23 07:40:35 PM

Mugato: Two16: [www.wtsp.com image 640x360]

RUN!

What? She's cute.


She's got the crazy eye. O.o
 
2013-01-23 07:48:22 PM
Almost a sad as "Now that you're gone I'm drinkin' Christmas dinner all alone this year."
 
2013-01-23 07:48:42 PM
dk47: Sounds like you need to start taking care of the other 364. Otherwise why in the world would they listen to you on your birthday?

I am all over that link. Thanks for the share.
 
2013-01-23 07:48:53 PM

xanadian: Someimes, 4chan is pretty cool.

Even Reddit, but that's really rare


(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
 
2013-01-23 07:52:15 PM

abhorrent1: All I ever ask for my birthday is to have one day to myself where everyone leaves me the fark alone. I never get it. This guy is living my dream.

/one farking day a year
//is that too much to ask?


No doubt . Same here .
 
2013-01-23 07:53:44 PM

chevydeuce: Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone


I knew a guy who had some friends at the local bar and neighborhood, but the bar was closed on Sundays and that was the day his birthday feel on the first year I lived in the neighborhood so I asked what his plans were. Heating a frozen pizza and drinking beer alone didn't sound like a great birthday so I invited him over for a good pizza and beer.

Dude turned out to be a fascinating old hippy who was a great friend until he passed away last year. He was also the first person old enough to be my dad to say to me, "you mind if I smoke a bowl in here?" He was a helluva lot of fun to hang out with.

/not quite CSB
 
2013-01-23 07:56:43 PM
looks like I'm not the only one with a lonely birthday
 
2013-01-23 07:59:02 PM
Thank you Mr. Sprinkler System
 
2013-01-23 08:02:07 PM
I watched my Grizzlies beat the Bulls in Chicago this past Saturday, then saw Super Diamond, a Neil Diamond cover band, at the House if Blues, while staying at an awesome hotel with my ex-ish girlfriend (it's complicated).

Best birthday ever.

/has had alone birthdays too, enjoyed them
//I don't really care about my birthday at all
 
2013-01-23 08:08:16 PM

CruJones: I watched my Grizzlies beat the Bulls in Chicago this past Saturday, then saw Super Diamond, a Neil Diamond cover band, at the House if Blues, while staying at an awesome hotel with my ex-ish girlfriend (it's complicated).

Best birthday ever.

/has had alone birthdays too, enjoyed them
//I don't really care about my birthday at all


They are a good day to justify taking off work, though.
 
2013-01-23 08:42:49 PM

blatz514: He says his Army training kicked in as he saw smoke billowing from the stove

I've never been in the Army.  But I'm pretty sure I would have put out the fire too.  Do I get a medal for valor?


No. Nothing you do means anything unless you've been to bootcamp first.

unlikely: RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.

Do you mean you? Because if you do, let me go ahead and wish you a happy birthday. May you find a copy of Fantastic Four #2 hidden inside a stack of Life Magazine or something equally cool today.


Oh I see. You're saying loners hoard, and don't know what's valuable.
 
2013-01-23 08:50:29 PM
Actual first line:Authorities say a man celebrating his 76th birthday alone was rescued from his apartment after a pan of macaroni and cheese caught fire on his stove.

Sadder first line:Authorities say a man celebrating his 76th birthday alone was rescued from his apartment decades after losing his penis in a macaroni and cheese fire.
 
2013-01-23 08:51:48 PM

RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


Happy birthday!
 
2013-01-23 09:02:37 PM

i upped my meds-up yours: blatz514: He says his Army training kicked in as he saw smoke billowing from the stove

I've never been in the Army.  But I'm pretty sure I would have put out the fire too.  Do I get a medal for valor?

No. Nothing you do means anything unless you've been to bootcamp first.

unlikely: RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.

Do you mean you? Because if you do, let me go ahead and wish you a happy birthday. May you find a copy of Fantastic Four #2 hidden inside a stack of Life Magazine or something equally cool today.

Oh I see. You're saying loners hoard, and don't know what's valuable.


Well, my dad got the bronze star in Vietnam. Does that count?
 
2013-01-23 09:03:37 PM

Marcintosh: chevydeuce: Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone

we all die alone-


Not if you die in a plane crash, or a bigass earthquake, or a mass shooting, or nuclear explosion, or a molasses spill, or a bombing, or... Well, maybe you got my point.
 
