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(The Register)   "'Engineers are cold and dead inside,' research shows, 'Unable to care or love'" In other news, trolling for web-hits is easy   (theregister.co.uk) divider line 74
    More: Obvious, surveying, School of Engineering, computer engineering, trolls  
•       •       •

11382 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Jan 2013 at 3:29 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-01-21 03:41:10 PM  
9 votes:
img401.imageshack.us
Nothing like perpetuating the stereotype.
2013-01-21 03:31:41 PM  
9 votes:
As a former Civil Engineer, I would like to refute the headline/

I'd like to, but I can't.

/so lonely
2013-01-21 03:31:27 PM  
9 votes:
mechanical engineer - 63.2% dead inside
2013-01-21 03:37:07 PM  
6 votes:
dilbert.com
2013-01-21 06:46:29 PM  
4 votes:
Article is total nonsense. I'm an engineer and i'm not cold or unable to love. I have simply made some remarkable improvements to my thermal efficiencies and introduced some dampening feedback to my emotional responses for improved stability and concentration.
2013-01-21 04:40:09 PM  
4 votes:
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes that he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me. Can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says, "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude.

"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am", replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well..." says the balloonist. "Everything you told be was technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says, "You must be a Manager"

"I am", replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well..." says the man. "You don't know where you are, or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met but now it is somehow
my fault."

/Not an engineer, even if my job title says so
//Stupid BLS job descriptions
2013-01-21 04:31:51 PM  
4 votes:
Another joke:

An engineer, a priest and a surgeon are playing golf one day, but they keep getting held up by a slow group ahead of them. Frustrated, they ask their caddie what's the problem with the slow group. The caddie explains, "Those are firefighters who lost their eyesight while saving orphans from a fire!".

Feeling chagrinned about his impatience, the priest says, "Oh, that's terrible, I'll pray for them." Not to be out done, the surgeon chimes in "I'll donate some time and see if we can repair their eyes."

Then, the engineer asks:
"If they're blind, why can't they play at night?"
2013-01-21 04:07:04 PM  
4 votes:
Engineers = cold and dead inside
Trick cyclists = 1000 BTU/lb, 85% moisture, 5% ash.
Clearly we need to add more trick cyclists to the fires.
2013-01-21 04:04:30 PM  
4 votes:

SpectroBoy: catusr: mechanical engineer

Mayhem_2006: As a former Civil Engineer,


You know the difference between a mechanical engineer and a civil engineer?


Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets!
/ tip your waitress


That is one of the first engineering jokes I ever heard. Wanna hear my favorite? ...too bad.

An engineer was talking to his buddy one day about a strange event that had happened to him.

"Man, it was bizarre. This amazingly beautiful woman rode up to me on a bicycle, threw it on the ground, tore off all her clothes and told me, 'Take what you want.' "

"So that's where you got that snazzy new bike from. Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit anyway."

Another great one:

Three engineering students were debating the existence and nature of the Almighty.

The first student, an electrical engineering major, argued that God must be an electrical engineer. "Just look at the human nervous system. The circuitry and neural pathways are astounding in their complexity and detail."

The second student, a mechanical engineering major, insisted that God was, in fact, a mechanical engineer. "Look at the human musculoskeletal system. Joints, loadbearing members, muscles pushing and pulling in perfect synchronization. It's poetry in motion."

The third student simply shook his head at the other two. "God is a Civil Engineer. Period."

"How do you know?" the pair asked.

"Who else would route a waste disposal pipeline through a recreational area?"

/Tip your veal, try the waitress.
//Mechanical Engineer, happily married.
///Still sometimes question my own sanity...I do think that engineers have a lower-than-average empathy score...we are just not people-person's by nature.
//Don't think that makes me "dead inside..."
/Unnecessary slashie to complete the pattern!
2013-01-21 03:37:10 PM  
4 votes:
I think what eroded my empathy more than anything was hearing business majors biatch that they couldn't get drunk on a Tuesday night because their "business calculus" class was to hard.

