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(Buzzfeed)   British People Problems - Surprisingly 'dentistry' isn't on the list   ( divider line
    More: Amusing, British People Problems  
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8230 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jan 2013 at 1:50 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-01-15 02:02:55 PM  
3 votes: Full Size
2013-01-15 02:35:39 PM  
2 votes:
Use it in a sentence:

With the greatest respect ...

Blackadder: With the greatest respect, your Highness, you are as intelligent as a baboon's left foot.

Could we consider some other options ...

Could we consider some other options, as I do not wish to die in the resulting explosion.

Feel free to drop by anytime. We have an open door policy.

Mind the moat. We just filled it with crocodiles and they are very hungry from their long trip.



I can't believe I heard what I just heard as my brain is refusing to translate the sounds into thoughts for fear of dribbling out of my ears.

Rule 1:
The British seldom say what they mean or mean what they say.

Rule 2:
Like nerds and geeks, the British feel an irrestible urge to contradict or one-up anything you say, so you will eventually be obliged to exagerate the insignificant and poo-poo the essential and important.


I am dying for a good cup of tea. This stuff is vile beyond belief.

It was nothing. Don't mention it.

Rule 3
Unlike the French, who spend dinner praising or dissecting other dinners they have had, the British seldom mention the food unless directly asked by the waiter. Do not think that you can get away with recommending a restaurant. If you say it was awful, they will surely love it. If you say it was great, they will tear it a new one.

Rule 4
Like women, the British will let you think that everything is going great. AND THEN THEY WILL GET YOU.

Rule 5
If you imagine that you are talking with a devious lying French biatch of an ex-wife in conversation with the British, you will do fine, by which I mean, terribly. But you will get by, by which I mean, survive the ordeal.

Rule 5b: Not really.

Rule 6: There is no rule six.
2013-01-16 04:42:17 AM  
1 vote:
2013-01-15 04:37:42 PM  
1 vote:

Shazam999: Wow, "with all due respect" is an insult eh? I'll have to remember that when I deal with Brits.

Oh yes, very much so. It's a bit difficult to explain something ingrained by culture but I'll try.

Due respect is assumed by the person's position or authority. True respect can only be earned. By pointing out that all due respect is given the speaker implies there is no earned respect. More or less.

What it means, if you're being direct, is "You are an absolute cretin and utter incompetent with no right to be above me, but as you are I must appear to defer to you before telling you exactly why you are wasting everyone's time with your inane ramblings."
2013-01-15 04:17:55 PM  
1 vote:

Shazam999: Wow, "with all due respect" is an insult eh? I'll have to remember that when I deal with Brits.

Right up there with "bless your heart" from someone from the Southeastern US.
2013-01-15 03:19:51 PM  
1 vote:

WhippingBoy: unlikely: I know "hyurrrr british dentistry" is a meme and all that, but I've been to England and I've seen it firsthand.

It's not nearly as bad as here.

Where is "here"? The Land of Rotting Teeth?

Yes. You know, the United States. Where people often don't have insurance, skip cleanings for years, get a bad cavity and end up having it extracted. As opposed to those poor brits who, in general, have access to regular cleanings and fillings. Most of the pictures you see posted about the land of bad teeth and all that... just bad orthodontics.
2013-01-15 03:05:25 PM  
1 vote:

unlikely: I know "hyurrrr british dentistry" is a meme and all that, but I've been to England and I've seen it firsthand.

It's not nearly as bad as here.

Indeed. We don't all aspire to utterly regular, blindingly white and completely false looking teeth here.
2013-01-15 02:57:03 PM  
1 vote:

tricycleracer: 19 is just a drinking problem.  Not alcoholism, mind you, just a common problem facing the social drinker regardless of nationality.

I don't get the 'buying rounds' tradition. Why not just have everybody buy their own drinks? That way each person could drink as much or as little as fast or as slow as they want without it becoming a problem.
2013-01-15 02:09:23 PM  
1 vote:

WarszawaScream: Dated a Brit for awhile, they're really not as polite as everyone thinks.

