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(Cracked)   4 reasons Spider-Man is secretly bad at his job (besides the fact that his brain is currently taken over by Doc Ock)   (cracked.com) divider line 49
    More: Obvious, Spider-Man, Reasons Spider, Doc Ock  
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6301 clicks; posted to Geek » on 21 Jan 2013 at 3:31 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-21 03:50:28 PM
I'm not one to dump on Cracked lists, but Cracked videos should not exist. That was awful.
 
2013-01-21 03:50:36 PM
i.qkme.me
 
2013-01-21 03:55:02 PM
I'm too cool for video links, but was one of the reasons Spider-Man is bad at his job the fact that most of New York City doesn't have the skyscraper infrastructure necessary for his preferred mode of travel? And that even in an infinite grid of infinitely tall buildings, the physics of pendula mean that his forward velocity is going to max out at about 35 mph?

Spider-Man's a decent hero once he gets on the scene, which means that if he wants to be serious about his heroism, he should quit his job as a photographer and work as a bike messenger.
 
2013-01-21 04:02:37 PM
These people are freaking awful.
 
2013-01-21 04:11:24 PM
Again?

www.samruby.com
 
2013-01-21 04:13:09 PM
Worst. Comic. Ever.
 
2013-01-21 04:14:58 PM
This pretty much sums up my feelings about that web series.

i45.tinypic.com
 
2013-01-21 04:17:15 PM

burndtdan: I'm not one to dump on Cracked lists, but Cracked videos should not exist. That was awful.


It's actually one of the better series on the site. The problem is that it's a series, so linking a random video in the middle of a later season is going to be complete gibberish to anyone who doesn't watch it in a regular basis. It's not really all that episodic, there are (perhaps strangely) running plotlines and character arcs and such going on.

Especially _this_ episode, which was entirely based on running with an in-joke from previous episodes.
 
2013-01-21 04:23:24 PM
I freaking love after hours so I can't wait to see this when I get home tonight.

The batman episode was the best
 
2013-01-21 04:27:32 PM
I see they rebranded farktv
 
2013-01-21 04:37:11 PM
cracked video, with sweat and dead man's balls
 
2013-01-21 04:40:26 PM
I find his use of a hyphen in his name pretentious and poseurish.
 
2013-01-21 05:05:02 PM
You can't blame Spidey too much... Lil' Petey was never the same after Skip Westcott made Pete scream real loud at his ass...

yourfriendandy.files.wordpress.com

/the real ending to this story was that Uncle Ben secretly bore the shame of Pete being gay molested, and eventually begged a random passerby to shoot him and pretend it was a robbery gone bad to escape the anguish of knowing his nephew had had webbing shot in his anus instead of from it.
 
2013-01-21 05:27:57 PM
lolbot.net
 
2013-01-21 05:51:06 PM
"What's the lesson here?"

"Tobey MacGuire + Emo = K.D. Lang?"

Truer words.
 
2013-01-21 06:13:52 PM

FirstNationalBastard: You can't blame Spidey too much... Lil' Petey was never the same after Skip Westcott made Pete scream real loud at his ass...

[yourfriendandy.files.wordpress.com image 460x689]

/the real ending to this story was that Uncle Ben secretly bore the shame of Pete being gay molested, and eventually begged a random passerby to shoot him and pretend it was a robbery gone bad to escape the anguish of knowing his nephew had had webbing shot in his anus instead of from it.


WTF? Why would you even...

Satanic_Hamster: [lolbot.net image 527x166]


Oh.
 
2013-01-21 06:34:58 PM

TwistedFark: This pretty much sums up my feelings about that web series.

[i45.tinypic.com image 328x312]


i.crackedcdn.com
I think she is hot...
 
2013-01-21 07:05:01 PM
<b><a href="http://www.fark.com/comments/7547680/82032455#c82032455" target="_blank">semiotix</a>:</b> <i>And that even in an infinite grid of infinitely tall buildings, the physics of pendula mean that his forward velocity is going to max out at about 35 mph?</i>

Given the traffic in NYC, a consistent speed of 35 mph isn't too bad if he can maintain it.