/chemical engineer
gja [TotalFark]
2013-01-21 04:07:52 PM  
3 votes:
"You ever see an engineer's eyes? They have lifeless eyes,like a doll's eyes. Until they delete all your work, and the eyes roll over. Then there's the horrible scream,and the systems all crash. And despite all the pounding and hollering, all the engineers come in, and laugh at your pain."

encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
2013-01-21 03:50:32 PM  
3 votes:
What a wonderful thread - it allows me to tag all of the other engineers.


/like animals
2013-01-21 03:43:18 PM  
3 votes:
confessionsofacurlymind.files.wordpress.com

But I thought they enjoyed gift-giving.
2013-01-21 03:40:25 PM  
3 votes:
I'm a sanitation engineer and I love you all.
2013-01-21 03:36:33 PM  
3 votes:
Architectural Engineer, and I only love my wife and daughter. Everyone else will make nice lubricant for the gears of my machines of war someday.
2013-01-21 03:34:18 PM  
3 votes:
I like machines better than people anyway.
2013-01-21 03:32:37 PM  
3 votes:
Like I give 0.465 cubic millimetres of sh*t what their survey says!
2013-01-21 08:19:28 PM  
2 votes:
I'm a mechanical engineer. I enjoy long walks on the beach, scratching trigonometric proofs into the sand with a large stick. I treasure the intimate conversations I hold with my computer, tossing my head back in laughter at the unexpected page fault error. And if it's warmth you're looking for, there's no one better at calculating thermal flux densities. So don't call me cold and insensitive, you four function math performing motherfarkers!
2013-01-21 04:47:55 PM  
2 votes:

contrapunctus: [wiki.teamfortress.com image 250x336]

Approves.


i.imgur.com

Approves even more.
2013-01-21 04:43:08 PM  
2 votes:
In the old days, if anything went wrong during an execution, it was taken as an omen that the accused was truly innocent, and he would be set free. And so it was that one day, a surgeon, a banker, and an engineer were brought to the town square to be guillotined.

The surgeon is led to the platform and strapped into the guillotine, and the switch is thrown... and the blade stops an inch from his neck. Taken aback by this clear sign from above, the executioner lets him go. Then the banker is led to the platform and strapped into the guillotine, and the switch is thrown... and the blade stops an inch from his neck. The executioner is weeping at this double miracle he has witnessed, but lets the banker go. Then the engineer is led from to the platform and strapped into the guillotine, and he cranes his neck around and says to the executioner "Hey, I think I see where the problem is..."
2013-01-21 04:19:51 PM  
2 votes:
There are a lot of engineers on Fark. I never realized there were so many trains out there to drive.
2013-01-21 04:06:07 PM  
2 votes:

oldfarthenry: Mrs. Henry HATES it when I put my calculator on her back to determine the thrusts required to get the job done.


She expects you to be able to do the math in your head.  She is just upset that she married one of the slow engineers. :P
2013-01-21 04:04:28 PM  
2 votes:

littlett's: They just need somebody to love them.

Well and have sex with them.


Mrs. Henry HATES it when I put my calculator on her back to determine the thrusts required to get the job done.
2013-01-21 03:46:39 PM  
2 votes:
wiki.teamfortress.com

Approves.
2013-01-21 03:44:17 PM  
2 votes:
fool me once, shame on you
fool me twice, deltree
2013-01-21 03:40:30 PM  
2 votes:
I think we could remedy this inhumanity by donning unitards and skipping through the cube-farm whilst throwing rose petals over our shoulders.
What say thee, fellow office drones?
2013-01-21 03:39:47 PM  
2 votes:
I know quite a few engineers, and while I wouldn't say they are dead inside, I will say that it's fun to wind them up. And easy.
2013-01-21 03:38:33 PM  
2 votes:
Because when I want well researched psychological analysis, I go to a trick cyclist.
2013-01-21 03:38:30 PM  
2 votes:
IT'S JUST A LOVE YOU CAN'T BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND, MAN

imgs.xkcd.com

imgs.xkcd.com
2013-01-21 03:37:56 PM  
2 votes:
Civil engineer here. Don't care what you guys think.
2013-01-21 03:36:38 PM  
2 votes:
I'm a mech engineer and I strongly suspect that I am schizoid, so this seems rational to me.
2013-01-21 03:33:40 PM  
2 votes:
FTA: The computing students, once gender effects had been eliminated, actually came out basically the same as medical and caring types: they had turned out to be normal, warm, caring human beings. It was in fact the physics-based classical engineers who were dead inside.

