#26 buzzfeed articles being greenlit.

I can't even get them to load properly on my phone.

For the muffin-sticking problem: Use foil cups, not paper.

ManateeGag: I feel dumber for having read that.

I feel dumber after only reading five of them.

Vacuum cleaners that end on a curve

Holy crap I was just thinking that the other day. on my canister vac the cord comes out of the middle. So it doesn't mater which direction I go. It always ends at the curve.

abhorrent1: Vacuum cleaners that end on a curve

Holy crap I was just thinking that the other day. on my canister vac the cord comes out of the middle. So it doesn't mater which direction I go. It always ends at the curve.

Get a Neato or a Roomba. Throw away the vacuum. Problem solved.

I thought these might be actual problems. Perhaps it would be an articulately written article. Instead, too late I realized I clicked on a buzzfeed link and instead got a picture of some dude too dumb to figure out how so much as to even muffin.

So in other words, more coffee required...

I have never failed at opening all of those things. I might not be an idiot.

I should get a job at Buzzfeed. You know: slack off while pretending to write something intelligent.

Was "25 dumb things only stupid people have a problem with" too long a headline?

25 everydayWhite person problems that desperately need to be solved in 2013

1. Use a non-stick muffin pan
2. Pour the excess into the new bottle.
3. Kill yourself.
4. unfriend.
5. tape
6. throw it away
7. clip it to the other side.
8. it's easy to trim the excess wood away with the sharpener
9. plug it in the other side
10. search for the video - it will have been uploaded by someone else already
11. jab it with a pen
12. jab it with a pen
13. jab yourself with a pen - who the hell can't draw a brace
14. the sewer is covered. no problem here.
15. tear off the excess.
16. GIS
17. pick them up yourself. You're at the gym to exercise, not whine.
18. make your own sandwich. If you made it yourself and it is wrong see [3].
19. make your own chips and salsa. See [18].
20. Add the words to the custom dictionary,
21. Pull the material out. Zip up the coat. Leave and never come back.
22. Buy a decent book.
23. Stove is fine. Pan is unbalanced because it is empty. Put some food in it and cook.
24. Stop just jabbing it in (this solution would have served your father well)
25. Stop eating crap.

umm... i have an iphone but i didn't understand the askew iphone numbers thing... plus, my iphone menu looks different. what am i? from the future? or distant past?

Here's what really needs to end:

Squeeze bottle mustard and mayonnaise.

they stuff comes out like crap, and you'll need a knife to spread it around appropriately anyways. (unless you're a heathen who hates a good sandwich). and, you'll never get the last 1/3 of the stuff.

First World Problems.

I don't care about problems that need to be solved by 2013.

By 2015, on the other hand, we've got our work cut out for us. In other words:


WHERE'S MY GODDAMN HOVERBOARD?!

I'm scared of the sort of person that list was speaking to. Or who enjoyed it so much they had to share.

Yes, I am afraid of you, Subby. And not the good kind of fear, either.

Please add: commenters on a humor site without a sense of humor

"You know,A lot of people think they have a sense of humor, but they don't"

pute kisses like a man: umm... i have an iphone but i didn't understand the askew iphone numbers thing... plus, my iphone menu looks different. what am i? from the future? or distant past?

Here's what really needs to end:

Squeeze bottle mustard and mayonnaise.

they stuff comes out like crap, and you'll need a knife to spread it around appropriately anyways. (unless you're a heathen who hates a good sandwich). and, you'll never get the last 1/3 of the stuff.

Look at the little square on the physical home button. It's very slightly askew. One of those "if you hadn't mentioned it, I wouldn't have noticed it, you bastard" type of things.

moothemagiccow: crazypete: 25 everydayWhite person problems that desperately need to be solved in 2013

26. racism

Yeah, I guess that could have been read that way. Not trying to be racist. This guy:
Contents Under Pressure: First World Problems.

Had a better choice of words.

Any civilized person knows you stab the bottom of the Capri Sun. Sure, you can't set it down, but it's 6.7oz. Are you really going to need to set it down and come back later?

/When you come back, it's covered in ants anyway

pute kisses like a man: Here's what really needs to end:

Squeeze bottle mustard and mayonnaise.

they stuff comes out like crap, and you'll need a knife to spread it around appropriately anyways. (unless you're a heathen who hates a good sandwich). and, you'll never get the last 1/3 of the stuff.


Squeeze out, assemble sandwich, rotate both breads 180* while maintaining pressure. You're welcome.

/For subs, slide them across each other.

ProfessorOhki: pute kisses like a man: Here's what really needs to end:

Squeeze bottle mustard and mayonnaise.

they stuff comes out like crap, and you'll need a knife to spread it around appropriately anyways. (unless you're a heathen who hates a good sandwich). and, you'll never get the last 1/3 of the stuff.


Squeeze out, assemble sandwich, rotate both breads 180* while maintaining pressure. You're welcome.

/For subs, slide them across each other.

sounds risky, you might be endangering the cutting board with potential spillage (and the cutting board is a lot harder to clean than a knife).

/ but, i also cut my sandwiches in half, on a bias or diagonal, so a knife is getting dirty no matter what. the squirt bottle provides no advantage.
// i think the cut of the sandwich is important, it presents you with a perfect first bite, that sets the stage for a series of perfect bites. a series of triangular approaches from a well adjusted part of the sandwich. not some straight line end piece, half forgotten by the distribution of construction materials. and, the perpendicular approach to an uncut sandwich means you will get stuff on the sides of your mouth.

