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(Mother Nature Network)   It's cool if you want to sit on the same side of the table as your date when you go to eat. But just so you know, you're freaking out everyone else at the restaurant   (mnn.com) divider line 136
    More: Weird, web hosting service, public displays of affection, tables  
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15059 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jan 2013 at 10:05 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



136 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-01-15 09:17:33 AM
Um...no, they're not. At least not the actual grown ups.

If they're being touchy-feely and/or making out they're bothering everyone else. But if where they're sitting is a problem for you, boy are you going to flip out when some lady starts breastfeeding.
 
2013-01-15 09:50:24 AM
Not everyone sitting side by side is getting a hand job under the table, would be nice though. Grow up and buzz off. I'm renting that table for the duration of my meal I can sit at it how I want.
 
2013-01-15 10:09:02 AM
On the rare occasions I go out to eat, I spend most of my attention & time on the people I'm with and the food on my plate (in that order). I honestly couldn't give two flying farks what patrons at other tables are doing (as long as they aren't being noisey)
 
2013-01-15 10:09:19 AM
I just stand in the aisle and hold my plate up to my chest.
 
2013-01-15 10:09:51 AM
I don't understand why people sit side-by-side at a table or booth.
Sit across from each other people!!
 
2013-01-15 10:10:21 AM
i'll sit where i damn well please... and if you value getting tips and possibly even returning customers, you're going to serve me.
 
2013-01-15 10:10:27 AM
I just find it weird because a) I prefer to look at someone when I'm talking to them without having to crane my neck around like Linda Blair; and b) I like a little elbow room when I eat.
 
2013-01-15 10:10:32 AM
Dear people who are freaked out by this,

Mind your own damn business. If you spent as much time on yourself as you do obsessing about things others do that don't matter, maybe you'd be able to find someone who wants to sit next to you too.

Sincerely,

People Who Aren't Farked Up
 
2013-01-15 10:10:36 AM
Does this also explain why, when I go to eat at a restaurant Alone, they always try to seat me so that I have less of a view of the place?

/"watch out for the creepy guy sitting by himself, he's probably a damn pre-vert or something"
 
2013-01-15 10:12:21 AM
When I see this I just assume they are waiting for another couple to show up and sit on the other side of the table.

My wife likes to same-side sometimes, but I don't like it. It throws off the symmetry of the table.
 
2013-01-15 10:12:27 AM
Booth = opposite.

Table = share a corner.
 
2013-01-15 10:12:31 AM
Who in the hell thinks this is a problem? Me and my wife went out to brunch on Sunday and sat at adjoining sides of a square table meant for four rather than across from each other.
 
2013-01-15 10:13:06 AM
I guess I'm not that easily freaked out.
 
2013-01-15 10:13:38 AM
Of course you're freaking out people. Especially when guys wearing "Members Only" jackets are walking in and out.
 
2013-01-15 10:16:58 AM
Same side offers a much better cleavage vowing angle on a date with a woman with a low cut top
 
2013-01-15 10:17:00 AM
My ladyfriend did this to me a few summers ago when we were out. She wanted to watch the baseball game on tv, which is cool, but I told her she had to get back on her own damn side when the food arrived.
 
2013-01-15 10:17:02 AM
Depends on the place, but sometimes my girl and I like to sit side-by-side. Anyone who doesn't like it is welcome to ignore us.
 
2013-01-15 10:17:14 AM
Yeah, it's off-putting.
 
2013-01-15 10:17:45 AM
My wife and I always sit opposite, just in case we need to arm wrestle to settle an argument.
 
2013-01-15 10:18:07 AM
What if you don't know the people you are dining with? Once at a crowded restaurant the server (looking really embarrassed) asked if we wouldn't mind being seated with another couple in a booth meant for 6 since that was all they had open and she really didn't want to put just two people in it. We all agreed but my wife sat next to me while the other two women sat next to each other. Actually it was kind of fun to meet new people.
 
2013-01-15 10:18:17 AM
What if we sit on opposite sides but when she "accidentally" drops her fork under the table she give me a blowie while shes down there. Is that ok?
 
2013-01-15 10:18:32 AM
That's some nitpicky shiat right there.  Must be a slow news day.
 
2013-01-15 10:19:34 AM
Sometimes we might whisper something to each other, and touch each other as well. OH GOD NO, don't anybody be happy.
 
2013-01-15 10:20:36 AM
Being gunfighters, we both like to have our backs to the wall
 
2013-01-15 10:21:18 AM

bikerbob59: I don't understand why people sit side-by-side at a table or booth.
Sit across from each other people!!


sometimes it's too cold in the restaurant and she wants to sit next to me

can't fault her, i wouldn't want to look at that face all the time either
 
2013-01-15 10:21:22 AM

Pants full of macaroni!!: Does this also explain why, when I go to eat at a restaurant Alone, they always try to seat me so that I have less of a view of the place?

/"watch out for the creepy guy sitting by himself, he's probably a damn pre-vert or something"


Coming from someone with the handle "Pants full of macaroni!", I think there may be another reason why they put you out of the way...
 
2013-01-15 10:21:25 AM

bikerbob59: I don't understand why people sit side-by-side at a table or booth.
Sit across from each other people!!


When you sit across you're actually farther away. It's actually harder to have a conversation with my wife if the restaurant is even mildly loud.
 
