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(Yahoo)   How one poorly written erotic novel engorged the once-flaccid sex toy industry   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 142
    More: Obvious, sex industry, James Deen, Adult Entertainment Expo  
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14205 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Jan 2013 at 6:27 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



142 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-01-18 08:56:13 PM  

Ishkur: cgraves67: Just out of curiosity, how does that stack up against, say, Charles Dickens or Mark Twain?

Not sure. Don't think anyone's tabulated any repetitive phrases in Dickens and Twain, probably because, ohhh I dunno... THERE AREN'T ANY.

Of if there are, they are used sparingly and with purpose so they're not as noticeable. When a character says some form of "____ crap" almost 100 times in a 500 page book, you're seeing it nearly every fifth page (what's happening to her that has her exasperate so often?!). Same with "oh my", which has practically become a fully owned subsidiary of one George Takei, LTD. and no one can read or say that phrase anymore without saying it in his voice.

It's lazy, stupid, boring, repetitive writing with an extremely stunted vocabulary. There's no color or life or didactic imagery, it's just cliche after cliche after cliche. I don't know why these terrible novels (this goes for Twilight, Da Vinci Code, etc.) keep becoming best sellers when they're often the worst written. It's literally a chore to slog through something that banal.


Oh, it makes sense... most people (i.e. not anyone who would read Fark) like to know what to expect. They want their stories to be predictable and familiar. They do want some surprises, but only ones that they expect. So just stick to the formula and you'll be OK with these people. Then you can go listen to the "4 Chords" thing on youtube and rock out and connect with them on a really deep level.
 
2013-01-18 08:58:58 PM  
"Smack it, baby! Yeah! Just like that!"

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!"

t3.gstatic.com
 
2013-01-18 09:07:28 PM  

D_Evans45: HellRaisingHoosier: What's the story though?


The plot of pornographic tales is usually either hardly relative or non-existent. If you are looking that hard for plots in your porno, you are doing it wrong.

When most women sit down to read this, they aren't settling in for a good yarn.


DNRTFB, but the best description I heard of the plot (well, more like "scenario") is that a plucky young liberal graduate student is seduced by an older conservative professional-type.

But then there are all these caveats... it never quite gets interesting, any semblance to BDSM was actually pretty tame.

I'm not going to make the same mistake I did with Da Vinci Code and actually read it, though I enjoyed the fiftyshadesgenerator
 
2013-01-18 09:08:17 PM  

Indubitably: We exist on a plane of existence...


To fly
 
2013-01-18 09:09:53 PM  

23FPB23: khyberkitsune: 23FPB23: Yeah if you ignore the ability to fight back. Fark handcuffs.

You must be a very sheltered and inexperienced child. Most handcuffs sold come with quick-release latches, unless you're buying police issue or the serious bondage ones.

I'm talking "real" handcuffs, douchenozzle. Otherwise what's the point in someone cuffing you?

Dumbass.


Only a person with no regard for their own health would use handcuffs in real bondage, especially suspension. Not only do they create the risk of having to have someone come cut you out when you lose the key, they can severely damage your hands and wrists.
 
2013-01-18 09:29:34 PM  

cgraves67: Ishkur: Everything you need to know about 50 Shades of Gray:

#: of occurrences of literary device

41: characters roll their eyes
35: Ana bites her lip
16: Christian's lips "quirk up"
17: Christian "cocks his head to one side"
15: characters "purse" their lips
50: characters raise their eyebrows
80: references to Ana's anthropomorphic "subconscious"
58: references to Ana's "inner goddess"
92: Ana saying some form of "oh crap" (including "holy crap", "double crap", or "triple crap").
81: Ana says "Jeez"
72: Ana says "oh my"
125: Ana "blushes" or "flushes" (including 13 that are "scarlet," 6 that are "crimson," and one that is "stars and stripes red.")
13: Ana "peeks up" at Christian
9: references to Christian's "hooded eyes"
7: references to Christians "long index finger"
25: references to how "hot" Christian is (including 4: "He's so freaking hot.")
10: Christian's "mouth presses into a hard line"
199: characters "murmur"
49: characters "mutter"
195: characters "whisper"
21: characters "clamber" on/in/out of things
34: characters "smirk"
46: characters "gasp"
18: "breath hitches"
124: "grins"
124 "frowns"
And orgasms are always described as intense, body-shattering, delicious, violent, all-consuming, turbulent, agonizing and exhausting

And this is only book one.