I can't really vouch for that, having met everything from normal, warm, caring developers to cold, dead, purely rational developers. Tech writers are fantastic folks, while the UI folks are a little too "touchy-feely" for me. And, as usual, PMs vary from friendly lying snakes to unfriendly lying snakes.

They're nothing compared to the IT admins, though. Friggin' sadistic sociopaths.

/I keed, I keed.
2013-01-21 03:16:29 PM  
2 votes:
"The computing students, once gender effects had been eliminated, actually came out basically the same as medical and caring types: they had turned out to be normal, warm, caring human beings. It was in fact the physics-based classical engineers who were dead inside. "
heh.
/computer engineer
/dead inside, mostly
2013-01-22 07:21:00 PM  
1 votes:

BigNumber12: You should do more research before you post, or stick to subjects that you understand. I'll give you a pass this time because you love Idiocracy so much.


i was afraid to look, but yep:

Agricultural
Architectural
Chemical
Civil: Construction (with design standards for 2013)
Civil: Geotechnical
Civil: Structural (with design standards for 2013)
Civil: Transportation (with design standards for 2013)
Civil: Water Resources and Environmental
Control Systems
Electrical and Computer: Computer Engineering
Electrical and Computer: Electrical and Electronics
Electrical and Computer: Power
Environmental
Fire Protection
Industrial (specifications for April 2013 exam) Beginning in 2013, the PE Industrial exam will be given in the spring. October 2012 was the last fall administration for the exam. See the news release for more information.
Mechanical: HVAC and Refrigeration
Mechanical: Mechanical Systems and Materials
Mechanical: Thermal and Fluids Systems
Metallurgical and Materials
Mining and Mineral Processing
Naval Architecture and Marine
Nuclear
Petroleum
Software (specifications for April 2013 exam) Administration of this new exam will begin in April 2013. See the news release for more information.
Structural

you are correct, and look here kids Software made the list :D, wrong again IDW code monkies ARE engineers LULZ

next on the docket:

Sanitation
Locomotive
Landscape
Brawndo
OwMyBalls

LOLZ lulz lulz lulz

i like money
2013-01-22 11:41:44 AM  
1 votes:

catusr: mechanical engineer - 63.2% dead inside


Where can I buy this on a Tshirt?
2013-01-21 11:16:58 PM  
1 votes:
A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brains.
Upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. Engineer's brains sell for $1.50 per pound. He noticed with alarm that architect's brains sells for $10 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between the similar meats.
The owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "Do you realize how many architects it takes to get a pound of brains?"
2013-01-21 10:04:35 PM  
1 votes:
Hubby and I are both engineers (Civil and Mechanical).

During our scheduled sexual encounters, there is a collapse of space-time with a gravitational field so intense that emotion traveling less than the speed of light is unable to escape.

I imagine other humans feel this so called "empathy" for our emotionally starved offspring.
2013-01-21 08:43:42 PM  
1 votes:
Nuclear engineer
cdn.thegrindstone.com
2013-01-21 07:55:48 PM  
1 votes:
The Science graduate asks, "Why does it work?"
The Engineering graduate asks, "How does it work?"
The Accounting graduate asks, "How much will it cost?"
The Liberal Arts graduate asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

/The Computer Science graduate asks "You want it done by when ???"
2013-01-21 07:48:52 PM  
1 votes:

mark12A: Born and hard wired to be an engineer.

Mechanical engineer. BS, MS Drexel University

73.4% dead inside.

