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(Uproxx)   Pitch Perfect's Anna Kendrick manages to cover masturbation, theater-going, censorship, and Ryan Gosling's film career all in one tweet, is your new pretend girlfriend   (uproxx.com) divider line 125
    More: Spiffy, Ryan Gosling  
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14238 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 15 Jan 2013 at 1:37 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-15 02:55:28 PM

Mad_Radhu: She was the ONLY good thing in the Twilight series. My wife watched a few of them on cable, and her character was the only one who seemed to be acting like an actual human being.


i think the rest of them are vampires
 
2013-01-15 02:56:46 PM

ChrisDe: And if I'm Ryan Gosling, I'm calling her this afternoon.


If you're Ryan Gosling, you seldom if ever need to expend any effort to have any number of similar looking girls grope you.
 
2013-01-15 02:59:04 PM

bucket_chemist: Lord Dimwit:
Fantastic film, 50/50. If you haven't seen it, you owe it to yourself.

Are you sure? Because it would have to be pretty good to get an exemption from my policy of not watching anything with Seth Rogen in it.


Ehh, I wouldn't rec if you're repulsed by him; Rogen plays himself again in this one

also i think it's cool me and the katjamouse liked the same two movies from 2010
 
2013-01-15 03:03:15 PM

moothemagiccow: bucket_chemist: Lord Dimwit:
Fantastic film, 50/50. If you haven't seen it, you owe it to yourself.

Are you sure? Because it would have to be pretty good to get an exemption from my policy of not watching anything with Seth Rogen in it.

Ehh, I wouldn't rec if you're repulsed by him; Rogen plays himself again in this one


Well Seth Rogen wasn't in it for too long. I'm thinking maybe if you clocked his whole screen time it would probably be 20 minutes total. You can't help but be drawn in by JGL in their scenes together.
 
2013-01-15 03:05:34 PM

theurge14: imgod2u: KatjaMouse: abhorrent1: Not familiar with who she is but she's pretty cute. I'd watch her masterbate

She was the cute chick who got an Oscar Nom for the supporting actress category for her part in Up In The Air. She was also funny as Scott Pilgrim's sister.

I see you've opted to avoid the sparkly taint on her resume.

And what exactly is wrong with a sparkly taint?


It seems aggressively asexual and eventually ends up on The List?
 
2013-01-15 03:06:10 PM
Loved her on Scott Pilgrim and 50/50.

Agree that she's the most tolerable thing on the non-Riftraxx Twilight franchise..
 
2013-01-15 03:10:59 PM

imgod2u: KatjaMouse: abhorrent1: Not familiar with who she is but she's pretty cute. I'd watch her masterbate

She was the cute chick who got an Oscar Nom for the supporting actress category for her part in Up In The Air. She was also funny as Scott Pilgrim's sister.

I see you've opted to avoid the sparkly taint on her resume.


I watched the first half of that thing to see what the fuss was about. I remember thinking wirh the Anna Kendrick character "too bad the movie is not about her". Bella Swan has to be the most boring protagonist in film and (I'm willing to bet) literature history.

/sprinted for the eject button when the vampire started sparkling
//I had heard the term "sparkly vampire" but never in my worst nightmare did I think that was literal
 
2013-01-15 03:13:51 PM
Looks and personality? Thank you, Lord, for blessing us with her existence.
 
2013-01-15 03:20:02 PM

moothemagiccow: Mad_Radhu: She was the ONLY good thing in the Twilight series. My wife watched a few of them on cable, and her character was the only one who seemed to be acting like an actual human being.

i think the rest of them are vampires


Vampires that were once human beings, and human beings that turn into wolves. They should be different, but not bafflingly so. None of their stupid responses naturally followed what a real person would do in that situation.

