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(USA Today)   Will security settings be changed yet again? Will Facebook add a "Blowie" button? Will Zuckerman offer free moustache rides? This is YOUR Facebook Big (yawn) News Announcement thread (1 PM, EST)   (usatoday.com) divider line 67
    More: PSA, Facebook, Emarketer, Michael Arrington  
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2620 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jan 2013 at 11:24 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-15 11:25:30 AM
We'll get over it.
 
2013-01-15 11:27:34 AM
why would fb need to make a phone? how a fb phone be any different than a fb app on any phone?

/don't think it'll be a phone. damn I'm bored.
 
2013-01-15 11:28:07 AM
Blowie? Like David Blowie? Or more like "This blows"??

Personally, I'd like a "Blow Me" button.
 
2013-01-15 11:28:35 AM
I'm betting that whatever it is, it's a bad idea.
 
2013-01-15 11:29:28 AM
I'm thinking it's more ads on your Timeline and on your mobile device and you'll be HAPPY to have them.
 
2013-01-15 11:29:49 AM
Let me be the first to say I don't use Facebook. I also only eat organic, don't watch tv, only drink locally brewed craft beer, and don't follow sports.
 
2013-01-15 11:31:44 AM

This Looks Fun: Let me be the first to say I don't use Facebook. I also only eat organic, don't watch tv, only drink locally brewed craft beer, and don't follow sports.


Why are you not growing your own organic food and brewing your own craft beer? Poser.
 
2013-01-15 11:32:09 AM

This Looks Fun: Let me be the first to say I don't use Facebook. I also only eat organic, don't watch tv, only drink locally brewed craft beer, and don't follow sports.


I eat very unhealthy, fat laden food,watch way too much TV, drink domestic swill, and love sports.
And am not on FB, so I don't care what the announcement is.

/Unless he is distributing free BBQ to new FB users - then I might put up a fake account.
 
2013-01-15 11:32:14 AM

This Looks Fun: Let me be the first to say I don't use Facebook. I also only eat organic, don't watch tv, only drink locally brewed craft beer, and don't follow sports.


So you're so mainstream. I only eat processed foods, watch nothing but TLC and Discovery Channel, drink Coors Light, and have been thrown out of 16, count'em 16 professional sports stadiums.
 
2013-01-15 11:32:59 AM
Facebook will start kicking out all the pathologically stupid ugly people? Oh wait, that would kill their business model.
 
2013-01-15 11:34:40 AM
I don't think this is necessary for Facebook. Seems like just using the app is all you need.
 
2013-01-15 11:35:40 AM
So we need an hour and a half leadup thread for a non-event?

/brilliant!
 
2013-01-15 11:37:06 AM
Spanky_McFarksalot: "why would fb need to make a phone?"

Because there are billions of people set to start buying smartphones in the next couple years who have no social network default.
And Facebook has no prospects for growth, other than that market.

If local/other operators pick that up, Facebook either has to expensively acquire them, or deliver to Wall Street expectations of slow-to-no growth.
As their stock price is predicated on future growth much more than earnings-per-user, they'd really rather not do that.

But no phone maker would just hand that market to Facebook, gratis.
So they'll either have to pay for access, in which case they mean as well take ownership of the thing, brand it and make it more well-integrated than current solutions. (Can't put the fate of your software company in the hands of some OEM with a track-record of dodgy software)

Or they'll have to go it their own.

Either way, you get a Facebook-branded phone.
 
2013-01-15 11:38:31 AM

This Looks Fun: Let me be the first to say I don't use Facebook. I also only eat organic, don't watch tv, only drink locally brewed craft beer, and don't follow sports.


/sent from my iPhone
 
2013-01-15 11:39:18 AM

Spanky_McFarksalot: why would fb need to make a phone? how a fb phone be any different than a fb app on any phone?


Fb phone would broadcast your rectal temperature to your friends and corporate affiliates in real time.
 
2013-01-15 11:40:35 AM
In before Poop is coming.
 
2013-01-15 11:44:43 AM
I work in one of the 24 hour newsrooms, so we got the press feed on this a few minutes ago. The new Facebook feature is going to blow your mind. It's exciting and risque, two things that Facebook has lacked for a very long time.

It's probably easier to explain how it works than actually describe it. All you have to do is visit a friend's profile and post on their wall. For female friends, you must post, "SHOW ME YOUR TITS." For guy friends, it's "SHOW ME YOUR PENIS." The message will not actual appear on their wall, but in a few seconds you will receive a picture of their genitals. It's not clear from the press release exactly where these pictures come from, but supposedly Facebook has these photographs of 95% of their user base.

As a user, you can access your genital photos from a new section in your profile, "My Genitals." You can leave the default photo, or upload new content as your body matures.

The rules are pretty lax, though for guys, no super close-ups of the penis. No one wants to count the veins. Being that close distorts the size too. You must include at least belly button to mid-thigh or the Facebook Genital Filter will not accept the photo. It wouldn't hurt to put a baby carrot beside it for perspective.