Works for the Navy, keeping the War Machines running smoothly.

Never married.

Aerobatic pilot, SCUBA diver, skier, anti-social bicyclist

Serious equestrian and Foxhunter.

To put it gently, people are my least favorite animals.

/terrorist if it becomes necessary


You too?!

Father was an EE; Drexel INSTITUTE of Technology, 1969

Cousin: Arch and Civie Engineer (we call him the slow one), Drexel University 2002

Me: Chemical Engineer; 2007, Drexel University.

Only 65.4% Dead inside, selling your soul to the oil and gas industry helps erase some of the deadness because of all the god damn fun I get to have...

"wait, so you're telling me, that you're giving me a multi-million dollar, several thousand barrel a day processing unit to play with?! and you're paying me?! YOU! Turn that valve.... :operator: Why?! :me: "just cause I can see what happens"

/bauhahahahahaha
2013-01-21 07:23:25 PM  
1 votes:

Pointy Tail of Satan: Funny but true in my case. Someone talking about "the weather" or their visit to the store is like nails on a chalkboard to me. And good luck finding a babe who wants to talk about neutron flux density or Wigner energy.


Crap. Me too. My wife will blather on about her day and all the utterly insignificant things that happened to her and how they made her feel. I have to sit there nodding my head like an idiot and pretend to care; beneath the surface, I'm screaming in pain and slowly dying from the soul-crushing mediocrity.
2013-01-21 06:44:06 PM  
1 votes:
All professions can be explained in terms of 'Star Trek.'

Engineers come in three flavors, Scotty, Geordi and Data. The Data ones are the best at sheer technical prowess, but the worst at dealing with others.

Doctors come in three flavors, Dr. Crusher, Dr. McCoy and Dr. Bashir. Bashirs are a little arrogant, Crushers have the best bedside manner, and McCoys typically wind up being the surgeons.

I.T. professionals are either Klingons, Cardassians or Trill. If your I.T. person is the kind of person who will irritatedly shove you out of the way, fix it without telling you how and then head back to the office, that's the Klingon variety. The Cardassian variety will block or disable stuff if you mess it up and takes great glee in having authority. And the Trill, being a joined species, is typically a person who started in I.T. but has another skillset, and is thus markedly more chill and fun at parties.

The receptionists, who seem to always be female, are also always Betazeds. Ever notice how a pudgy, middle-aged lady whose skillset includes phones, faxes, copies and typing somehow always knows everything that's going on with a staff of engineers, doctors and I.T.? It's because she's the team mom and everyone brings their problems to her, much like Counselor Troi. Same goes for the tendency of some younger receptionists to be quite busty.

And Human Resources are all Borg. No exceptions.
2013-01-21 06:11:26 PM  
1 votes:
So...

An engineer, a scientist, and a mathematician are riding on a train through Scotland. Out the window, on the hillside, they see a black sheep. The engineer says "I guess the sheep in Scotland are black!". The scientist scowls and smugly corrects him; "All we know at this point is that SOME sheep in Scotland are black."

Finally the mathematician can stand no more and says; "All we REALLY know is that at least one sheep in Scotland is black on at least one side at least some of the time.


/ Tip your sheep and shave your waitress
2013-01-21 05:29:46 PM  
1 votes:

brantgoose: ....


I'm not sure if self-aggrandizing or desperation are the better terms for what I am reading here.
2013-01-21 05:25:38 PM  
1 votes:

BokChoy: Clearly we need to ban engineering.


Our educational system has already taken care of it.
2013-01-21 05:14:50 PM  
1 votes:
Pfft, English. When am I ever going to England?
2013-01-21 04:43:45 PM  
1 votes:
t2.gstatic.com
2013-01-21 04:42:35 PM  
1 votes:

Private_Citizen: Another joke:

An engineer, a priest and a surgeon are playing golf one day, but they keep getting held up by a slow group ahead of them. Frustrated, they ask their caddie what's the problem with the slow group. The caddie explains, "Those are firefighters who lost their eyesight while saving orphans from a fire!".