For example, when you become an immortal creature that can't be taken out by a human with anything short of a RPG, and lack even the classic vampric weaknesses, most people wouldn't get all mopey about it, especially if you don't have to actually kill people to survive. Also, with vampires that overpowered, it seems silly to have the evil ones stay in the shadows when they could easily turn the human race into cattle. There are basically no downsides to being a vampire in the Twilight universe, so Edward not wanting Bella to be one is stupid. It would have made way more sense if Bella had to prove herself worthy of immortality before she was allowed to be turned, since you just can't give anyone that kind of power.

Also, why would some 100+ years old submit to going to high school over and over again for all eternity, unless they were the vampire equivalent of Wooderson. Just say you are home schooled or are college student. It's not like the Cullens even tried socializing with anyone outside their group. It is just terrible writing, since the key characters have motivations that just don't make any kind of sense.
 
2013-01-15 03:25:15 PM

gunga galunga: /sprinted for the eject button when the vampire started sparkling
//I had heard the term "sparkly vampire" but never in my worst nightmare did I think that was literal


That was the most hilarious part about the second movie. Bella rushed to Europe to stop Edward from revealing himself in public, which would get him killed according to vampire law, which made no sense because when I see some dude sparking in the daylight I think he's either really gay or he just had some strippers rubbing themselves on him. Vampire is NOT the first thing that pops into anyone's mind in that situation.

/I know way too much about these movies, but they are just hilariously bad I can't resist
 
2013-01-15 03:28:34 PM
The girl actually some real singing skills...

Here she is a kid performing "Life Upon the Wicked Stage" from Showboat, along with the Cabaret Kit Kat girls. This was part of My Favorite Broadway: The Leading Ladies. She was probably about 12 at the time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=gRYp1ardsNQ# t =9s
 
2013-01-15 03:38:13 PM
Also, speaking of vampires, the glow-in-the-dark variety is much better than sparkly. I've recently really been enjoying this series, where the author put a lot of thought into vampires and how they might realistically work.

d.gr-assets.com

The Strain trilogy was also pretty good, but that one suffered from some terrible writing and cardboard thin characters. I think the Del Toro ideas on that one were great, but Chuck Hogan fumbled the execution of turning it into a good read. In particular, the main human villain for the first two books was just terribly written. The Passage series so far has been a lot better at giving even the villains some solid motivations for doing what they do.

/Sorry for the threadjack
 
2013-01-15 03:44:25 PM

Mad_Radhu: She was the ONLY good thing in the Twilight series. My wife watched a few of them on cable, and her character was the only one who seemed to be acting like an actual human being.


I beg to differ, Michael Sheen was REMARKABLE!
 
2013-01-15 03:50:25 PM

Polish Hussar: Mad_Radhu: She was the ONLY good thing in the Twilight series. My wife watched a few of them on cable, and her character was the only one who seemed to be acting like an actual human being.

I beg to differ, Michael Sheen was REMARKABLE!


A review I saw said he must have been taking bets with the rest of the cast about how far he could overact before the director stopped him. Evidently the director never did.
 
2013-01-15 03:51:01 PM

Evil Mackerel: KatjaMouse: Evil Mackerel: Who?

Don't pretend like you don't know.

I really don't, I don't have cable and barely watch t.v.. I read a lot and play silly games online. I'm mainly out camping or kayaking.


I didn't know who she was until I reddit.
 
2013-01-15 03:52:20 PM
i.imgur.com

You know, I believe you don't really know a woman until you know what the freckles between her tits look like. Bless you for this pic. Mother of God indeed.
 
2013-01-15 04:02:50 PM

oldfarthenry: [i1151.photobucket.com image 315x275]
Been there - done that!


We're done.

/and so is he
 
2013-01-15 04:14:36 PM

Mad_Radhu: gunga galunga: /sprinted for the eject button when the vampire started sparkling
//I had heard the term "sparkly vampire" but never in my worst nightmare did I think that was literal

That was the most hilarious part about the second movie. Bella rushed to Europe to stop Edward from revealing himself in public, which would get him killed according to vampire law, which made no sense because when I see some dude sparking in the daylight I think he's either really gay or he just had some strippers rubbing themselves on him. Vampire is NOT the first thing that pops into anyone's mind in that situation.

