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(WTSP)   Saddest. First sentence. Ever   (wtsp.com) divider line 191
    More: Florida  
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47857 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jan 2013 at 4:19 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-23 05:17:23 PM

Andromeda: So glad I stumbled home tipsy tonight after a great meal of Spanish tapas with friends instead of being like this guy.  I'm also ~50 years shy of his age, but still.

/Jan 23 is the best birthday ever by American date writing, as in 1/23
// December 3 is also acceptable


Or 12 March if you live in Europe.
 
2013-01-23 05:18:40 PM
Guy might be a total dick for all we know. You know that guy in his 30's that's a total dick? He'll be 76 some day.
 
2013-01-23 05:19:13 PM

abhorrent1: chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox

Who the hell has that on a jukebox?


You can download pretty much any song you want on the machine....costs a buck or two, depending on the song and sometimes takes anywhere from 10-40 minutes before you hear it, but it will come up...I just picked some generic version and downloaded it.
 
2013-01-23 05:22:09 PM

chevydeuce: abhorrent1: chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox

Who the hell has that on a jukebox?

You can download pretty much any song you want on the machine....costs a buck or two, depending on the song and sometimes takes anywhere from 10-40 minutes before you hear it, but it will come up...I just picked some generic version and downloaded it.


Wizardry! Been a looong time since I've looked at a bar jukebox. So they're like, iTunes enabled or something?
 
2013-01-23 05:22:42 PM

rev. dave: I will be celebrating my birthday alone tomorrow and no macaroni for me.


Happy Birthday.
 
2013-01-23 05:24:07 PM
Found after GIS for "happy birthday jukebox"

2.bp.blogspot.com

Would be thrilled to find a jukebox loaded with these tracks.

Also unsure of the guy who said he played "Happy Birthday" on a juke. Never seen something like that and I'm the guy that has to play with every jukebox at every bar/restaurant, etc. But whatever, maybe somebody did record it. I wonder who it was?
 
2013-01-23 05:24:23 PM

ariseatex: rev. dave: I will be celebrating my birthday alone tomorrow and no macaroni for me.

Happy Birthday.


Thank you. Cool!!!!
 
2013-01-23 05:27:39 PM

Robo Beat: Andromeda: So glad I stumbled home tipsy tonight after a great meal of Spanish tapas with friends instead of being like this guy.  I'm also ~50 years shy of his age, but still.

/Jan 23 is the best birthday ever by American date writing, as in 1/23
// December 3 is also acceptable

Or 12 March if you live in Europe.


I am a real American and I write and type dates constantly for work purposes. It's always either YYYYMMDD or DD MMM YYYY. It's catching on here.

/unlike the metric system
//my tiny brain can't comprehend it, but I think it's stupid that we haven't adopted it
///thankfully scientists and engineers use it for the most part
 
2013-01-23 05:30:06 PM
After I got divorced I found myself celebrating my birthday alone one year and decided never again. Now I celebrate it with an annual trip to Las Vegas for blackjack, whiskey and hookers.
 
2013-01-23 05:32:03 PM

abhorrent1: Wizardry! Been a looong time since I've looked at a bar jukebox. So they're like, iTunes enabled or something?


The operators pay to providers like TouchTunes who provide the music catalog, reporting services, and hardware. You can do crazy things with the new ones, like pay via your phone then select and put on your songs without even going to the box that they have mounted.
 
2013-01-23 05:32:32 PM

abhorrent1: chevydeuce: abhorrent1: chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox

Who the hell has that on a jukebox?

You can download pretty much any song you want on the machine....costs a buck or two, depending on the song and sometimes takes anywhere from 10-40 minutes before you hear it, but it will come up...I just picked some generic version and downloaded it.

Wizardry! Been a looong time since I've looked at a bar jukebox. So they're like, iTunes enabled or something?


You can actually download an app and never have to get up to play the actual jukebox.  You can do it all from your bar stool.
 
2013-01-23 05:33:46 PM

adenosine: abhorrent1: Wizardry! Been a looong time since I've looked at a bar jukebox. So they're like, iTunes enabled or something?

The operators pay to providers like TouchTunes who provide the music catalog, reporting services, and hardware. You can do crazy things with the new ones, like pay via your phone then select and put on your songs without even going to the box that they have mounted.


