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(Athens Banner Herald)   "Oh, hi officer, I'm a member of Seal Team Six and my mission was to steal this Slim Jim and Mountain Dew. Also, Satan is in a bottle in my back pack"   (onlineathens.com) divider line 43
    More: Amusing, Mountain Dew, police officers, local church  
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6607 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jan 2013 at 5:12 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



43 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-01-15 05:02:30 PM
Dude look out! Satan escaped and HE'S ON YOUR NECK!
 
2013-01-15 05:07:31 PM
Huh... I thought Satan only came in cans
 
2013-01-15 05:14:36 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Huh... I thought Satan only came in cans


You're probably thinking of Bud Lite.
 
2013-01-15 05:17:45 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-01-15 05:19:14 PM
"You're under arrest"
"I'm not even supposed to BE here today!"
 
2013-01-15 05:20:26 PM

NutWrench: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Huh... I thought Satan only came in cans

You're probably thinking of Bud Lite.


No; I believe he's thinking of a prince.
 
2013-01-15 05:21:24 PM
That's where I do my grocery shopping. Satans are on aisle 7, 3rd shelf, next to the Baconnaise.
 
2013-01-15 05:25:27 PM
What someone on a military mission in Athens might look like:
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-15 05:28:09 PM
Zero Snack Thirty.
 
2013-01-15 05:29:49 PM
neck and face tat combo. Where is the chart? I'm guessing that guy will cost tax payers 250K before he dies in a electrical accident while stealing copper.
 
2013-01-15 05:31:01 PM
He also has Prince Albert in a can...
 
2013-01-15 05:31:02 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Huh... I thought Satan only came in cans


Nah. It's Catholic priests that only come in little cans.
 
2013-01-15 05:31:37 PM
finalgirlsupportgroup.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-01-15 05:32:03 PM
What, was the Obvious Tag silenced by the Lizard People?
 
2013-01-15 05:32:54 PM
I'd like to buy a vowel.
 
2013-01-15 05:35:34 PM
If you could save Satan in a bottle, what's the first thing that you'd like to do?
userserve-ak.last.fm
 
2013-01-15 05:36:16 PM
In bottles, and on draft.
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-01-15 05:42:13 PM
img823.imageshack.us

Maybe he's a hot sauce connoisseur?
 
2013-01-15 05:43:10 PM
I happen to know that this guy is just plain crazy.

Cuz Satan lives in my cawk and keeps telling me to feed him to people....
 
2013-01-15 05:43:17 PM
He's waiting for you at the bottom of every bottle.
www.gonemovies.com
 
2013-01-15 05:44:04 PM
Seems legit. Most of the SEAL's I know are some crazy, squirrel bastards - but they sure know how to party.
 
2013-01-15 05:47:29 PM

MBooda: If you could save Satan in a bottle, what's the first thing that you'd like to do?
[userserve-ak.last.fm image 300x300]


But there never seems to be enough time
To steal the things you want to steal
Once you find them

I've looked around enough to know
I need a beef jerky and a coke
 
2013-01-15 05:56:16 PM

phrawgh: Most of the SEAL's I know are some crazy, squirrel bastards


All the SEALs I know (which is one) ain't quite right. Very intelligent, and not really dangerous to anyone who doesn't deserve it, but he's definitely a bit off. NTTAWWT.
 
2013-01-15 05:58:25 PM
More Justin Bieber brainwave transmissions?
 
2013-01-15 06:06:39 PM
Satan in a bottle? You sure it's not a big cockroach?
 
2013-01-15 06:11:10 PM
Is it Mountain Dew: Code Red? That shiat gave me the worst care of heartburn I've EVER had.
 
2013-01-15 06:26:49 PM
There was an old drunk who lived in the foothills of my local mountains who would start claiming he was a SEAL when he got real wasted. He took up camp not far from my favorite fishing\grilling spot, where I was often also getting drunk. I have met a few legit homeless veterans, so I didnt think anything about it initially, but when he hit the vodka he got a bit carried away. Couldnt handle his liquor, had somehow developed a stomach tolerant to King Cobra, but as soon as the liquor came into the mix the tales came out. Apparently he tied multiple people up to the trees barehanded, not far from where I gutted my fish. He got to some random racist rambling about Asians, and earned the title "N-Word Jim" even though he was white. I think it was a family guy reference, but whenever me and my buddies fished there he responded to it like it was his birth name. I'd let him drink my vodka just to spice up otherwise mundane fishing trips at times.

