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(Sun Sentinel)   Deputies in Florida searching for pet grizzly bear. Pet grizzly? Their advice: If you encounter this bear you should clap your hands and say, "Bear go home"   (sun-sentinel.com ) divider line
    More: Florida, deputies, Wildlife Conservation Commission, pet grizzly bear, Golden Gate Estates, Grizzlies  
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4701 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Jan 2013 at 10:18 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



76 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-01-16 10:21:12 AM  
That reminds me ... I forgot to check the Bear Threat Level today ...
 
2013-01-16 10:26:06 AM  
To be fair, that is better advice than "run away screaming".
 
2013-01-16 10:26:10 AM  

redundantman: That reminds me ... I forgot to check the Bear Threat Level today ...


i54.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-16 10:26:52 AM  
Mauler, no mauling! Mauler, no mauling! Mauler, no mauling!

/it's what I thought of
 
2013-01-16 10:28:01 AM  
I prefer "Shoo shoo!" and if that doesn't work I go to "Get out of my damn yard!"
 
2013-01-16 10:28:30 AM  
img10.imageshack.us
/oblig
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-01-16 10:28:33 AM  
So if you know a bear who wants to be petted by a Deputy....
 
2013-01-16 10:28:45 AM  
It's okay, it's just Boog.
 
2013-01-16 10:29:25 AM  
Mike Birbiglia remains skeptical of this approach.
 
2013-01-16 10:30:22 AM  
timstvshowcase.com
 
2013-01-16 10:33:07 AM  
funnyasduck.net
 
2013-01-16 10:33:23 AM  
Just look for the poop with a hint of mace smell and bells in it.
 
2013-01-16 10:35:24 AM  
cdn.ksk.uproxx.com

"Let the bears pay the bear tax. I pay the Homer tax!"
 
2013-01-16 10:37:21 AM  
That little guy isn't going to hurt you. Now if it was a pet chimp, that would be a different story.
 
2013-01-16 10:37:31 AM  
 
2013-01-16 10:39:04 AM  
Have they tried putting out a pick a nick basket?
 
2013-01-16 10:40:15 AM  
I have an ad which shows a cat with a goldfish in a bowl.

My caption:

In our language we have many words for your people, such as "snack, appetizer,  hors d'oeuvre, breakfast, canapé...."

Bears, being omnivors like us, evaluate other living things as 1) threats; 2) mates; or 3) meals. I assume that those children are in the category "Save for later in case I get hungry".

There's no such thing as a tame bear. Stephen Colbert is right:  the Bear Threat Level is always high.

That's why I hate those coke commercials with seals and bears enjoying a Coke. They might as well be splitting an order of Antartica penguin and fries.
 
2013-01-16 10:40:55 AM  

blatz514: DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE? (NSFW LANGUAGE AND BEAR SEX)


Yeah, I'm not clicking that link.
 
2013-01-16 10:44:01 AM  

Forced Perspective: blatz514: DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE? (NSFW LANGUAGE AND BEAR SEX)

Yeah, I'm not clicking that link.


I'll give ya an image then.

24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-01-16 10:51:27 AM  
Went to look for the bear but saw a road sign that said Bear Left so I went home.
 
2013-01-16 10:51:32 AM  
...adding, "if it mauls you, that's not the one we're looking for."
 
2013-01-16 10:55:25 AM  
Why do they continue to let these idiots keep wild animals as "pets"?
 
2013-01-16 10:56:53 AM  

blatz514: Forced Perspective: blatz514: DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE? (NSFW LANGUAGE AND BEAR SEX)

Yeah, I'm not clicking that link.

I'll give ya an image then.

[24.media.tumblr.com image 359x270]


I thought it was going to be this:
moviesmedia.ign.com
/you don't come here for the hunting do you?
//hot.
 
2013-01-16 10:58:14 AM  

abhorrent1: Why do they continue to let these idiots keep wild animals as "pets"?


The shadow of Grizzly Adams is long
 
2013-01-16 10:59:06 AM  
Next: Florida man thinks he found escaped bear, claps hands and says, "bear go home." Wild bear then eats man.
 
2013-01-16 11:02:59 AM  
cdn.chud.com
 
2013-01-16 11:04:00 AM  
STAY TUNED FOR AN ALL NEW ALLY MCBEAL!

tvmedia.ign.com
 
2013-01-16 11:05:17 AM  
You can take the bear out of the wilderness, but you can't take the "I am 600 Lbs of muscled killing machine" out of the bear.
 
