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(Yahoo)   How one poorly written erotic novel engorged the once-flaccid sex toy industry   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 142
    More: Obvious, sex industry, James Deen, Adult Entertainment Expo  
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14172 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Jan 2013 at 6:27 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-18 07:24:08 PM

Genevieve Marie: StubhyGraham: Genevieve Marie: StubhyGraham: In case anyone wants to check out my poorly written erotic novel. Link

/Hangs head in shame

That actually looks like a really fun read.

Thanks. Over the years, I think I've stolen enough comments from this site and used them in the book to make it somewhat decent. You all will be getting royalty checks as soon as I actually have a royalty to pay out.

Well, I'm afraid I didn't contribute much on that front, but your book is currently available free through the Kindle Owner's Lending Library for Prime members, so I borrowed it from the library. I hope you at least get some payment from Amazon for that :)



Awesome, thanks! Let me know what you think.
 
2013-01-18 07:26:01 PM
The first Stephen King novel I ever read was Gerald's Game when I was 14. Not his greatest work, not even close, but it was one of the most interesting books I'd read at the time.
I can't say for sure if it colored my sexual experiences, but I have never allowed anyone to use handcuffs on me.

I wonder how 50 Shades is going to affect the impressionable teens who are reading it now.
 
2013-01-18 07:26:36 PM
I'm left wondering what horrors are in the Reject pile of whoever approved this thing for publication.
 
2013-01-18 07:27:58 PM
gottfried

CLITORIS!!!

/gottfried
 
2013-01-18 07:29:22 PM

Gyrfalcon: Onkel Buck: As my retired dom friend said about 50 Shades. "It's S&M for Dummies and someone is going to get hurt, and not the good kinda hurt."

That was kind of my first thought. People who don't realize what really goes into BDSM are going to think Oo how fun we can tie each other up and have sex! and then someone's going to die...and then we'll have to listen to endless pontification on the news about "The growing threat of sadomasochism" and whether there's too much abuse in movie sex.

I give it another six months.


Absolutley! Because we can't have nice things. Im really surprised there havn't been any news stories so far,about firemen rescuing someone because they were doing someting they read in 50 Shades. Like ya said though, 6 months or a slow news day.
 
2013-01-18 07:31:23 PM

Zoomaster: [i.dailymail.co.uk image 850x566]

/This works for me


Does she have downs, or is her face just hideous?
 
2013-01-18 07:32:19 PM

Old enough to know better: I'm left wondering what horrors are in the Reject pile of whoever approved this thing for publication.


It actually is an interesting story. It was originally self-published. It didn't get picked up by a real publisher until it had already sold quite a few copies and gotten good word of mouth.

I've read all three. It honestly didn't strike me as much better or worse than a whole lot of other books about the same subject. The reason it got so popular is because it's a quick, easy read and because it's about a pretty stereotypical wish-fulfillment scenario: gorgeous rich guy falls in love with you and wants to spend his entire life doing nothing but buying you things and giving you orgasms.
 
2013-01-18 07:32:36 PM

milsorgen: Jim_Callahan: Really? A full staff room of writers and not one of them had a proper pair of padded cuffs to stick in the photo for the blog?

This, I do not really believe.


Seriously? I'm 29 years old and from a fairly left-leaning progressive area and did my few years of sex, drugs and rock 'n roll and not once did I ever come across someone with sex 'cuffs.


Oh, c'mon! It seems like there's always the one friend who buys a pair as a bachelorette party prop at the minimum.
 
2013-01-18 07:37:32 PM
I'm ashamed to admit, I want that farking silver tie.
 
2013-01-18 07:38:00 PM
You gotta be some kind of stupid to let ANYONE handcuff you to a bed, etc.

I don't care which gender you are, they are, how close you think you are, none of it!

Its that lightning strike chance that the ONE time you let someone bind you beyond your control is when they have some sort of mental break.

Next thing you know, you're bleeding out from your freshly mutilated genitals.

Handcuffs.

Not. Even. Once.
 
2013-01-18 07:40:39 PM

23FPB23: You gotta be some kind of stupid to let ANYONE handcuff you to a bed, etc.