Just out of curiosity, how does that stack up against, say, Charles Dickens or Mark Twain?


Those have a lot more "ejaculations."

I spit my drink out reading War of the Worlds when the protagonist ejaculates violently on another person, and all about the room.
 
2013-01-18 09:32:52 PM  

Skirl Hutsenreiter: cgraves67: Just out of curiosity, how does that stack up against, say, Charles Dickens or Mark Twain?

Obviously different books will have different common phrases, but just for fun I compared some you might also expect to see in Great Expectations and Huckleberry Finn:

50: characters raise their eyebrows 6, 1 (counting any eyebrow movement)
125: Ana "blushes" or "flushes" 9, 0
199: characters "murmur" 14, 0
49: characters "mutter" 11, 1
195: characters "whisper" 24, 12
34: characters "smirk" 1, 0
46: characters "gasp" 4, 3
124: "grins" 7, 15
124 "frowns" 4, 2

To be fair, Huckleberry Finn is about half as long as 50 Shades or Great Expectations, but it's still a striking difference in a set of common speaking and facial expression words that aren't out of place in any type of book.

It's usually seen as the mark of a novice writer to not be confident enough in their dialogue to just let their characters just "say" it rather than constantly murmuring, muttering, gasping or whining -- or worse, saying everything indignantly, hurriedly, wretchedly, longingly, etc. That's part of what you're seeing here.


Ooh, ooh. Now try it on Tom Swifty novels, Fano said obligingly
 
2013-01-18 09:37:48 PM  

Indubitably: Cheating on a committed relationship and/or marriage is unacceptable human behavior anymore.

Grow up, biatches.

;)



lol, somebody is still butthurt...

/Don't worry sport, one day youll get over it
 
2013-01-18 09:38:57 PM  

Ishkur: Everything you need to know about 50 Shades of Gray:

#: of occurrences of literary device

41: characters roll their eyes
35: Ana bites her lip
16: Christian's lips "quirk up"
17: Christian "cocks his head to one side"
15: characters "purse" their lips
50: characters raise their eyebrows
80: references to Ana's anthropomorphic "subconscious"
58: references to Ana's "inner goddess"
92: Ana saying some form of "oh crap" (including "holy crap", "double crap", or "triple crap").
81: Ana says "Jeez"
72: Ana says "oh my"
125: Ana "blushes" or "flushes" (including 13 that are "scarlet," 6 that are "crimson," and one that is "stars and stripes red.")
13: Ana "peeks up" at Christian
9: references to Christian's "hooded eyes"
7: references to Christians "long index finger"
25: references to how "hot" Christian is (including 4: "He's so freaking hot.")
10: Christian's "mouth presses into a hard line"
199: characters "murmur"
49: characters "mutter"
195: characters "whisper"
21: characters "clamber" on/in/out of things
34: characters "smirk"
46: characters "gasp"
18: "breath hitches"
124: "grins"
124 "frowns"
And orgasms are always described as intense, body-shattering, delicious, violent, all-consuming, turbulent, agonizing and exhausting

And this is only book one.


How many instances of "robe and wizard hat"?
 
2013-01-18 09:43:01 PM  
 
2013-01-18 09:44:16 PM  

bbfreak: onearmedninja: I really don't want to read the book. Did Cliff make any notes for it?

I didn't read it, my friend who happens to be a girl read it. Said it was overrated, and basically no better than any work of erotic fiction you can find on the internets for the free. If you're into that sort of thing, you dirty filthy pervert!


I didn't know until recently that that's exactly what it was before it was picked up by a publisher.

So, kudos to a fanfic author getting out there and getting published. Maybe they'll get good at it and publish something worthwhile.
 
2013-01-18 09:48:05 PM  

StubhyGraham: In case anyone wants to check out my poorly written erotic novel. Link

/Hangs head in shame


I may not have $5 a month for Farkprime, but I do have $7.99 to support a guy who likes the same website that I do, even though I only lurk and sometimes post vaguely racist things.

