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(Maine Morning Sentinel)   Dear Maine: Please introduce your "topless coffee shop arsonist" and your "Zumba prostitute" so they can form Fark headline Voltron   (onlinesentinel.com) divider line 25
    More: Obvious, Zumba, Voltron, Maine Supreme Judicial Court, Fark, Maine, self-incriminations, witness testimony, fifth amendment rights  
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6484 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Jan 2013 at 9:46 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-16 09:52:33 AM
I remember driving my truck by this place a few years ago. Who'd want to burn that kind of wonderful down?
 
2013-01-16 09:57:07 AM

Elvis Presleys Death Throne: I remember driving my truck by this place a few years ago. Who'd want to burn that kind of wonderful down?


www.teapartytribune.com
 
2013-01-16 09:58:02 AM
Is the arsonist topless, or is it an open air coffee shop or does everyone there take their shirt off?
 
2013-01-16 10:02:03 AM
nyoobserver.files.wordpress.com

/obligatory?
 
2013-01-16 10:03:16 AM

BizarreMan: Is the arsonist topless, or is it an open air coffee shop or does everyone there take their shirt off?


It's Zumba Com. Anything is possible.
 
2013-01-16 10:06:29 AM

BizarreMan: Is the arsonist topless, or is it an open air coffee shop or does everyone there take their shirt off?


The coffee shop had topless waitresses. The arsonist burned it down because a girl he liked worked there and was dating the owner.
 
2013-01-16 10:11:39 AM
He testified he was seen in the area of the coffee shop early on the day it burned because he and some friends were going to plant marijuana along a road that ran off Route 3, but were unable to do so because their van had a flat tire.

That's out of the "confuse the fark out of the jury" stragerery book.
 
2013-01-16 10:12:13 AM
"He testified he was seen in the area of the coffee shop early on the day it burned because he and some friends were going to plant marijuana along a road that ran off Route 3, but were unable to do so because their van had a flat tire."

You know, I would love to hear this article read by Maggie Smith, preferably in the character of whoever the hell she plays on Downton Abbey.
 
2013-01-16 10:12:58 AM
I know I'd be a lot more interested in this Zumba thing if more of the instructors had outside hobbies.
 
2013-01-16 10:14:08 AM

lelio: He testified he was seen in the area of the coffee shop early on the day it burned because he and some friends were going to plant marijuana along a road that ran off Route 3, but were unable to do so because their van had a flat tire.

That's out of the "confuse the fark out of the jury" stragerery book.


Sounds remarkably like the Wookie Defense.
 
2013-01-16 10:48:05 AM
Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce a marvelous new group who have been taking the pop charts by storm. Please welcome Sloppy Police Work, here to perform a number from their debut album "Topless Coffee Shop Arsonist."
 
2013-01-16 11:26:43 AM

mytdawg: I know I'd be a lot more interested in this Zumba thing if more of the instructors had outside hobbies.


Totally, that Zumba instructor was the right kind of crazy.
 
2013-01-16 12:01:05 PM

Publikwerks: BizarreMan: Is the arsonist topless, or is it an open air coffee shop or does everyone there take their shirt off?

The coffee shop had topless waitresses. The arsonist burned it down because a girl he liked

was farking worked there and was dating the owner.

Ya rly. Came here wondering if everyone would miss it. Speaking of "open minded" arrangements:

Seven people -- Crabtree, his two daughters, their infant children and their boyfriends -- were sleeping there the night of the fire

Whatever floats your infants' colorful plastic bathtoys, Mr Crabtree.
 
2013-01-16 12:02:53 PM

Lt. Cheese Weasel: It's Zumba Com. Anything is possible.


I laughed.

/The unattainable is unknown at Zumba Com!
 
2013-01-16 12:26:34 PM
and Lootie will form the head.
 
2013-01-16 12:38:20 PM
I misread Subby's lede - Zumba Priestess instead of prostitute

Hmmm? Band name?
 
2013-01-16 12:51:59 PM
Maine, the way life should be....
Topless Coffee Shops, Window Lingerie Models, Zumba Instructors offering private lessons.

Enter Lepage:
Maine, Open for Business
No topless coffee, no lingerie models (Archenemy's moved to Portland so still technically in Maine), and persecuted Zumba instructions.

And who the hell uses another illegal activity as their alibi for the case crime?
 
2013-01-16 04:27:42 PM
I got a topless cup of coffee in the drive through yesterday. Damn near burned me when it spilled over the top as they handed it to me. I recommend always putting a top on it to prevent spilling.
 
2013-01-16 05:42:12 PM

BHShaman: Window Lingerie


Sheer lace curtains?
 
2013-01-16 09:27:56 PM
Horrible headline. I hope you aren't from Maine, Subby
 
2013-01-16 09:55:23 PM
I once went to Maine.  To my disappointment, I didn't see any topless coffee shop arsonists, zumba hookers, or moose.  (Had I known there were topless coffee shop arsonists or zumba hookers, I might have looked harder.)  I did see a farkload of snow, flat snow-covered expanses that the locals claimed were potato fields, pine trees, a car dealership that appeared to sell only pickup trucks and snowmobiles, and a theater that was still showing Dances With Wolves long after the rest of the country had gotten over it.  To be fair, this was by UMPI, so perhaps some of those things should have been expected.
 
2013-01-16 10:36:55 PM

dbirchall: I once went to Maine.  To my disappointment, I didn't see any topless coffee shop arsonists, zumba hookers, or moose.  (Had I known there were topless coffee shop arsonists or zumba hookers, I might have looked harder.)  I did see a farkload of snow, flat snow-covered expanses that the locals claimed were potato fields, pine trees, a car dealership that appeared to sell only pickup trucks and snowmobiles, and a theater that was still showing Dances With Wolves long after the rest of the country had gotten over it.  To be fair, this was by UMPI, so perhaps some of those things should have been expected.


Contrary to popular belief there are not 2, but 5 Maines. Kittery to Portland, Portland to Augusta, Augusta to Bangor, Bangor to Medway, and Medway to Madawaska. Each has its own traditions and values. And I'm only talking North/South. Western Maine (skiing country) is as different from Downeast Maine as night is from day. Incredibly diverse state. I hate the long winters, but goddam I love living here.
 
2013-01-16 10:45:11 PM

John Buck 41: Contrary to popular belief there are not 2, but 5 Maines. Kittery to Portland, Portland to Augusta, Augusta to Bangor, Bangor to Medway, and Medway to Madawaska.


So the last one is half the farking state, and includes where I visited.  Representative enough for me! ;)
 
2013-01-16 11:03:21 PM

dbirchall: John Buck 41: Contrary to popular belief there are not 2, but 5 Maines. Kittery to Portland, Portland to Augusta, Augusta to Bangor, Bangor to Medway, and Medway to Madawaska.

So the last one is half the farking state, and includes where I visited.  Representative enough for me! ;)


Depends on what you like. Crazy traffic, museums, niche stores/boutiques, and coffeehouses? Yeah, Portland (aka mini North Boston) is right up your alley. Not my cuppa tea. I'm partial to midcoast/Millinocket/Bangor area/Downeast.
 
2013-01-17 06:44:19 AM

John Buck 41: Contrary to popular belief there are not 2, but 5 Maines. Kittery to Portland, Portland to Augusta, Augusta to Bangor, Bangor to Medway, and Medway to Madawaska. Each has its own traditions and values. And I'm only talking North/South. Western Maine (skiing country) is as different from Downeast Maine as night is from day. Incredibly diverse state. I hate the long winters, but goddam I love living here.


Truth.

I was with you right up to the "I love living here" part. I want to get the hell out of here.
 
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