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(WTSP)   Saddest. First sentence. Ever   (wtsp.com) divider line 191
    More: Florida  
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47875 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jan 2013 at 4:19 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-23 07:48:22 PM  
Almost a sad as "Now that you're gone I'm drinkin' Christmas dinner all alone this year."
 
2013-01-23 07:48:42 PM  
dk47: Sounds like you need to start taking care of the other 364. Otherwise why in the world would they listen to you on your birthday?

I am all over that link. Thanks for the share.
 
2013-01-23 07:48:53 PM  

xanadian: Someimes, 4chan is pretty cool.

Even Reddit, but that's really rare


(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
 
2013-01-23 07:52:15 PM  

abhorrent1: All I ever ask for my birthday is to have one day to myself where everyone leaves me the fark alone. I never get it. This guy is living my dream.

/one farking day a year
//is that too much to ask?


No doubt . Same here .
 
2013-01-23 07:53:44 PM  

chevydeuce: Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone


I knew a guy who had some friends at the local bar and neighborhood, but the bar was closed on Sundays and that was the day his birthday feel on the first year I lived in the neighborhood so I asked what his plans were. Heating a frozen pizza and drinking beer alone didn't sound like a great birthday so I invited him over for a good pizza and beer.

Dude turned out to be a fascinating old hippy who was a great friend until he passed away last year. He was also the first person old enough to be my dad to say to me, "you mind if I smoke a bowl in here?" He was a helluva lot of fun to hang out with.

/not quite CSB
 
2013-01-23 07:56:43 PM  
looks like I'm not the only one with a lonely birthday
 
2013-01-23 07:59:02 PM  
Thank you Mr. Sprinkler System
 
2013-01-23 08:02:07 PM  
I watched my Grizzlies beat the Bulls in Chicago this past Saturday, then saw Super Diamond, a Neil Diamond cover band, at the House if Blues, while staying at an awesome hotel with my ex-ish girlfriend (it's complicated).

Best birthday ever.

/has had alone birthdays too, enjoyed them
//I don't really care about my birthday at all
 
2013-01-23 08:08:16 PM  

CruJones: I watched my Grizzlies beat the Bulls in Chicago this past Saturday, then saw Super Diamond, a Neil Diamond cover band, at the House if Blues, while staying at an awesome hotel with my ex-ish girlfriend (it's complicated).

Best birthday ever.

/has had alone birthdays too, enjoyed them
//I don't really care about my birthday at all


They are a good day to justify taking off work, though.
 
2013-01-23 08:42:49 PM  

blatz514: He says his Army training kicked in as he saw smoke billowing from the stove

I've never been in the Army.  But I'm pretty sure I would have put out the fire too.  Do I get a medal for valor?


No. Nothing you do means anything unless you've been to bootcamp first.

unlikely: RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.

Do you mean you? Because if you do, let me go ahead and wish you a happy birthday. May you find a copy of Fantastic Four #2 hidden inside a stack of Life Magazine or something equally cool today.


Oh I see. You're saying loners hoard, and don't know what's valuable.
 
2013-01-23 08:50:29 PM  
Actual first line:Authorities say a man celebrating his 76th birthday alone was rescued from his apartment after a pan of macaroni and cheese caught fire on his stove.

Sadder first line:Authorities say a man celebrating his 76th birthday alone was rescued from his apartment decades after losing his penis in a macaroni and cheese fire.
 
2013-01-23 08:51:48 PM  

RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


Happy birthday!
 
2013-01-23 09:02:37 PM  

i upped my meds-up yours: blatz514: He says his Army training kicked in as he saw smoke billowing from the stove

I've never been in the Army.  But I'm pretty sure I would have put out the fire too.  Do I get a medal for valor?

No. Nothing you do means anything unless you've been to bootcamp first.

unlikely: RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.

Do you mean you? Because if you do, let me go ahead and wish you a happy birthday. May you find a copy of Fantastic Four #2 hidden inside a stack of Life Magazine or something equally cool today.

Oh I see. You're saying loners hoard, and don't know what's valuable.


Well, my dad got the bronze star in Vietnam. Does that count?
 
2013-01-23 09:03:37 PM  

Marcintosh: chevydeuce: Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone

we all die alone-


Not if you die in a plane crash, or a bigass earthquake, or a mass shooting, or nuclear explosion, or a molasses spill, or a bombing, or... Well, maybe you got my point.
 
