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(Cracked)   Some states have more influence on our country than others. Here are the states that secretly control America, because they determine what you eat   (cracked.com) divider line 57
    More: Interesting, United States, Texas Education Agency, school curriculum, California, minority rights, Ohio, steak sandwiches, supreme court ruled  
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21823 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Jan 2013 at 1:47 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-20 11:30:10 AM
And for some goddamned unknown reason Maine senators are pretty damn powerful.

With King coming in to replace Snowe, Maine will be even more powerful.
 
2013-01-20 11:54:10 AM
I don't think it's fair to blame the entire state of California for what the people in Bakersfield do

/they ain't right down there
//I think it's from the oil fumes
 
2013-01-20 12:54:41 PM
#1. New Jersey Is the World's Tastemaker

Heh.

Hahahaha!

HAHAHAHAHA!

BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*wipes a tear away from his eye*

No, seriously, what's the real #1 entry?
 
2013-01-20 01:28:03 PM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: #1. New Jersey Is the World's Tastemaker

Heh.

Hahahaha!

HAHAHAHAHA!

BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*wipes a tear away from his eye*

No, seriously, what's the real #1 entry?


No, they admit that they only make the flavors there, they know NJ has no sense so they send them to other places (the mentioned CA and OH) to figure out if they are good or not.
 
2013-01-20 01:50:41 PM
oh a cracked.com article. my day is complete.
 
2013-01-20 01:51:25 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I don't think it's fair to blame the entire state of California for what the people in Bakersfield do


yes. this. oh my dog. this.
 
2013-01-20 01:52:20 PM
Surprised not to see Iowa on there.
 
2013-01-20 01:52:38 PM
Texas may decide what's in the textbooks, but the rest of the states don't go for that. In fact, I think I've heard of a few states that have passed laws that forbid "Texas approved textbooks" from being used in their state schools.
 
2013-01-20 01:54:15 PM

TV's Vinnie: Texas may decide what's in the textbooks, but the rest of the states don't go for that. In fact, I think I've heard of a few states that have passed laws that forbid "Texas approved textbooks" from being used in their state schools.


I say this as a born and raised Texan, good on them. Our state board of education is full of idiots.
 
2013-01-20 01:58:19 PM
North Carolina and Virginia share the distinction of providing all the legal cigarettes in the country.
 
2013-01-20 01:59:49 PM
Orrin Hatch is one of the most despicable people in Washington, yet so few Americans realize it.
 
2013-01-20 02:10:25 PM

Metalupis: No, they admit that they only make the flavors there, they know NJ has no sense so they send them to other places (the mentioned CA and OH) to figure out if they are good or not.


If New Jersey is to blame for Flavor Flav, you all have my sincerest apologies.


Yogimus: Remember that time you were too stupid to understand the article, and laughed at it instead? Wow, good times, good times.


I only said what I said because I'm from Jersey and I enjoy some self-deprecatory humor every now and then.

Ease up, Turbo.
 
2013-01-20 02:10:49 PM

cig-mkr: North Carolina and Virginia share the distinction of providing all the legal cigarettes in the country.


Don't forget South Carolina grows the tobacco. Also, no swing states?
 
2013-01-20 02:12:35 PM
They missed one
 
2013-01-20 02:13:49 PM
You know, because everything I say around here is 100% serious.

*rolls eyes*
 
2013-01-20 02:17:10 PM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: You know, because everything I say around here is 100% serious.

*rolls eyes*


I seem to be encountering that a lot today, too

/did the sarcasm meter batteries all die at the same time?
 
2013-01-20 02:27:41 PM

IntertubeUser: Orrin Hatch is one of the most despicable people in Washington, yet so few Americans realize it.


Oh, we know all right. His little daydream of allowing the RIAA to slip in malware to literally destroy the computers of suspected illegal downloaders shows the contempt he has for the American People.
 
2013-01-20 02:28:34 PM
Is Cracked aware that food is available outside of fast food chain menus?
 
2013-01-20 02:29:20 PM

The Bird: They missed one


I was thinking the same thing, but I realized it really shouldn't be there. The Pennsylvania regulations are sensible and reasonable, however, thus not really good source material for the biting, witty sarcasm Cracked is famous for.