/no idea on the actual physics involved.
 
2013-01-21 07:08:01 PM
<b><a href="http://www.fark.com/comments/7547680/82032455#c82032455" target="_blank">semiotix</a>:</b> <i>I'm too cool for video links, but was one of the reasons Spider-Man is bad at his job the fact that most of New York City doesn't have the skyscraper infrastructure necessary for his preferred mode of travel? And that even in an infinite grid of infinitely tall buildings, the physics of pendula mean that his forward velocity is going to max out at about 35 mph?

Spider-Man's a decent hero once he gets on the scene, which means that if he wants to be serious about his heroism, he should quit his job as a photographer and work as a bike messenger.</i>

In theory, if he was propelling himself by web (as in, shoot web, stick, pull self along web) he would be shortening the pendulum and adding some extra initial force to it.

Because a comic book about radioactive spiders, men who stretch and set themselves on fire, giant ambulatory sentiant rocks, space symbiots, and men with OCTOPUS EXOSKELETON SUITS is clearly playing with real physics as is.
 
2013-01-21 07:33:29 PM
Actually, to be a big old Spidey nerd here, the point to the whole Octavius in Parker's brain/body thing is to point out that Peter Parker's one major problem is that he never completely applied himself to anything until his back was against the wall, and even then it was only enough to win the day.

Otto has access to Pete's memories, and he's both bewildered and disgusted by the fact that Parker could have done <i>so much</i> and chose to tone it down. He always held back, or didn't put forward all his intelligence and power.

Parker is still in his own brain, by the way. He is apparently functioning as Otto's subconscious, and he's doing a good job of keeping Otto on the straight-and-narrow, and learning from what Otto's doing in his time as Spider-Man.

Recently, Otto-Spidey kicked Wolverine's ass. He decided he was frustrated with Parker always letting Logan piss him off and treat him like an annoying kid, and he did something about it. Easily. As I've been saying all along, Spider-Man is a lot tougher than most people give him credit for. He is also a lot tougher than he allows himself to be. With his combination of intelligence and physical might, along with his skill at inventing cool gadgets and developing incredible strategies based on science, he could probably be a super-powered Batman to the Avengers' JLA if he really wanted to. Maybe that's what Otto's going for, here.

Which means I'm really looking forward to the moment when his contingency plans to deal with every active Avenger are revealed. I would be thrilled to see Spidey kick Thor's ass with good planning, gadgetry, and unique use of his powers. (If Batman can beat Superman, then Spider-Man can beat Thor. Right?)

<i>Spider-Man's a decent hero once he gets on the scene, which means that if he wants to be serious about his heroism, he should quit his job as a photographer and work as a bike messenger.</i>

He hasn't been a photographer for a long time now. Briefly, in recent years, he tried doing paparazzi photos but realized it was sleazy. Otherwise, he has been a science teacher, Tony Stark's lab assistant, and currently works for a major tech firm (Horizon Labs) as an inventor. He has invented many very lucrative and ingenious things, and uses the lab to make gadgets for his career as Spider-Man.

Jeez... The Daily Bugle is a blog now. JJJ is Mayor of New York. He sold the Bugle ages ago. Parker hasn't been associated with the Bugle for quite a while. Even before One More Day, he had been out of the photography game for several years.

<i>I'm too cool for video links, but was one of the reasons Spider-Man is bad at his job the fact that most of New York City doesn't have the skyscraper infrastructure necessary for his preferred mode of travel? And that even in an infinite grid of infinitely tall buildings, the physics of pendula mean that his forward velocity is going to max out at about 35 mph?</i>

1. He can leap from building to building when there's not enough height for web-slinging. Seriously, he can jump a long way.

2. You're forgetting that the webs have an elastic quality. They don't act like rope or cables. They act like very strong elastic strings that can add "snap" to his swing. He also leaps (see above) at the height of his swing, gaining altitude and distance before shooting another web line.

