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(Network World)   25 crazy and scary things the TSA has found on stupid travelers   (networkworld.com) divider line 32
    More: Scary, TSA  
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29749 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Jan 2013 at 9:02 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2013-01-16 09:12:45 AM
4 votes:
any bombs? Any terrorists?

Fark the TSA.
2013-01-16 09:20:28 AM
3 votes:
Chastity belt

The TSA blog didn't say where this happened but apparently a passenger wearing a chastity belt alarmed the body scanner at one of our checkpoints. There must have been a time machine near-by.

Hi honey. I'm at the airport. They won't let me through with the chastity belt on. They say I have to remove it. It's the type that works with your smart phone. Just go to the app. No. that's the bank app. The other one. Now, click the slider to unlock and enter the code. The code you put in when you locked me in to this thing. Try 1,2,3,4. That did it. I don't know. I just guessed! It's the same one for your luggage and you bank PIN.

Sure, as soon as they say it's okay, I'm gonna put it back on.
2013-01-16 09:07:29 AM
3 votes:
None of those things were particularly crazy or scary, and I wouldn't sweat it if I was on a flight where all of those things were present.
2013-01-16 12:32:26 PM
2 votes:
the chastity belt prevents TSA from sticking their hand up her cooch for 'inspection'...
Xai
2013-01-16 10:36:36 AM
2 votes:
still 0 bombs

after 11 years

you couldn't make this shiat up.
2013-01-16 09:19:35 AM
2 votes:

Galloping Galoshes: The "garrotte" in slide 25 is a survival saw. I suppose the Donner party could have used it as a garrotte as well.


The packaging for those calls them "commando saws". And the picture on them does not show a guy cutting wood.
2013-01-16 09:15:17 AM
2 votes:

vudukungfu: any bombs? Any terrorists?

Fark the TSA.


api.ning.com
2013-01-16 09:14:15 AM
2 votes:
26. Dignity

/they took care of it. you're welcome, citizen.
2013-01-16 09:13:19 AM
2 votes:

trickymoo: Chasity belt

TSA taking that is probably the best thing that has happened to them.


I disagree. Chastity belts can be lots of fun, and it is very unlikely the person wearing it was doing so against their will. So save your "holier than thou" judgmental attitude for your sewing circle you farking prude.
2013-01-16 09:10:16 AM
2 votes:
The "garrotte" in slide 25 is a survival saw. I suppose the Donner party could have used it as a garrotte as well.
2013-01-16 04:20:03 PM
1 votes:

groppet: My dad was in San Antonio last summer for his Marine unit reunion. This company had given them all kinds of trinkets like grenade lighters, pens that looked like .50 cal cartriges, pocket knifes etc. My dad and his friends sent them all home through the mail or fed ex, but what do they hassle my dad for at the airport? His P38 can opener and dog tags. He got them through but even he was baffled by the stupidity.


Watch out folks, he has a can of beans and a P38. If we don't rush him now, he'll have that can open in about two minutes. Your dad was careless. Does he know how much damage he could've not done with that 1/2" semi-sharp blade?
2013-01-16 03:22:09 PM
1 votes:

GriffXX: Karac: No one yet? Fark, I am disappoint.
[s3.jspenguin.org image 400x235]

My TSA biatching: While on a deployment to Africa, I bought a stainless steel zippo and got it engraved with 'fark TERRORISM' on one side, and a nice sized chunk of white gold in the shape of an eagle, globe, and anchor put on the other. On a military chartered flight back, the airport security guys in Bahrain tried to confiscate it. I eventually talked them down to just taking all the guts out of the lighter - the gauze part, the striker, and the wick & wick holder - leaving me with just a stainless steel box with a hinged lid. This was on a plane with no one but active duty military cargo & crew.

The dumbasses in Virginia where I had to switch over to an actual civilian plane even thought about trying to take that. I think the expression on my face convinced them that 'confiscating' a $100 chunk of gold wasn't going to be worth the number of times I'd kick them in the nuts.

I'm trying to do the math here, how many times would you have kicked them in the nuts?


Until he coughed up approximately half a cubic inch of gold fillings.
2013-01-16 01:17:16 PM
1 votes:
I'd also like to note that you could easily make a more functional garrote out of two key rings and some dental floss.
2013-01-16 01:02:15 PM
1 votes:
Inert novelty grenades and like militaria, harmless items claimed as hugely dangerous, flare launcher identified as grenade launcher, minor smuggling, the fake bombs were probably even planted by the Feds to test security measures, etc. The list is an argument against the TSA.


MasterPython: Galloping Galoshes: The "garrotte" in slide 25 is a survival saw. I suppose the Donner party could have used it as a garrotte as well.

The packaging for those calls them "commando saws". And the picture on them does not show a guy cutting wood.


img252.imageshack.us

That's the last time that tree would snitch to the police.
2013-01-16 12:38:12 PM
1 votes:

insano: DrPainMD: None of those things were particularly crazy or scary, and I wouldn't sweat it if I was on a flight where all of those things were present.

Loaded guns, switch blades, grenades and grenade launchers, large amounts of black powder, throwing stars, samurai swords, mace, a garrote, and a live artillery shell. That should make for one interesting flight. I hope one day you have the opportunity to ride on such a flight to show how un-scared you are.


www.empireonline.com
2013-01-16 12:27:32 PM
1 votes:
Who in their right mind thinks peanut butter will hide mj?

/or they just planned ahead for the munchies?
2013-01-16 12:21:34 PM
1 votes:

psychosis_inducing: Anyone out there care to explain how the cannonball was "explosively viable"? I thought they were just solid metal.


Some were only shells filled with powder. A fuse was inserted before firing. The charge to shoot the cannonball ignited the fuse causing it to go kaboom somewhere over there.

