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(WTSP)   Saddest. First sentence. Ever   (wtsp.com) divider line 191
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47859 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jan 2013 at 4:19 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-23 04:37:06 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?

I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere
[i.imgur.com image 640x360]
"Claude Eugene Riley III. Charges: Solicit prostitution - Everything for $240; Possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (2 counts); DWLSR. Summary: Single - Employed as a salesperson MAC Cosmetics; Suspended license"
Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits


I got lucky... This was the Mugshot Roundup card I drew.

web.mit.edu
/she knows whar penis goes....
//don't bother having her cleaned, I'll take care of that later...
 
2013-01-23 04:37:34 PM
That is the most accurate headline I've ever seen on fark.
 
2013-01-23 04:37:39 PM
That was sad, but those chicks in the photos were hot. Well most of them, my standards couldn't get any lower without hitting magma.
 
2013-01-23 04:38:08 PM
I always celebrate my birthday alone. Sure I may have some well wishes before or after the date but I'm usually alone that day. I don't mind, really.

*sob*
 
2013-01-23 04:38:20 PM
An. Old. Man. Turned 76.
Made some mac & cheese. And died the next day.

Like RAYAYAAAAAAIN on your wedding day...
 
2013-01-23 04:38:22 PM

barefoot in the head: Nearly every word on that entire page is about sadness and decay.


I thought I saw the word ninja in there but I can't find it now.
 
2013-01-23 04:38:41 PM

genner: That will never happen to me............I know how to cook.


even drunk.
damned straight.
 
2013-01-23 04:39:31 PM
First I was : (

Then I scrolled down to the girl in the mugshot ; )
 
2013-01-23 04:40:37 PM
Sad? That sounds like the perfect birthday to me! (aside from nearly burning to death)

I had to figure out a tactful way to tell my boyfriend and friends that for this past birthday, all I wanted was a whole day to be left alone. The shiatty part about having a birthday right before Christmas is that by the time it rolls around, I'm completely burned out by the holiday season and have already been going to so many social events that all I want is one farking day with no obligations.

/Curmudgeonly at 33.
 
2013-01-23 04:41:11 PM
Ya, that was sad...but did you see the skags in the prostitution sting slidehell? 300 bucks for a beej? seriously? wtf...gah. dont look if you have just eaten.
 
2013-01-23 04:41:30 PM

rev. dave: I will be celebrating my birthday alone tomorrow and no macaroni for me.


2.bp.blogspot.com

NO SOUP FOR YOU EITHER.
 
2013-01-23 04:42:45 PM
Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone
 
2013-01-23 04:42:52 PM

Richard Flaccid: First I was : (

Then I scrolled down to the girl in the mugshot ; )


It's a trap, I was curious what she was charged with, she's not in that roundup.
 
2013-01-23 04:43:11 PM
Seventy-six... is... the loneliest number that you'll ever do...
 
2013-01-23 04:44:08 PM

TheGogmagog: drjekel_mrhyde: Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?

I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere
[i.imgur.com image 640x360]
"Claude Eugene Riley III. Charges: Solicit prostitution - Everything for $240; Possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (2 counts); DWLSR. Summary: Single - Employed as a salesperson MAC Cosmetics; Suspended license"
Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits

Oh Internet you know us so well. Thanks Google Tracking. If only you also knew I liked my slideshows on deslide.clusterfake.

Wait, they list what they solicited and how much they paid?
Interesting some guys paid $35 for oral and some $80.
Then there is Image #1: Christina Clark. Charges: Solicit prostitution - oral sex for $300; Crap, I might blow someone for $300.


Aaron Shaun Weiand. Charges: Solicit prostitution - 1 hour sexual intercourse for $80 Summary: Single - Employed at the Super Lube in Auburndale as a manager/mechanic


He is their favorite John!
 
2013-01-23 04:45:22 PM

dj_spanmaster: Or happiest, you know, if you're a loner. like abhorrent1, Pilikia, or thecpt.


Not a loner. I have a wife, family etc. I spend the whole year hearing, "we need to do this", "we need to do that", "Fix this" etc.
My wife always asks me what I want to do for my B-Day. When I tell her every year I want everyone to pretend I don't exist, she gets mad. My b-day is supposed to be about me. Not making others feel good about themselves because they did something for someone else (me).