2013-01-15 10:21:49 AM
I could care less if other folks are uncomfortable if I sit next to my wife when out to dinner. If they are uncomfortable it is their issue for being uptight and not my issue for being a romantic husband.

Now, if she decided to give me a blowjob under the table... ...well, I could see how that could cross the line.
 
2013-01-15 10:24:07 AM
What's next? Being disgusted by holding hands?


Table? Share a corner or a side. Booth? Opposite sides.
 
2013-01-15 10:24:10 AM
I couldnt give a shiat what the restaurant patrons are thinking to begin with, most people are stupid. My level of comfort is much more important to me than perceived negative thoughts from random people in public.

/Also, sitting next to your date is much more personal/intimate and allows for greater ease of touch
 
2013-01-15 10:24:26 AM
I'm only a Same-sider if the four-top has a cushioned bench on one side and chairs on the other. Why should I have to sit in an uncomfortable wooden chair when there's a perfectly cromulent seat on the other side?
 
2013-01-15 10:24:31 AM
Most of you haven't read the actual article (or don't understand the "server-speak"). They aren't saying people that sit side-by-side in a booth or a table are creepy. They're saying that people that sit side by side on a "2-top" are creepy, and as a former server, I kind of agree.

a "2-top" is a small table or end booth that is designed to hold 2 guests, generally across from each other.
t0.gstatic.com
(shamelessly hotlinked)

People that take the chair around and squeeze both people on the same side of these are creepy, and generally a pain, cause they bleed into the aisles and affect the ability of servers and other patrons to get around.
 
2013-01-15 10:25:04 AM
Since they never understand when I say I want our backs to a wall, we sit across. That way I can watch her back and she can watch mine.

/Also, I try to let her walk in front of me so I can watch her back. But that's different.
 
2013-01-15 10:25:13 AM
I like the stinky finger before I eat.
 
2013-01-15 10:25:34 AM
i.imgur.com
Some people like to unnecessarily get into other people's business.
 
2013-01-15 10:25:48 AM

ReapTheChaos: What if we sit on opposite sides but when she "accidentally" drops her fork under the table she give me a blowie while shes down there. Is that ok?


Perfectly acceptable if there are table cloths...wouldn't want the kids at the next table to get too much of an education
 
2013-01-15 10:26:23 AM

bikerbob59: I don't understand why people sit side-by-side at a table or booth.
Sit across from each other people!!


We both wanted to watch the game?
 
2013-01-15 10:26:52 AM

bikerbob59: I don't understand why people sit side-by-side at a table or booth.
Sit across from each other people!!


some restaurants have loud music or loud people. on the occasion that I sit next to my wife at a booth, it's because we can't hear each other and I'll be damned before i raise my voice for other people. i have no interest in joining the decline of humanity (which is loud noise).
 
2013-01-15 10:28:15 AM
upload.film-merkezi.com
 
2013-01-15 10:29:10 AM

Deneb81: bikerbob59: I don't understand why people sit side-by-side at a table or booth.
Sit across from each other people!!

We both wanted to watch the game?


That's why they have a bar.
 
2013-01-15 10:29:19 AM

Egoy3k: Who in the hell thinks this is a problem? Me and my wife went out to brunch on Sunday and sat at adjoining sides of a square table meant for four rather than across from each other.


For brunch? That's just weird, man .
 
2013-01-15 10:29:20 AM

Beeblebrox: When you sit across you're actually farther away. It's actually harder to have a conversation with my wife if the restaurant is even mildly loud.


Absolutely! That's why I always sit next to your wife when we go out to dinner.
 
2013-01-15 10:29:34 AM

Pants full of macaroni!!: Does this also explain why, when I go to eat at a restaurant Alone, they always try to seat me so that I have less of a view of the place?

/"watch out for the creepy guy sitting by himself, he's probably a damn pre-vert or something"


Nah, it is just the smallest tables usually have the most restricted view. It is easy to cram a small table for one into a corner, behind a post, or out of the main traffic area.
 
2013-01-15 10:30:30 AM

eas81: Deneb81: bikerbob59: I don't understand why people sit side-by-side at a table or booth.
Sit across from each other people!!

We both wanted to watch the game?

That's why they have a bar.


The wife and I watch UFC PPV at our local bar and have to sit side-by-side at the table to see the TV.
 
2013-01-15 10:30:42 AM
My parents sit side by side all the time.  Of course they are also splitting a meal, so this probably freaks people out, too.  They do this whole order one appetizer/salad/soup, one main course, and two glasses of wine thing.
 
2013-01-15 10:34:11 AM

JohnCarter: ReapTheChaos: What if we sit on opposite sides but when she "accidentally" drops her fork under the table she give me a blowie while shes down there. Is that ok?

Perfectly acceptable if there are table cloths...wouldn't want the kids at the next table to get too much of an education


With all the porn kids apparently see these days, maybe they can give her advice.
 
2013-01-15 10:35:18 AM
meh, who cares
 
2013-01-15 10:36:44 AM
I prefer to sit across from whomever I am with because it's easier to look at them and converse rather than turning to the side while jockeying for elbow room.
 
2013-01-15 10:36:49 AM

abmoraz: People that take the chair around and squeeze both people on the same side of these are creepy, and generally a pain, cause they bleed into the aisles and affect the ability of servers and other patrons to get around.


