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(Business Insider)   Sometimes honesty really is the best policy   (businessinsider.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing, honesty  
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5417 clicks; posted to Business » on 17 Jan 2013 at 1:25 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



39 Comments   (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2013-01-16 10:07:31 PM  
This guy wants to be an investment banker? He better break this habit of being "honest" or he'll have to find another line of work.
 
2013-01-17 12:31:44 AM  
If he is "touring the east coast" with his uncle and eating at Smith & Wollensky, he comes from enough privilege that he didn't need to send such a great letter.

And that privilege is why he was able to write it. Only someone with either nothing to lose or no chance of losing could have had the confidence to send that e-mail.
 
2013-01-17 01:22:03 AM  
And has he actually gotten an interview yet?
 
2013-01-17 01:33:01 AM  
After enabling every script on that clusterfark of a website, I still get nothing but a blank white page. Is this letter available somewhere else? Or was it a letter about webmasters who suck ass at scripting?
 
2013-01-17 01:41:31 AM  
static2.businessinsider.com
static6.businessinsider.com
static1.businessinsider.com
static3.businessinsider.com
static1.businessinsider.com
static1.businessinsider.com
static5.businessinsider.com
static6.businessinsider.com
static5.businessinsider.com
static5.businessinsider.com

/links hotter than Manti Te'o's girlfriend
 
2013-01-17 02:24:13 AM  
Wow, doesn't take much to impress people who are looking for free labor
 
2013-01-17 03:45:53 AM  

Flying Lasagna Monster: [static2.businessinsider.com image 850x621]
[static6.businessinsider.com image 850x339]
[static1.businessinsider.com image 850x495]
[static3.businessinsider.com image 850x265]
[static1.businessinsider.com image 850x252]
[static1.businessinsider.com image 841x288]
[static5.businessinsider.com image 850x110]
[static6.businessinsider.com image 850x164]
[static5.businessinsider.com image 850x186]
[static5.businessinsider.com image 850x110]

/links hotter than Manti Te'o's girlfriend


Thanks for finding that.

What a humble young go-getter who casually mentioned that he has already interned in Merrill Lynch's Wealth Management Division.
 
2013-01-17 03:46:21 AM  
uh... no-talent sycophants know and groom their own
 
2013-01-17 04:09:56 AM  
the world needs more wiseass frat boys willing to one day make huge bank for making no contribution to mankind.
 
2013-01-17 04:11:01 AM  

HotWingAgenda: After enabling every script on that clusterfark of a website, I still get nothing but a blank white page.


That's the first site I've seen that required scrolling on NoScript to see them all.

Good on the kid though. He should be making coffee for years to come.
 
2013-01-17 06:01:41 AM  
Enterprising, but, "I'll suck you off for an internship" would have been much more succinct.
 
2013-01-17 06:13:33 AM  
The marked-out school name can't be more than 4 letters long.

Duke?
 
2013-01-17 06:33:18 AM  
So, that's what it takes to impress investment bankers, eh? No wonder our economy is totally farked.
 
2013-01-17 06:37:02 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: The marked-out school name can't be more than 4 letters long.

Duke?


Doubtful. He said it was "average."
 
2013-01-17 07:04:38 AM  

untaken_name: So, that's what it takes to impress investment bankers, eh? No wonder our economy is totally farked.


Probably fake as it's laughably amateurish all around, but taking it a face value, I agree. This guy isn't the first to try to draw attention with this method; as a wild-ass guess I'd say 1% of cover letters read the exact same way.

It doesn't come off as honest anyway. Never mind that "picking up laundry for next to nothing" is a pure nose-up-the-ass moment; I find it highly unlikely the guy is honestly "extremely interested" in investment banking. People go into investment banking for one reason and one reason only: to make a shiat-ton of money with no regards to the social consequences. It's the money that makes the idea appealing at all, so when you're working for nothing, the only reason to live is to make it through the frat hazing. That's not passion; that's ambition. In the rare occasion these suits do know what they're doing -- you know, actual analysis instead of chasing the hot rumor -- it's extremely dry stuff. Either he's lying out his ass or he has no farking clue. My money's on lying; saying you're passionate is the oldest brown-nosing trick in the book.

About the only thing that smells remotely honest about the letter is that the guy doesn't know shiat, but even that smacks of faux modesty. In terms of self-perception, he could even be lying about that -- he thinks he's hot shiat but betting that humility will attract attention. Assuming this isn't all a complete hoax, it'd be distressing if the tactic actually worked.
 
2013-01-17 07:08:07 AM  

dragonchild: untaken_name: So, that's what it takes to impress investment bankers, eh? No wonder our economy is totally farked.