/I know way too much about these movies, but they are just hilariously bad I can't resist


Every time I head about some new story detail about the books, I invariably think to myself "that just sounds farking stupid". That Bella and Edward name their daughter "Renesmee" who ends up marrying the werewolf takes the farking cake.

/will Rifftrax them one of these days
//to get back on subject, I heart Anna Kendrick
 
2013-01-15 04:25:12 PM
I feel sorry for the Chinese guy with the camcorder who was supposed to film the movie in the theatre.
 
2013-01-15 04:37:08 PM
Pffft - BACK row? She must be the shy type.
 
2013-01-15 04:37:56 PM

Lord Dimwit: bucket_chemist: Lord Dimwit:
Fantastic film, 50/50. If you haven't seen it, you owe it to yourself.

Are you sure? Because it would have to be pretty good to get an exemption from my policy of not watching anything with Seth Rogen in it.

Absolutely. No snark, no sarcasm. Fantastic freaking film.


It was ok. I'm no lord, but I wouldn't give it all that much praise. Good, but not 'YOU MUST WATCH THIS' good as its beig made out.

The problem I have with this woman is that she is too beautiful. It's stupid, but when she's on screen I end up losing track of whatever else is going on just to stare at her.

Not in a 'find her house' way, but just a mesmerized way. I hope we all have a person like that. Otherwise I feel creepier than usual.
 
2013-01-15 04:44:33 PM
I want to be in the middle of an Anna Kendrick, Alison Brie and Scarlett Johansson pileup.
 
2013-01-15 04:56:04 PM

Erodeo: Must I do everything?

[s9.postimage.org image 640x426]
[s14.postimage.org image 611x480]
[s9.postimage.org image 309x480]


Look at the lack of definition in those calves in that last pic. Do not want.

Just kidding. Want.
 
2013-01-15 05:00:10 PM

kroonermanblack: Lord Dimwit: bucket_chemist: Lord Dimwit:
Fantastic film, 50/50. If you haven't seen it, you owe it to yourself.

Are you sure? Because it would have to be pretty good to get an exemption from my policy of not watching anything with Seth Rogen in it.

Absolutely. No snark, no sarcasm. Fantastic freaking film.

It was ok. I'm no lord, but I wouldn't give it all that much praise. Good, but not 'YOU MUST WATCH THIS' good as its beig made out.

The problem I have with this woman is that she is too beautiful. It's stupid, but when she's on screen I end up losing track of whatever else is going on just to stare at her.

Not in a 'find her house' way, but just a mesmerized way. I hope we all have a person like that. Otherwise I feel creepier than usual.


Joseph Gordon Levitt is brilliant in it and deserved every nomination he got. Rogen is grating, but then again he's supposed to be and it serves the payoff that his character gets at the end. Kendrick and Huston are both very good as is Bryce Dallas Howard.
 
2013-01-15 05:15:33 PM

theurge14: [i.imgur.com image 850x1387]

You know, I believe you don't really know a woman until you know what the freckles between her tits look like. Bless you for this pic. Mother of God indeed.


Huh, she kind of looks like an ex of mine.

/ The ex was/is bat sh*t crazy.
 
2013-01-15 05:15:47 PM
she always looks constipated.
 
2013-01-15 05:21:23 PM

BalugaJoe: she always looks constipated.


her teeth are so big she can't close her mouth all the way

/baba booey
 
2013-01-15 05:31:01 PM

Mad_Radhu: Also, speaking of vampires, the glow-in-the-dark variety is much better than sparkly. I've recently really been enjoying this series, where the author put a lot of thought into vampires and how they might realistically work.