2013-01-23 09:06:28 PM  

theMagni: TiiiMMMaHHH: Smeggy Smurf: This text is now purple: It's only the 3rd saddest thing I've heard today.

Hi, I'm Smeggy Smurf and I'm here to fark up your day

Saddest news story ever
Don't click on it if you're not prepared to shed a tear

[fortnightlitpress.files.wordpress.com image 325x265]


*clicks link*

[media.tumblr.com image 331x327]


seriously. way sadder than this old lonely bastard.

click it, i dare you, farker!

Just so you're aware, that kid has his vision back in his remaining eye:
http://pysih.com/2009/06/07/update-angelo-mendoza-jr-can-see/

He's lost half the light in the world, but all things considered he'll be okay. When the story first broke he was asking, "when will my eyes grow back?"

He's six now, maybe seven. He'll be the coolest kid in school with a Nick Fury eyepatch.


That's awesome. Well played modern medicine
 
2013-01-23 09:16:34 PM  

blatz514: i upped my meds-up yours: blatz514: He says his Army training kicked in as he saw smoke billowing from the stove

I've never been in the Army.  But I'm pretty sure I would have put out the fire too.  Do I get a medal for valor?

No. Nothing you do means anything unless you've been to bootcamp first.

unlikely: RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.

Do you mean you? Because if you do, let me go ahead and wish you a happy birthday. May you find a copy of Fantastic Four #2 hidden inside a stack of Life Magazine or something equally cool today.

Oh I see. You're saying loners hoard, and don't know what's valuable.

Well, my dad got the bronze star in Vietnam. Does that count?


No. You're obviously hoarding it in the heap of 35 years of TV Guide you use as a bed.
 
2013-01-23 09:35:51 PM  
In related news on the mugshot roundup

download.gannett.edgesuite.net

that is one very cute notorious woman...
 
2013-01-23 09:40:51 PM  

SlothB77: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 300x228]

i think if he was celebrating his birthday with a bowl of corn flakes and set that on fire, it might have been sadder.


Not much is sadder than seeing a good batch of macaroni and cheese going up in flames.
 
2013-01-23 09:48:10 PM  

Maul555: In related news on the mugshot roundup

[download.gannett.edgesuite.net image 384x480]

that is one very cute notorious woman...


Agreed. She seems to be a naughtier, more emotive Kristen Stewart.
 
2013-01-23 09:50:00 PM  

ultraholland: looks like I'm not the only one with a lonely birthday


Hey there, wish you a happy birthday.
 
2013-01-23 10:06:23 PM  
blogs.publishersweekly.com
 
2013-01-23 10:30:10 PM  

Maul555: In related news on the mugshot roundup

[download.gannett.edgesuite.net image 384x480]

that is one very cute notorious woman...


Give it up, she still won't far....

......oh, wait, actually.....

uh, dude, can I borrow, like, eighty bucks?
 
2013-01-23 10:39:36 PM  
www.wtsp.com

LMG: Coke possession?

/i'd still hit that
 
2013-01-23 10:40:32 PM  
www.wtsp.com

I'd say kill it with fire, but clearly someone has already tried that.
 
2013-01-23 11:02:01 PM  
blogs.publishersweekly.com
 
2013-01-23 11:12:31 PM  
Target Builder, Rich Cream

I had that motherfarking book but decided to get rid of it because I didn't want any more shiat. Wish I had kept it as the hilarity of prominently displaying it in the kitchen would be worth it.


Lydia_C: Hey there, wish you a happy birthday.

Too late, I already burned the macaroni.
 
2013-01-23 11:37:55 PM  
...dangit Fark, I would have been fine if you hadn't pointed that out.  Now I want to hug my grandparents.  Except they're all dead.
 
2013-01-23 11:39:01 PM  

i upped my meds-up yours: Oh I see. You're saying loners hoard, and don't know what's valuable.


Er, no? I'm saying I know that Rex is a comic book collector and I wish on him that rare one-in-a-million find that all serious comic collectors daydream about.
 
2013-01-24 12:14:14 AM  

unlikely: i upped my meds-up yours: Oh I see. You're saying loners hoard, and don't know what's valuable.

Er, no? I'm saying I know that Rex is a comic book collector and I wish on him that rare one-in-a-million find that all serious comic collectors daydream about.


But you know he's a loner. Loners collect things. It's our destiny.