Anyway, take my $8, you fat cat bastard.
 
2013-01-18 09:51:12 PM  

cgraves67: Ishkur: Everything you need to know about 50 Shades of Gray:

#: of occurrences of literary device

41: characters roll their eyes
35: Ana bites her lip
16: Christian's lips "quirk up"
17: Christian "cocks his head to one side"
15: characters "purse" their lips
50: characters raise their eyebrows
80: references to Ana's anthropomorphic "subconscious"
58: references to Ana's "inner goddess"
92: Ana saying some form of "oh crap" (including "holy crap", "double crap", or "triple crap").
81: Ana says "Jeez"
72: Ana says "oh my"
125: Ana "blushes" or "flushes" (including 13 that are "scarlet," 6 that are "crimson," and one that is "stars and stripes red.")
13: Ana "peeks up" at Christian
9: references to Christian's "hooded eyes"
7: references to Christians "long index finger"
25: references to how "hot" Christian is (including 4: "He's so freaking hot.")
10: Christian's "mouth presses into a hard line"
199: characters "murmur"
49: characters "mutter"
195: characters "whisper"
21: characters "clamber" on/in/out of things
34: characters "smirk"
46: characters "gasp"
18: "breath hitches"
124: "grins"
124 "frowns"
And orgasms are always described as intense, body-shattering, delicious, violent, all-consuming, turbulent, agonizing and exhausting

And this is only book one.

Just out of curiosity, how does that stack up against, say, Charles Dickens or Mark Twain?


Depends. Do you mean Charles Dickens with a "C" or Charles Dikkens with two "K"s, the well-known Dutch author?
 
2013-01-18 09:51:33 PM  

BronyMedic: Only a person with no regard for their own health would use handcuffs in real bondage, especially suspension. Not only do they create the risk of having to have someone come cut you out when you lose the key, they can severely damage your hands and wrists.


Yeah, if you need metal, buy some larger choke chains and some small padlocks. You can make loops in the chain for each wrist and secure the size of each loop around the wrist with the pad locks.

Very safe.

Even safer to use decent rope, but that requires knowing how to tie knots safely without cutting off blood flow.
 
2013-01-18 09:53:37 PM  

Fano: Skirl Hutsenreiter: cgraves67: Just out of curiosity, how does that stack up against, say, Charles Dickens or Mark Twain?

Obviously different books will have different common phrases, but just for fun I compared some you might also expect to see in Great Expectations and Huckleberry Finn:

50: characters raise their eyebrows 6, 1 (counting any eyebrow movement)
125: Ana "blushes" or "flushes" 9, 0
199: characters "murmur" 14, 0
49: characters "mutter" 11, 1
195: characters "whisper" 24, 12
34: characters "smirk" 1, 0
46: characters "gasp" 4, 3
124: "grins" 7, 15
124 "frowns" 4, 2

To be fair, Huckleberry Finn is about half as long as 50 Shades or Great Expectations, but it's still a striking difference in a set of common speaking and facial expression words that aren't out of place in any type of book.

It's usually seen as the mark of a novice writer to not be confident enough in their dialogue to just let their characters just "say" it rather than constantly murmuring, muttering, gasping or whining -- or worse, saying everything indignantly, hurriedly, wretchedly, longingly, etc. That's part of what you're seeing here.

Ooh, ooh. Now try it on Tom Swifty novels, Fano said obligingly


Flying: 9000
Robot: 9000
Atomic: 9001
 
2013-01-18 09:57:35 PM  

Hot Lunch: Even though I only lurk and sometimes post vaguely racist things.



What about your race is so much better than the other races? Your race has trash just like all the other races. Have you ever been to a really busy Wal Mart?

/Unashamed to shop at Wal Mart
 
2013-01-18 10:01:23 PM  

D_Evans45: Hot Lunch: Even though I only lurk and sometimes post vaguely racist things.


What about your race is so much better than the other races? Your race has trash just like all the other races. Have you ever been to a really busy Wal Mart?

/Unashamed to shop at Wal Mart


Um, who said I support any race? You sound Mexican when you talk like that
 
2013-01-18 10:14:16 PM  

BronyMedic: Only a person with no regard for their own health would use handcuffs in real bondage, especially suspension.