The Strain trilogy was also pretty good, but that one suffered from some terrible writing and cardboard thin characters. I think the Del Toro ideas on that one were great, but Chuck Hogan fumbled the execution of turning it into a good read. In particular, the main human villain for the first two books was just terribly written. The Passage series so far has been a lot better at giving even the villains some solid motivations for doing what they do.

/Sorry for the threadjack


I struggle to see how that book has so many fans.

SPOILERS
They kill off characters and just hit the reset button. Then before I learn or care enough about the new ones they kill them off. I agree the vamps were the best part of the book, including the hive/telepathic control aspect. The description of turning is visceral, it's just the book lacks in every other category.
 
2013-01-15 05:47:30 PM
What censorship?
 
2013-01-15 06:56:05 PM

thecpt: SPOILERS
They kill off characters and just hit the reset button. Then before I learn or care enough about the new ones they kill them off. I agree the vamps were the best part of the book, including the hive/telepathic control aspect. The description of turning is visceral, it's just the book lacks in every other category.


SPOILERS

I actually didn't mind the big shift in the story midway through. It kept things fresh. Also, didn't a lot of the characters that were seemingly killed off wind up returning eventually? Hell, the second book even brought back some secondary characters that I didn't really expect to see again. The structure seemed a little weird at first, but the more I read, the more the earlier parts of the story became important.
 
2013-01-15 07:03:52 PM

gunga galunga: /will Rifftrax them one of these days


Good. We need more Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 riffs...there's only three on Zarban right now.
 
2013-01-15 07:20:38 PM
If she really wants to masterbate, I'd be happy to lick the seat she was sitting on clean when she's done.
 
2013-01-15 07:35:51 PM
I love that "masturbation" appears in the title and in the link, and half the Farkers here still can't spell it.
 
2013-01-15 08:15:00 PM

Tyrone Slothrop: Polish Hussar: Mad_Radhu: She was the ONLY good thing in the Twilight series. My wife watched a few of them on cable, and her character was the only one who seemed to be acting like an actual human being.

I beg to differ, Michael Sheen was REMARKABLE!

A review I saw said he must have been taking bets with the rest of the cast about how far he could overact before the director stopped him. Evidently the director never did.


Spoony and the Cinema Snob's review? Bored Volturi FTW
 
2013-01-15 08:19:20 PM

Wayne 985: I love that "masturbation" appears in the title and in the link, and half the Farkers here still can't spell it.


I love the fact that even though everyone in the world knows that people who point out typos in Internet forum posts are the biggest possible douchebags, half the people still can't suppress their inner asshole enough to not point out how you hit the wrong key when trying to write a post from a phone with a 4 inch screen.
 
2013-01-15 08:19:48 PM
I was all set to have a full-on crush with her but at her Instagram site it turns out she is friends with that chick from 'Girls' - the fat, plain one with the bad tattoos.

'Girls' is terrible, this chick a leftist hack too young and stupid to know what she's talking about.
 
2013-01-15 08:20:42 PM
I don't know about you all, but I'll be withholding any judgment on the hotness of Miss Kendrick until Fark's Fartbox Tonguepuncher Brigade weighs in.

/gross
 
2013-01-15 08:26:05 PM

Wayne 985: I love that "masturbation" appears in the title and in the link, and half the Farkers here still can't spell it.


A good way to remember how to spell "masturbation" is that it's all about u.
 
xcv
2013-01-15 08:29:07 PM

Mad_Radhu: Also, speaking of vampires, the glow-in-the-dark variety is much better than sparkly. I've recently really been enjoying this series, where the author put a lot of thought into vampires and how they might realistically work.


Still bothered by the author apparently put zero thought into why modern technology sitting in the wasteland for a century works perfectly whenever characters need it. Or any exposition on why a principle character is magical before any plot development occurs.
 
2013-01-15 08:29:15 PM

Wayne 985: I love that "masturbation" appears in the title and in the link, and half the Farkers here still can't spell it.


It's hard to type with one hand.
 