/ah, fark it. just trying to save face here.
 
2013-01-24 12:18:52 AM  

RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


You have lots of friends! Go grab somebody and make them go drinking with you! It's night, you can go outside without fear of bursting into flames!
 
2013-01-24 12:34:38 AM  

Maul555: In related news on the mugshot roundup

[download.gannett.edgesuite.net image 384x480]

that is one very cute notorious woman...


That's a pretty felon, for sure. A petty felon? Maybe.
 
2013-01-24 12:42:06 AM  
Figure by age you'll be lucky if everyone you knew in life hasn't already died.

Also, Florida is the Elephant Graveyard. It's where old Republicans go to die.

On the plus side, antique shopping is great down there because no one ever wants to actually drive all the way from Chicago or New York to pick up grand-dad's hoard of ancient crap when he finally kicks off.
 
2013-01-24 01:07:50 AM  

NephilimNexus: Figure by age you'll be lucky if everyone you knew in life hasn't already died.

Also, Florida is the Elephant Graveyard. It's where old Republicans go to die.

On the plus side, antique shopping is great down there because no one ever wants to actually drive all the way from Chicago or New York to pick up grand-dad's hoard of ancient crap when he finally kicks off.


So you're saying only Chicagoans and New Yorkers have cool crap.
 
2013-01-24 03:08:50 AM  

Chinchillazilla: I don't see what's sad about mac and cheese.


Come on, that was the saddest part of the article!
 
2013-01-24 08:09:47 AM  
Yeah... Corn Flakes birthday has nothing on "My daddy ate my eyes".
 
2013-01-24 08:20:27 AM  

blatz514: /This will be me when I'm 76
//Except it will be a frozen pizza


That was me 1.5 years ago at 26. Fiancee and girlfriend of 7 years left me for a married guy. I had moved with her to another state to get her away from her emotionally abusive family. No friends. Family was 200 miles away. I spent my birthday with a frozen pizza and a bottle of sparkling white grape juice sitting on a couch trying to not remember that I was miserable.

To the farkers who go though the same shiat - happy birthday. Rex and the others, I'll throw back a shot for you after I get home.

/Things haven't gotten much better since then.
//FML.
///But, it's still better than many. I'm grateful for that, at least. Hard to remember that sometimes, though.
 
2013-01-24 09:41:16 AM  

Apos: Maul555: In related news on the mugshot roundup

[download.gannett.edgesuite.net image 384x480]

that is one very cute notorious woman...

Agreed. She seems to be a naughtier, more emotive Kristen Stewart.


It would be tough to find a less emotive Kristen Stewart.
 
2013-01-24 09:42:46 AM  

CtrlAltDestroy: blatz514: /This will be me when I'm 76
//Except it will be a frozen pizza

That was me 1.5 years ago at 26. Fiancee and girlfriend of 7 years left me for a married guy. I had moved with her to another state to get her away from her emotionally abusive family. No friends. Family was 200 miles away. I spent my birthday with a frozen pizza and a bottle of sparkling white grape juice sitting on a couch trying to not remember that I was miserable.

To the farkers who go though the same shiat - happy birthday. Rex and the others, I'll throw back a shot for you after I get home.

/Things haven't gotten much better since then.
//FML.
///But, it's still better than many. I'm grateful for that, at least. Hard to remember that sometimes, though.


Hang in there CAD, my b-day is in 6 days and I plan on hanging at the local hole with the only friend I have in town.  All my other friends are married with kids.  So, make with what ya got.
 
2013-01-24 10:50:43 AM  

whidbey: inner ted: FarkingReading: [encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com image 240x210]

every time i see that pic i have the same reaction: that is farking sad

What is that from?


from what i understand it's Kirk Cameron (from "growing pains" i think that's the show - from the 80's)
now he's apparently found jesus and is a bit of a douche about it

i just always think the gals in the background look especially pathetic

that mr. cameron seems oblivious to it all is just the sad shriveled cherry on top
 
2013-01-24 04:39:55 PM  

Via Infinito: If you think this article is sad, don't ever watch The Way We Get By.

It took me a few days to get over that movie.


Jesu Cristo, why did you do that to me!!
 
2013-01-24 08:46:13 PM  

xanadian: Mugato: Two16: [www.wtsp.com image 640x360]

RUN!

What? She's cute.

She's got the crazy eye. O.o


Exactly.
 
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