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(The Smoking Gun)   19-year-old busted for stealing a "Super Sucker." That would be embarrassing even it were just a lollipop, which it is not   (thesmokinggun.com) divider line 90
    More: Asinine, sex toys, job applications  
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22853 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jan 2013 at 5:20 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



90 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-01-14 05:22:11 PM  
Sucks to be him.
 
2013-01-14 05:22:25 PM  
What a super sucker may look like:

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-14 05:24:31 PM  
"While inside the business, Perez took the "adult pleasure device" from its packaging and placed it in his pants pocket"

Is that an adult pleasure device in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
 
2013-01-14 05:25:05 PM  
That read more like a product ad than an article about a shoplifting.
 
2013-01-14 05:26:24 PM  
And then he had to go sit on the Group W bench with all the rest of the mother rapers and father rapers, etc...
 
2013-01-14 05:27:16 PM  
A model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine?
 
2013-01-14 05:27:24 PM  
I hope he gets a stiff sentence.
 
2013-01-14 05:28:47 PM  
"I'm gonna go find me one of those girls who can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch."

Willie Nelson
 
2013-01-14 05:28:48 PM  
DON'T JUDGE ME!

Him, I mean. Don't judge him.
 
2013-01-14 05:29:27 PM  
So he was caught red handed?
 
2013-01-14 05:29:53 PM  
It would be a real shame if this were leaked to his local TV news stations with live coverage and reporters at the scene of the crime.
 
2013-01-14 05:31:44 PM  
Spencer's is still around? I haven't seen one of those places in 25 years.
 
2013-01-14 05:31:59 PM  
s12.postimage.org
 
2013-01-14 05:33:16 PM  
 
2013-01-14 05:33:33 PM  

blatz514: What a super sucker may look like:

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 297x400]


quirkymarketingcalendar.com

And the name of that goddess is ???
 
2013-01-14 05:34:01 PM  
I have a feeling he's gonna be a Super Sucker in the holding cell
 
2013-01-14 05:34:27 PM  
I highly doubt he would have stole this if men who enjoy the pleasures of a sex toy weren't publicly mocked and treated as pariahs.

/But anyway, the idiot stole a pocket pussy.
 
2013-01-14 05:35:21 PM  

Glancing Blow: "I'm gonna go find me one of those girls who can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch."

Willie Nelson


Or a golf ball through a garden hose.
 
2013-01-14 05:36:16 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-01-14 05:36:43 PM  
omahype.com

what supersuckers may look like.
 
2013-01-14 05:37:02 PM  
Amish prostitutes?
 
2013-01-14 05:37:57 PM  

halfof33: [i.qkme.me image 500x412]
pics on Sodahead
j/k


Leave your douchebag posts on Politics tab, moran.
 
2013-01-14 05:38:11 PM  

indarwinsshadow: blatz514: What a super sucker may look like:

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 297x400]

[quirkymarketingcalendar.com image 296x327]

And the name of that goddess is ???


Here ya go (SFWish)
 
2013-01-14 05:39:31 PM  

Maud Dib: Leave your douchebag posts on Politics tab, moran.


We don't want him either.
 
2013-01-14 05:40:05 PM  

blatz514: What a super sucker may look like:

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 297x400]


Here's another:

farm5.static.flickr.com
 
2013-01-14 05:40:41 PM  

cig-mkr: Glancing Blow: "I'm gonna go find me one of those girls who can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch."

Willie Nelson

Or a golf ball through a garden hose.


Or suck-start a Harley.
 
2013-01-14 05:40:46 PM  
He stole Paris Hilton?
 
2013-01-14 05:41:26 PM  

Maud Dib: halfof33: [i.qkme.me image 500x412]
pics on Sodahead
j/k

Leave your douchebag posts on Politics tab, moran.


Ya, only leftist douchebags can snark on the main page.
 
2013-01-14 05:42:02 PM  

CygnusDarius: blatz514: What a super sucker may look like:

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 297x400]

Here's another:

[farm5.static.flickr.com image 333x500]


YES, YES, & YES!!!
 
2013-01-14 05:43:10 PM  
RIP Sucker Punch

/too lazy to google the image
 
2013-01-14 05:44:24 PM  
Penetrating journalism. He'll get a whack from the penal system and probably early release. I'm sure things will be looking up again in no time.
 
2013-01-14 05:44:46 PM  
Tried to steal subbys mom?
 
2013-01-14 05:45:53 PM  
www.ericstapelist.com

That guy had some good taste
 
2013-01-14 05:46:00 PM  
FlashHarry

jpeg.

work done, etc.
 
2013-01-14 05:47:10 PM  
Ha Ha on this guy, but did you see this in the Mug Shots?
i.cdn.turner.com
 
2013-01-14 05:47:55 PM  
Please let it be the same guy!
www.wyff4.com
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-01-14 05:48:56 PM  
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com

in a row?
 