For gals, you cannot manipulate your breasts with a bra, your hands, or your upper arms, pushing them together. Facebook TOS requires you let them hang, though nipples must be visible, even if you have to get a friend to lay on their back between your legs and take the photograph straight up. You can add shots of your vagina if you like, but no one wants to see that.

This feature is not optional. People are sick and tired of meeting people on Facebook only to find out that their genitals are unacceptable. This new policy should abort failed romances before they're able to ruin marriages. As always, the Facebook motto stands - Do no harm.
 
2013-01-15 11:46:16 AM
Zuckerman's Famous Pig!

That's some pig!

Terrific!

Subby watching to much Charlotte's Web lately?
 
2013-01-15 11:48:50 AM

Grapple: Blowie? Like David Blowie? Or more like "This blows"??

Personally, I'd like a "Blow Me" button.


You better go back and read the Terms Of Service again seems under some conditions you may be obligate to perform certain acts.
 
2013-01-15 11:48:57 AM
So should I reconsider my decision to not have a Facebook account?
 
2013-01-15 11:51:37 AM

Macular Degenerate: Facebook will start kicking out all the pathologically stupid ugly people? Oh wait, that would kill their business model.


And what will you do for on-line social content?
 
2013-01-15 11:51:40 AM
My guess is some overhyped, fog and haze, Dolby encoded action movie soundtrack backed bunch of malarkey about some doodad with their logo on it. Has anybody done much of anything new, lately? I mean, there's only so many web portal refrigerator doors full of post it notes and wai kewl phones and capacitance screen festooned hoobajoobs yo can knock together before you get the feeling you've already sat through the second reel. This isn't the future. This is distractions aimed at 14 year old girls.
 
2013-01-15 11:54:22 AM

Albert911emt: So should I reconsider my decision to not have a Facebook account?


I don't see why you would even bother if you don't have any friends IRL.
 
2013-01-15 11:55:47 AM
Don't be silly, subby. Mustache rides from Zuckerberg are $100 per ride.
 
2013-01-15 11:55:54 AM
Common guys, it doesn't have to be as elaborate as showing genital pictures.

We need a "dislike" button, right next to the like. The small things are the most revolutionary.
 
2013-01-15 11:59:42 AM

elgrancerdo: Common guys, it doesn't have to be as elaborate as showing genital pictures.

We need a "dislike" button, right next to the like. The small things are the most revolutionary.


They used to have a dislike button I believe. I think they took it out after some teen killed herself when her "friends" disliked too many of her AW photos.
 
2013-01-15 12:01:19 PM

theorellior: Macular Degenerate: Facebook will start kicking out all the pathologically stupid ugly people? Oh wait, that would kill their business model.

And what will you do for on-line social content?


Well, we're all already on the alternative.
 
2013-01-15 12:01:24 PM
At least back in the day when guys knocked up big empty rooms for people to fill up and do all the work in, there was a band, two wet bars and free books of matches.
 
2013-01-15 12:10:33 PM
It's a two wheeled electric scooter called the iFACE.
as in "sit on my iFACE"
 
2013-01-15 12:15:57 PM
Are they shutting down facebook? I bet that's it
 
2013-01-15 12:17:26 PM
People still use Facebook?

/Yep, I'm that guy.
 
2013-01-15 12:17:54 PM

Drunk Guy Filter on Instagram
farm9.staticflickr.com

Also, more (difficult) privacy settings.

 
2013-01-15 12:18:43 PM

This Looks Fun: Let me be the first to say I don't use Facebook. I also only eat organic, don't watch tv, only drink locally brewed craft beer, and don't follow sports.


You forget to mention you did all that stuff before it was cool
 
2013-01-15 12:19:34 PM

elgrancerdo: Common guys, it doesn't have to be as elaborate as showing genital pictures.

We need a "dislike" button, right next to the like. The small things are the most revolutionary.


We need that here on Fark too. Why do we only have a smart and funny buttons? Why not stupid and boring as well.
 
2013-01-15 12:29:14 PM

Onkel Buck: This Looks Fun: Let me be the first to say I don't use Facebook. I also only eat organic, don't watch tv, only drink locally brewed craft beer, and don't follow sports.

You forget to mention you did all that stuff before it was cool


Actually, I didn't do any of them until they were cool. I'm not a trendsetter.
 
2013-01-15 12:34:02 PM

ReapTheChaos: We need that here on Fark too. Why do we only have a smart and funny buttons? Why not stupid and boring as well.


Said it before, and I'll say it again: "This!", "LOL", and "Dumbass/Troll", with counts or percentages or some other indicator shown on the headline pages.

Do that, and I'd even consider chipping in the $5/m if that was required to get said counts displayed.

"Smart" and "Funny" is just characterless, stupid, half-assed and, as currently implemented, pointless.
/ maybe it's more than a phone -- maybe they're buying TMobile or someone else?
 
2013-01-15 12:36:37 PM

Onkel Buck: This Looks Fun: Let me be the first to say I don't use Facebook. I also only eat organic, don't watch tv, only drink locally brewed craft beer, and don't follow sports.