I would definitely agree with you on that. I don't remember ever seeing anyone try to sit on the same side of a 2-top, and I would never.
 
2013-01-15 10:37:29 AM
Same-siding are also a good indication that a sit-com is occurring and the same-siders are the stars. That means that all the rest of us are just extras (except maybe the waiter/waitress who might have a few lines). Haven't you noticed that whenever you see same-siders your conversations consist of completely silent lip movements and corny silent laughter?
 
2013-01-15 10:37:42 AM
I don't know if I think that it's creepy, but I will probably assume that they often wear completely matching outfits.
 
2013-01-15 10:38:16 AM
What the hell is a "restaurnat"?
 
2013-01-15 10:40:02 AM
When seated at a square table, I prefer to sit at 90 degrees to my wife, preferably so that we can both see our waitress approaching.
 
2013-01-15 10:40:33 AM

Johnson: Beeblebrox: When you sit across you're actually farther away. It's actually harder to have a conversation with my wife if the restaurant is even mildly loud.

Absolutely! That's why I always sit next to your wife when we go out to dinner.


Does she graze off your plate as well?
 
2013-01-15 10:41:31 AM
Whatever. Just don't turn two 2-tops into a 4-top when we're busy.
 
2013-01-15 10:44:11 AM
my girlfriend is left handed and I'm right handed. One more thing that makes same side sitting a pain.
 
2013-01-15 10:44:43 AM

bikerbob59: I don't understand why people sit side-by-side at a table or booth.
Sit across from each other people!!


More touching, less staring.

Do you not understand, or do you not agree with their choice to be close in public?
 
2013-01-15 10:45:54 AM
1630revellodrive.files.wordpress.com

So long as you do not impede the flow of traffic, I do not care how you choose to enjoy your meal.

// actually, he'd be in dork mode
// "Hi, folks! Make sure you're not blocking the aisles!"
 
2013-01-15 10:46:27 AM

Langdon Alger: my girlfriend is left handed and I'm right handed. One more thing that makes same side sitting a pain.


So sit on her right. That way you can hold hands under the table while you eat, or whatever y'all are doing with your off hands.
 
2013-01-15 10:46:58 AM

bikerbob59: I don't understand why people sit side-by-side at a table or booth.
Sit across from each other people!!


Sitting side by side can make a lot of things easier, like talking in a loud restaurant without having to shout, and sharing plates, which is one of the best parts of eating really good food.

The only people who get bent out of shape about it are generally miserable farks who hate their own lives and can't stand to see anyone else be happy.

People who freak out at small public displays of affection are even worse.
 
2013-01-15 10:47:32 AM
restuarnat ?
 
2013-01-15 10:51:00 AM
You know if your girlfriend sits left and you right Langdon Alger then you can hold hands while you eat that is called romantic . Hope that helps.
 
2013-01-15 10:51:07 AM
I didn't know Mother Jones was published in Iran. Huh.
 
2013-01-15 10:52:30 AM

I May Be Crazy But...: Langdon Alger: my girlfriend is left handed and I'm right handed. One more thing that makes same side sitting a pain.

So sit on her right. That way you can hold hands under the table while you eat, or whatever y'all are doing with your off hands.


Exactly. No offense Langdon, but you're doing it wrong.
 
2013-01-15 10:52:42 AM
As long as they're quiet, they can do whatever they want.

/This is America.

// This is America isn't it?

//I think a discreet handy is guaranteed by the 29th amendment.
 
2013-01-15 10:54:19 AM

NutWrench: I guess I'm not that easily freaked out.


You live in Vermont. You've seen a logger get a hand job at the bar under a stuffed Bobcat.
 
2013-01-15 10:54:56 AM

Billy Bathsalt: //I think a discreet handy is guaranteed by the 29th amendment.


That's the 28th. Your right to a bj at least once a week is the 29th. Of course, if you complain that you're not getting it, they just send you to the local DMV where the next available clerk will help you out.
 
2013-01-15 10:55:11 AM
About the only time I've run into this was at an Olive Garden. The waitress sat us at a 4-top and removed two opposite settings. We shifted one setting. That was the last we saw of anyone until we left 15 minutes later. So, maybe there is a correlation: People who freak over seating arrangements don't get tips.
 
2013-01-15 10:58:56 AM
Goddamned asymmetrical assholes! You don't need a perfectly even distribution around the table but at least make an effort. When you all lump together like that in unasthetic knots it ruins my dining experience.
 
2013-01-15 10:59:48 AM

Dr Dreidel: [1630revellodrive.files.wordpress.com image 256x192]

So long as you do not impede the flow of traffic, I do not care how you choose to enjoy your meal.

// actually, he'd be in dork mode
// "Hi, folks! Make sure you're not blocking the aisles!"


I can't imagine the character without half his face missing anymore.
/Straighten that tie.
 
2013-01-15 11:00:43 AM
Up next: Should people eat the European way in American restaurants or should the fork always remain in the right hand - left-handed miscreants need not comment.
 
2013-01-15 11:00:57 AM

Holocaust Agnostic: Goddamned asymmetrical assholes! You don't need a perfectly even distribution around the table but at least make an effort. When you all lump together like that in unasthetic knots it ruins my dining experience.


I don't like the aesthetics of your writing.
 