Also, nowadays with computers and whatnot the packagers can easily customize labels for target destination, so you don't see it as much. I haven't seen Reg. Penna. Dept. of Agr. on a label in years (I'm not sure it's ever required in Pennsylvania anymore), but when I was a kid I thought it was odd to see it on food packages in Florida.
 
2013-01-20 02:36:25 PM

TV's Vinnie: Texas may decide what's in the textbooks, but the rest of the states don't go for that. In fact, I think I've heard of a few states that have passed laws that forbid "Texas approved textbooks" from being used in their state schools.


This gives me hope for our country.

I'm in complete shock that Utah's offering to this fine article is snake oil bullshiat!
 
2013-01-20 02:38:26 PM
Hopefully e-readers will free textbooks both from whims of the mouth breathers on the Texas Board of Education and the insane upgrade cycle of the publishers. Without the high cost of distributing and producing dead tree version of textbooks, it should be much easier for there to be many editions available. Of course this will also make it easier to produce stupid textbooks like the science book in Louisiana that states the Loch Ness Monster is real and disproves evolution.
 
2013-01-20 02:42:39 PM

IntertubeUser: Orrin Hatch is one of the most despicable people in Washington, yet so few Americans realize it.


Yeah, and I know for an ex who was a lobbyist that he doesn't practice his religion (he's into women).

Also Joe Smith didn't take anything to Utah, he was long dead in Illinois before they headed west.
 
2013-01-20 02:43:11 PM
Under this principle shouldn't Nevada set the standards for the nation's hookers?
 
2013-01-20 02:44:13 PM
Iowa's primaries, anybody?

/maybe not so secret
 
2013-01-20 02:45:01 PM

utah dude: MaudlinMutantMollusk: I don't think it's fair to blame the entire state of California for what the people in Bakersfield do

yes. this. oh my dog. this.


To be fair, Bakersfield was chosen not to represent California. It was chosen because it represents the broader population of America at large concentrated in one place. Not much like California, but part of it none the less.
 
2013-01-20 02:45:53 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: You know, because everything I say around here is 100% serious.

*rolls eyes*

I seem to be encountering that a lot today, too

/did the sarcasm meter batteries all die at the same time?


that's why i power my 'massager' off the 12V in the VW. can't risk an outage, know what i mean.
 
2013-01-20 02:46:29 PM
I wasn't aware of the New Jersey thing. However, I only knew one kid from NJ growing up. His dad formulated artificial flavored for a living.
 
2013-01-20 02:57:23 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I seem to be encountering that a lot today, too

/did the sarcasm meter batteries all die at the same time?



In all fairness, I have trouble detecting sarcasm at times myself, so...

... I'll go have some artificially flavored snacks now, I guess.
 
2013-01-20 03:02:11 PM
It might be my painkillers influence, but I lol'd at the Texas school book titled "Sam Houston Murderpunches Hitler"

I will now be using the word "murderpunch"

ie Ray Lewis is going to murderpunch Brady today...
 
2013-01-20 03:02:41 PM

spcMike: TV's Vinnie: Texas may decide what's in the textbooks, but the rest of the states don't go for that. In fact, I think I've heard of a few states that have passed laws that forbid "Texas approved textbooks" from being used in their state schools.

I say this as a born and raised Texan, good on them. Our state board of education is full of idiots.


Second.

/ did chuckle at Sam Houston murderpunches Hitler though.
 
2013-01-20 03:03:23 PM

poot_rootbeer: Is Cracked aware that food is available outside of fast food chain menus?


Is poot_beer aware that most American don't eat home cooked meals made from entirely unprocessed ingredients? There is a lot of taste-testing and food chemistry going on in most processed foods and most restaurants use processed foods. There are all sorts of rules about what doesn't have to be said about what is in processed food - "flavorings" being a good example. Hell, Malt Liquor is often made from corn syrup and flavorings but you would never know.
 
2013-01-20 03:03:35 PM
Fast Food Nation had a great chapter on New Jersey and the artificial flavor industry.
 
das
2013-01-20 03:28:03 PM
I lived in Columbus from 84-89. I had McRibs AND Shamrock Shakes before you.
 
