Wow. Subby ain't lying. Best one in a while.

Might as well get this out of the way.

Oh, and #5 likes it rough.

These roundup photos are proof to me that Darwin still didn't get it quite right.

I was great until crazy pirate Robin Williams at the end there. Hooooooly shiat.

Just gonna remind people of this:

<i>BUSTED

Being a journalist, I go to other places sometimes on assignment. This time, I take my friend Megan with me. It's Pitchfork and Exxxotica, which is pretty good for a laugh. I promise her I'm going to be fun, but I end up not being fun at all. Before we left, I start getting a number of messages. Not only is my mugshot featured in Busted, an exploitation piece of shiat that takes peoples' mugshots and compiles them all into a cheap, shiatty, paper magazine sold in gas stations and liquor stores - it's on the front page. And it's not a great picture of me, and it's not interesting compared to all the crackheads that grace the pages, but it's the featured one. Right on the front. We pick up a copy on our way out of town and she and I both agree on one thing: "Who reads that shiat rag anyhow?" But it turns out a lot of people do. And they will take it to the bar and show it around and then deny it was them like a pussy when you KNOW it was them. They will be ambiguous and try to vicariously live through you as the authority on your life. They will have the nerve to tell you, "We all just wanted to know what happened!" but somehow they never think to stop showing it to people, never consider how it might impact your job and future opportunities, and just CALL you or text you. No, that would be what a person with tact would do, and these are people who don't care if you're okay, only what happened, only what is interesting to talk about in public.

But that's not enough. People post it on their own Facebooks and say, "What's going on?" They post it on yours. They tell your staff that their boss is in trouble. Someone even sends me a message saying they went to the 7/11 at 3 a.m. to get a copy. Some people want to frame it. A memorabilia shrine dedicated to your humiliation. And it's July 11. So everyone is going to 7/11 for a free Slurpie. The messages do not stop. The texts do not stop. Everyone asking if I knew about it, as though somehow I forgot that I had been arrested.

That's not enough either. It makes The Smoking Gun's 16 mugshots of the week, so it makes the Fark Photoshop contest. And people leave comments like, "Have her washed and sent to my chamber," and talk about how you look like Audrey Horne in Twin Peaks and Kristen Stewart, or how your eyes look crooked. They're all so clever. I don't really look like that photo. Mugshots never make you look amazing, I suppose.

I research this a bit and find out that there are websites that will display your mugshot online until the Apocalypse. It will be one of the first things people find when they Google you. Your mugshot is taken when you are arrested. Your charge may change or your case may be dismissed, but the mugshot only applies to what you were brought in on when they booked you. So, the mugshot is not accurate. The disclaimer that all people are innocent until proven guilty means nothing to the voyeurs who give a fark about mugshots.

If you want your mugshot removed, you can pay someone to have it done. It's $100 to have mine removed, I find. There are some cases where the company who collects the mugshots will send letters to your neighbors with your photo and charge if you do not pay them. This is blatant extortion, but all considered legal in areas where mugshots are released. I suppose someone might argue it is for the public good, but I don't feel any safer knowing who on my block got a DUI or got caught with a joint or had less than an eighth of mushrooms in a drawer somewhere. I feel disgusted by this kind of invasion of privacy. And I always have. In 2009, I wrote a song about how the magazine was bullshiat, after a few of my friends showed up in it. It was on my band's first record. One of my friends lost her job. The other was too humiliated to go out in public. We went to a Blockbuster to get some films to stay in and watch together, and a woman there came up to him and asked him about his photo in Busted. We were only outside for 15 minutes that day. 15 farking minutes.

It gets worse. Certain mugshot sites will let you choose to browse by race, or find women who are "cokewhores."

And one of our local radio stations, WGRD, has "Busted Hottie of the Month," where they choose the most attractive of the mugshots. And the comments are, of course, exactly as you can imagine. Do enough Googling, you can find out where this hottie lives. Maybe stop by and say hello. What's her privacy to you? She's a criminal. And she probably knows how to party.</i>

I think it's time FARK grows up a little and gets beyond the mugshot roundup stuff.

zez: <img src="http://i.cdn.turner.com/dr/teg/tsg/release/sites/default/files/im agecache/750x970/documents/7_123.jpg">

There can be only one!
I give up

Why am I having such a hard time posting a pic?

Hit the Raw HTML button.

/I'm sorry, I promise I'm done