You know what I want one day a year? To sit on my ass and drink beer, watch TV and play video games while someone else makes all the decisions and not hearing my name being called every 2 minutes. I don't think that's unreasonable.
 
2013-01-23 04:45:47 PM
I don't think he was celebrating. More like moping...
 
2013-01-23 04:45:49 PM

unchellmatt: drjekel_mrhyde: Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?

I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere
[i.imgur.com image 640x360]
"Claude Eugene Riley III. Charges: Solicit prostitution - Everything for $240; Possession of a controlled substance without a prescription (2 counts); DWLSR. Summary: Single - Employed as a salesperson MAC Cosmetics; Suspended license"
Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits

I got lucky... This was the Mugshot Roundup card I drew.


/she knows whar penis goes....
//don't bother having her cleaned, I'll take care of that later...


That's the one i got too. The 'notorious woman' just makes it hotter.

/i'll take her into custody officer
 
2013-01-23 04:47:23 PM
Holy shiat! I just scrolled the 92 women in the mugshots and I would have to say yes to about 80% of them. Seriously, 50% of them I would say were in the hot category, and these are mugshots.
 
2013-01-23 04:47:37 PM
So do we know his Fark handle?
 
2013-01-23 04:48:10 PM
We call it Kraft dinner up here - and I think it's made of asbestos from Quebec so how can it burn?
 
2013-01-23 04:49:12 PM
ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2013-01-23 04:49:22 PM

This text is now purple: It's only the 3rd saddest thing I've heard today.


Hi, I'm Smeggy Smurf and I'm here to fark up your day

Saddest news story ever
Don't click on it if you're not prepared to shed a tear
 
2013-01-23 04:50:21 PM

oldfarthenry: We call it Kraft dinner up here - and I think it's made of asbestos from Quebec so how can it burn?


Why do you call that up there?

Kraft makes a lot more than just mac and cheese...
 
2013-01-23 04:51:35 PM
- Authorities say a man celebrating his 76th birthday alone was rescued from his apartment after a pan of macaroni and cheese caught fire on his stove.

He should have alerted 4chan. As long as you're not a prepubescent girl they might help.
www.blogcdn.com
 
2013-01-23 04:51:40 PM
www.wtsp.com
"Stefanie Woods, 2009 arrest girl scout cookie thief"
Most definitely a keeper.
 
2013-01-23 04:53:59 PM
www.wtsp.com


This look is caled "The penis two-tone".
 
2013-01-23 04:54:06 PM

dv-ous: LeroyBourne: There are some things I won't try to prepare when super drunk. Just go with the chef-boy-r-d, cold right out of the can. No fuss no muss.

interior semiotics much?


I'm glad that the website warned me about the video.  Holy shiat that's weird.
 
2013-01-23 04:54:15 PM

whidbey: oldfarthenry: We call it Kraft dinner up here - and I think it's made of asbestos from Quebec so how can it burn?

Why do you call that up there?

Kraft makes a lot more than just mac and cheese...


Kraft printed "Kraft Dinner" on the packaging.
 
2013-01-23 04:54:17 PM

drjekel_mrhyde: Paris1127: You may also like...

Prostitute Roundup
 I don't know, it sounds difficult... Maybe let the poor guy in the article try it?

I knew it was a tranny in there somewhere

Sad thing is that this person had a job and is probably hooking to to pay for some new tits


Hey, don't judge. Everyone has their own path to tits...I mean, happiness. Same diff.
 
2013-01-23 04:56:21 PM

chevydeuce: Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone


Be happy you made this guy's b-day a good one.  It's a csb.
 
2013-01-23 04:58:31 PM

cretinbob: Actually subby, this is

Not to mention the embarrassment of being named.


Holy farking shiate!

And it sounds like he earned it.
 
2013-01-23 04:58:49 PM

chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox


Who the hell has that on a jukebox?
 
2013-01-23 04:59:50 PM
www.wtsp.com

Jennifer Creque, found with 96 pills stashed in vagina during booking

WTF?!?
 
2013-01-23 05:01:01 PM

This text is now purple: It's only the 3rd saddest thing I've heard today.


What were the other two?
 
2013-01-23 05:01:03 PM

devalt: [www.wtsp.com image 640x360]

Jennifer Creque, found with 96 pills stashed in vagina during booking

WTF?!?