3. Have you ever tried to drive in Manhattan? Getting across the city even at 35 mph in a somewhat straight line is going to be WAY faster than maneuvering the crowded streets, waiting behind taxicabs, and avoiding all the construction and temporary street closings that prevent you from getting from Point A to Point B in a relatively decent amount of time. I'd say that at 35 mph in a straight light (over and around buildings) Spider-Man would easily beat a car capable of doing 100 mph if they both started at the same point on a typical day in NYC. The car would turn a corner and be stuck there for 10 minutes.

No, web-slinging not flight, but it's still pretty efficient considering his body's physical attributes. Ever seen a wolf spider jump? Picture that with a man who barely lands on the side of a building on his toes and fingertips before springing away faster than you can blink.

Anyway, you're picturing him swinging like Tarzan on vines, when really, it's more like he's catapulting himself across the city with on-demand slingshots.
 
2013-01-21 07:34:12 PM
Weird. HTML was enabled, yet my code is showing.

I'm so embarrassed!
 
2013-01-21 07:39:43 PM

SpdrJay: I find his use of a hyphen in his name pretentious and poseurish.


Batman or Bat-Man?
Spider-Man or Spiderman?
Superman or Super-Man?

Why not do it like Wonder Woman, Wonder Man, Power Man, or Power Girl? The would would be so different if it were Wonderwoman, Powerman, Wonderman, and Bigtitgirl.
 
2013-01-21 08:05:37 PM

ZeroCorpse: SpdrJay: I find his use of a hyphen in his name pretentious and poseurish.

Batman or Bat-Man?
Spider-Man or Spiderman?
Superman or Super-Man?

Why not do it like Wonder Woman, Wonder Man, Power Man, or Power Girl? The would would be so different if it were Wonderwoman, Powerman, Wonderman, and Bigtitgirl.


Mort Spiderman, Jewish accountant
 
2013-01-21 08:07:27 PM

roc6783: FirstNationalBastard: You can't blame Spidey too much... Lil' Petey was never the same after Skip Westcott made Pete scream real loud at his ass...

[yourfriendandy.files.wordpress.com image 460x689]

/the real ending to this story was that Uncle Ben secretly bore the shame of Pete being gay molested, and eventually begged a random passerby to shoot him and pretend it was a robbery gone bad to escape the anguish of knowing his nephew had had webbing shot in his anus instead of from it.

WTF? Why would you even...

Satanic_Hamster: [lolbot.net image 527x166]

Oh.


I hope you didn't get the impression that Skip Westcott raping Sad Sack Parker was photoshopped or something. It's as real as the time Bruce Banner got raped at the Y.M.C.A., or the time Dr. Light cornholed every female in the DC universe.
 
2013-01-21 08:44:42 PM
Two points from the video

-He did attempt to sell the web fluid, but the fact that it dissolves after an hour of exposure to air made it useless to most companies.
-Arguably, if Peter's loved ones were aware of their identity, what's to stop them from inadvertently blurting out his secrets if they were somehow compromised? Sure, they might be better prepared if one of Spidey's gallery of rogues were to go after them, but considering that they'd actually have better insight into how to defeat Spider-Man, telling them wouldn't help matters much.
 
2013-01-21 08:45:31 PM

kroonermanblack: Because a comic book about radioactive spiders, men who stretch and set themselves on fire, giant ambulatory sentiant rocks, space symbiots, and men with OCTOPUS EXOSKELETON SUITS is clearly playing with real physics as is.


Pendulum swings forward, pendulum swings back. Never a miscommunication. You can't explain that.

Supes: Given the traffic in NYC, a consistent speed of 35 mph isn't too bad if he can maintain it.

/no idea on the actual physics involved.


You stay in your own continuity, you Kryptonian freak.
 