19 seconds.  I've been bested twice today!!
 
2013-01-23 05:34:53 PM

Captain Blackadder: That whole page is filled with sad.

And then there's this:

Police: Michael Smeriglio accidentally shoots off his penis and testicle

First line: "A teenager is recovering after police say he shot himself in the penis and testicle while cleaning a gun he just bought."

The picture is golden:
[www.wtsp.com image 640x360]


He shouldn't be sad, cos two out of three ain't bad
 
2013-01-23 05:35:08 PM
www.wtsp.com

RUN!
 
2013-01-23 05:35:13 PM

YRThereSchool: Found after GIS for "happy birthday jukebox"

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x566]

Would be thrilled to find a jukebox loaded with these tracks.

Also unsure of the guy who said he played "Happy Birthday" on a juke. Never seen something like that and I'm the guy that has to play with every jukebox at every bar/restaurant, etc. But whatever, maybe somebody did record it. I wonder who it was?


Aside from ONJ and Otis....PASS.

/PS YOU OLD.
 
2013-01-23 05:35:51 PM
Sadly, this is how I will die when I am in my 70s.

Oh, wait, I forgot, my liver will fall out wayyyyy before I reach that age!

Whew, dodged a bullet there.
 
2013-01-23 05:36:28 PM
www.wtsp.com
Nancy Grace got arrested?
 
2013-01-23 05:36:48 PM
I just celebrated mine alone on the 17th, but only because we had my birthday dinner on the 16th and I didn't have macaroni and cheese on the 17th I had homemade taco pizza.
 
2013-01-23 05:37:41 PM

TommyymmoT: [www.wtsp.com image 640x360]
Nancy Grace got arrested?


Looks more like Britney's let herself go. Further.
 
2013-01-23 05:37:42 PM

RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


What? No way! Happy birthday! Remember, with Fark, it may demented and sad, but social!
 
2013-01-23 05:39:19 PM

abhorrent1: chevydeuce: abhorrent1: chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox

Who the hell has that on a jukebox?

You can download pretty much any song you want on the machine....costs a buck or two, depending on the song and sometimes takes anywhere from 10-40 minutes before you hear it, but it will come up...I just picked some generic version and downloaded it.

Wizardry! Been a looong time since I've looked at a bar jukebox. So they're like, iTunes enabled or something?


It's called Touch Tunes....I don't know the make/model of the box itself, but this is the service they use;

Link

I've seen the same box/service in several bars in SoCal


and

YRThereSchool: Found after GIS for "happy birthday jukebox"

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x566]

Would be thrilled to find a jukebox loaded with these tracks.

Also unsure of the guy who said he played "Happy Birthday" on a juke. Never seen something like that and I'm the guy that has to play with every jukebox at every bar/restaurant, etc. But whatever, maybe somebody did record it. I wonder who it was?


I just did a search on the jukebox for "Happy Birthday to you" and it returned several different versions...I picked the first one and it started playing shortly thereafter....if I remember correctly, it sounded like a generic 50's-60's version that might have been made just for big events or public play..
 
2013-01-23 05:39:58 PM

xenomorpheus: LeroyBourne: chevydeuce: Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone

Be happy you made this guy's b-day a good one.  It's a csb.

you are a good man, sir


Thanks, man.  I just didn't see what was so sad about that story.  They were obviously tears of joy.  Hell, I'd make it point to hang with the old guy if I saw him again.  Old people have the best stories.
 
2013-01-23 05:40:05 PM
To make it perfect, there ought to be something about his Total Fark account being overdue.
 
2013-01-23 05:40:28 PM
Damn, that is depressing. Quick. Somebody post a funny picture so I can be happy again.

FarkingReading: [encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com image 240x210]


Aahhhhh, works every time.
 
2013-01-23 05:43:34 PM

Andromeda: So glad I stumbled home tipsy tonight after a great meal of Spanish tapas with friends instead of being like this...


Post time: 5:04PM EST
??
 
2013-01-23 05:48:07 PM

Smeggy Smurf: This text is now purple: It's only the 3rd saddest thing I've heard today.

Hi, I'm Smeggy Smurf and I'm here to fark up your day

Saddest news story ever
Don't click on it if you're not prepared to shed a tear


fortnightlitpress.files.wordpress.com


*clicks link*

media.tumblr.com


seriously. way sadder than this old lonely bastard.

click it, i dare you, farker!
 