And as I said (and you seem to have ignored) pretty much EVERY set of handcuffs sold for bondage today have safety release latches, I can think of maybe two brands that are an exception (and even then, those can be undone with a paperclip in the locking hole.)

Unless you're using police issue stuff (like from Galls magazine) there is pretty much ZERO risk involved.
 
2013-01-18 10:14:53 PM  

ProfessorOhki: Fano: Skirl Hutsenreiter: cgraves67: Just out of curiosity, how does that stack up against, say, Charles Dickens or Mark Twain?

Obviously different books will have different common phrases, but just for fun I compared some you might also expect to see in Great Expectations and Huckleberry Finn:

50: characters raise their eyebrows 6, 1 (counting any eyebrow movement)
125: Ana "blushes" or "flushes" 9, 0
199: characters "murmur" 14, 0
49: characters "mutter" 11, 1
195: characters "whisper" 24, 12
34: characters "smirk" 1, 0
46: characters "gasp" 4, 3
124: "grins" 7, 15
124 "frowns" 4, 2

To be fair, Huckleberry Finn is about half as long as 50 Shades or Great Expectations, but it's still a striking difference in a set of common speaking and facial expression words that aren't out of place in any type of book.

It's usually seen as the mark of a novice writer to not be confident enough in their dialogue to just let their characters just "say" it rather than constantly murmuring, muttering, gasping or whining -- or worse, saying everything indignantly, hurriedly, wretchedly, longingly, etc. That's part of what you're seeing here.

Ooh, ooh. Now try it on Tom Swifty novels, Fano said obligingly

Flying: 9000
Robot: 9000
Atomic: 9001


Atomic?
i.imgur.com
 
2013-01-18 10:15:08 PM  

Sid_6.7: BronyMedic: Only a person with no regard for their own health would use handcuffs in real bondage, especially suspension. Not only do they create the risk of having to have someone come cut you out when you lose the key, they can severely damage your hands and wrists.

Yeah, if you need metal, buy some larger choke chains and some small padlocks. You can make loops in the chain for each wrist and secure the size of each loop around the wrist with the pad locks.

Very safe.

Even safer to use decent rope, but that requires knowing how to tie knots safely without cutting off blood flow.


we've got super strong bondage tape. sticks to itself. safe.
 
2013-01-18 10:31:35 PM  
It's just 'fashion'; silly and fleeting.
 
2013-01-18 10:40:48 PM  
So, atrocious female writers with abbreviated first names have devastated science fiction, fantasy and horror with a never ending avalanche of garbage and now they are leveling their crap spewing hoses at erotic literature.

Goody.
 
2013-01-18 10:40:52 PM  

bingethinker: I tried to write an erotic novel, but it was rejected. Something about excessive use of the word "throbbing."


The children's book I was trying to peddle to different publishers was also rejected for the same reason. People just don't recognize good literature these days.
 
2013-01-18 10:47:25 PM  
Smelly Pirate Hooker:
Picturing all the soccer moms trying to do "kinky" shiat kinda gives me the heebies. To each their own, I guess.

Don't worry, most of them will try it once, get their husbands' hopes up, and then never touch it again once they realize that being tied up, whipped, and buggered hurts. (I mean, duh, that's why people do it)

D_Evans45:
Yeah 50 Shades actually was a originally a Twilight fanfic called Masters of the Universe.

LOL, I was truly expecting that link to be this...  On Fark much, me?
 
2013-01-18 10:51:15 PM  
FTA: She likened the book's impact to what the TV show "Sex and the City" did for female masturbation when the character Charlotte (Kristin Davis) purchased a vibrator called 'The Rabbit"-an item that continues to be a best-seller more than a decade later.

Is that where those came from? God bless 'em!
 
2013-01-18 11:16:21 PM  
I'm not getting into this conversation again. HOWEVER, this pissed me off:

FTFA
"Epstein said she would soon unveil a similar line for baby boomers, featuring large buttons for people whose eyesight is fading."When you're over 40, sometimes you can be like, 'What?!' when trying to operate these things, and that's not good."

coont, we Gen Xers are the ones that are just peaking over 40. You farkers are over 60. You're not young anymore! Accept it! Move out of the way! Your vibrators have the same controls on them as a Jitterbug! fark YOOOUUUU!!!!
 