2013-01-20 03:30:19 PM

TV's Vinnie: IntertubeUser: Orrin Hatch is one of the most despicable people in Washington, yet so few Americans realize it.

Oh, we know all right. His little daydream of allowing the RIAA to slip in malware to literally destroy the computers of suspected illegal downloaders shows the contempt he has for the American People.


You and I and some people here and there know; but I don't think that the majority of Americans know (or, for that matter, the majority of Utahans). Most GOPers seem to view him favorably, including Teahadists.
 
2013-01-20 03:47:12 PM
Israel conspicuously absent from list...
 
2013-01-20 03:48:04 PM
So my concerns that America is ruled by corporations and fundamentalist dimwits prove to legitimate.
 
2013-01-20 03:48:07 PM

Lehk: Israel conspicuously absent from list...


Okay, threadshiat coming out now!
 
2013-01-20 04:01:22 PM
please, please stop finding your links on cracked.com. they have a banner on the right hand side of the screen. we can all go there on our own. i know, i know pick the low hanging fruit
 
2013-01-20 04:10:35 PM

Argyle82: It might be my painkillers influence, but I lol'd at the Texas school book titled "Sam Houston Murderpunches Hitler"

I will now be using the word "murderpunch"

ie Ray Lewis is going to murderpunch Brady today...


I hear i the nex versionhe is gonna murderpunch the great dictator Charlie Chaplin
 
2013-01-20 04:11:29 PM

Lehk: Israel conspicuously absent from list...


Ok, I laughed
 
2013-01-20 04:28:54 PM

Lehk: Israel conspicuously absent from list...


+1 would LOL again. It's what I was thinking too.
 
2013-01-20 04:41:27 PM
The Columbus (OH) "test market" thing was well known locally even in the 1970s. I think of it as indeed sorta Northern/Southern/Eastern/Midwestern urban/rural (plus there's the big TOSU population). The racial/ethnic balance must mirror the US as a whole, I suppose.

I think of Indianapolis as its (most) obvious twin in that regard--or is Indy fundamentally more "Southern" and less "Northern" than Col's?

/Cue the IHOP-Waffle House graphic
 
2013-01-20 04:42:28 PM
For one thing, the demographics of the city mirror the rest of the nation; Columbus doesn't have a bunch of vegetarians or Eskimos clogging up the population and skewing fast food test results.

what you did there
www.nativetech.org
I can't see anything else
 
2013-01-20 04:46:00 PM
So I can now officially hate the State of New Jersey for destroying America's palate?

I know we've all heard our elders saying 'it just doesn't taste like it used to' and rolled our eyes. My mom would go on about real milk where the cream rose to the top and how 3 Musketeers actually had three flavors. I've heard chefs on the Food Network talk about how pork has been completely ruined, too.

But has anyone else noticed how awful our chocolate is now? Everything - from Snickers to Keeblers fudge covered cookies - tastes like wax. Apparently the cocao fat standards have been revised downwards. To wit: I used to love Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies. The chips had a good, melty semi-sweet thing going and the cookies had a nice browned flavor. Not bad for a box of dry, crunchy cookies if you couldn't talk Mom into making them fresh from the oven. Hadn't had any in years and bought some from a vending machine. The chips were brown morsels of sugar indistinguishable in flavor from the rest of the tasteless cookie part. They were no better than your average 99 cent storebrand variety that you had to buy when you were broke. In fact, it seems any packaged sweetstuff has lost it flavor and nuances. All I seem to taste these days is those abominations called margarine and corn syrup.

I also recently made some of the old timey fudge from the recipe that used to be on the Hershey Cocoa box. It's notoriously tricky to get it right, and I did. I also used real butter and vanilla and whole milk, measured everything exactly. While the texture was perfect, the fudge had a hot chocolate mix flavor to it, instead of the rich, slightly bitter chocolate goodness.

I'm not all that heartbroken about the sad state of chocolate in this country (the Brits say American chocolate tastes like vomit and I tend to agree these days). I've lost my taste for it almost entirely and rarely binge on anything sweet anymore.
 
2013-01-20 05:30:47 PM

KwameKilstrawberry: So I can now officially hate the State of New Jersey for destroying America's palate?