I don't care which gender you are, they are, how close you think you are, none of it!

Its that lightning strike chance that the ONE time you let someone bind you beyond your control is when they have some sort of mental break.

Next thing you know, you're bleeding out from your freshly mutilated genitals.

Handcuffs.

Not. Even. Once.


Think about it this way: all the handcuffs really change is if they have to wait until you fall asleep or not.
 
2013-01-18 07:42:58 PM

onearmedninja: I really don't want to read the book. Did Cliff make any notes for it?


I didn't read it, my friend who happens to be a girl read it. Said it was overrated, and basically no better than any work of erotic fiction you can find on the internets for the free. If you're into that sort of thing, you dirty filthy pervert!
 
2013-01-18 07:45:25 PM

ProfessorOhki: Think about it this way: all the handcuffs really change is if they have to wait until you fall asleep or not.


Yeah if you ignore the ability to fight back. Fark handcuffs.
 
2013-01-18 07:47:09 PM

Genevieve Marie: Old enough to know better: I'm left wondering what horrors are in the Reject pile of whoever approved this thing for publication.

It actually is an interesting story. It was originally self-published. It didn't get picked up by a real publisher until it had already sold quite a few copies and gotten good word of mouth.

I've read all three. It honestly didn't strike me as much better or worse than a whole lot of other books about the same subject. The reason it got so popular is because it's a quick, easy read and because it's about a pretty stereotypical wish-fulfillment scenario: gorgeous rich guy falls in love with you and wants to spend his entire life doing nothing but buying you things and giving you orgasms.



What's the story though? I mean, it's not that hard to say "Oh look, a beautiful blonde woman who is rich, and wants to buy me stuff while farking me."

I've read erotic literature before. It can be lengthy at times setting the scene, but it certainly isn't enough to make a story out of. Let alone THREE stories.
 
2013-01-18 07:48:10 PM

bbfreak: onearmedninja: I really don't want to read the book. Did Cliff make any notes for it?

I didn't read it, my friend who happens to be a girl read it. Said it was overrated, and basically no better than any work of erotic fiction you can find on the internets for the free. If you're into that sort of thing, you dirty filthy pervert!



Yeah 50 Shades actually was a originally a Twilight fanfic called Masters of the Universe.
 
2013-01-18 07:49:20 PM
bie?

eip

friday night at work. meh.
 
2013-01-18 07:50:12 PM

23FPB23: ProfessorOhki: Think about it this way: all the handcuffs really change is if they have to wait until you fall asleep or not.

Yeah if you ignore the ability to fight back. Fark handcuffs.


Wouldn't your hands be too occupied trying to stop the bleeding anyway?
 
2013-01-18 07:51:43 PM

ProfessorOhki: 23FPB23: You gotta be some kind of stupid to let ANYONE handcuff you to a bed, etc.

I don't care which gender you are, they are, how close you think you are, none of it!

Its that lightning strike chance that the ONE time you let someone bind you beyond your control is when they have some sort of mental break.

Next thing you know, you're bleeding out from your freshly mutilated genitals.

Handcuffs.

Not. Even. Once.

Think about it this way: all the handcuffs really change is if they have to wait until you fall asleep or not.


Is it wrong that I wanna watch you two?
 
2013-01-18 07:52:36 PM
Yep, I get all kinds of bubbly stupid girls in my shop (or their husbands who got sent to the shop) to pick up this book, some handcuffs, and some freaking kegel exercise balls.

What's funny is you could find this story, all three books, on fanfiction.net YEARS ago before a publisher picked it up.

And let me tell you, I've read the books. 9th-grade writing/reading level, at best. You thought Wheel of Time was bad? Oh god, no.
 
2013-01-18 07:56:10 PM

HellRaisingHoosier: What's the story though?



The plot of pornographic tales is usually either hardly relative or non-existent. If you are looking that hard for plots in your porno, you are doing it wrong.

When most women sit down to read this, they aren't settling in for a good yarn.
 
2013-01-18 07:58:09 PM

Onkel Buck: As my retired dom friend said about 50 Shades. "It's S&M for Dummies and someone is going to get hurt, and not the good kinda hurt."