See also: Canadians.

/ take off, eh.
2013-01-15 02:01:52 PM  
1 vote:
Real British People Problems:

"(a customer walks in the door.)

Customer (John Cleese): Good Morning.

Owner (Michael Palin): Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!

Customer: Ah thank you my good man.

Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?

C: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through 'Rogue Herrys' by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.

O: Peckish, sir?

C: Esuriant.

O: Eh?

C: 'Ee I were all 'ungry-like!

O: Ah, hungry!

C: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, 'a little fermented curd will do the trick', so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!

O: Come again?

C: I want to buy some cheese.

O: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki player!

C: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!

O: Sorry?

C: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tune, 'yer forced to!

O: So he can go on playing, can he?

C: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.

O: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?

C: Well, eh, how about a little Red Leicester.

O: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of Red Leicester, sir.

C: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?

O: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.

C: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.

O: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.

C: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?

O: Sorry, sir.

C: Red Windsor?

O: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.

C: Ah. Stilton?

O: Sorry.

C: Gruyere? Emmental?

O: No.

C: Any Norwegian Jarlsberger, per chance?

O: No.

C: Liptauer?

O: No.

C: Lancashire?

O: No.

C: White Stilton?

O: No.

C: Danish Blue?

O: No.

C: Double Gloucester?

O: (pause) No.

C: Cheshire?

O: No.

C: Dorset Blue Vinney?

O: No.

C: Brie, Roquefort, Pont-l'Eveque, Port Salut, Savoyard, Saint-Paulin, Carre-de-L'Est, Boursin, Bresse Bleu, Perle de Champagne?

O: No.

C: Camembert, perhaps?

O: Ah! We have Camembert, yessir.

C: (suprised) You do! Excellent.

O: Yessir. It's ah... it's a bit runny.

C: Oh, I like it runny.

O: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.

C: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!

O: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.

C: I don't care how farking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.

O: Oooooooooohhh........! (pause)

C: What now?

O: The cat's eaten it.

C: (pause) Has he?

O: She, sir.


C: Gouda?

O: No.

C: Edam?

O: No.

C: Caithness?

O: No.

C: Smoked Austrian?

O: No.

C: Japanese Sage Darby?

O: No sir.

C: You... do have some cheese, don't you?

O: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got-

C: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.

O: Fair enough.

C: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.

O: Yes?

C: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!

O: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.


C: Greek Feta?

O: Uh, not as such.

C: Uuh, Gorgonzola?

O: No

C: Parmesan?

O: No

C: Mozzarella?

O: No

C: Pippo Creme?

O: No

C: Danish Fimboe?

O: No

C: Czech sheep's milk?

O: No

C: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?

O: Not -today-, sir, no.


C: Aah, how about Cheddar?

O: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.

C: Not much ca--It's the single most popular cheese in the world!

O: Not 'round here, sir.

C: (slight pause) and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?

O: 'Illchester, sir.

C: IS it.

O: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manusquire.

C: Is it.

O: It's our number one best seller, sir!

C: I see. Uuh... 'Illchester, eh?

O: Right, sir.

C: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' He asked, expecting the answer 'no'.

O: I'll have a look, sir.. nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

C: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?

O: Finest in the district sir!

C: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.

O: Well, it's so clean, sir!

C: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.

O: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir.

C: Would it be worth it?

O: Could be.


O: Told you sir...

C: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?

O: No.

C: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place....... Tell me:

O: Yessir?

C: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all?

O: Yes,sir.

C: Really?


O: No. Not really, sir.

C: You haven't.

O: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.

C: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.

O: Right-0, sir.

(The customer takes out a gun and shoots the shopkeeper)

C: What a senseless waste of human life."
2013-01-15 02:00:04 PM  
1 vote:
"with all due respect" specifically means "you're wrong, and I've finally managed to sum up the courage to tell you"
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