2013-01-18 11:19:19 PM  

ciberido: cgraves67: Ishkur: Everything you need to know about 50 Shades of Gray:

#: of occurrences of literary device

41: characters roll their eyes
35: Ana bites her lip
16: Christian's lips "quirk up"
17: Christian "cocks his head to one side"
15: characters "purse" their lips
50: characters raise their eyebrows
80: references to Ana's anthropomorphic "subconscious"
58: references to Ana's "inner goddess"
92: Ana saying some form of "oh crap" (including "holy crap", "double crap", or "triple crap").
81: Ana says "Jeez"
72: Ana says "oh my"
125: Ana "blushes" or "flushes" (including 13 that are "scarlet," 6 that are "crimson," and one that is "stars and stripes red.")
13: Ana "peeks up" at Christian
9: references to Christian's "hooded eyes"
7: references to Christians "long index finger"
25: references to how "hot" Christian is (including 4: "He's so freaking hot.")
10: Christian's "mouth presses into a hard line"
199: characters "murmur"
49: characters "mutter"
195: characters "whisper"
21: characters "clamber" on/in/out of things
34: characters "smirk"
46: characters "gasp"
18: "breath hitches"
124: "grins"
124 "frowns"
And orgasms are always described as intense, body-shattering, delicious, violent, all-consuming, turbulent, agonizing and exhausting

And this is only book one.

Just out of curiosity, how does that stack up against, say, Charles Dickens or Mark Twain?

Depends. Do you mean Charles Dickens with a "C" or Charles Dikkens with two "K"s, the well-known Dutch author?


Why don't you try W.H. Smiths?
 
2013-01-18 11:22:25 PM  

StubhyGraham: In case anyone wants to check out my poorly written erotic novel. Link

/Hangs head in shame


Written by a man with a veeery sexy learning disability- what's it called, Kiff?
 
2013-01-18 11:31:08 PM  
Ok, so Fifty Shades of Gray isn't Hemingway or Faulkner, so what? I have read all three of the books, and I liked them. They were fun brain candy.

These books misrepresent BDSM and other sexy time fun. . .like main stream porn has it right?
 
2013-01-18 11:35:21 PM  

Oznog: StubhyGraham: In case anyone wants to check out my poorly written erotic novel. Link

/Hangs head in shame

Written by a man with a veeery sexy learning disability- what's it called, Kiff?



::exasperated sigh::

Sexlexia.

/ Do you like to read? I just got a great book on tape. It's about life in ancient Greece.
 
2013-01-18 11:47:44 PM  

Shakespeare's Sister: Ok, so Fifty Shades of Gray isn't Hemingway or Faulkner, so what? I have read all three of the books, and I liked them. They were fun brain candy.

These books misrepresent BDSM and other sexy time fun. . .like main stream porn has it right?


I'm cool with people reading them or watching anything they want and thinking 'ah fun to watch, but not realistic'. Porn is not realistic because 'omg who has time for that many positions before they have to, you know, stop sexing and go to work' or 'most women/men don't look like that'

Fifty Shades misrepresents what a healthy relationship is. I mean you can be BDSM and healthy relationship. But you can't be a female devoid of self-esteem who does things she actually doesn't want to do because she thinks she has to in order to keep the guy of her 'dreams'. In my mind, that is more offensive to women than porn could ever be.
 
2013-01-19 01:13:09 AM  

Koodz: snip


blacktower.net Damn I haven't heard that in a long farking time. Wotism.org/chat was the place to chat WoT back then.
 
2013-01-19 02:52:37 AM  
Gah! Indubitably!!

Don't DO that!! Especially with how you do that wibbly thing in the middle.

I had to put my eyeballs back in.

Ow.
 
2013-01-19 08:09:53 AM  
oops.
dailypicksandflicks.com
 
2013-01-19 10:11:11 AM  

spidermilk: Shakespeare's Sister: Ok, so Fifty Shades of Gray isn't Hemingway or Faulkner, so what? I have read all three of the books, and I liked them. They were fun brain candy.