2013-01-15 11:01:09 AM

pute kisses like a man: bikerbob59: I don't understand why people sit side-by-side at a table or booth.
Sit across from each other people!!

some restaurants have loud music or loud people. on the occasion that I sit next to my wife at a booth, it's because we can't hear each other and I'll be damned before i raise my voice for other people. i have no interest in joining the decline of humanity (which is loud noise).


exactly. My wife and I almost always sit side by side (if it isn't too cramped). That way we can talk without involving the rest of the patrons. Plus we enjoy the closeness.
 
2013-01-15 11:01:32 AM

Bronzemom: You know if your girlfriend sits left and you right Langdon Alger then you can hold hands while you eat that is called romantic . Hope that helps.


If it's just my girlfriend and I, yes we do this but mostly we eat sitting across from eachother at restaurants. I guess I'm thinking about family dinners. Her family has alot of lefties and so does mine. So having a family dinner involves placement of people so you're not constantly bumping elbows while eating at Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner.
 
2013-01-15 11:01:58 AM
/beginrant

Filed under WHO THE FARK CARES!! If you are watching people eat that close you aren't doing your side work or checking drinks when you should be. If you are eating and drinking in my restaurant, I could care less what side of the table you sit on. I'm happy you are IN my restaurant buying the things on my menu. Pay attention to what matters servers and your tips are larger. Simple.

/endrant
 
2013-01-15 11:02:15 AM
GEORGE: Yes. Well -- So, uh, sitting on the same side at a booth, huh?

JERRY: Yeah. That's right. You got a problem?

GEORGE: I, uh, just think it's a little unusual. Two people to sit on one side...and leave the other side empty.

JERRY: Well, we're changing the rules.

GEORGE: Ahh. Good for you.
 
2013-01-15 11:05:02 AM

The Martian Manhandler: I'm only a Same-sider if the four-top has a cushioned bench on one side and chairs on the other. Why should I have to sit in an uncomfortable wooden chair when there's a perfectly cromulent seat on the other side?


THIS!

If you don't want us sitting next to each other, don't stick us at a table that has one comfortable side and one uncomfortable side. We're both taking the comfortable side, and my purse is taking the uncomfortable chair. Deal with it.
 
2013-01-15 11:08:13 AM
If you're "creeped out" by where people sit in a restaurant you are a neurotic freak. Save yourself and us a lot of trouble and get a job where you don't have to interact with the public.
 
2013-01-15 11:09:53 AM
Wow, what a box of whiney dicks.
 
2013-01-15 11:12:12 AM
Who farking cares? Mind your own business.
 
2013-01-15 11:14:58 AM
Being a host, I'm getting a kick out of these. While there is nothing wrong with it per se, it is weird. Mainly for the reason you're almost 60 years old and you look like a couple of 12 year olds on a first date. If that's what you want to project, that's fine, problem is that most people your age have also discovered a touch of class at that point. In my experience, about 85% of same-side-sitters want to farking fondle each other all over the table, ignore my waitress while she's explaining the menu to them, and sit there like a stump while I'm trying to turn tables over at 7pm on a Saturday night. And most of the time it is a stereotypical shallow, self-centered couple with some desperate man trying to get his wife/date drunk enough for a handjob later, and she's loving the hard to get game, so they're gonna sit there all night and nurse 1 glass of wine all night. Go to a bar.

Lots of these women just like the dining room's attention. "Look how close THEY are. How come WE aren't sitting like that? Boy they must have some secret key to love we'll NEVER understand. Boy am I JEALOUS" That's how it works in some of these people's brains, I've seen it. It's juvenile. You realize your a grown adult out in public, right? Not in 4th grade recess?

Bottom line - it's low class and amateur at a proper restaurant. Try cooking at home. Go share a Hungry Man dinner on the couch in front of the television, seeing as how that's how you subconsciously operate. Which is why I love whiny articles like this one. "I reserve the right." Yeah, and you're exercising it alright. I'm sure you tip well also, just like EVERYONE DOES (sure). Way to go, winner.

On the flipside, to the 15-20% of SSS who tip well, eat fast, stay quiet, attentive are a pleasure to serve and know how to act: thank you. But understand the stereotype you lie down with. Most other SSS are ruining your rep for you, because it's the tool of the selfish, sloppy, and stupid.

Everyone else: snuggle on your couch if you want to rub on your greasy old wife. They make Applebee's Curbside Takeout for people like you.
 
2013-01-15 11:15:45 AM

Glancing Blow: Up next: Should people eat the European way in American restaurants or should the fork always remain in the right hand - left-handed miscreants need not comment.


WAT

Fork goes in left hand. Knife goes in right. Some Americans transfer the fork to the right briefly after cutting. These people are weird.
 
2013-01-15 11:17:09 AM
Two people sitting side by side at a TWO TOP wouldn't freak me out, but I would notice it for a second and think it's odd. A two top is generally barely large enough to not rub knees under the table, and they are generally set up in the dining area in such a way that they are against a wall, so sitting side by side would place the diners out in the walk way between tables and be inconsiderate of wait staff and other diners that have to pass by them on the way to other tables.

So, inconsiderate? Yes. Creepy? No. Worthy of a paragraph in an article? No.

But this is Fark and I'm bored at work, so yeah, perhaps worth a click. The entire article this snippet was taken from is dumber than dumb.
 