You forget to mention you did all that stuff before it was cool


You know what's weird? I DON'T use facebook, I almost never watch TeeVee and I don't follow sports, but that's just because I didn't get into it as a kid. Beer tastes like sh*t. I don't put a lot of effort into any of that, I just.. I dunno, don't like that sh*t. I hope this doesn't put me in some hipster demographic. : |
 
2013-01-15 12:40:01 PM

Cymbal: elgrancerdo: Common guys, it doesn't have to be as elaborate as showing genital pictures.

We need a "dislike" button, right next to the like. The small things are the most revolutionary.

They used to have a dislike button I believe. I think they took it out after some teen killed herself when her "friends" disliked too many of her AW photos.


Then the best option would be to make the process less confusing by adding BOTH "dislike" and "kill yourself" buttons.
 
2013-01-15 12:43:28 PM

bunner: Onkel Buck: This Looks Fun: Let me be the first to say I don't use Facebook. I also only eat organic, don't watch tv, only drink locally brewed craft beer, and don't follow sports.

You forget to mention you did all that stuff before it was cool

You know what's weird? I DON'T use facebook, I almost never watch TeeVee and I don't follow sports, but that's just because I didn't get into it as a kid. Beer tastes like sh*t. I don't put a lot of effort into any of that, I just.. I dunno, don't like that sh*t. I hope this doesn't put me in some hipster demographic. : |


If it quacks like a duck. There isn't a lot of wiggle room on FARK. At least lie and act like you like beer, it will calm the rest of the heard
 
2013-01-15 12:46:10 PM

Onkel Buck: bunner: Onkel Buck: This Looks Fun: Let me be the first to say I don't use Facebook. I also only eat organic, don't watch tv, only drink locally brewed craft beer, and don't follow sports.

You forget to mention you did all that stuff before it was cool

You know what's weird? I DON'T use facebook, I almost never watch TeeVee and I don't follow sports, but that's just because I didn't get into it as a kid. Beer tastes like sh*t. I don't put a lot of effort into any of that, I just.. I dunno, don't like that sh*t. I hope this doesn't put me in some hipster demographic. : |

If it quacks like a duck. There isn't a lot of wiggle room on FARK. At least lie and act like you like beer, it will calm the rest of the heard

herd

/yah that too
//FTFM
 
2013-01-15 12:46:46 PM

Onkel Buck: If it quacks like a duck. There isn't a lot of wiggle room on FARK. At least lie and act like you like beer, it will calm the rest of the heard


Actually, I like Guinness, a half and half now and then, and there's this really amazing beer from Nova Scotia called Alexander Keith's that I can't get in America, anymore. I do likes me some John Daniel, though, boss.
 
2013-01-15 12:47:33 PM

bunner: Onkel Buck: This Looks Fun: Let me be the first to say I don't use Facebook. I also only eat organic, don't watch tv, only drink locally brewed craft beer, and don't follow sports.

You forget to mention you did all that stuff before it was cool

You know what's weird? I DON'T use facebook, I almost never watch TeeVee and I don't follow sports, but that's just because I didn't get into it as a kid. Beer tastes like sh*t. I don't put a lot of effort into any of that, I just.. I dunno, don't like that sh*t. I hope this doesn't put me in some hipster demographic. : |


Eh, whatever. I don't drink craft beer, eat organic, watch TV or use FB, but I do play Call of Duty and like sports. When people do things they legitimately enjoy, it tends not to matter to them what others think. I mean, as long as you don't go in a X thread and only add "I don't X" then you're probably not annoying anyone.

/You hipster douche...
 
2013-01-15 12:49:09 PM
Does it help if you can take almost any given, actual, certified hipster douche from any random coffee shop, and I'm probably old enough to be their dad?
 
2013-01-15 12:55:33 PM
Engadget LiveBlog from the event: Link
 
2013-01-15 01:08:33 PM

NeoCortex42: Engadget LiveBlog from the event: Link


That is just mind numbing to watch. Granted, I don't give a shiat about what he's talking about, but still...
 
2013-01-15 01:09:10 PM
So, the big reveal: new search tools.
 
2013-01-15 01:09:48 PM
He's going on about the "three pillars" of facebook and holding that SM-58 way too far from his mouth to be heard well. It's not a magic wand, Zuckerman. It has proximity effect.
 
2013-01-15 01:33:53 PM
They've been bought by zombo.com
 
2013-01-15 01:37:30 PM

bunner: Onkel Buck: This Looks Fun: Let me be the first to say I don't use Facebook. I also only eat organic, don't watch tv, only drink locally brewed craft beer, and don't follow sports.

You forget to mention you did all that stuff before it was cool

You know what's weird? I DON'T use facebook, I almost never watch TeeVee and I don't follow sports, but that's just because I didn't get into it as a kid. Beer tastes like sh*t. I don't put a lot of effort into any of that, I just.. I dunno, don't like that sh*t. I hope this doesn't put me in some hipster demographic. : |


It only becomes Hipster once you start telling people online about it.
 
2013-01-15 01:54:34 PM
The thing i don't understand about "the facebook" is that it seems that just when everyone has gotten used to the trash up grades that they implemented 1-2 years ago, the brain trust in the home office decides it's time to "improve" things.

If it aint broke, why fix it?

/amirite?
//or amirite?
///right?
i11.photobucket.com
 
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