2013-01-16 11:06:23 AM  

abhorrent1: Why do they continue to let these idiots keep wild animals as "pets"?


Their constitutional rights under the 2nd Amendment.
i.chzbgr.com
 
2013-01-16 11:08:15 AM  
*claps hands* *tinkles*
 
2013-01-16 11:12:40 AM  
How about BOOM new throw rug?
 
2013-01-16 11:13:12 AM  
Holy crap my girlfriend and I were just reading about that one guy that found a grizzly cub and raised it to adulthood. Was wondering if it was the same bear at first

www.thedenveregotist.com
 
2013-01-16 11:13:19 AM  

abhorrent1: Why do they continue to let these idiots keep wild animals as "pets"?


You saw the tag, right?
 
2013-01-16 11:14:26 AM  
You're drunk bear, go home!
 
2013-01-16 11:14:39 AM  
I'm not afraid of bears. There's no way they could catch me. They'd keep slipping in my shiat.
 
2013-01-16 11:15:30 AM  
Does that clapping thing work with hookers, too?
 
2013-01-16 11:15:33 AM  
You don't have to outrun the bear, just your buddy.
 
2013-01-16 11:20:53 AM  

Duke Skymocker: Next: Florida man thinks he found escaped bear, claps hands and says, "bear go home." Wild bear then eats man. empties clip, and enjoys rare delicacy


FTFY
 
2013-01-16 11:21:28 AM  
i.chzbgr.com
 
2013-01-16 11:22:21 AM  

heavymetal: abhorrent1: Why do they continue to let these idiots keep wild animals as "pets"?

Their constitutional rights under the 2nd Amendment.


They will continue to fight for their constitutional right to keep and arm bears.
 
2013-01-16 11:22:52 AM  

Spanky McStupid: abhorrent1: Why do they continue to let these idiots keep wild animals as "pets"?

You saw the tag, right?


The bears were supposed to eat the pythons.
 
2013-01-16 11:24:30 AM  

blatz514: DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE? (NSFW LANGUAGE AND BEAR SEX)


Best line in cinematic history.


Also, how the hell has the 'Bald-Headed Bear' of Claire County not made it here yet? Fark, i am disappoint.

www.thehollywoodnews.com
 
2013-01-16 11:27:38 AM  
www.mediamikes.com
 
2013-01-16 11:32:42 AM  
Wrong. What you need to do is take God's name and hold the hand of the bear and say "I consider you as my brother" and "Brother I am helpless, you are my brother, my ursine brother."
 
2013-01-16 11:34:07 AM  
Well if you're going to be a bear, be a grizzly.
 
2013-01-16 11:38:39 AM  
 
2013-01-16 11:39:06 AM  
Just one?

Charlie Vandergaw is getting a kick.

3.bp.blogspot.com

i3.ytimg.com

Yes, those are wild bears...not raised in captivity.
 
2013-01-16 11:39:29 AM  

jayhawk88: [www.mediamikes.com image 338x253]


HOW CAN THIS BE?
 
2013-01-16 11:46:46 AM  

Beerguy: Charlie Vandergaw is getting a kick.


Is that the 'bear whisperer' who got his ass handed to him when one of his grizzly friends got tired of his (and his wife's) shiat the other year?
 
2013-01-16 11:48:19 AM  
got to be careful...one of these might take you up on it...

covers.openlibrary.org
 
2013-01-16 11:54:18 AM  
cdn-www.i-am-bored.com
 
2013-01-16 12:00:43 PM  
I thought I was missing a meme with the "Bear go home" thing, nope turns out Florida is just that farked up.
 
2013-01-16 12:01:25 PM  

MooseUpNorth: Beerguy: Charlie Vandergaw is getting a kick.

Is that the 'bear whisperer' who got his ass handed to him when one of his grizzly friends got tired of his (and his wife's) shiat the other year?


No that is  Charlie Vandergaw, who is alive and well living in Alaska. He was fined for feeding the wild bears that have been "visiting" his property for many years.

You are thinking of Timothy Treadwell, who is currently dead.
 
2013-01-16 12:06:27 PM  

Deep Contact: Went to look for the bear but saw a road sign that said Bear Left so I went home.


Right, frog.
 
2013-01-16 12:10:18 PM  

coneyfark: heavymetal: abhorrent1: Why do they continue to let these idiots keep wild animals as "pets"?

Their constitutional rights under the 2nd Amendment.