2013-01-15 11:18:23 AM

Dr Dreidel: [1630revellodrive.files.wordpress.com image 256x192]

So long as you do not impede the flow of traffic, I do not care how you choose to enjoy your meal.

// actually, he'd be in dork mode
// "Hi, folks! Make sure you're not blocking the aisles!"


I hate you.

/Had to remind me that its still like 6 months before the "mid season break" is over
 
2013-01-15 11:19:38 AM

S.A.S.Q.U.A.T.C.H.: Being a host, I'm getting a kick out of these. While there is nothing wrong with it per se, it is weird. Mainly for the reason you're almost 60 years old and you look like a couple of 12 year olds on a first date....


I'm just guessing but maybe they have a hard time hearing each other in your noisy crappy restaurant? Wow such hate for someone that is in the service industry that their whole livelyhood depends on people eating and spending money where you work. For the love of god the amount of smug in your post makes it sound like you are working somewhere where someone that's not half brain dead could do your job.
 
2013-01-15 11:19:59 AM

eas81: Deneb81: bikerbob59: I don't understand why people sit side-by-side at a table or booth.
Sit across from each other people!!

We both wanted to watch the game?

That's why they have a bar.


It was full. And a sushi restaurant.
 
2013-01-15 11:22:14 AM
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-01-15 11:24:12 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-15 11:25:24 AM
Never realized this was caused so much butthurt. The wife and I like to sit next to each other. If it's the rare 2-top or if we have the kid with us, it's obviously not feasible. Otherwise we really enjoy being close and we are mindful of our PDAs out in public. I like symmetry and have been known to get a bit anal about it, but there are things in life where it is impractical or impossible for something to be symmetrical. It can be argued that two people sitting next to each other on a 4-top is symmetrical if one turns the line of symmetry 45 or 90 degrees.

/Seriously, get butthurt over more important things like your freedoms being taken away.
 
2013-01-15 11:28:06 AM

S.A.S.Q.U.A.T.C.H.: Being a host, I'm getting a kick out of these. [etc.]


And when I want the waitstaff's opinion of my relationship, I'll ask for it.

/Also, I'm the greasy one in the relationship, not her. So take that.
 
2013-01-15 11:28:51 AM
At some restaurants the tables are so darn wide that you might as well be dining alone. Side-by-side isn't odd, it's just a choice.
 
2013-01-15 11:28:59 AM
www.mnn.com

Good news, dear. I spoke with the plastic surgeon today and he can move my right nipple to the more traditional location on the breast.
 
2013-01-15 11:30:12 AM
S.A.S.Q.U.A.T.C.H.-

You do realize that there's a pretty strong stereotype within the industry when it comes to your job too, right? And that you're doing a fairly good job of exemplifying it in your post?
 
2013-01-15 11:32:40 AM
www.jortscenter.com

Don't know how we made it this far in the thread without Gary Coleman weighing in.
 
2013-01-15 11:36:25 AM

abmoraz: Most of you haven't read the actual article (or don't understand the "server-speak"). They aren't saying people that sit side-by-side in a booth or a table are creepy. They're saying that people that sit side by side on a "2-top" are creepy, and as a former server, I kind of agree.

a "2-top" is a small table or end booth that is designed to hold 2 guests, generally across from each other.
[t0.gstatic.com image 300x168]
(shamelessly hotlinked)

People that take the chair around and squeeze both people on the same side of these are creepy, and generally a pain, cause they bleed into the aisles and affect the ability of servers and other patrons to get around.


I saw that in the article and just assumed it was a typo (or a writer unfamiliar with the jargon), and he meant "4-top," and more specifically, a 2x2 booth or rectangular table (as opposed to a 1x1x1x1 square table).

In many years of waiting tables, I never saw people try to sit "side-by-side" on a 2-top, since that would be all but impossible. I've seen people try to share a corner on a 2-top, and that is a bit weird, but I don't think that's what the article is talking about either, as "same siders" is a terrible way to describe that.

Ergo: the writer is an idiot and I will put my thumb in his soup.
 
2013-01-15 11:36:49 AM
www.mnn.com

You know, dear? Sitting side by side in a restaurant tells all the customers we're freedom hating terrists.

But honey, we are obviously sitting at a round table. So I would suggest that the other customers calm the fark down.
 
2013-01-15 11:36:54 AM

tricycleracer: Booth = opposite.

Table = share a corner.


Yeah. That's how we roll.
 
2013-01-15 11:38:47 AM
Now, we should have a scientific pole, how many people sit on the same side of a both and have their toilet paper hang under the roll, vs, hanging over the top?
 
2013-01-15 11:41:32 AM

steklo: toilet paper hang under the roll, vs, hanging over the top?


That's the one housekeeping argument I won. Over the top.

The real answer is to turn the holder 90 degrees, since there's not likely to be an argument about right or left and the free end won't be right up on the roll.
 
2013-01-15 11:42:23 AM

I May Be Crazy But...: S.A.S.Q.U.A.T.C.H.: Being a host, I'm getting a kick out of these. [etc.]

And when I want the waitstaff's opinion of my relationship, I'll ask for it.

/Also, I'm the greasy one in the relationship, not her. So take that.


Hosts and hostesses are not "waitstaff". They are the natural enemies of waitstaff, and are generally considered the lowest form of life in the restaurant. Their list of job requirements is something along the lines of, "physically attractive, lazy, catty, and dumb as a bag of hammers".