2013-01-15 08:44:12 PM

xcv: Mad_Radhu: Also, speaking of vampires, the glow-in-the-dark variety is much better than sparkly. I've recently really been enjoying this series, where the author put a lot of thought into vampires and how they might realistically work.

Still bothered by the author apparently put zero thought into why modern technology sitting in the wasteland for a century works perfectly whenever characters need it. Or any exposition on why a principle character is magical before any plot development occurs.


That was a little bit of a stretch, but there was at least an attempt to keep it sorta plausible. They used some century old Humvees that were stored in a bunker, but getting them to work required a week of cannibalizing parts from various vehicles and replacing the rubber bits that rotted away. There were some modern guns that they also found, but those were stored properly in a desert environment, so I don't think there would be anything that would cause them to rust, and I think gunpower is pretty stable if stored properly as well. The two things that really struck me as dubious in regards to tech working magically was the fuel not going bad after all that time (diesel especially has a short shelf life), and the repaired train not getting derailed after a going a mile down the track because of the rail lines were not maintained properly for nearly a century.
 
2013-01-15 09:07:30 PM

douchebag/hater: I was all set to have a full-on crush with her but at her Instagram site it turns out she is friends with that chick from 'Girls' - the fat, plain one with the bad tattoos.

'Girls' is terrible, this chick a leftist hack too young and stupid to know what she's talking about.


Alas, not everybody can be a wise man of the world like you are.

/now fark off back to the politics tab. Adults are talking.
 
2013-01-15 09:17:53 PM

carrion_luggage: Wayne 985: I love that "masturbation" appears in the title and in the link, and half the Farkers here still can't spell it.

A good way to remember how to spell "masturbation" is that it's all about u.


Musturbutuun?
 
2013-01-15 09:32:48 PM
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
Pitch perfect was terrible, guys. You know it. Titanium? Good music? Really?
 
2013-01-15 09:33:15 PM

douchebag/hater: 'Girls' is tYerrible, this chick a leftist hack too young and stupid to know what she's talking about.


I am the opposite of its audience, and Girls is hilarious. Zosia Mamet is wonderful.
 
2013-01-15 09:54:01 PM

Seth'n'Spectrum: Pitch perfect was terrible, guys. You know it. Titanium? Good music? Really?


A bad song can still be sung well.
 
2013-01-15 10:04:22 PM

elvindeath: Wayne 985: I love that "masturbation" appears in the title and in the link, and half the Farkers here still can't spell it.

I love the fact that even though everyone in the world knows that people who point out typos in Internet forum posts are the biggest possible douchebags, half the people still can't suppress their inner asshole enough to not point out how you hit the wrong key when trying to write a post from a phone with a 4 inch screen.


"E" and "U" are on opposite ends of the keyboard. They didn't write "mastyrbation" or "mastirbation." Try again.
 
2013-01-15 10:05:58 PM

douchebag/hater: I was all set to have a full-on crush with her but at her Instagram site it turns out she is friends with that chick from 'Girls' - the fat, plain one with the bad tattoos.

'Girls' is terrible, this chick a leftist hack too young and stupid to know what she's talking about.


So let me get this straight correct...

You would have a crush on her, but you discovered through Instagram that she's friends with someone who has a different political stance than yours?
 
2013-01-15 10:08:36 PM
I believe the record will reflect that I called "dibs" on Miss Kendrick almost a year ago. Everyone else, please vacate this thread.
 
2013-01-15 10:11:03 PM

Wayne 985: elvindeath: Wayne 985: I love that "masturbation" appears in the title and in the link, and half the Farkers here still can't spell it.

I love the fact that even though everyone in the world knows that people who point out typos in Internet forum posts are the biggest possible douchebags, half the people still can't suppress their inner asshole enough to not point out how you hit the wrong key when trying to write a post from a phone with a 4 inch screen.

"E" and "U" are on opposite ends of the keyboard. They didn't write "mastyrbation" or "mastirbation." Try again.


As long as nobody says "begs the question" it's all good.
 
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