I know we've all heard our elders saying 'it just doesn't taste like it used to' and rolled our eyes. My mom would go on about real milk where the cream rose to the top and how 3 Musketeers actually had three flavors. I've heard chefs on the Food Network talk about how pork has been completely ruined, too.

But has anyone else noticed how awful our chocolate is now? Everything - from Snickers to Keeblers fudge covered cookies - tastes like wax. Apparently the cocao fat standards have been revised downwards. To wit: I used to love Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies. The chips had a good, melty semi-sweet thing going and the cookies had a nice browned flavor. Not bad for a box of dry, crunchy cookies if you couldn't talk Mom into making them fresh from the oven. Hadn't had any in years and bought some from a vending machine. The chips were brown morsels of sugar indistinguishable in flavor from the rest of the tasteless cookie part. They were no better than your average 99 cent storebrand variety that you had to buy when you were broke. In fact, it seems any packaged sweetstuff has lost it flavor and nuances. All I seem to taste these days is those abominations called margarine and corn syrup.

I also recently made some of the old timey fudge from the recipe that used to be on the Hershey Cocoa box. It's notoriously tricky to get it right, and I did. I also used real butter and vanilla and whole milk, measured everything exactly. While the texture was perfect, the fudge had a hot chocolate mix flavor to it, instead of the rich, slightly bitter chocolate goodness.

I'm not all that heartbroken about the sad state of chocolate in this country (the Brits say American chocolate tastes like vomit and I tend to agree these days). I've lost my taste for it almost entirely and rarely binge on anything sweet anymore.


It's called "mockolate" by us bitter chocolate connoisseurs. The tragic result of a 2007 petition to the FDA by the Grocery Manufacturers Association, basically singlehandedly destroying all mass-manufactured chocolate in America.

consumermediallc.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-01-20 05:36:15 PM

Lehk: Israel conspicuously absent from list...


Israel controls what I eat? I wouldn't have thought they were so pro-bacon.
 
2013-01-20 06:14:21 PM
They aren't telling you the truth about Jersey. If you've ever been on the NJ Turnpike, you are familiar with the hell-scape that is NJ between exits 12 and 14. This:

gcaptain.com

For decades those refineries and chemical plants produced millions of tons of useless toxic waste. Waste that killed everything it came into contact with. There was just no more room left to dump the stuff.  Then a suit at one of this mega-corporations had an epiphany. Tiny amounts of this poison will not kill the average person.....the average person's body can metabolize the waste and excrete harmless metabolites. If you put tiny amounts of the stuff in EVERYBODY'S food, you would have a huge coast to coast human powered waste processing machine in operation AND YOU COULD NOW CHARGE MONEY FOR THE TOXIC WASTE. Get rid your poisons and make money! Ain't capitalism great!
Open wide, human garbage cans.
 
2013-01-20 06:31:34 PM

KwameKilstrawberry: So I can now officially hate the State of New Jersey for destroying America's palate?

I know we've all heard our elders saying 'it just doesn't taste like it used to' and rolled our eyes. My mom would go on about real milk where the cream rose to the top and how 3 Musketeers actually had three flavors. I've heard chefs on the Food Network talk about how pork has been completely ruined, too.

But has anyone else noticed how awful our chocolate is now? Everything - from Snickers to Keeblers fudge covered cookies - tastes like wax. Apparently the cocao fat standards have been revised downwards. To wit: I used to love Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies. The chips had a good, melty semi-sweet thing going and the cookies had a nice browned flavor. Not bad for a box of dry, crunchy cookies if you couldn't talk Mom into making them fresh from the oven. Hadn't had any in years and bought some from a vending machine. The chips were brown morsels of sugar indistinguishable in flavor from the rest of the tasteless cookie part. They were no better than your average 99 cent storebrand variety that you had to buy when you were broke. In fact, it seems any packaged sweetstuff has lost it flavor and nuances. All I seem to taste these days is those abominations called margarine and corn syrup.