Feeling chagrinned about his impatience, the priest says, "Oh, that's terrible, I'll pray for them." Not to be out done, the surgeon chimes in "I'll donate some time and see if we can repair their eyes."

Then, the engineer asks:
"If they're blind, why can't they play at night?"


Yeah...love that one.

Three friends were reminiscing about their love-lives, and whether it was better to have a wife, or a lover.

The first, a lawyer, expressed his love and appreciation for his wife. "She is the mother of my children, and we have made a fine place for ourselves as cornerstones of our community. I couldn't be where I am in life without her."

The second, an artist, insisted that his mistresses were preferable. "They keep me young, and vital. They are my muses, and my inspiration. My art would be much the poorer without my mistresses."

The third, an engineer simply said this. "I have both."

His two friends looked incredulously at him. "Why would you do that? What reason could you have for insisting on both?"

"Well, each one naturally assumes that I am with the other, which leaves me free to go to the lab and get some real work done."
2013-01-21 04:37:54 PM  
1 votes:

Private_Citizen: Another joke:

An engineer, a priest and a surgeon are playing golf one day, but they keep getting held up by a slow group ahead of them. Frustrated, they ask their caddie what's the problem with the slow group. The caddie explains, "Those are firefighters who lost their eyesight while saving orphans from a fire!".

Feeling chagrinned about his impatience, the priest says, "Oh, that's terrible, I'll pray for them." Not to be out done, the surgeon chimes in "I'll donate some time and see if we can repair their eyes."

Then, the engineer asks:
"If they're blind, why can't they play at night?"


Optimist = The glass is half full
Pessimist = The glass is half empty
Engineer = The glass is too big
2013-01-21 04:27:06 PM  
1 votes:
"I solve problems. Not problems like 'what is beauty', because that would fall under the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems."
--Engineer, TF2
2013-01-21 04:23:46 PM  
1 votes:

SovietCanuckistan: There are a lot of engineers on Fark. I never realized there were so many trains out there to drive.


How do you think we find so much time to post? I mean, it's not like we have to steer them.
2013-01-21 04:18:24 PM  
1 votes:
Here's a joke to add to the mix:

An engineer works in a factory, keeping the machines running. After many years, he retires. A few weeks later, one of the key machines breaks, and no one can figure out how to repair it. In desparation, they ask the retired engineer to consult. He comes in, takes a look, marks a part with chalk and tells the "replace that part and it'll work." They replace the part and all is well - until the engineer's bill arrives - for $50K!!

Outraged, the company asks for an invoice, so the engineer sends this:
$1 for chalk to mark with
$49,999 for knowing where to put the mark.
2013-01-21 04:16:50 PM  
1 votes:

WhippingBoy: slapmastered: *PHEW* God, I thought I was the only one who had that problem with their wife.

No, I also have a problem with your wife. WTF is up with her reluctance to do anal?


I dunno. I've asked and begged and cajoled, but she just won't budge on that one. If you ever get her into it, I'll owe you a beer.
2013-01-21 04:14:12 PM  
1 votes:

oldfarthenry: littlett's: oldfarthenry: Mrs. Henry HATES it when I put my calculator on her back to determine the thrusts required to get the job done.

She expects you to be able to do the math in your head.  She is just upset that she married one of the slow engineers. :P

A good engineer NEVER does math in his/her head. We don't even trust our own brains.


This is so true. I use three calculators from different manufacturers, then verify the results in Excel. Finally my intern confirms that both our eyes are reading the same numbers, before I commit to an answer. After that I round to the nearest round number, because you know... I'm an engineer, not a goddamn scientist.
2013-01-21 04:04:08 PM  
1 votes:

CheapEngineer: WhippingBoy: Do they mean real engineers? (e.g. those with bona-fide engineering degrees?) Or those useless douche-nozzles who use the term "engineer" loosely because it makes them seem more accomplished than they actually are? I farking hate those tourist bastards.