2013-01-23 09:06:28 PM

theMagni: TiiiMMMaHHH: Smeggy Smurf: This text is now purple: It's only the 3rd saddest thing I've heard today.

Hi, I'm Smeggy Smurf and I'm here to fark up your day

Saddest news story ever
Don't click on it if you're not prepared to shed a tear

[fortnightlitpress.files.wordpress.com image 325x265]


*clicks link*

[media.tumblr.com image 331x327]


seriously. way sadder than this old lonely bastard.

click it, i dare you, farker!

Just so you're aware, that kid has his vision back in his remaining eye:
http://pysih.com/2009/06/07/update-angelo-mendoza-jr-can-see/

He's lost half the light in the world, but all things considered he'll be okay. When the story first broke he was asking, "when will my eyes grow back?"

He's six now, maybe seven. He'll be the coolest kid in school with a Nick Fury eyepatch.


That's awesome. Well played modern medicine
 
2013-01-23 09:16:34 PM

blatz514: i upped my meds-up yours: blatz514: He says his Army training kicked in as he saw smoke billowing from the stove

I've never been in the Army.  But I'm pretty sure I would have put out the fire too.  Do I get a medal for valor?

No. Nothing you do means anything unless you've been to bootcamp first.

unlikely: RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.

Do you mean you? Because if you do, let me go ahead and wish you a happy birthday. May you find a copy of Fantastic Four #2 hidden inside a stack of Life Magazine or something equally cool today.

Oh I see. You're saying loners hoard, and don't know what's valuable.

Well, my dad got the bronze star in Vietnam. Does that count?


No. You're obviously hoarding it in the heap of 35 years of TV Guide you use as a bed.
 
2013-01-23 09:35:51 PM
In related news on the mugshot roundup

download.gannett.edgesuite.net

that is one very cute notorious woman...
 
2013-01-23 09:40:51 PM

SlothB77: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 300x228]

i think if he was celebrating his birthday with a bowl of corn flakes and set that on fire, it might have been sadder.


Not much is sadder than seeing a good batch of macaroni and cheese going up in flames.
 
2013-01-23 09:48:10 PM

Maul555: In related news on the mugshot roundup

[download.gannett.edgesuite.net image 384x480]

that is one very cute notorious woman...


Agreed. She seems to be a naughtier, more emotive Kristen Stewart.
 
2013-01-23 09:50:00 PM

ultraholland: looks like I'm not the only one with a lonely birthday


Hey there, wish you a happy birthday.
 
2013-01-23 10:06:23 PM
blogs.publishersweekly.com
 
2013-01-23 10:30:10 PM

Maul555: In related news on the mugshot roundup

[download.gannett.edgesuite.net image 384x480]

that is one very cute notorious woman...


Give it up, she still won't far....

......oh, wait, actually.....

uh, dude, can I borrow, like, eighty bucks?
 
2013-01-23 10:39:36 PM
www.wtsp.com

LMG: Coke possession?

/i'd still hit that
 
2013-01-23 10:40:32 PM
www.wtsp.com

I'd say kill it with fire, but clearly someone has already tried that.
 
2013-01-23 11:02:01 PM
blogs.publishersweekly.com
 
2013-01-23 11:12:31 PM
Target Builder, Rich Cream

I had that motherfarking book but decided to get rid of it because I didn't want any more shiat. Wish I had kept it as the hilarity of prominently displaying it in the kitchen would be worth it.


Lydia_C: Hey there, wish you a happy birthday.

Too late, I already burned the macaroni.
 
2013-01-23 11:37:55 PM
...dangit Fark, I would have been fine if you hadn't pointed that out.  Now I want to hug my grandparents.  Except they're all dead.
 
2013-01-23 11:39:01 PM

i upped my meds-up yours: Oh I see. You're saying loners hoard, and don't know what's valuable.


Er, no? I'm saying I know that Rex is a comic book collector and I wish on him that rare one-in-a-million find that all serious comic collectors daydream about.
 
2013-01-24 12:14:14 AM

unlikely: i upped my meds-up yours: Oh I see. You're saying loners hoard, and don't know what's valuable.

Er, no? I'm saying I know that Rex is a comic book collector and I wish on him that rare one-in-a-million find that all serious comic collectors daydream about.


But you know he's a loner. Loners collect things. It's our destiny.