That's why her eyes are so buggy.
 
2013-01-23 05:01:15 PM

abhorrent1: chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox

Who the hell has that on a jukebox?


I hear the Beatles are pretty popular.
 
2013-01-23 05:02:25 PM

LeroyBourne: chevydeuce: Not so CSB....There's an old guy that hangs out at the bar I frequent....one day a couple of years ago, he comes up and asked me to sign his birthday card....that he bought for himself for his 75th b-day...felt kinda bad for the guy..so, I signed it, and bought him a beer and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox for him, at which time, he promptly starts crying and won't stop thanking me and shaking my hand....then I just felt horrible for the old guy, realizing that his only "friends" were those of us he see's at the bar once or twice a week. So, happy birthday Oscar Jenkins and happy birthday Jerry Preece...

/be nice to old people....nobody want's to die alone

Be happy you made this guy's b-day a good one.  It's a csb.


you are a good man, sir
 
2013-01-23 05:02:59 PM
Replace the word "stove" with "hot plate" and it's even sadder
 
2013-01-23 05:04:10 PM
So glad I stumbled home tipsy tonight after a great meal of Spanish tapas with friends instead of being like this guy.  I'm also ~50 years shy of his age, but still.

/Jan 23 is the best birthday ever by American date writing, as in 1/23
// December 3 is also acceptable
 
2013-01-23 05:07:51 PM

rev. dave: I will be celebrating my birthday alone tomorrow and no macaroni for me.


RexTalionis: He's not the only one celebrating his birthday alone today.


Happy Birthday, guys. I'm sorry that there's nobody around but virtual friends to bring you a cake.

My birthday was my first one "alone", but my kids demanded to be brought over, then I went to work (brought cupcakes), went to band, and went to the pub.

I bought most of my own presents. They were great.
 
2013-01-23 05:08:05 PM

BarefootInTheFark: ITGreen: That shiat is like the first few minutes of Up.

So right. I loved that movie, but the first couple minutes make me want to get drunk.


Saddest kids movie ever, and it just keeps getting worse as it goes on.
 
2013-01-23 05:10:03 PM

AirForceVet: I represent that sentence. :-(


I hear you. For my 30th this past summer, I went to work. Then I went home.
 
2013-01-23 05:11:27 PM
I'm Having A Birthday Party and You're Invited!
No Cake - No Ice Cream - No Booze - No Music
But I'm Burning Some Mac and Cheese
RSVP
 
2013-01-23 05:11:38 PM

blatz514: abhorrent1: chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox

Who the hell has that on a jukebox?

I hear the Beatles are pretty popular.


Count me as one who can't stand The Beatles' "Happy Birthday."
 
2013-01-23 05:11:43 PM

AirForceVet: I represent that sentence. :-(


Happy Birthday from a fellow Vet!
 
2013-01-23 05:13:18 PM

oldfarthenry: whidbey: oldfarthenry: We call it Kraft dinner up here - and I think it's made of asbestos from Quebec so how can it burn?

Why do you call that up there?

Kraft makes a lot more than just mac and cheese...

Kraft printed "Kraft Dinner" on the packaging.


That, and there's not legally enough cheese in it to label it as such for Canada.
 
2013-01-23 05:14:56 PM

Pawprint: blatz514: abhorrent1: chevydeuce: and then played Happy Birthday on the jukebox

Who the hell has that on a jukebox?

I hear the Beatles are pretty popular.

Count me as one who can't stand The Beatles' "Happy Birthday."


Never said I liked the song, just was mentioning that most jukeboxes have it.
 
2013-01-23 05:15:12 PM
I was alone for my last birthday. So I went to Target and bought a couple hundred bucks' worth of kids toys and clothes and wrapped and brought them to a local Catholic charity that gives kids with cancer birthday presents. It made me forget all about my sad stupidity and was probably my best birthday ever. It's all about how you approach it.
 
2013-01-23 05:15:32 PM
That whole page is filled with sad.

And then there's this:

Police: Michael Smeriglio accidentally shoots off his penis and testicle

First line: "A teenager is recovering after police say he shot himself in the penis and testicle while cleaning a gun he just bought."

The picture is golden:
www.wtsp.com
 
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