2013-01-21 08:47:30 PM

ZeroCorpse: Actually, to be a big old Spidey nerd here, the point to the whole Octavius in Parker's brain/body thing is to point out that Peter Parker's one major problem is that he never completely applied himself to anything until his back was against the wall, and even then it was only enough to win the day.

Otto has access to Pete's memories, and he's both bewildered and disgusted by the fact that Parker could have done <i>so much</i> and chose to tone it down. He always held back, or didn't put forward all his intelligence and power.

Parker is still in his own brain, by the way. He is apparently functioning as Otto's subconscious, and he's doing a good job of keeping Otto on the straight-and-narrow, and learning from what Otto's doing in his time as Spider-Man.

Recently, Otto-Spidey kicked Wolverine's ass. He decided he was frustrated with Parker always letting Logan piss him off and treat him like an annoying kid, and he did something about it. Easily. As I've been saying all along, Spider-Man is a lot tougher than most people give him credit for. He is also a lot tougher than he allows himself to be. With his combination of intelligence and physical might, along with his skill at inventing cool gadgets and developing incredible strategies based on science, he could probably be a super-powered Batman to the Avengers' JLA if he really wanted to. Maybe that's what Otto's going for, here.

Which means I'm really looking forward to the moment when his contingency plans to deal with every active Avenger are revealed. I would be thrilled to see Spidey kick Thor's ass with good planning, gadgetry, and unique use of his powers. (If Batman can beat Superman, then Spider-Man can beat Thor. Right?)

<i>Spider-Man's a decent hero once he gets on the scene, which means that if he wants to be serious about his heroism, he should quit his job as a photographer and work as a bike messenger.</i>

He hasn't been a photographer for a long time now. Briefly, in rec ...


Actually, that point about Otto bringing him up to 'badass' speed is probably the sole point of the entire arc, to deliver a more 'modern' and 'edgy' spiderman, who realizes his full power potential etc.

Otto'll be gone in a few months, but Parker will be all 'Wow, I can do this' and such.
 
2013-01-21 09:11:01 PM

Fano: I hope you didn't get the impression that Skip Westcott raping Sad Sack Parker was photoshopped or something. It's as real as the time Bruce Banner got raped at the Y.M.C.A., or the time Dr. Light cornholed every female in the DC universe.


images.wikia.com
"That's my dad!"


(Yes, I know its a different Dr. Light. But I hear the name and, well...)
 
2013-01-21 09:14:16 PM

ZeroCorpse: He hasn't been a photographer for a long time now. Briefly...


www.reactionface.info

/I always figured he was Spider-Man (in his head) when he was in the suit and Peter Parker when he wasn't. Part of why the symbiote f*cked him up so effectively
 
2013-01-21 11:14:26 PM
cdn.leasticoulddo.com

I posted this one because it fits. SMBC did one about Superman being used as a power supply.

Spider Man is almost as bad as Aqua Man. All the characters in comics get endowed with super powers and use them to fight. You don't see things like Superman becoming a satellite repairman or a laser powered surgeon. CRFH might feature low rent art but at least they didn't become super heroes.
Batman's at least human. But I don't remember much about Wayne Industries or any foundations do much to improve inner city conditions through economic activity or sending out counselors to mediate between gangs. The Rotary Club has an initiative to stamp out polio, and that's helping more people than any vigilante super heroing.
 
2013-01-21 11:39:09 PM

wildcardjack: [cdn.leasticoulddo.com image 850x285]

I posted this one because it fits. SMBC did one about Superman being used as a power supply.

Spider Man is almost as bad as Aqua Man. All the characters in comics get endowed with super powers and use them to fight. You don't see things like Superman becoming a satellite repairman or a laser powered surgeon. CRFH might feature low rent art but at least they didn't become super heroes.
Batman's at least human. But I don't remember much about Wayne Industries or any foundations do much to improve inner city conditions through economic activity or sending out counselors to mediate between gangs. The Rotary Club has an initiative to stamp out polio, and that's helping more people than any vigilante super heroing.