The ex was online buying bondage gear the day she moved out. I guess she moves on quick.

/Is it wrong to hope she gets hurt?
 
2013-01-18 08:00:18 PM

Via Infinito: Fifty Shades of Takei


+1 Internets for you!

I need an entirely new laptop.

/Oh My.
 
2013-01-18 08:01:21 PM

23FPB23: You gotta be some kind of stupid to let ANYONE handcuff you to a bed, etc.


Agreed.

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-01-18 08:04:47 PM
As a stay at home dad who hangs out with soccer moms, this book has done wonders for my sex life (don't tell my wife).

Apparently, they see me as the "mysterious stranger".

Most women in their late 30's early 40's who claim to be "happily married"? They're not. God bless 'em.
 
2013-01-18 08:05:35 PM

KiwDaWabbit: Onkel Buck: As my retired dom friend said about 50 Shades. "It's S&M for Dummies and someone is going to get hurt, and not the good kinda hurt."

The ex was online buying bondage gear the day she moved out. I guess she moves on quick.

/Is it wrong to hope she gets hurt?


It's wrong to hope she dies...other than that, probably not.
 
2013-01-18 08:05:55 PM

23FPB23: Yeah if you ignore the ability to fight back. Fark handcuffs.


You must be a very sheltered and inexperienced child. Most handcuffs sold come with quick-release latches, unless you're buying police issue or the serious bondage ones.
 
2013-01-18 08:06:39 PM
If low quality trashy novels keep people actually reading and away from stuff like Jersey Shore, Honey Boo Boo, and Ow My Balls I say keep them coming (no pun intended). Plus it further marginalizes people who portray sex as an evil thing, which is good.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-01-18 08:06:57 PM

Zoomaster: [i.dailymail.co.uk image 850x566]

/This works for me


What the hell's with her lips? Did someone smack her?

/shes hot, but almost certainly unbelievably high maint
 
2013-01-18 08:08:46 PM
I've read my share of trashy and easy books but this one goes in the 'couldn't get past the first few pages' pile.

Oh, the beautiful, clumsy, virgin main character has low self esteem but is actually the most desired woman ever?

I think the most disturbing thing to me (and I haven't read it, so I could be wrong) is how it is about an actual abusive relationship. There are dangers in people not knowing what BDSM is (but I don't know what it is and I'm ok i think), but I don't want women thinking a guy pushing them into doing things they really don't want to do over and over again is okay.

Seriously women: go to the library and take any book off the shelf and it will be better than this.
 
2013-01-18 08:09:25 PM

khyberkitsune: 23FPB23: Yeah if you ignore the ability to fight back. Fark handcuffs.

You must be a very sheltered and inexperienced child. Most handcuffs sold come with quick-release latches, unless you're buying police issue or the serious bondage ones.


I'm talking "real" handcuffs, douchenozzle. Otherwise what's the point in someone cuffing you?

Dumbass.
 
2013-01-18 08:10:35 PM

Ishkur: Everything you need to know about 50 Shades of Gray:

#: of occurrences of literary device


autostraddle.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com
 
2013-01-18 08:12:28 PM

Via Infinito: The first Stephen King novel I ever read was Gerald's Game when I was 14. Not his greatest work, not even close, but it was one of the most interesting books I'd read at the time.
I can't say for sure if it colored my sexual experiences, but I have never allowed anyone to use handcuffs on me.

I wonder how 50 Shades is going to affect the impressionable teens who are reading it now.


Sexually knowledgeable people know to avoid things that are actually risky, and non-play handcuffs are one of them. I wouldn't quite call it common sense, but it's well-known. Hell, even I know it. I also read that book at about 14 and understood that King wasn't endorsing this. He's a pretty aware author, and often has characters cut corners as part of the dramatic irony.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-01-18 08:12:39 PM

ColSanders: 23FPB23: You gotta be some kind of stupid to let ANYONE handcuff you to a bed, etc.