/ah, fark it. just trying to save face here.
 
2013-01-24 12:18:52 AM

RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


You have lots of friends! Go grab somebody and make them go drinking with you! It's night, you can go outside without fear of bursting into flames!
 
2013-01-24 12:34:38 AM

Maul555: In related news on the mugshot roundup

[download.gannett.edgesuite.net image 384x480]

that is one very cute notorious woman...


That's a pretty felon, for sure. A petty felon? Maybe.
 
2013-01-24 12:42:06 AM
Figure by age you'll be lucky if everyone you knew in life hasn't already died.

Also, Florida is the Elephant Graveyard. It's where old Republicans go to die.

On the plus side, antique shopping is great down there because no one ever wants to actually drive all the way from Chicago or New York to pick up grand-dad's hoard of ancient crap when he finally kicks off.
 
2013-01-24 01:07:50 AM

NephilimNexus: Figure by age you'll be lucky if everyone you knew in life hasn't already died.

Also, Florida is the Elephant Graveyard. It's where old Republicans go to die.

On the plus side, antique shopping is great down there because no one ever wants to actually drive all the way from Chicago or New York to pick up grand-dad's hoard of ancient crap when he finally kicks off.


So you're saying only Chicagoans and New Yorkers have cool crap.
 
2013-01-24 03:08:50 AM

Chinchillazilla: I don't see what's sad about mac and cheese.


Come on, that was the saddest part of the article!
 
2013-01-24 08:09:47 AM
Yeah... Corn Flakes birthday has nothing on "My daddy ate my eyes".
 
2013-01-24 08:20:27 AM

blatz514: /This will be me when I'm 76
//Except it will be a frozen pizza


That was me 1.5 years ago at 26. Fiancee and girlfriend of 7 years left me for a married guy. I had moved with her to another state to get her away from her emotionally abusive family. No friends. Family was 200 miles away. I spent my birthday with a frozen pizza and a bottle of sparkling white grape juice sitting on a couch trying to not remember that I was miserable.

To the farkers who go though the same shiat - happy birthday. Rex and the others, I'll throw back a shot for you after I get home.

/Things haven't gotten much better since then.
//FML.
///But, it's still better than many. I'm grateful for that, at least. Hard to remember that sometimes, though.
 
2013-01-24 09:41:16 AM

Apos: Maul555: In related news on the mugshot roundup

[download.gannett.edgesuite.net image 384x480]

that is one very cute notorious woman...

Agreed. She seems to be a naughtier, more emotive Kristen Stewart.


It would be tough to find a less emotive Kristen Stewart.
 
2013-01-24 09:42:46 AM

CtrlAltDestroy: blatz514: /This will be me when I'm 76
//Except it will be a frozen pizza

That was me 1.5 years ago at 26. Fiancee and girlfriend of 7 years left me for a married guy. I had moved with her to another state to get her away from her emotionally abusive family. No friends. Family was 200 miles away. I spent my birthday with a frozen pizza and a bottle of sparkling white grape juice sitting on a couch trying to not remember that I was miserable.

To the farkers who go though the same shiat - happy birthday. Rex and the others, I'll throw back a shot for you after I get home.

/Things haven't gotten much better since then.
//FML.
///But, it's still better than many. I'm grateful for that, at least. Hard to remember that sometimes, though.


Hang in there CAD, my b-day is in 6 days and I plan on hanging at the local hole with the only friend I have in town.  All my other friends are married with kids.  So, make with what ya got.
 
2013-01-24 10:50:43 AM

whidbey: inner ted: FarkingReading: [encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com image 240x210]

every time i see that pic i have the same reaction: that is farking sad

What is that from?


from what i understand it's Kirk Cameron (from "growing pains" i think that's the show - from the 80's)
now he's apparently found jesus and is a bit of a douche about it

i just always think the gals in the background look especially pathetic

that mr. cameron seems oblivious to it all is just the sad shriveled cherry on top
 
2013-01-24 04:39:55 PM

Via Infinito: If you think this article is sad, don't ever watch The Way We Get By.

It took me a few days to get over that movie.


Jesu Cristo, why did you do that to me!!
 
2013-01-24 08:46:13 PM

xanadian: Mugato: Two16: [www.wtsp.com image 640x360]

RUN!

What? She's cute.

She's got the crazy eye. O.o


Exactly.
 
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