One of the best things about Spider-man is that his powers don't necessarily lead to crime fighting, they are things you wish you could do in real life.

Let me explain: a lot of the mutants have the power of optic blasts, flinging fireballs, exploding shiat, disintegrating people in flashy ways, being really good with a gun with 15 barrels from the future, wielding an enchanted sword, etc.

But Parker has really fast reflexes, is pretty strong, HAS SPIDEY-SENSE, can stick to/walk on walls, can spin a web, any size. His webbing is mostly non-lethal, unless he forgets the laws of physics when trying to save someone. Mostly he can incapacitate villains with it.

I know people's power fantasies are different, but there are a million ways to improve your daily life with Parker's abilities that don't involve running around like Lobo or Deadpool beating everyone to a pulp or committing genocide. Sure, he has more difficulty outside of the big city where he can't virtually "fly," but by and large, Parker uses his powers to protect the people around him. And being that he is a New York City boy, that's not that much of a limitation.

Peter is pretty bad at his job, if only because he wishes so much he didn't have it.
 
2013-01-21 11:40:50 PM

ZeroCorpse: Recently, Otto-Spidey kicked Wolverine's ass. He decided he was frustrated with Parker always letting Logan piss him off and treat him like an annoying kid, and he did something about it. Easily.



Great. Yet another superhero gets retconned into being way the fark more powerful than ever before, and starts kicking ass all over the place, rendering his weaknesses pointless. We totally don't have enough comic book characters like that. *cough* superman *cough* batman *cough* wolverine *cough * greenlantern
 
2013-01-21 11:43:41 PM

Toquinha: Two points from the video

-He did attempt to sell the web fluid, but the fact that it dissolves after an hour of exposure to air made it useless to most companies.
-Arguably, if Peter's loved ones were aware of their identity, what's to stop them from inadvertently blurting out his secrets if they were somehow compromised? Sure, they might be better prepared if one of Spidey's gallery of rogues were to go after them, but considering that they'd actually have better insight into how to defeat Spider-Man, telling them wouldn't help matters much.


That one is still flawed, as apparently he didn't consider any use for a short acting super strong adhesive. Surely that would have uses in the medical field as dissolving sutures and the like. I mean, maybe he could be as rich as the inventor of the Post-it note, but certainly there would be a market for such a thing, if Parker got a spare minute to think. Then again, he's the guy that couldn't figure out how to make money as Spider-man since he couldn't cash a check without revealing his identity. I mean, super accountancy isn't one of his powers, but surely there are ways to establish a bank account for Spider-man, particularly in a world with lots of superheroes.
 
2013-01-21 11:56:29 PM

Fano: I mean, super accountancy isn't one of his powers,


Stealing that.
 
2013-01-22 12:23:05 AM

HotWingAgenda: ZeroCorpse: Recently, Otto-Spidey kicked Wolverine's ass. He decided he was frustrated with Parker always letting Logan piss him off and treat him like an annoying kid, and he did something about it. Easily.


Great. Yet another superhero gets retconned into being way the fark more powerful than ever before, and starts kicking ass all over the place, rendering his weaknesses pointless. We totally don't have enough comic book characters like that. *cough* superman *cough* batman *cough* wolverine *cough * greenlantern


That's not a retcon. Spidey kicked the asses of the entire team of Uncanny X-Men WAY way back in the original Secret Wars. He has ALWAYS been one of the toughest heroes out there, but always held back when dealing with people who could suffer grievous injury or death at his hands.

He also kicked the early Fantastic Four's butts until Reed's Baxter Building defenses evened the playing field and contained him. From the beginning there have been panels where other heroes say something to the effect of "His speed... Amazing!" or "He's stronger than he lets on!" or "I seriously underestimated Spider-Man." Captain America has called him "one of the greats" and Wolverine has always respected Parker, even as he considered him too tame and annoying.