Any hostess with an IQ over 90 can generally get a high-end maitre d' position with minimal effort, because they're just that rare.
 
2013-01-15 11:43:27 AM
I'm an Eat/reader. We're a seldom seen group who only appear when the restaurant is mostly empty. We usually subsist on pancakes and a pitcher of tea. These days we're marked by the addition of a Nook or Kindle instead of a paperback or hardback
 
2013-01-15 11:51:23 AM

S.A.S.Q.U.A.T.C.H.: Everyone else: snuggle on your couch if you want to rub on your greasy old wife. They make Applebee's Curbside Takeout for people like you.


Dammit I came here for dinner, not eternal damnation in hell.
 
2013-01-15 11:56:00 AM
Carry out. You don't have to bother with any of that.

Plus, you eat at the comfort of your own home.

Oh yeah, the tips, as well.

/What experience?
 
B A [TotalFark]
2013-01-15 11:57:51 AM
To those whom we, unknowongly, made uncomfortable by desiring to sit near each other & have a private conversation while enjoying the meal we'd paid for. I sincerely don't give a farking shiat how uncomfortable your nosy ass was made by it. Don't wanna see a married couple sitting together? Get up & walk your ass out!
 
2013-01-15 12:00:23 PM
I don't find it creepy, more just... silly. You have to constantly turn your head to the other person instead of being seated in a natural position that will have you facing each other. That cramps my neck just thinking about it, especially after an extended period of time.
 
2013-01-15 12:01:53 PM

Jument: My wife and I always sit opposite, just in case we need to arm wrestle to settle an argument.


Who wins?
 
2013-01-15 12:07:15 PM

OtherLittleGuy: Of course you're freaking out people. Especially when guys wearing "Members Only" jackets are walking in and out.


Yeah, I remember this one time at a place where a guy in one of those jackets walked in, and went straight to the bathroom. Then, about a minute or so later, he
 
2013-01-15 12:22:03 PM

vudukungfu: restuarnat ?


Its a typo. A restronaut is a space themed diner.
 
2013-01-15 12:29:17 PM

Egoy3k: What if you don't know the people you are dining with? Once at a crowded restaurant the server (looking really embarrassed) asked if we wouldn't mind being seated with another couple in a booth meant for 6 since that was all they had open and she really didn't want to put just two people in it. We all agreed but my wife sat next to me while the other two women sat next to each other. Actually it was kind of fun to meet new people.


That happened to my fiance and I on a trip to San Francisco. Crowded restaurant, six of us at a table, and the hostess asked if a couple could join us. Turned out they'd just moved from Texas. Great conversation. The second to last day of the trip, we happened to sit next to them on a streetcar - they gave us a great tip on cheaper transportation to the airport to fly out.

Out in the suburbs, if someone asked if a newcomer to the restaurant could share the table, the already-seated party at the table would probably shoot them because "they felt threatened" and then claim Stand-your-ground.
 
2013-01-15 12:30:25 PM
This thread should be inscribed on one of those gold tablets attached to space probes sent out in search of alien life. It's pretty much a perfect summation of the essence of human nature.

"Alien beings: We are humans from the planet Earth. We are so highly evolved we created a worldwide communication system called the Internet that allows us to illustrate just what kind of shallow lunatics we all are. Behold this thread:"
 
2013-01-15 12:32:07 PM

Z-clipped: I May Be Crazy But...: S.A.S.Q.U.A.T.C.H.: Being a host, I'm getting a kick out of these. [etc.]

And when I want the waitstaff's opinion of my relationship, I'll ask for it.

/Also, I'm the greasy one in the relationship, not her. So take that.

Hosts and hostesses are not "waitstaff". They are the natural enemies of waitstaff, and are generally considered the lowest form of life in the restaurant. Their list of job requirements is something along the lines of, "physically attractive, lazy, catty, and dumb as a bag of hammers".

Any hostess with an IQ over 90 can generally get a high-end maitre d' position with minimal effort, because they're just that rare.


A good host can make busy night infinitely smoother than a mediocre one. Simple spacing of tables instead of rushing to seat anything even remotely clean looking is a godsend.

I remember a hostess who would do nothing but seat everything thescond it opened up. Nothing like having six tables and being double sat at tables with no silverware or plates and a scummy tablecloth. Then the tables will think I am a bad server if I don't drop everything to clean it. So I do but end up playing catch-up for twenty minutes resulting in the appearance of poor service.

Yes farker I noticed your drink was at 30% but I still have to prioritize. Please stop waving at me.

It doesn't take much to ruin a machine but it takes a lot to make one and keep it running.
 
2013-01-15 12:36:17 PM

Langdon Alger: my girlfriend is left handed and I'm right handed. One more thing that makes same side sitting a pain.


not sure if trolling...
 
2013-01-15 12:47:05 PM

steklo: Now, we should have a scientific pole, how many people sit on the same side of a both and have their toilet paper hang under the roll, vs, hanging over the top?


Everyone who gets both answers wrong, off to the FEMA camps.
 
2013-01-15 01:36:26 PM

Langdon Alger: my girlfriend is left handed and I'm right handed. One more thing that makes same side sitting a pain.


Try switching positions.
 
2013-01-15 02:02:54 PM

Izunbacol: Out in the suburbs, if someone asked if a newcomer to the restaurant could share the table, the already-seated party at the table would probably shoot them because "they felt threatened" and then claim Stand-your-ground.