These books misrepresent BDSM and other sexy time fun. . .like main stream porn has it right?

I'm cool with people reading them or watching anything they want and thinking 'ah fun to watch, but not realistic'. Porn is not realistic because 'omg who has time for that many positions before they have to, you know, stop sexing and go to work' or 'most women/men don't look like that'

Fifty Shades misrepresents what a healthy relationship is. I mean you can be BDSM and healthy relationship. But you can't be a female devoid of self-esteem who does things she actually doesn't want to do because she thinks she has to in order to keep the guy of her 'dreams'. In my mind, that is more offensive to women than porn could ever be.


I know that BDSM and healthy relationships coexist. I did not have an issue with the BDSM in the books. Nor did I think it was realistic. I am aware of poetic license, and that an accurate representation of the sex lives of a group of people cannot be done, as there are too many factors. Neither porn nor these books offend me. I would say that the number of people who believe porn is real is about the same as those who think the series is real.

In short, one should read these the way she watches porn or reads any other work of fiction. Realize it is fiction and not the way it really is. It is two characters in a made up world--these two people and the company he works for and all the rest do not exist.

After reading them, I did not want to do some of the things they did. Some sounded good. The bf benefited from the book.
 
2013-01-19 10:17:47 AM  
So this is where we pimp our own books?

http://www.amazon.com/J.-Eric-Laing/e/B007TYOAV0
 
2013-01-19 11:34:32 AM  

Ernie the Fork: So this is where we pimp our own books?

http://www.amazon.com/J.-Eric-Laing/e/B007TYOAV0


Scissors & Tweed

Amazon Prime $14.95
New: $13.17
Used: $57.06


i.ytimg.com

I'll take eight!
 
2013-01-19 11:41:00 AM  

WhippingBoy: Indubitably: Cheating on a committed relationship and/or marriage is unacceptable human behavior anymore.

It's only unacceptable if you get caught.

People wouldn't cheat if they were getting what they needed from their relationships.


I disagree. In my experience (I'm a woman), men fall into three categories:

1) Innate cheaters. These guys will go for any woman who strikes their fancy, regardless of whom they're with. I mean, they could be married to/living with a woman who is a model with a PhD in astrophysics and an insatiable sex drive, as well as being a gourmet cook, and they'll still cheat - if only for the thrill of forbidden fruit.

2) The non-cheaters. Remain loyal, no matter what. Blue balls, emotional/physical abuse by their wife or partner, physical distance such as a military deployment - they don't cheat. Period. A minority.

3) The cheaters due to circumstance (a growing group.) These are the guys who at least in theory would like a fulfilling, monogamous relationship but are unhappy and are either unable to take steps to fix things or have tried and found that their wife/partner is uncooperative. So they look for something on the side. It's worth noting that in the past many of these men would have fallen into the "non-cheater" group, but with the prolification of dating sites and social networking, can now meet someone with very little effort. These guys are also more likely to have a lover on the side, as opposed to hooking up with random women.
 
2013-01-19 11:43:26 AM  

maxx2112: Ernie the Fork: So this is where we pimp our own books?

http://www.amazon.com/J.-Eric-Laing/e/B007TYOAV0

Scissors & Tweed

Amazon Prime $14.95
New: $13.17
Used: $57.06


[i.ytimg.com image 480x360]

I'll take eight!


HA!
 
Skr
2013-01-19 12:55:06 PM  
He shoved his turgid spoon into the creamy mashed potatoes. He played with the idea that it was too soon, the succulent butter square that was plunged into the mess had not completely melted.
 
2013-01-19 03:35:10 PM  
Well my novel isn't exactly erotic, but it has steamy parts which put any thing E.L. James has written to shame. You'll never know unless you read it. (Spoiler alert! It contains multi-species sex.)

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008W31I8U
 
2013-01-22 01:49:30 AM  

Ernie the Fork: So this is where we pimp our own books?


Sure... why not! Here's some of mine

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr_dp_sr_1?_encoding=UTF8&field-aut h or=Alex%20Stultus&search-alias=books

/70+ others still just on Storiesonline or LitErotica
 
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