No, Spider-Man isn't usually going to take on Thor and win with his powers alone, but he has consistently beaten very powerful foes (Hulk, Juggernaut, etc.), or WHOLE TEAMS of powerful foes, from day one onward. He has been kicking the Sinister Six's asses since 1964, and that's a team made up of (at varying times) Doc Ock (genius, super-strong tentacles), Rhino (superhuman strength, endurance, and durability), Scorpion (super-strong and fast with the ability to deliver a deadly sting or cut steel with his hands), Electro (controls electricity, shoots electrical bolts, can affect electronic devices), Mysterio (gadget genius with many illusions, robots, and other attacks), Kraven (superhuman strength, speed, reflexes and senses. Superior combat abilities), Chameleon (super-spy, master of disguise and mimicry, skilled marksman, grade-A sicko), Sandman (a man comprised of living sand, capable of forming any shape he desires and changing density from loose to hard-packed like stone), Hydro-Man (comprised of living water, able to hit with the force of a tidal wave or drown enemies), Hobgoblin (super-strong, super reflexes, healing factor, deadly weapons and gadgets), Lizard (savage lizard-man with superhuman strength, speed, senses and durability, as well as a supreme healing factor and powerful jaws), Speed Demon (a speedster not unlike Kid Flash in terms of power/speed), and even Venom (all of Spider-Man's abilities, but stronger and capable of canceling out Spider-sense. Shapeshifting, too).

Spidey has beaten the Sinister Six in every incarnation it took. No matter how many super-powered villains joined together with the goal of destroying Spider-Man, it was Spidey who walked away and the Six who ended up with their jaws jacked up, in prison.

He did this ALONE. He fought guys who outmatched him in sheer power as a team, and won every single time.

So don't give me this "Oh No they retconned him!" crap about him being suddenly powered-up. He has ALWAYS been a supremely powerful Marvel character who just pulled his punches and held back until he had no choice. Given the right situation and enough preparation, he could probably take on the prime Avengers (Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, Giant-Man, Wasp, Hulk) and win with his combination of intellect, powers, gadgets, and never-give-up willpower.
 
2013-01-22 12:53:03 AM

ZeroCorpse: So don't give me this "Oh No they retconned him!" crap about him being suddenly powered-up. He has ALWAYS been a supremely powerful Marvel character who just pulled his punches and held back until he had no choice. Given the right situation and enough preparation, he could probably take on the prime Avengers (Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, Giant-Man, Wasp, Hulk) and win with his combination of intellect, powers, gadgets, and never-give-up willpower.


Spidey has typically been presented as having a strength level at about baseline Hulk. He holds back against most enemies, because he doesn't need the extra guilt of killing or maiming some tool like Vulture or Fancy Dan. He usually loses/fights to a draw his first bout with a new villain, until he figures out how to beat them. He isn't crazy prepared like Batman, but he can always plan on the fly well enough to be in the same league as him in the final analysis.

Parker's difficulties seem to arise from protecting his loved ones, and trying to not be a hero. The video questions why he doesn't tell his loved ones that he is Spider-man, because that would make things easier.

Let's take that apart.

1. Aunt May: In most incarnations she is a frail old lady. She treats Peter like a momma's boy, and it is made clear that the shock of discovering that he is a superhero, particularly a superhero that everyone hates, might kill her

2. Gwen Stacy: Well, she might have accepted Peter as Spider-man, if not for the fact that Spider-man was related to the death of her father. He was prepared to tell her, but events got in the way to the extent that it was impossible to tell the truth. Shakespearean tragedy, there.

3. Mary Jane: He finally told her, although she already knew.

4. Black Cat thinks he is sexy and desireable as Spider-man, she has no use for Peter Parker.

5. Betty Brandt: Her brother was killed in a fight with Doc Ock, she blamed Spider-man

I could go on, but we see a pattern here- Parker would like to tell people he loves about his identity, but events conspire to make it seem the people he loves would hate him if he confessed that he was Spider-man. Therefore, he keeps his secret identity secret. Cracked failed there, thinking they had found some big flaw in him not telling his friends, in the way that Superman's parents knew. Spider-man was born in the death of his uncle. How could he admit that to his aunt? Several good issues have revolved around Aunt May and Peter confessing how they both felt guilty about that night for different reasons.
 