\EE degree, ya happy now?


Yeah, we're cool.
2013-01-21 04:02:42 PM  
1 votes:
Fiancee and I are both engineers. At least we're dead inside together.
2013-01-21 04:01:02 PM  
1 votes:
They just need somebody to love them.

Well and have sex with them.
2013-01-21 04:00:29 PM  
1 votes:
(runs into the room)

DID I MISS ANYTHING?

\Broadcast Engineer
\\transmitters to toilets and everything inbetween
2013-01-21 03:59:21 PM  
1 votes:
Do they mean real engineers? (e.g. those with bona-fide engineering degrees?) Or those useless douche-nozzles who use the term "engineer" loosely because it makes them seem more accomplished than they actually are? I farking hate those tourist bastards.
2013-01-21 03:56:42 PM  
1 votes:
Well this explains Fark.
2013-01-21 03:53:49 PM  
1 votes:

oldfarthenry:

That's because we have to work with those marketing people:


www.carolroth.com
We need to co-leverage our brand loyalties and deploy our solutions to the demographic segment. Let's take this offline later if you have the bandwidth.
2013-01-21 03:49:12 PM  
1 votes:

ProfessorOhki: That's not entirely true; some engineers remain quite capable of anger.


That's because we have to work with those marketing people:
i1151.photobucket.com
YES - WE RERAN THE SOFTWARE MODEL WITH THE INCREASED ENVIRONMENTAL CRITERIA!!
WE EVEN FACTORED IN A LAYER OF PIGEON SH*T ON THE STRUCTURE!!!
2013-01-21 03:46:55 PM  
1 votes:

Ethertap: I think what eroded my empathy more than anything was hearing business majors biatch that they couldn't get drunk on a Tuesday night because their "business calculus" class was to hard.

/chemical engineer


Ever notice how most engineering stereotypes are true :)
2013-01-21 03:45:03 PM  
1 votes:
Trollin from a pro Linux site
/More likely than you think
2013-01-21 03:42:59 PM  
1 votes:
I'm an electrical engineer; the headline is accurate.

The fact that other people besides me live on this planet fills me with a quiet rage.
2013-01-21 03:42:46 PM  
1 votes:
Are they implying "computer engineers" are software developers? That's not quite right - computer engineering (at least in Canada) is a weird mix of electrical engineering and software development.

As someone with a computer engineering degree, I find offense at the implication that I feel empathy.
2013-01-21 03:41:44 PM  
1 votes:

Champion of the Sun: I'm a sanitation engineer and I love you all.


Throwing out a bag full of broken glass, cuz fark you happy happerton.
2013-01-21 03:41:22 PM  
1 votes:
And then when no one is watching, the people in medicine acted like total dicks and the engineers went back to giggling at videos of kittens.

Actually, a lot of people that apparently come across as warm, empathetic, and friendly to most seem terribly fake to me. They're all big smiles and "Hi! I'm a friendly happy person! I'm lovable! You should love me!" to which I respond "No," like that grumpy cat.
2013-01-21 03:36:55 PM  
1 votes:
Who cares? It's not like we normals ever need to interact with engineers. Keep them in their cages with their bottles of Mountain Dew and just ignore them.
2013-01-21 03:36:09 PM  
1 votes:

FormlessOne: They're nothing compared to the IT admins, though. Friggin' sadistic sociopaths.

/I keed, I keed.



It's a coping strategy...

The more I make you hate coming to me, the less frequent my interruptions.
2013-01-21 03:33:23 PM  
1 votes:
Clearly we need to ban engineering.
2013-01-21 03:32:29 PM  
1 votes:
Finance major - Braindead inside
2013-01-21 03:32:23 PM  
1 votes:
Unable to care or love, claims Swedish trick-cyclist

At least engineers pay attention to stop signs. Bicyclists are always complaining aren't they?
2013-01-21 03:31:56 PM  
1 votes:
Are we posting troll articles that try to find a non-existent causal relationship between your career and your personal worth again? Good, please carry on.
 
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