Agreed.


upload.wikimedia.org

LOL. I had no idea there was a King novel with my name in it.
If I ever tried to cuff my lady to the bed she would probably hold the front door open and let me know I have 10 seconds head start, after that, fair game pal.
 
2013-01-18 08:14:08 PM
Now if you can somehow write a romance novel about a mysterious stranger who falls for/seduces/etc a single soccer mom... Jackpot. Get rich and the wife may not mind the time you spend doing "research".

If I had the time and imagination I'd be writing stuff aimed at demos such as that. If you need a primer read the Oatmeal comic about the Twilight books, lots of truth there.


WhippingBoy: As a stay at home dad who hangs out with soccer moms, this book has done wonders for my sex life (don't tell my wife).

Apparently, they see me as the "mysterious stranger".

Most women in their late 30's early 40's who claim to be "happily married"? They're not. God bless 'em.

 
2013-01-18 08:14:11 PM

Via Infinito: The first Stephen King novel I ever read was Gerald's Game when I was 14. Not his greatest work, not even close, but it was one of the most interesting books I'd read at the time.
I can't say for sure if it colored my sexual experiences, but I have never allowed anyone to use handcuffs on me.


I learned about the birds 'n' bees from Jean Auel.

When I got older, my mother assured me that Jondalar is a creature of pure imagination.
 
2013-01-18 08:14:57 PM

23FPB23: khyberkitsune: 23FPB23: Yeah if you ignore the ability to fight back. Fark handcuffs.

You must be a very sheltered and inexperienced child. Most handcuffs sold come with quick-release latches, unless you're buying police issue or the serious bondage ones.

I'm talking "real" handcuffs, douchenozzle. Otherwise what's the point in someone cuffing you?

Dumbass.


Your quotation marks imply you mean fake handcuffs. But it would appear you're still taking 9th-grade English, so I'll just stop there.
 
2013-01-18 08:19:48 PM
stuffpoint.com

// Hot like Gina from my work
 
2013-01-18 08:23:16 PM

cgraves67: Just out of curiosity, how does that stack up against, say, Charles Dickens or Mark Twain?


Obviously different books will have different common phrases, but just for fun I compared some you might also expect to see in Great Expectations and Huckleberry Finn:

50: characters raise their eyebrows 6, 1 (counting any eyebrow movement)
125: Ana "blushes" or "flushes" 9, 0
199
: characters "murmur" 14, 0
49
: characters "mutter" 11, 1
195
: characters "whisper" 24, 12
34
: characters "smirk" 1, 0
46
: characters "gasp" 4, 3
124
: "grins" 7, 15
124
"frowns" 4, 2

To be fair, Huckleberry Finn is about half as long as 50 Shades or Great Expectations, but it's still a striking difference in a set of common speaking and facial expression words that aren't out of place in any type of book.

It's usually seen as the mark of a novice writer to not be confident enough in their dialogue to just let their characters just "say" it rather than constantly murmuring, muttering, gasping or whining -- or worse, saying everything indignantly, hurriedly, wretchedly, longingly, etc. That's part of what you're seeing here.
 
2013-01-18 08:23:24 PM

KiwDaWabbit: Onkel Buck: As my retired dom friend said about 50 Shades. "It's S&M for Dummies and someone is going to get hurt, and not the good kinda hurt."

The ex was online buying bondage gear the day she moved out. I guess she moves on quick.

/Is it wrong to hope she gets hurt?


Ummm... damn dude, its been rough week. I gotta question your slashie. You got me thinking, maybe these gun grabbers might be onto something. I hate I gotta doubt ya, but its the times we live in. That was a creepy statement. I dont even know what Im supposed to be paranoid about anymore.
 
2013-01-18 08:25:32 PM

Chariset: Via Infinito: The first Stephen King novel I ever read was Gerald's Game when I was 14. Not his greatest work, not even close, but it was one of the most interesting books I'd read at the time.
I can't say for sure if it colored my sexual experiences, but I have never allowed anyone to use handcuffs on me.

I learned about the birds 'n' bees from Jean Auel.

When I got older, my mother assured me that Jondalar is a creature of pure imagination.


Some call him Dongalar.
 