ProfessorOhki: pute kisses like a man: Here's what really needs to end:

Squeeze bottle mustard and mayonnaise.

they stuff comes out like crap, and you'll need a knife to spread it around appropriately anyways. (unless you're a heathen who hates a good sandwich). and, you'll never get the last 1/3 of the stuff.


Squeeze out, assemble sandwich, rotate both breads 180* while maintaining pressure. You're welcome.

/For subs, slide them across each other.



You didn't specify the axis of rotation!!!

Solution to #20: right-click, add to dictionary.

Regarding, #18, the sandwich one (directed to Vancouver farkers)

Go to La Charcuterie in Surrey and you'll get something like this for $8.


Plus the owner is what you get when you mix Borat and the Soup Nazi.

Parthenogenetic: ProfessorOhki: pute kisses like a man: Here's what really needs to end:

Squeeze bottle mustard and mayonnaise.

they stuff comes out like crap, and you'll need a knife to spread it around appropriately anyways. (unless you're a heathen who hates a good sandwich). and, you'll never get the last 1/3 of the stuff.


Squeeze out, assemble sandwich, rotate both breads 180* while maintaining pressure. You're welcome.

/For subs, slide them across each other.

[www.thatsnerdalicious.com image 590x442]

You didn't specify the axis of rotation!!!

[www.pajiba.com image 450x337]

Axis of rotation normal to the face-insertion plane, obviously.

Parthenogenetic: ProfessorOhki: pute kisses like a man: Here's what really needs to end:

Squeeze bottle mustard and mayonnaise.

they stuff comes out like crap, and you'll need a knife to spread it around appropriately anyways. (unless you're a heathen who hates a good sandwich). and, you'll never get the last 1/3 of the stuff.


Squeeze out, assemble sandwich, rotate both breads 180* while maintaining pressure. You're welcome.

/For subs, slide them across each other.

[www.thatsnerdalicious.com image 590x442]

You didn't specify the axis of rotation!!!

[www.pajiba.com image 450x337]

Go ahead, use the X or Y axis and see if you keep your hands from gettin mayoed.

The proper axis is the one that is Normal to the plane formed by the points at the centers of the 4 corners of the bread. Technically you only need 3 points, but the last one (should but seldom is) coplanar to the first 3. Note that in order for this plane to exist properly you need to lay the bread on a flat surface, like a table or plate. The rotation origin is the center point of all 4 points ( the center of the bread). If you don't understand 180 degrees, try PI radians. Also you should have 1/8 PI for dessert (preferably apple or chocolate).

I solved #2 (the soap dispenser problem) on my own by building a soap dispenser with an extra-long flexible tube that sits slightly bent at the bottom.

I hate the "author" of that article, Subby for submitting it, and whatever mod greenlit it. This might be the worst Buzzfeed green that Fark has ever seen, and that's really saying something. Kill yourselves.

ProfessorOhki: Parthenogenetic: ProfessorOhki: pute kisses like a man: Here's what really needs to end:

Squeeze bottle mustard and mayonnaise.

they stuff comes out like crap, and you'll need a knife to spread it around appropriately anyways. (unless you're a heathen who hates a good sandwich). and, you'll never get the last 1/3 of the stuff.


Squeeze out, assemble sandwich, rotate both breads 180* while maintaining pressure. You're welcome.

/For subs, slide them across each other.

[www.thatsnerdalicious.com image 590x442]

You didn't specify the axis of rotation!!!

[www.pajiba.com image 450x337]

Axis of rotation normal to the face-insertion plane, obviously.

Well, DAMMIT!

I was rotating the bread slice like this:

#1: (~°□°)~ ┬─┬


#2: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

ProfessorOhki: Any civilized person knows you stab the bottom of the Capri Sun. Sure, you can't set it down, but it's 6.7oz. Are you really going to need to set it down and come back later?

/When you come back, it's covered in ants anyway

I always used to slice off the corner with my pocketknife or multi-tool and then slurp the contents like a vampire with a blood-donation packet, more because I take a strange glee in being the kind of person who nearly always has one or both of those items with me than because it is really so hard to stab a Capri Sun properly.

My fastidious sister actually sharpens the straw with the scissors on her multi-tool because she says it makes the straw stab better.

/yes, we were Girl Scouts
//the proper way to consume the contents of a Capri Sun is a frequent campfire topic for little girls

Curry and beer: 17. pick them up yourself. You're at the gym to exercise, not whine.

Ha ha ha! Do you even lift?

SpiderQueenDemon: ProfessorOhki: Any civilized person knows you stab the bottom of the Capri Sun. Sure, you can't set it down, but it's 6.7oz. Are you really going to need to set it down and come back later?

/When you come back, it's covered in ants anyway

I always used to slice off the corner with my pocketknife or multi-tool and then slurp the contents like a vampire with a blood-donation packet, more because I take a strange glee in being the kind of person who nearly always has one or both of those items with me than because it is really so hard to stab a Capri Sun properly.

My fastidious sister actually sharpens the straw with the scissors on her multi-tool because she says it makes the straw stab better.

/yes, we were Girl Scouts
//the proper way to consume the contents of a Capri Sun is a frequent campfire topic for little girls

One of the most fascinating, and least recommended approaches I've ever witnessed is where you fit as much of the thin side in your mouth as possible and then squeeze until it bulges and explodes.

MrEricSir: I solved #2 (the soap dispenser problem) on my own by building a soap dispenser with an extra-long flexible tube that sits slightly bent at the bottom.

I am usually glad it doesn't go all the way down. It means there is some soap left after the 3yr old gets hold of it.

#21
I hate it when I'm trying to get my chaps (motorcycle) on/off and that happens.

theresnothinglft: I should get a job at Buzzfeed examiner.com. You know: slack off while pretending to write something intelligent.