I also recently made some of the old timey fudge from the recipe that used to be on the Hershey Cocoa box. It's notoriously tricky to get it right, and I did. I also used real butter and vanilla and whole milk, measured everything exactly. While the texture was perfect, the fudge had a hot chocolate mix flavor to it, instead of the rich, slightly bitter chocolate goodness.

I'm not all that heartbroken about the sad state of chocolate in this country (the Brits say American chocolate tastes like vomit and I tend to agree these days). I've lost my taste for it almost entirely and rarely binge on anything sweet anymore.


I tend to use Baker's unsweetened for chocolate fudge these days. Still not quite what I remember from being a kid, but it at least is closer than using anything Hershey's produces.
 
2013-01-20 06:50:09 PM

Supes: KwameKilstrawberry: So I can now officially hate the State of New Jersey for destroying America's palate?

I know we've all heard our elders saying 'it just doesn't taste like it used to' and rolled our eyes. My mom would go on about real milk where the cream rose to the top and how 3 Musketeers actually had three flavors. I've heard chefs on the Food Network talk about how pork has been completely ruined, too.

But has anyone else noticed how awful our chocolate is now? Everything - from Snickers to Keeblers fudge covered cookies - tastes like wax. Apparently the cocao fat standards have been revised downwards. To wit: I used to love Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies. The chips had a good, melty semi-sweet thing going and the cookies had a nice browned flavor. Not bad for a box of dry, crunchy cookies if you couldn't talk Mom into making them fresh from the oven. Hadn't had any in years and bought some from a vending machine. The chips were brown morsels of sugar indistinguishable in flavor from the rest of the tasteless cookie part. They were no better than your average 99 cent storebrand variety that you had to buy when you were broke. In fact, it seems any packaged sweetstuff has lost it flavor and nuances. All I seem to taste these days is those abominations called margarine and corn syrup.

I also recently made some of the old timey fudge from the recipe that used to be on the Hershey Cocoa box. It's notoriously tricky to get it right, and I did. I also used real butter and vanilla and whole milk, measured everything exactly. While the texture was perfect, the fudge had a hot chocolate mix flavor to it, instead of the rich, slightly bitter chocolate goodness.

I'm not all that heartbroken about the sad state of chocolate in this country (the Brits say American chocolate tastes like vomit and I tend to agree these days). I've lost my taste for it almost entirely and rarely binge on anything sweet anymore.

It's called "mockolate" by us bitter ...


But it's the free market in action. Corporate profits are what matter, everything else is details...
 
2013-01-20 07:13:35 PM

rustypouch: Supes: KwameKilstrawberry: So I can now officially hate the State of New Jersey for destroying America's palate?

I know we've all heard our elders saying 'it just doesn't taste like it used to' and rolled our eyes. My mom would go on about real milk where the cream rose to the top and how 3 Musketeers actually had three flavors. I've heard chefs on the Food Network talk about how pork has been completely ruined, too.

But has anyone else noticed how awful our chocolate is now? Everything - from Snickers to Keeblers fudge covered cookies - tastes like wax. Apparently the cocao fat standards have been revised downwards. To wit: I used to love Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies. The chips had a good, melty semi-sweet thing going and the cookies had a nice browned flavor. Not bad for a box of dry, crunchy cookies if you couldn't talk Mom into making them fresh from the oven. Hadn't had any in years and bought some from a vending machine. The chips were brown morsels of sugar indistinguishable in flavor from the rest of the tasteless cookie part. They were no better than your average 99 cent storebrand variety that you had to buy when you were broke. In fact, it seems any packaged sweetstuff has lost it flavor and nuances. All I seem to taste these days is those abominations called margarine and corn syrup.

I also recently made some of the old timey fudge from the recipe that used to be on the Hershey Cocoa box. It's notoriously tricky to get it right, and I did. I also used real butter and vanilla and whole milk, measured everything exactly. While the texture was perfect, the fudge had a hot chocolate mix flavor to it, instead of the rich, slightly bitter chocolate goodness.

I'm not all that heartbroken about the sad state of chocolate in this country (the Brits say American chocolate tastes like vomit and I tend to agree these days). I've lost my taste for it almost entirely and rarely binge on anything sweet anymore.

It's called "mockolate" by us ...


Hershey's was never good chocolate in the first place. They just were better at mass production.
 
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