2013-01-18 08:26:51 PM
Bie EIp

I'll tie it up for ya
 
2013-01-18 08:29:26 PM

Onkel Buck: KiwDaWabbit: Onkel Buck: As my retired dom friend said about 50 Shades. "It's S&M for Dummies and someone is going to get hurt, and not the good kinda hurt."

The ex was online buying bondage gear the day she moved out. I guess she moves on quick.

/Is it wrong to hope she gets hurt?

Ummm... damn dude, its been rough week. I gotta question your slashie. You got me thinking, maybe these gun grabbers might be onto something. I hate I gotta doubt ya, but its the times we live in. That was a creepy statement. I dont even know what Im supposed to be paranoid about anymore.


lolwut.jpg
 
2013-01-18 08:35:49 PM
All I know about 50 shades is it got some women in the mood, in particular 2 married women I work with that weren't getting it at home...so keep up the good work!
 
2013-01-18 08:41:50 PM

Smeggy Smurf: that sounds as bad as a wheel of time book

/tug braid
//sniff


I imagine RJ as he was just starting the first book and sketching out each character's traits on note cards: he thinks a moment, then writes "temper" and "tugs braid" on a card, puts it on the top of a completed pile and congratulates himself on another one down.

\Still better than Butlerian Jihad, where if there was such prep work, at least one of the cards could not have possibly said anything but simply "biatch".
 
2013-01-18 08:51:11 PM
The important thing to take away from "50 Shades of Grey" is if you're sure you've found mister right, prepare your anus.
 
2013-01-18 08:51:33 PM

Smeggy Smurf: Ishkur: Everything you need to know about 50 Shades of Gray:

#: of occurrences of literary device

41: characters roll their eyes
35: Ana bites her lip
16: Christian's lips "quirk up"
17: Christian "cocks his head to one side"
15: characters "purse" their lips
50: characters raise their eyebrows
80: references to Ana's anthropomorphic "subconscious"
58: references to Ana's "inner goddess"
92: Ana saying some form of "oh crap" (including "holy crap", "double crap", or "triple crap").
81: Ana says "Jeez"
72: Ana says "oh my"
125: Ana "blushes" or "flushes" (including 13 that are "scarlet," 6 that are "crimson," and one that is "stars and stripes red.")
13: Ana "peeks up" at Christian
9: references to Christian's "hooded eyes"
7: references to Christians "long index finger"
25: references to how "hot" Christian is (including 4: "He's so freaking hot.")
10: Christian's "mouth presses into a hard line"
199: characters "murmur"
49: characters "mutter"
195: characters "whisper"
21: characters "clamber" on/in/out of things
34: characters "smirk"
46: characters "gasp"
18: "breath hitches"
124: "grins"
124 "frowns"
And orgasms are always described as intense, body-shattering, delicious, violent, all-consuming, turbulent, agonizing and exhausting

And this is only book one.

that sounds as bad as a wheel of time book

/tug braid
//sniff


http://blacktower.net/randdaman.htm

I'm not one for fanfiction, but this one had me at, "Nynaeve pulls on her braid. She pulls too hard, yanking out a chunk of her skull, she falls to the ground and bleeds to death."

/comma splice
//like a boss
 
2013-01-18 08:52:03 PM

Indubitably: Cheating on a committed relationship and/or marriage is unacceptable human behavior anymore.


Cheating is bad, but so is being subjected to a sexless relationship or marriage.

For the record, I have never cheated. I was actually given a free pass, which I did not take. I was justified in thinking that this offer was to make up for her guilt, I just didn't and probably never will know what all that consisted of.
 
2013-01-18 08:53:49 PM
Twain is so cool, he put all descriptions of the sky in an appendix. I forget which book that was.
 
2013-01-18 08:54:06 PM

Indubitably: Cheating on a committed relationship and/or marriage is unacceptable human behavior anymore.


It's only unacceptable if you get caught.

People wouldn't cheat if they were getting what they needed from their relationships.
 
2013-01-18 08:55:06 PM
Tied up the boyfriend once, then promptly passed out. Luckily I was using the belt from a karate gi and he was able to work himself free. We didn't do that again.
 
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