We got some real harsh temperatures uncharacteristically early in the fall that year, and we never saw him again after that first harsh night. Id even be drunk and get to thinking, man I wish N Word Jim was around with some awesome Navy Seal stories out of a spy novel. His camp was intact, ramen and canned goods still there, tent still standing, he just didnt make it home that day. We would half joke about keeping a nose out for N Word Jims corpse, and then reminisce over his finer days. The N Word Jim who fell into the freezing river when he was wasted; always quick to regale you with fantastical tales. The N Word Jim who taught you to know where to safely drink river water without contracting giardia. Jims SEAL training faltered when some mid 20s temperatures hit though; I only wish they had sharpened him up in that area.

/Man, I miss that bum after typing this post
//If anyone out there is drinking a 40, please pour out a little in honor of this fine man
 
2013-01-15 06:56:22 PM
Just think how stupid that cop would've looked if he really did have a Satan in a bottle. You never know, man. That's not the kind of thing you leave to chance.
 
2013-01-15 07:40:31 PM
a248.e.akamai.net

Should have used the Jim trick
 
2013-01-15 07:43:07 PM
That's not Satan, it's a genie doing a Robin Williams impression.
 
2013-01-15 08:04:18 PM
Also, Satan is in a bottle in my back pack.

Yes, you already mentioned the Mountain Dew.
 
2013-01-15 08:12:33 PM
I'm going to make sure I don't go to that Kroger ever again.
 
2013-01-15 08:21:42 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Huh... I thought Satan only came in cans


He does.

This guy got it in the can while he was in the can.
 
2013-01-15 08:33:14 PM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: [img823.imageshack.us image 291x800]

Maybe he's a hot sauce connoisseur?


Or ham?

ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2013-01-15 09:07:34 PM

blottoman: Or ham?

ecx.images-amazon.com


Or food cake, even?
 
2013-01-15 09:49:40 PM
Satan in a can? I'd rather have Jerry Garcia in a pouch. Much more useful in a gunfight.
 
2013-01-15 10:19:22 PM
Remember that is it vital to our constitutional republic that this man have access to high powered rifles with military accessories and hi capacity clips. It is his natural right, as enshrined in the constitution, to have these weapons, in order to deal with any wild hogs that may cause him duress. And if you want to abrogate his rights in anyway, you are a traitor to our great nation.
 
2013-01-15 10:29:07 PM
Also, for the kids: this is a 100% simon-pure, USDA Grade A example of a coonass. This for whom the term is used. He is verily the thing upon itself, of which, it insists. A living, breathing, shining example of the breed coonassius derpinius rex from follicle to excrudent pinky toenail. A coonass, voila!
 
2013-01-15 11:12:37 PM
Your mission today, should you choose to accept it, is to intercept an enemy agent, code named Satan, at the Kroger on College Station Road. Once Satan is captured you're to place him in a bottle in your backpack, to signal your completion of this mission you will eat one Slim Jim and drink a Mt Dew. Once the mission complete signal is received a sleeper agent from the Athens PD will arrive and escort you to a safe house hidden deep within the Clarke County Jail.

This message will self destruct in 5, 4, 3...
 
2013-01-15 11:50:27 PM

Keizer_Ghidorah: Is it Mountain Dew: Code Red? That shiat gave me the worst care of heartburn I've EVER had.


Seriously, I thought that only happened to me...
 
2013-01-16 01:17:00 AM

LarryDan43: More Justin Bieber brainwave transmissions?


No, he mostly sticks with the pedo crowd.

This was probably Ke$ha.
 
2013-01-16 01:21:06 AM
And btw, Satan in a bottle would be cool. Then you could drink Satan and excrete him out thru your peehole.

That would be quite awesome.

I'll have the brain damage he's having, please!
 
2013-01-16 12:17:20 PM

ReapTheChaos: Your mission today, should you choose to accept it, is to intercept an enemy agent, code named Satan, at the Kroger on College Station Road. Once Satan is captured you're to place him in a bottle in your backpack, to signal your completion of this mission you will eat one Slim Jim and drink a Mt Dew. Once the mission complete signal is received a sleeper agent from the Athens PD will arrive and escort you to a safe house hidden deep within the Clarke County Jail.

This message will self destruct in 5, 4, 3...


www.disneydreaming.com
 
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