2013-01-23 05:49:50 PM
It depends on if he was celebrating alone (cake, gifts, etc...) or if that day just happened to be his birthday. Some people, or maybe just me, just don't care about our birthdays. I'm not unhappy or lonely, I just don't like people making a fuss over a day where I didn't really do anything. Hell I think it'd be more appropriate to throw my mom a party on my birthday, she did all the work.
 
2013-01-23 05:50:55 PM

abhorrent1: dj_spanmaster: Or happiest, you know, if you're a loner. like abhorrent1, Pilikia, or thecpt.

Not a loner. I have a wife, family etc. I spend the whole year hearing, "we need to do this", "we need to do that", "Fix this" etc.
My wife always asks me what I want to do for my B-Day. When I tell her every year I want everyone to pretend I don't exist, she gets mad. My b-day is supposed to be about me. Not making others feel good about themselves because they did something for someone else (me).

You know what I want one day a year? To sit on my ass and drink beer, watch TV and play video games while someone else makes all the decisions and not hearing my name being called every 2 minutes. I don't think that's unreasonable.


This ten times over.I can't even go to the movies by myself.Hang around for the kids and grandkids who live in town to drop over.Then wait for the out of towners to call.My wife plans the meal but I end up cooking it.Just one frigging day is all some of ask for.Is this to much?
 
2013-01-23 05:56:01 PM

GlobalStrategic MapleSyrup Reserve: [www.wtsp.com image 640x360]
"Stefanie Woods, 2009 arrest girl scout cookie thief"
Most definitely a keeper.


She was on Tosh.0 not so long ago. It's worth watching if you can find it somewhere.
 
2013-01-23 06:01:20 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?

I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere

"Claude Eugene Riley III. Charges: Solicit prostitution - Everything for $240; Possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (2 counts); DWLSR. Summary: Single - Employed as a salesperson MAC Cosmetics; Suspended license"
Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits


Knew a few makeup counter ladies and some have to take a second job to make ends meet. Nope, no boob jobs but basic stuff, plus supplies for makeup gigs.
 
2013-01-23 06:04:43 PM

TiiiMMMaHHH: Smeggy Smurf: This text is now purple: It's only the 3rd saddest thing I've heard today.

Hi, I'm Smeggy Smurf and I'm here to fark up your day

Saddest news story ever
Don't click on it if you're not prepared to shed a tear

[fortnightlitpress.files.wordpress.com image 325x265]


*clicks link*

[media.tumblr.com image 331x327]


seriously. way sadder than this old lonely bastard.

click it, i dare you, farker!


Just so you're aware, that kid has his vision back in his remaining eye:
http://pysih.com/2009/06/07/update-angelo-mendoza-jr-can-see/

He's lost half the light in the world, but all things considered he'll be okay. When the story first broke he was asking, "when will my eyes grow back?"

He's six now, maybe seven. He'll be the coolest kid in school with a Nick Fury eyepatch.
 
2013-01-23 06:05:22 PM

YRThereSchool: Found after GIS for "happy birthday jukebox"

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x566]

Would be thrilled to find a jukebox loaded with these tracks.

Also unsure of the guy who said he played "Happy Birthday" on a juke. Never seen something like that and I'm the guy that has to play with every jukebox at every bar/restaurant, etc. But whatever, maybe somebody did record it. I wonder who it was?


There's always the Weird Al song with the same title.  Probably a bit obscure. (Except in Farkistan, natch)
 
2013-01-23 06:08:09 PM

Slaves2Darkness: After I got divorced I found myself celebrating my birthday alone one year and decided never again. Now I celebrate it with an annual trip to Las Vegas for blackjack, whiskey and hookers.


...in fact, forget the blackjack!

ccinsider.comedycentral.com
 
2013-01-23 06:12:38 PM

casual disregard: Robo Beat: Andromeda: So glad I stumbled home tipsy tonight after a great meal of Spanish tapas with friends instead of being like this guy.  I'm also ~50 years shy of his age, but still.

/Jan 23 is the best birthday ever by American date writing, as in 1/23
// December 3 is also acceptable

Or 12 March if you live in Europe.