Probably fake as it's laughably amateurish all around, but taking it a face value, I agree. This guy isn't the first to try to draw attention with this method; as a wild-ass guess I'd say 1% of cover letters read the exact same way.

It doesn't come off as honest anyway. Never mind that "picking up laundry for next to nothing" is a pure nose-up-the-ass moment; I find it highly unlikely the guy is honestly "extremely interested" in investment banking. People go into investment banking for one reason and one reason only: to make a shiat-ton of money with no regards to the social consequences. It's the money that makes the idea appealing at all, so when you're working for nothing, the only reason to live is to make it through the frat hazing. That's not passion; that's ambition. In the rare occasion these suits do know what they're doing -- you know, actual analysis instead of chasing the hot rumor -- it's extremely dry stuff. Either he's lying out his ass or he has no farking clue. My money's on lying; saying you're passionate is the oldest brown-nosing trick in the book.

About the only thing that smells remotely honest about the letter is that the guy doesn't know shiat, but even that smacks of faux modesty. In terms of self-perception, he could even be lying about that -- he thinks he's hot shiat but betting that humility will attract attention. Assuming this isn't all a complete hoax, it'd be distressing if the tactic actually worked.


Extremely well-said. Excellent post.
 
2013-01-17 07:30:13 AM  
Yeah. Imma not gonna enable Javascript just to read some f*cking text that could easily be displayed by simply using HTML.
 
2013-01-17 07:38:03 AM  

Flying Lasagna Monster: /links hotter than Manti Te'o's girlfriend


Ah, thank you, good sir.
 
2013-01-17 07:40:12 AM  

HotWingAgenda: After enabling every script on that clusterfark of a website, I still get nothing but a blank white page. Is this letter available somewhere else? Or was it a letter about webmasters who suck ass at scripting?


"jquery.com" is the magic domain that you have to enable.
 
2013-01-17 07:43:59 AM  
Open site.

No text at all.

Probably because of NoScript, but no text... no thanks. That is ridiculous.
 
2013-01-17 07:50:03 AM  
The kid writes like a simpleton. How the hell did he manage a "near perfect GPA?"
 
2013-01-17 08:01:22 AM  

FishyFred: If he is "touring the east coast" with his uncle and eating at Smith & Wollensky, he comes from enough privilege that he didn't need to send such a great letter.


For all we know his uncle is a CEO somewhere who is being sucked off by Ibankers on a regular basis. Hence the dinner meeting a S&W, for which the banker probably paid.

Not that I dislike the letter, but it reeks of privilege and veiled arrogance. He'll make a fine IB drone.
 
2013-01-17 08:34:16 AM  
Terrible writing for a near perfect GPA. He probably wrote the email, forwarded it back and forth to his friends, blacked out the email addresses and posted. Profit
 
2013-01-17 08:40:02 AM  
Dear manager of Foxy Lady in Providence,

I am seeking an internship at your fine establishment in Rhode Island. I will work for next to nothing and will do anything you request. Formerly I interned at Club Fantasies in South Providence. I will eagerly run to Federal Hill to pick up any stripper's takeout order.

Regards,
Skinink
 
2013-01-17 08:41:37 AM  
What is so awesome about that poorly written letter?
 
2013-01-17 08:55:29 AM  

dragonchild: untaken_name: So, that's what it takes to impress investment bankers, eh? No wonder our economy is totally farked.

Probably fake as it's laughably amateurish all around, but taking it a face value, I agree. This guy isn't the first to try to draw attention with this method; as a wild-ass guess I'd say 1% of cover letters read the exact same way.

It doesn't come off as honest anyway. Never mind that "picking up laundry for next to nothing" is a pure nose-up-the-ass moment; I find it highly unlikely the guy is honestly "extremely interested" in investment banking. People go into investment banking for one reason and one reason only: to make a shiat-ton of money with no regards to the social consequences. It's the money that makes the idea appealing at all, so when you're working for nothing, the only reason to live is to make it through the frat hazing. That's not passion; that's ambition. In the rare occasion these suits do know what they're doing -- you know, actual analysis instead of chasing the hot rumor -- it's extremely dry stuff. Either he's lying out his ass or he has no farking clue. My money's on lying; saying you're passionate is the oldest brown-nosing trick in the book.

About the only thing that smells remotely honest about the letter is that the guy doesn't know shiat, but even that smacks of faux modesty. In terms of self-perception, he could even be lying about that -- he thinks he's hot shiat but betting that humility will attract attention. Assuming this isn't all a complete hoax, it'd be distressing if the tactic actually worked.


I disagree with most of your post (everybody works for money, that's why you work. Otherwise it's a hobby.)

But is agree that it's a hoax. No way it get passed around like that it such a short period of time, especially something as unremarkable as the letter.
 
