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(Yahoo)   How one poorly written erotic novel engorged the once-flaccid sex toy industry   (news.yahoo.com ) divider line
    More: Obvious, sex industry, James Deen, Adult Entertainment Expo  
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14219 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Jan 2013 at 6:27 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-01-18 06:06:25 PM  
10 votes:
l2.yimg.com

Handcuffed and forced to listen to the audiobook? Talk about sadism!
2013-01-18 07:06:06 PM  
6 votes:

ProfessorOhki: I don't recall Dickens really describing that many orgasms.


It's a little-known fact that 'humbug' was a kind of vibrator.
2013-01-18 06:43:06 PM  
5 votes:
Everything you need to know about 50 Shades of Gray:

#: of occurrences of literary device

41: characters roll their eyes
35: Ana bites her lip
16: Christian's lips "quirk up"
17: Christian "cocks his head to one side"
15: characters "purse" their lips
50: characters raise their eyebrows
80: references to Ana's anthropomorphic "subconscious"
58: references to Ana's "inner goddess"
92: Ana saying some form of "oh crap" (including "holy crap", "double crap", or "triple crap").
81: Ana says "Jeez"
72: Ana says "oh my"
125: Ana "blushes" or "flushes" (including 13 that are "scarlet," 6 that are "crimson," and one that is "stars and stripes red.")
13: Ana "peeks up" at Christian
9: references to Christian's "hooded eyes"
7: references to Christians "long index finger"
25: references to how "hot" Christian is (including 4: "He's so freaking hot.")
10: Christian's "mouth presses into a hard line"
199: characters "murmur"
49: characters "mutter"
195: characters "whisper"
21: characters "clamber" on/in/out of things
34: characters "smirk"
46: characters "gasp"
18: "breath hitches"
124: "grins"
124 "frowns"
And orgasms are always described as intense, body-shattering, delicious, violent, all-consuming, turbulent, agonizing and exhausting

And this is only book one.
2013-01-18 06:16:15 PM  
5 votes:
2013-01-18 06:48:04 PM  
4 votes:
I tried to write an erotic novel, but it was rejected. Something about excessive use of the word "throbbing."
2013-01-18 06:52:24 PM  
3 votes:

cgraves67: Ishkur: Everything you need to know about 50 Shades of Gray:

#: of occurrences of literary device

41: characters roll their eyes
...
124 "frowns"
And orgasms are always described as intense, body-shattering, delicious, violent, all-consuming, turbulent, agonizing and exhausting

And this is only book one.

Just out of curiosity, how does that stack up against, say, Charles Dickens or Mark Twain?


I don't recall Dickens really describing that many orgasms.
2013-01-18 06:44:29 PM  
3 votes:

Ishkur: Everything you need to know about 50 Shades of Gray:

#: of occurrences of literary device

41: characters roll their eyes
35: Ana bites her lip
16: Christian's lips "quirk up"
17: Christian "cocks his head to one side"
15: characters "purse" their lips
50: characters raise their eyebrows
80: references to Ana's anthropomorphic "subconscious"
58: references to Ana's "inner goddess"
92: Ana saying some form of "oh crap" (including "holy crap", "double crap", or "triple crap").
81: Ana says "Jeez"
72: Ana says "oh my"
125: Ana "blushes" or "flushes" (including 13 that are "scarlet," 6 that are "crimson," and one that is "stars and stripes red.")
13: Ana "peeks up" at Christian
9: references to Christian's "hooded eyes"
7: references to Christians "long index finger"
25: references to how "hot" Christian is (including 4: "He's so freaking hot.")
10: Christian's "mouth presses into a hard line"
199: characters "murmur"
49: characters "mutter"
195: characters "whisper"
21: characters "clamber" on/in/out of things
34: characters "smirk"
46: characters "gasp"
18: "breath hitches"
124: "grins"
124 "frowns"
And orgasms are always described as intense, body-shattering, delicious, violent, all-consuming, turbulent, agonizing and exhausting

And this is only book one.


that sounds as bad as a wheel of time book

/tug braid
//sniff
2013-01-18 08:51:11 PM  
2 votes:
The important thing to take away from "50 Shades of Grey" is if you're sure you've found mister right, prepare your anus.
2013-01-18 07:40:39 PM  
2 votes:

23FPB23: You gotta be some kind of stupid to let ANYONE handcuff you to a bed, etc.

I don't care which gender you are, they are, how close you think you are, none of it!

Its that lightning strike chance that the ONE time you let someone bind you beyond your control is when they have some sort of mental break.

Next thing you know, you're bleeding out from your freshly mutilated genitals.

Handcuffs.

Not. Even. Once.


Think about it this way: all the handcuffs really change is if they have to wait until you fall asleep or not.
2013-01-18 07:27:58 PM  
2 votes:
gottfried

CLITORIS!!!

/gottfried
2013-01-18 07:26:36 PM  
2 votes:
I'm left wondering what horrors are in the Reject pile of whoever approved this thing for publication.
Skr
2013-01-19 12:55:06 PM  
1 vote:
He shoved his turgid spoon into the creamy mashed potatoes. He played with the idea that it was too soon, the succulent butter square that was plunged into the mess had not completely melted.
2013-01-18 11:22:25 PM  
1 vote:

StubhyGraham: In case anyone wants to check out my poorly written erotic novel. Link

/Hangs head in shame


Written by a man with a veeery sexy learning disability- what's it called, Kiff?
2013-01-18 11:16:21 PM  
1 vote:
I'm not getting into this conversation again. HOWEVER, this pissed me off:

FTFA
"Epstein said she would soon unveil a similar line for baby boomers, featuring large buttons for people whose eyesight is fading."When you're over 40, sometimes you can be like, 'What?!' when trying to operate these things, and that's not good."

coont, we Gen Xers are the ones that are just peaking over 40. You farkers are over 60. You're not young anymore! Accept it! Move out of the way! Your vibrators have the same controls on them as a Jitterbug! fark YOOOUUUU!!!!
2013-01-18 10:40:52 PM  
1 vote:

bingethinker: I tried to write an erotic novel, but it was rejected. Something about excessive use of the word "throbbing."