Sometimes the boom didn't happen. So it would sit there for years with a full charge. Under the most perfect of conditions the powder would still have some viability of going boom. So they overreact and make themselves seem like heros to the bootlickers.
2013-01-16 12:18:44 PM
1 votes:

Gig103: #12 - simulated IED with simulated blasting cap

F*CK YOU blog, and news sources that posted this in the past, for putting a photo of a bomb in an article to try and fool people into thinking the TSA actually accomplished something. They've never found a real bomb, including the failed shoe attempt, failed underwear attempt, or failed fake-toner attempt (the last one was caught by a foreign intelligence agency).

Lyonid: 26. Dignity

Yup, that and they might as well burn a copy of the Bill of Rights every morning at the start of their shift.


Weren't the shoe bomber and underwear bomber both on international flights that originated outside of the US, and thus were not screened by the TSA? If I recall correctly, neither plane touched an American runway before they made their attempted to detonate their devices.

Although I do agree that the TSA's invasiveness accomplishes little that is helpful.
2013-01-16 11:30:15 AM
1 votes:

SN1987a goes boom: After reading the "article" (damn you subs for the slideshow!), I think this should pointed out:

This person was traveling with a VCR that included a VHS tape along with 23 smartphones each individually wrapped in aluminum foil and taped to the unit. There was nothing prohibited or dangerous, so the items were cleared for travel, the TSA said.

They very possibly let a real criminal through while detaining the chastity belt.


Guessing it isn't the first time the person in the chastity belt was 'detained'
2013-01-16 10:03:55 AM
1 votes:
No one yet? Fark, I am disappoint.
s3.jspenguin.org

My TSA biatching: While on a deployment to Africa, I bought a stainless steel zippo and got it engraved with 'fark TERRORISM' on one side, and a nice sized chunk of white gold in the shape of an eagle, globe, and anchor put on the other. On a military chartered flight back, the airport security guys in Bahrain tried to confiscate it. I eventually talked them down to just taking all the guts out of the lighter - the gauze part, the striker, and the wick & wick holder - leaving me with just a stainless steel box with a hinged lid. This was on a plane with no one but active duty military cargo & crew.

The dumbasses in Virginia where I had to switch over to an actual civilian plane even thought about trying to take that. I think the expression on my face convinced them that 'confiscating' a $100 chunk of gold wasn't going to be worth the number of times I'd kick them in the nuts.
2013-01-16 09:57:53 AM
1 votes:
If the guns are in checked luggage what's the problem?

Why are gernade PAPER WEIGHTS dangerous?

And that one weird watch? Wasn't that a post here?
2013-01-16 09:53:22 AM
1 votes:

DrPainMD: None of those things were particularly crazy or scary, and I wouldn't sweat it if I was on a flight where all of those things were present.


Loaded guns, switch blades, grenades and grenade launchers, large amounts of black powder, throwing stars, samurai swords, mace, a garrote, and a live artillery shell. That should make for one interesting flight. I hope one day you have the opportunity to ride on such a flight to show how un-scared you are.
2013-01-16 09:46:58 AM
1 votes:

Grither: DrPainMD: None of those things were particularly crazy or scary, and I wouldn't sweat it if I was on a flight where all of those things were present.

Well, except for the chastity belt, of course.


Meh, have flown with mine on several times without issue. Mine's acrylic though, I'm a bit disappointed they went for a stock photo of the faux-medieval belts instead of what people actually use.
2013-01-16 09:45:37 AM
1 votes:
here's our justification for hand-raping pensioners and kicking kids outta their wheelchairs.

And seriously TSA? a chastity belt? WTF are you doing prying into the private sex lives of BDSM fans..... and then making it public for all the world to laugh at....... Fark you and your Farked up giggling teenager morality
2013-01-16 09:36:59 AM
1 votes:
A large can of bear mace was found concealed in the passenger's sock at Newark airport because you know those bears in Newark are unruly.


Yes.  Because it is totally unreasonable that the guy/girl could have been headed to the Adirondacks which is ~120 miles away and full of black bears.  Of course, it was stupid to pack it in the carry on, but there is a perfectly good reason for having it.

And I love the pic of captured box of pyrodex.  Who the hell would try to bring that on a plane in carry on *or* checked luggage.  Hell, I worry that handling a box of the stuff would transfer particles to clothing which would be picked up by bomb sniffers.
2013-01-16 09:32:51 AM
1 votes:
I remember that simulated IED one, it was a 'salt' intended to test security, yet the local news reported it like it was a real attempt.
2013-01-16 09:24:18 AM
1 votes:

MasterPython: Galloping Galoshes: The "garrotte" in slide 25 is a survival saw. I suppose the Donner party could have used it as a garrotte as well.

The packaging for those calls them "commando saws". And the picture on them does not show a guy cutting wood.


25 years ago they had a picture of a guy cutting up a log - I guess that's not "cool" enough to make big money so, yeah "Decaptiation Cord - Some disassembly required" has a much sexier sales pitch.
2013-01-16 09:18:18 AM
1 votes:

Rhino_man: The garrotte is the most frightening of the bunch.


Don't get out in the woods much, do you?
2013-01-16 09:15:10 AM
1 votes:
Bhahhahahahaa....

TSA attempting to appear relevant.

/We found this spoon!
2013-01-16 09:11:25 AM
1 votes:
Damn you slideshow!

Deslidefied
2013-01-16 09:08:47 AM
1 votes:

DrPainMD: None of those things were particularly crazy or scary, and I wouldn't sweat it if I was on a flight where all of those things were present.


Well, except for the chastity belt, of course.
2013-01-16 09:07:52 AM
1 votes:
Chasity belt

TSA taking that is probably the best thing that has happened to them.
 
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