2013-01-17 09:12:40 AM  
I have no qualms about fetching coffee, shining shoes or picking up laundry, and will work for next to nothing.

I was paid next to nothing in graduate school, but at least I spent my time actually learning something instead of taking the role of assistant-biatch to some investment banker and running his daily errands. Also got a PhD out of it.
 
2013-01-17 10:22:08 AM  
He misspelled crap. Automatically disqualifies him from consideration at my firm. (You need to be a master of crap to work here)
 
2013-01-17 11:46:50 AM  
I work at one of the firms that was on this chain - and have the original e-mail that was sent around - so I'm really getting a kick, etc. etc.

It's no hoax; sometimes, truth really is stranger than fiction, and stuff like this happens more often than y'all might think. Around this time last year, there was another one of these letters (ableit on the "arrogant" side of the spectrum) making the rounds around Wall Street from a guy from NYU who offered up gems such as the following:

"I am an ambitious undergraduate at NYU triple majoring in Mathematics, Economics, and Computer Science. I am a punctual, personable, and shrewd individual, yet I have a quality which I pride myself on more than any of these.

I am unequivocally the most unflaggingly hard worker I know, and I love self-improvement. I have always felt that my time should be spent wisely, so I continuously challenge myself; I left Villanova because the work was too easy. Once I realized I could achieve a perfect GPA while holding a part-time job at NYU, I decided to redouble my effot by placing out of two classes, taking two honors classes, and holding two part-time jobs. That semester I achieved a 3.93, and in the same time I managed to bench double my bodyweight and do 35 pull-ups."

And that guy was absolutely serious - I shiat you not. What was especially funny about that letter was that he ended it with this: "Please realize that I am not a braggart or conceited, I just want to outline my usefulness. Egos can be a huge liability, and I try not to have one." (I welcome the grammar nazis to point out the comma error he made in that first sentence.)

That letter just never made the news - I guess it wasn't as slow a news day last January.

It's a HUGE risk you're taking with sending a letter like this. Unless you're already on VERY casual terms with the guy you're sending it to should you even TRY incorporating anything self-deprecating like this - and NEVER on the "arrogant" side of the spectrum. Better off just keeping it strictly professional but not overly conceited.

AverageAmericanGuy: The marked-out school name can't be more than 4 letters long.

Duke?


SDSU, actually, so I guess it was actually true when he referred to it as an "average university."
 
2013-01-17 01:04:26 PM  
If the student in question is dishonest about his motivations and is just gambling on a high-risk/high-reward strategy then good for him (I guess) if it works out and I hope he has a backup plan.

If he actually believes his own bullshiat and thinks this is how he should approach job applications then he demonstrates a fundamental lack of respect for his employer right off the bat and he will sooner rather than later learn to his dismay that bosses don't like being talked down to.

News media is doing the public no favors by trumpeting this terrible idea so loudly.
 
2013-01-17 01:32:42 PM  

Hydra: It's no hoax; sometimes, truth really is stranger than fiction, and stuff like this happens more often than y'all might think.


Oh, I don't doubt students write letters like this. The lack of work experience and real-world accomplishments often leaves them with limited choices with which to attract attention. What I find unbelievable is that this letter impressed anyone to the point that it got forwarded around. If you're honest and serious, then you work for a pack of idiots.
 
2013-01-17 02:03:51 PM  
Ok, oblig:

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.

Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA.

I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid.

On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.

I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.
 
2013-01-17 03:11:15 PM  

FitzShivering: Enterprising, but, "I'll suck you off for an internship" would have been much more succinct.


Suck what?

/hot
 
2013-01-17 03:13:52 PM  

Lego_Addict: FitzShivering: Enterprising, but, "I'll suck you off for an internship" would have been much more succinct.

Suck what?

/hot


That was supposed to include a pic of Dom
dvdmedia.ign.com
 
2013-01-17 03:17:35 PM  

dragonchild: I find it highly unlikely the guy is honestly "extremely interested" in investment banking.


I dunno, I think it would be utterly fascinating. The last time I was looking for a new job, I was tempted to give up on the whole engineering/SiliconValley thing and check out Wall St. (I know several engineers who have done just that), but September 2008 wasn't exactly good timing for that sort of career move.
 
2013-01-17 03:43:26 PM  
No skills? GTFO
 
2013-01-17 03:55:09 PM  
I found that letter unremarkable, but I don't work in the bullshiat industry for a living.
 
2013-01-17 07:45:27 PM  
"This email is confidential..."

I guess not so much.
 
2013-01-17 07:59:15 PM  
"The truth is I have no unbelievably special skills, but I will look for you, and I will find you, and when I do, I will fetch your coffee and do your laundry."

d3na4zxidw1hr4.cloudfront.net
 
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