2013-01-22 12:56:27 AM

Fano: Toquinha: Two points from the video

-He did attempt to sell the web fluid, but the fact that it dissolves after an hour of exposure to air made it useless to most companies.
-Arguably, if Peter's loved ones were aware of their identity, what's to stop them from inadvertently blurting out his secrets if they were somehow compromised? Sure, they might be better prepared if one of Spidey's gallery of rogues were to go after them, but considering that they'd actually have better insight into how to defeat Spider-Man, telling them wouldn't help matters much.

That one is still flawed, as apparently he didn't consider any use for a short acting super strong adhesive. Surely that would have uses in the medical field as dissolving sutures and the like. I mean, maybe he could be as rich as the inventor of the Post-it note, but certainly there would be a market for such a thing, if Parker got a spare minute to think. Then again, he's the guy that couldn't figure out how to make money as Spider-man since he couldn't cash a check without revealing his identity. I mean, super accountancy isn't one of his powers, but surely there are ways to establish a bank account for Spider-man, particularly in a world with lots of superheroes.


He IS relatively wealthy now. He has been since he started working for Horizon Labs. He has the patents on several inventions. He has a private lab with a personal vault at Horizon Labs. He's not poor anymore.

He doesn't get paid by the Avengers because of the paycheck/identity thing, or so he says. The truth is probably that his guilt about Uncle Ben-- and his sense of responsibility as a hero-- prevents him from accepting compensation for his acts as Spider-Man. This is also why he never made a fortune taking pictures of himself-- He chose to sell them to the guy whose newspaper ran him down constantly. Why? Guilt. He felt bad about profiting from being Spider-Man, even in such an indirect way, so he sabotaged himself by selling the photos to Jameson's Bugle.

Pete has always had a healthy dose of self-loathing when it came to his career as Spider-Man. It was only in recent years that he learned to separate Spider-Man from Peter Parker when it came to his career goals and ability to earn a paycheck.
 
2013-01-22 01:04:01 AM

Fano:
Parker's difficulties seem to arise from protecting his loved ones, and trying to not be a hero. The video questions why he doesn't tell his loved ones that he is Spider-man, because that would make things easier.

Let's take that apart.

1. Aunt May: In most incarnations she is a frail old lady. She treats Peter like a momma's boy, and it is made clear that the shock of discovering that he is a superhero, particularly a superhero that everyone hates, might kill her

2. Gwen Stacy: Well, she might have accepted Peter as Spider-man, if not for the fact that Spider-man was related to the death of her father. He was prepared to tell her, but events got in the way to the extent that it was impossible to tell the truth. Shakespearean tragedy, there.

3. Mary Jane: He finally told her, although she already knew.

4. Black Cat thinks he is sexy and desireable as Spider-man, she has no use for Peter Parker.

5. Betty Brandt: Her brother was killed in a fight with Doc Ock, she blamed Spider-man

I could go on, but we see a pattern here- Parker would like ...


Spot-on analysis. Well said.

I think we're going to see a Peter Parker who DOES have the ability and will to be more prepared for whatever comes. He has shown signs of that recently, even before Ock took over, and with Ock in the driver's seat for a while while Pete's subconscious watches from the back, I suspect Pete's going to come out of this understanding that he has a responsibility to be the best he can be, and to stop holding back. He's going to learn to apply himself more as both a scientist and superhero. He's going to pre-plan for fights, instead of just stumbling into them and saving his bacon in round two.

So like I said earlier, I look forward to him working out contingency plans for dealing with heavy hitters on both sides of the tracks. He may not have Bruce Wayne's pathos, but he's more intelligent than Wayne by a fair amount, and he has super powers to go with that guilt over being (mostly) orphaned. If Pete-Pete doesn't figure out that he needs to plan for days when the Hulk or Thor switch sides, Otto-Pete will.
 