I live in semi-rural (read what most urbanites would call rural but around here is called 'town') Nova Scotia so maybe it's our Canadian citizenship but I think maybe your thoughts on how us yokels behave are a bit off. I honestly believe that people everywhere are mostly good, it's just that the bad apples are far easier to spot.
 
2013-01-15 02:21:27 PM
Yes, the 'banquette' is always paired with uncomfy wooden chairs opposite, so at least one of your group gets tired of the bad seat and wants to leave. Comfy chairs = slow turnover.

I dislike those places; they also try to squeeze too many tables on the banquette.

/amazing how the original article also didn't mention another strong reason trendy places institute the 'all members must be there before seating' rule. That's to thwart couples reserving a table for 4 because the couple knows that this restaurant's tables for 2 are right on top of each other.
Give diners enough room at your 2-people tables, and they won't do that.
 
2013-01-15 02:34:24 PM

Egoy3k: Izunbacol: Out in the suburbs, if someone asked if a newcomer to the restaurant could share the table, the already-seated party at the table would probably shoot them because "they felt threatened" and then claim Stand-your-ground.

I live in semi-rural (read what most urbanites would call rural but around here is called 'town') Nova Scotia so maybe it's our Canadian citizenship but I think maybe your thoughts on how us yokels behave are a bit off. I honestly believe that people everywhere are mostly good, it's just that the bad apples are far easier to spot.


i know a lot of rural restaurants that have communal tables. but, that's rural... not suburban. urban people and rural people are a lot more likely to be decent people than anyone in the suburbs.
 
2013-01-15 02:40:50 PM

S.A.S.Q.U.A.T.C.H.: Being a host...


I'm going to stop you right there. If you ever want to be taken seriously in the adult world ever again, don't tell people that you're a host at a restaurant. Because when you say it, you might hear "Important Job Projecting the Image of the Restaurant", but what the rest of us hear is "vapid, stupid twit who is too lazy to even get a real job as a waiter."
 
2013-01-15 02:59:10 PM
My fiancee has joined me on the same side of the table as me a few times. The first time she did it, it threw me off. I was like "woahhh, this is my side, get across from me woman." She told me it was because we don't get to be together often, so she wants to be as close to me as she can. (It's been a long distance relationship from the start, we only get one week out of 6 together, so she had a point.

I felt kind of silly the first time we did it, but I got over it, because I know it makes her happy, and I'm willing to do pretty much anything to make her happy, because she deserves it. I never thought I could find someone who makes me so incredibly over the moon, happy.

I can't wait to be her husband
 
2013-01-15 03:15:52 PM

tricycleracer: Booth = opposite.

Table = share a corner.


This. People that sit on the same side are idiots.
 
2013-01-15 03:38:17 PM
I adore the people who constantly whine about the people that directly pay their salary.

How about this? If it's an actual rule of the place make it known, if not shut your whiny mouth. Working in the food service industry I couldn't stand the incessant whining of the staff about that days pet peeve.
 
2013-01-15 03:40:55 PM

IRQ12: I adore the people who constantly whine about the people that directly pay their salary.

How about this? If it's an actual rule of the place make it known, if not shut your whiny mouth. Working in the food service industry I couldn't stand the incessant whining of the staff about that days pet peeve.


images.starpulse.com
"This job would be great if it wasn't for the customers."
/hotter than a microwave burrito
 
2013-01-15 04:03:42 PM
It doesn't freak me out, I just assume she's giving him a handjob under the table.

So if you're cool with that, I am, too.
 
2013-01-15 04:06:57 PM
Sorry folks, I'm deaf in one ear and can't make out converation with background noise, like you find in a resteraunt or bar. When I'm dating someone it is usually because I enjoy talking to them. My apologies if my slight compensation for my birth defect bothers you.
 
2013-01-15 04:15:47 PM
I sit on top of the table and place the plates on the chairs, leaning down to slurp the food. The wine bottle goes up my butt.
 
2013-01-15 04:21:22 PM
Where's the TV with the hockey game? We are both sitting facing that.
 
2013-01-15 04:29:28 PM
well, while restaurant people are taking the piss out of the world by complaining about us... now it's time for me to complain about them:

give us some damn bread for free. and you better have just finished baking it, the quality of this bread will prejudice my entire experience. (in all seriousness, i don't care much about the bread. but, you can always tell if a restaurant will be good if they have good bread. bad bread, on the other hand, is not conclusive, but, it does inform you that they think you're stupid. if it's bad, never serve it.).

don't look down on me for getting tap water instead of a bottle of water. i'm ordering wine anyways and water tastes like crap no matter how it's delivered.

I would prefer if you clear our table comprehensively. it's strange to have one person's plate bussed away while other people are still eating. oh yeah, and maybe i wanted to sop up some stuff with that bread. I'm finished when my silverware are put together on the same side of the plate.

turn down the damn music (and if possible, think about soundproofing the joint a little). it's not a nightclub.

have less items on the menu. half a dozen small plates and about half a dozen large plates with some optional other stuff is about all you ever need. anything more and you're probably a crappy restaurant that pre-cooks everything weeks in advance and just microwaves it.

have less items on the wine menu. I know, in the 80s it was awesome to have 1000 wines on your list. but, learn how to edit. find wines that taste good with the food you serve. you spend your whole life making this experience perfect, so, don't let me pick a crap bottle from your wine list, don't put crap bottles on your wine list. (I usually refer to the somelier, because quite frankly, there are too many wines in the world to be up to date with every restaurant's wine lists. at best I can say, I've had some good wines from this region this year... but, if i recognize a label, I instantly think, that's probably a crap wine for the suckers).

have fancy or signature cocktails. it's fun and can be some of the most exciting flavors of the night.
 