The children's book I was trying to peddle to different publishers was also rejected for the same reason. People just don't recognize good literature these days.
2013-01-18 10:01:23 PM  
1 vote:

D_Evans45: Hot Lunch: Even though I only lurk and sometimes post vaguely racist things.


What about your race is so much better than the other races? Your race has trash just like all the other races. Have you ever been to a really busy Wal Mart?

/Unashamed to shop at Wal Mart


Um, who said I support any race? You sound Mexican when you talk like that
2013-01-18 09:43:01 PM  
1 vote:
2013-01-18 09:29:34 PM  
1 vote:

cgraves67: Ishkur: Everything you need to know about 50 Shades of Gray:

#: of occurrences of literary device

41: characters roll their eyes
35: Ana bites her lip
16: Christian's lips "quirk up"
17: Christian "cocks his head to one side"
15: characters "purse" their lips
50: characters raise their eyebrows
80: references to Ana's anthropomorphic "subconscious"
58: references to Ana's "inner goddess"
92: Ana saying some form of "oh crap" (including "holy crap", "double crap", or "triple crap").
81: Ana says "Jeez"
72: Ana says "oh my"
125: Ana "blushes" or "flushes" (including 13 that are "scarlet," 6 that are "crimson," and one that is "stars and stripes red.")
13: Ana "peeks up" at Christian
9: references to Christian's "hooded eyes"
7: references to Christians "long index finger"
25: references to how "hot" Christian is (including 4: "He's so freaking hot.")
10: Christian's "mouth presses into a hard line"
199: characters "murmur"
49: characters "mutter"
195: characters "whisper"
21: characters "clamber" on/in/out of things
34: characters "smirk"
46: characters "gasp"
18: "breath hitches"
124: "grins"
124 "frowns"
And orgasms are always described as intense, body-shattering, delicious, violent, all-consuming, turbulent, agonizing and exhausting

And this is only book one.

Just out of curiosity, how does that stack up against, say, Charles Dickens or Mark Twain?


Those have a lot more "ejaculations."

I spit my drink out reading War of the Worlds when the protagonist ejaculates violently on another person, and all about the room.
2013-01-18 08:25:32 PM  
1 vote:

Chariset: Via Infinito: The first Stephen King novel I ever read was Gerald's Game when I was 14. Not his greatest work, not even close, but it was one of the most interesting books I'd read at the time.
I can't say for sure if it colored my sexual experiences, but I have never allowed anyone to use handcuffs on me.

I learned about the birds 'n' bees from Jean Auel.

When I got older, my mother assured me that Jondalar is a creature of pure imagination.


Some call him Dongalar.
2013-01-18 08:10:35 PM  
1 vote:

Ishkur: Everything you need to know about 50 Shades of Gray:

#: of occurrences of literary device


autostraddle.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com
2013-01-18 08:04:47 PM  
1 vote:
As a stay at home dad who hangs out with soccer moms, this book has done wonders for my sex life (don't tell my wife).

Apparently, they see me as the "mysterious stranger".

Most women in their late 30's early 40's who claim to be "happily married"? They're not. God bless 'em.
2013-01-18 08:00:18 PM  
1 vote:

Via Infinito: Fifty Shades of Takei


+1 Internets for you!

I need an entirely new laptop.

/Oh My.
2013-01-18 07:19:22 PM  
1 vote:
I work part-time in a library and today was the first day since November that one of those books was actually in and not on the hold shelf.

There have been some real frog women checking out these books *shudders*
2013-01-18 07:03:01 PM  
1 vote:

ProfessorOhki: cgraves67: Ishkur: Everything you need to know about 50 Shades of Gray:

#: of occurrences of literary device

41: characters roll their eyes
...
124 "frowns"
And orgasms are always described as intense, body-shattering, delicious, violent, all-consuming, turbulent, agonizing and exhausting

And this is only book one.

Just out of curiosity, how does that stack up against, say, Charles Dickens or Mark Twain?

I don't recall Dickens really describing that many orgasms.


And it probably has less use of the "N"-word than Twain.
2013-01-18 06:48:55 PM  
1 vote:
Porno for women. Which somehow is instantly socially acceptable.
2013-01-18 06:48:13 PM  
1 vote:

Pointy Tail of Satan: Seriously, is this one of those books everyone talks about, but never reads? Like anything from Ayn Rand?


I only read Ayn Rand while sitting on the toilet. One book can last a whole year.
2013-01-18 06:45:28 PM  
1 vote:
Peterotica read by Betty White?
2013-01-18 06:41:33 PM  
1 vote:
Fifty Shades Of Flay - Watch Bobby's ego grow bigger and bigger.
2013-01-18 06:35:49 PM  
1 vote:
Really? A full staff room of writers and not one of them had a proper pair of padded cuffs to stick in the photo for the blog?

This, I do not really believe.

Via Infinito: Fifty Shades of Takei


Every time I see something of his linked, he goes up a few rungs on my "personal hero" ladder.
 
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