2013-01-22 01:06:16 AM
And when I say "Bruce Wayne's pathos", what I really mean is "Bruce Wayne's mental instability and paranoia" with which the audience is supposed to empathize.
 
2013-01-22 01:23:11 AM

ZeroCorpse: And when I say "Bruce Wayne's pathos", what I really mean is "Bruce Wayne's mental instability and paranoia" with which the audience is supposed to empathize.


I think Peter Parker has better empathy potential than Bruce Wayne. I love Batman, but Spider-man has an origin that draws in more people that aren't rich orphans.

Bruce Wayne is a manchild who strikes back against crime because of his horrific trauma of watching his parents slain. Luckily, he has enough money to support him in this effort. Meanwhile, Peter Parker discovers that he has been given great powers, only to find that using them selfishly (in a way most any ordinary person might have done) resulted in the death of his beloved father figure. Bruce Wayne watched his parents die. Peter Parker misused his powers in a way that let someone kill his "father." Which origin has a better lesson for all of us?
 
2013-01-22 09:37:48 AM

ZeroCorpse: Actually, to be a big old Spidey nerd here, ***snip***


Reading that gave me glasses, braces, and restored my virginity. Thanks, asshole.

///j/k I already have glasses.
 
2013-01-22 09:50:39 AM

Fano: ZeroCorpse: And when I say "Bruce Wayne's pathos", what I really mean is "Bruce Wayne's mental instability and paranoia" with which the audience is supposed to empathize.

I think Peter Parker has better empathy potential than Bruce Wayne. I love Batman, but Spider-man has an origin that draws in more people that aren't rich orphans.

Bruce Wayne is a manchild who strikes back against crime because of his horrific trauma of watching his parents slain. Luckily, he has enough money to support him in this effort. Meanwhile, Peter Parker discovers that he has been given great powers, only to find that using them selfishly (in a way most any ordinary person might have done) resulted in the death of his beloved father figure. Bruce Wayne watched his parents die. Peter Parker misused his powers in a way that let someone kill his "father." Which origin has a better lesson for all of us?


I know I am not going to be liked when I say this. But the new Spidy movie that came out did a great job in the misuse of his powers. Going farther then what the original trilogy did. It felt like he could of stopped it from happening easily and him actually watching his uncle fight and die was even more emotional then him coming onto the scene.
 
2013-01-22 09:52:49 AM

Fano: roc6783: FirstNationalBastard: ***snip***

I hope you didn't get the impression that Skip Westcott raping Sad Sack Parker was photoshopped or something. It's as real as the time Bruce Banner got raped at the Y.M.C.A., or the time Dr. Light cornholed every female in the DC universe.


No, but the horror of the reality made me search out an explanation that would allow me to maintain my tenuous grip on sanity.
 
2013-01-22 10:52:58 AM
I love that Katie chick's jugs.
 
2013-01-22 11:46:34 PM

ZeroCorpse: If Batman can beat Superman, then Spider-Man can beat Thor. Right?


Wrong.
 
2013-01-23 12:47:28 AM

Son of Streak: ZeroCorpse: If Batman can beat Superman, then Spider-Man can beat Thor. Right?

Wrong.


Well...
media.comicvine.com
 
2013-01-23 08:45:29 AM

doczoidberg: I love that Katie chick's jugs.


Even cuter when she's crying.
 
2013-01-23 08:51:44 AM
I should mention the above link probably isn't safe for work but I'm pretty sure you'll be blocked from Cracked anyway.

Seriously, even cuter when she's crying.
 
2013-01-24 12:20:04 PM

Fano: Son of Streak: ZeroCorpse: If Batman can beat Superman, then Spider-Man can beat Thor. Right?

Wrong.

Well...
[media.comicvine.com image 692x1024]


That is a pretender, friend -- note the modern language running through his thought bubbles.
 
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