They will continue to fight for their constitutional right to keep and arm bears.


What if it was a typo and we actually have the innate human right to delicious fried pastries.

/bearclaws
 
2013-01-16 12:15:05 PM  
Proof that bears poop in the woods.

www.ecu.edu
 
2013-01-16 12:16:17 PM  

The Iron duke: [cdn-www.i-am-bored.com image 850x637]


Replace "with a stick" with "With his giant, clanging brass balls".

He killed a bear like a Cheetah or Lion kills, death blow to the jugular (admittedly he didn't actually make it to the vein with his small canines, but still who does that?).

I'm guessing his life was either filled with guy who wanted to fight "the guy who killed a bear" or free beers.
 
2013-01-16 12:21:00 PM  
I just do this:

i758.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-16 12:34:17 PM  
Making loud noises and shouting is, IIRC, actually not the worst of ideas. Making yourself as large as possible also helps, but if this bear is a 100-pound cub then most adult humans will already be bigger.

Bears are not homicidal maniacs. If you can convince a bear that attacking you will prove to be more trouble than it's worth, the bear will go away. Of course, convincing a freaking bear that you actually stand a chance against it is not the easiest or most honest thing to do, but fortunately bears are not all that smart.
 
2013-01-16 12:39:31 PM  

TheOther: Spanky McStupid: abhorrent1: Why do they continue to let these idiots keep wild animals as "pets"?

You saw the tag, right?

The bears were supposed to eat the pythons.


Then what about the Bears? Can't go the gorilla route cause it doesn't get cold enough in Florida.
 
2013-01-16 12:41:01 PM  
Does that clapping thing work with hipsters, too?

/I'm gonna hafta try
 
2013-01-16 12:43:29 PM  
No mention yet of piss-drinking? Fark, I am dissapoint.

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-16 12:44:07 PM  

The Iron duke: [cdn-www.i-am-bored.com image 850x637]


I hope that guy only had daughters, for his sons would never, ever, EVER be able to live up to their father's manliness/badassness.

Though it may be hard to father children with balls that are 6 inch spheres of stainless steel.

/in jackson every year for the GTMF
 
2013-01-16 12:55:31 PM  
i796.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-16 01:09:30 PM  
Does anyone know if Obama addressed this today?

media.screened.com
 
2013-01-16 01:14:09 PM  
So bears like dinner music?
 
2013-01-16 01:15:47 PM  
Does not seem to want to go home
 
2013-01-16 01:29:34 PM  

The Iron duke: [cdn-www.i-am-bored.com image 850x637]


"without"?
/There's some "creative" capitalization and hyphenation there, too.
 
2013-01-16 01:46:59 PM  
Am I in before bear cavalry?
 
2013-01-16 01:57:15 PM  

abhorrent1: TheOther: Spanky McStupid: abhorrent1: Why do they continue to let these idiots keep wild animals as "pets"?

You saw the tag, right?

The bears were supposed to eat the pythons.

Then what about the Bears? Can't go the gorilla route cause it doesn't get cold enough in Florida.


Bad News
 
2013-01-16 02:26:27 PM  
Just because it worked with Mittens, you expect it to work here?
 
2013-01-16 02:27:03 PM  

Brick-House: Does anyone know if Obama addressed this today?

[media.screened.com image 400x316]


Sort of an undressing.
 
2013-01-16 03:57:43 PM  
www.roflzoo.com

 This thread had me looking up bear pictures, and I thought this one was cute.

 Cute until he grows up and mauls you, but still cute.
 
2013-01-16 04:14:06 PM  

dickfreckle: [www.roflzoo.com image 640x480]

 This thread had me looking up bear pictures, and I thought this one was cute.

 Cute until he grows up and mauls you, but still cute.


He needs a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and a martini in his paw PSed in.
 
2013-01-16 04:28:55 PM  

dickfreckle: [www.roflzoo.com image 640x480]

 This thread had me looking up bear pictures, and I thought this one was cute.

 Cute until he grows up and mauls you, but still cute.


Um, yeah...nothing frightening about that...

bulk.destructoid.com
 
2013-01-17 08:48:58 AM  

Beerguy: No that is Charlie Vandergaw, who is alive and well living in Alaska. He was fined for feeding the wild bears that have been "visiting" his property for many years.


Ah. I'd figured everybody would have learned from the other dipshiat's example. I guess not. I'll start getting some bear shiat jokes and 'shoops together for his future fark headline thread.
 
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