I am a real American and I write and type dates constantly for work purposes. It's always either YYYYMMDD or DD MMM YYYY. It's catching on here.

/unlike the metric system
//my tiny brain can't comprehend it, but I think it's stupid that we haven't adopted it
///thankfully scientists and engineers use it for the most part


I use whichever is easiest to remember. For my daughters i tend to put the day first and the month second, but for mine, july 8th, i like to write it 07/08
 
2013-01-23 06:25:45 PM

FarkingReading: [encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com image 240x210]


every time i see that pic i have the same reaction: that is farking sad
 
2013-01-23 06:25:56 PM

abhorrent1: dj_spanmaster: Or happiest, you know, if you're a loner. like abhorrent1, Pilikia, or thecpt.

Not a loner. I have a wife, family etc. I spend the whole year hearing, "we need to do this", "we need to do that", "Fix this" etc.
My wife always asks me what I want to do for my B-Day. When I tell her every year I want everyone to pretend I don't exist, she gets mad. My b-day is supposed to be about me. Not making others feel good about themselves because they did something for someone else (me).

You know what I want one day a year? To sit on my ass and drink beer, watch TV and play video games while someone else makes all the decisions and not hearing my name being called every 2 minutes. I don't think that's unreasonable.


Sounds like you need to start taking care of the other 364. Otherwise why in the world would they listen to you on your birthday?
 
2013-01-23 06:30:23 PM

inner ted: FarkingReading: [encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com image 240x210]

every time i see that pic i have the same reaction: that is farking sad


What is that from?
 
2013-01-23 06:37:11 PM
If you think this article is sad, don't ever watch The Way We Get By.

It took me a few days to get over that movie.
 
2013-01-23 06:44:59 PM
this is exactly how i want to spend my 76th year alone.
and it's great. who cares if she doesn't want to marry me

*weeps silently in the corner*
 
2013-01-23 06:50:35 PM
I spent my birthday alone on Sunday. But I went out Friday and Saturday. I mean, I have to get up at 5:30 on Mondays, so I couldn't really do much.
 
2013-01-23 06:55:34 PM
Surprised at how many Farkers seem to have the same birthday (or birthweek, I suppose, depending on time zones) as I do. That's pretty cool. Happy birthday to the rest of you. :)
 
2013-01-23 06:58:16 PM

Two16: [www.wtsp.com image 640x360]

RUN!


What? She's cute.
 
2013-01-23 07:00:29 PM
I thought this was the saddest first sentence ever:

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

Shudder! Gives me the creeps!
 
2013-01-23 07:08:11 PM

cretinbob: Actually subby, this is

Not to mention the embarrassment of being named.


No, that's just funny.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-01-23 07:08:32 PM
It's the news of my future birthday slipping through a time hole...
 
2013-01-23 07:16:05 PM

unchellmatt: drjekel_mrhyde: Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?

I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere
[i.imgur.com image 640x360]
"Claude Eugene Riley III. Charges: Solicit prostitution - Everything for $240; Possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (2 counts); DWLSR. Summary: Single - Employed as a salesperson MAC Cosmetics; Suspended license"
Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits

I got lucky... This was the Mugshot Roundup card I drew.

[web.mit.edu image 301x457]
/she knows whar penis goes....
//don't bother having her cleaned, I'll take care of that later...


You know she's going to shank you after you're finished, right?
 
2013-01-23 07:23:35 PM

chevydeuce: Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone


we all die alone-
 
2013-01-23 07:31:12 PM

Fluorescent Testicle: Surprised at how many Farkers seem to have the same birthday (or birthweek, I suppose, depending on time zones) as I do. That's pretty cool. Happy birthday to the rest of you. :)


Yeah no shiat. Happy Birthday.
 
2013-01-23 07:38:27 PM

Tyrosine: - Authorities say a man celebrating his 76th birthday alone was rescued from his apartment after a pan of macaroni and cheese caught fire on his stove.

He should have alerted 4chan. As long as you're not a prepubescent girl they might help.
[www.blogcdn.com image 348x232]


Wow.

Someimes, 4chan is pretty cool.

Even Reddit, but that's really rare.

:P
 
2013-01-23 07:40:35 PM

Mugato: Two16: [www.wtsp.com image 640x360]

RUN!

What? She's cute.


She's got the crazy eye. O.o
 
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