2013-01-15 04:29:47 PM
I would take people sitting on each other's laps over screaming children.
 
2013-01-15 06:36:28 PM

Smackledorfer: Z-clipped: I May Be Crazy But...: S.A.S.Q.U.A.T.C.H.: Being a host, I'm getting a kick out of these. [etc.]

And when I want the waitstaff's opinion of my relationship, I'll ask for it.

/Also, I'm the greasy one in the relationship, not her. So take that.

Hosts and hostesses are not "waitstaff". They are the natural enemies of waitstaff, and are generally considered the lowest form of life in the restaurant. Their list of job requirements is something along the lines of, "physically attractive, lazy, catty, and dumb as a bag of hammers".

Any hostess with an IQ over 90 can generally get a high-end maitre d' position with minimal effort, because they're just that rare.

A good host can make busy night infinitely smoother than a mediocre one. Simple spacing of tables instead of rushing to seat anything even remotely clean looking is a godsend.

I remember a hostess who would do nothing but seat everything thescond it opened up. Nothing like having six tables and being double sat at tables with no silverware or plates and a scummy tablecloth. Then the tables will think I am a bad server if I don't drop everything to clean it. So I do but end up playing catch-up for twenty minutes resulting in the appearance of poor service.

Yes farker I noticed your drink was at 30% but I still have to prioritize. Please stop waving at me.

It doesn't take much to ruin a machine but it takes a lot to make one and keep it running.


I know, I know. I was just illustrating the stereotype that I mentioned in a previous post.
 
2013-01-15 08:21:57 PM

ReapTheChaos: What if we sit on opposite sides but when she "accidentally" drops her fork under the table she give me a blowie while shes down there. Is that ok?


only if she brings enough to share with the class.
 
2013-01-15 08:34:13 PM

Egoy3k: What if you don't know the people you are dining with? Once at a crowded restaurant the server (looking really embarrassed) asked if we wouldn't mind being seated with another couple in a booth meant for 6 since that was all they had open and she really didn't want to put just two people in it. We all agreed but my wife sat next to me while the other two women sat next to each other. Actually it was kind of fun to meet new people.


There used to be a really small(tiny, tiny) family owned pizza place a block down from my house. The food was great, but the dining area was incredibly small. It closed down years ago, but from what I remember it only had about 8 or 10 tables. We usually got take out, but on the occasional time we actually ate there 90% of the time we shared a table with strangers(there was one big table that seated 8 people, a couple times there was 3 different groups all at that table). I never really minded all that much.
 
2013-01-15 08:39:13 PM

Izunbacol: Egoy3k: What if you don't know the people you are dining with? Once at a crowded restaurant the server (looking really embarrassed) asked if we wouldn't mind being seated with another couple in a booth meant for 6 since that was all they had open and she really didn't want to put just two people in it. We all agreed but my wife sat next to me while the other two women sat next to each other. Actually it was kind of fun to meet new people.

That happened to my fiance and I on a trip to San Francisco. Crowded restaurant, six of us at a table, and the hostess asked if a couple could join us. Turned out they'd just moved from Texas. Great conversation. The second to last day of the trip, we happened to sit next to them on a streetcar - they gave us a great tip on cheaper transportation to the airport to fly out.

Out in the suburbs, if someone asked if a newcomer to the restaurant could share the table, the already-seated party at the table would probably shoot them because "they felt threatened" and then claim Stand-your-ground.


this happens every day at Chinese restaurants. the waiters / hosts don't even ask you if it's ok (usually) and no one bats an eye. generally, the two seated parties don't talk to each other, though.
 
2013-01-15 08:42:03 PM

The All-Powerful Atheismo: I sit on top of the table and place the plates on the chairs, leaning down to slurp the food. The wine bottle goes up my butt.


remember that phenomenon when teenagers were sticking vodka soaked tampons up their butts?

//good times
 
2013-01-16 12:28:22 AM
My girlfriend used to sit in the seat next to me because she wanted to be physically close. It made no sense to me. Looking at each other and talking to each other without getting a twisted next seemed far more intimate. Girls dumb
 
2013-01-16 11:18:25 AM
My ladyfriend loves when I'll pull the chair around and sit nearer
especially at a nice place where everyone is sitting apart and talking across the table
I'm paying for the wine and grub, I'll sit where I want
Just gots ta have elbow room when eating.

I didn't know it was worthy of a news story
 
2013-01-16 11:35:23 AM

Frederf: My girlfriend used to sit in the seat next to me because she wanted to be physically close. It made no sense to me. Looking at each other and talking to each other without getting a twisted next seemed far more intimate. Girls dumb


Well, skinny people usually have no trouble turning to talk to the person next to them. Larger people often have trouble doing the same. Most women (at least while dating) are skinny. Many man (even while dating) are not skinny. Therefore, women are much more likely than men to enjoy talking to a person sitting next to them.
 
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