2013-01-14 05:49:10 PM  

TXEric: cig-mkr: Glancing Blow: "I'm gonna go find me one of those girls who can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch."

Willie Nelson

Or a golf ball through a garden hose.

Or suck-start a Harley.


Until your head caves in
 
2013-01-14 05:49:26 PM  
Today's deeply embarrassing arrest comes from a Spencer's store in Florida, where a 19-year-old was collared for trying to steal a $16.99 "super sucker" sex toy.

The "Super Sucker," seen at left, is manufactured by the Doc Johnson sex toy company, which describes the device as "the masturbator with a real-mouth sensation!"


Wow, I haven't been in Spencer's in years, but when did they drop the euphemisms like "muscle massager" and go straight for the throat, so to speak?
 
2013-01-14 05:50:03 PM  
halfof33:

Exactly WTF are you trying to accomplish with that? Seriously, do you think even one person here will see your completely unrelated political threadshiat and decide that they admire you because of it?
 
2013-01-14 05:50:24 PM  

majestic: He stole Paris Hilton?


That's a "Subpar Sucker". Common mistake.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-01-14 05:52:46 PM  
farm4.staticflickr.com

Some people have good lives...
 
2013-01-14 05:53:28 PM  
No, THIS is a SuperSucker.

I drove one in university ...

www.superproductsllc.com

... so to speak.
 
2013-01-14 05:53:59 PM  

FlashHarry: [omahype.com image 360x243]

what supersuckers may look like.


Yeah...18 years ago. They're still rockin', but Spaghetti & Bolton are the only 2 originals left.
 
2013-01-14 05:58:04 PM  
This guy's job prospects are already sunk... for life. He will never pass the google-search background check, even when he's 65 and broke.

"Do you want fries with that?" might be something he says more than most.
 
2013-01-14 05:59:51 PM  
THREADJACK: To all the other Supersuckers fans on here, if you didn't know, Eddie Spaghetti was just diagnosed with Bell's Palsy. He has been keeping fans updated via FB. :(
 
2013-01-14 06:01:22 PM  

indarwinsshadow: blatz514: What a super sucker may look like:

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 297x400]


And the name of that goddess is ???


That's what Jenna Jameson looked like before Tito Ortiz's kids used her umbilical cord to repel out of her vagina.
 
2013-01-14 06:04:56 PM  

Clint_Torres: THREADJACK: To all the other Supersuckers fans on here, if you didn't know, Eddie Spaghetti was just diagnosed with Bell's Palsy. He has been keeping fans updated via FB. :(


That sounds noisy.

/Too soon?
 
2013-01-14 06:05:26 PM  
For a moment I wondered why the guy would have stolen my ex-wife, and why was she so expensive?
 
2013-01-14 06:07:02 PM  
Who the hell buys a pocket pussy at Spencer's Gifts? You can get them way cheaper at actual specialty shops.

...So I've heard
 
2013-01-14 06:10:02 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Who the hell buys a pocket pussy at Spencer's Gifts? You can get them way cheaper at actual specialty shops.

...So I've heard


Plus they let you park behind a fence instead of having to leave the mall afterwards through the Macys exit.
 
2013-01-14 06:11:11 PM  

cig-mkr: Ha Ha on this guy, but did you see this in the Mug Shots?


I read your HA HA and thought of the Quaker guy.

/she doesn't feel like laughing anymore.
 
2013-01-14 06:12:08 PM  
I've been enjoying her exploits:

i2.listal.com
 
2013-01-14 06:14:22 PM  
YOU PLACE THE DEVICE ON YOUR PENIS.
 
2013-01-14 06:16:36 PM  

ongbok: I highly doubt he would have stole this if men who enjoy the pleasures of a sex toy weren't publicly mocked and treated as pariahs.

/But anyway, the idiot stole a pocket pussy.

Amazon

: where the cashier never has to see your face
 
2013-01-14 06:18:23 PM  
Let us all reminisce about the vacuum, WKUK - "That'll tear your dick off"
 
2013-01-14 06:20:21 PM  

Ed Finnerty: Clint_Torres: THREADJACK: To all the other Supersuckers fans on here, if you didn't know, Eddie Spaghetti was just diagnosed with Bell's Palsy. He has been keeping fans updated via FB. :(

That sounds noisy.

/Too soon?


www.newheathens.com
 
2013-01-14 06:20:36 PM  
She could suck a tennis ball through a tennis racquet.

/I hear ya!
 
2013-01-14 06:21:45 PM  
So... This guys life is destroyed because of a slow news day. This kind of journalism ranks just one step above what you'll find in the tabloids.
 
2013-01-14 06:23:23 PM  
Yes! My town!
 
2013-01-14 06:24:17 PM  

THX 1138: halfof33:

Exactly WTF are you trying to accomplish with that? Seriously, do you think even one person here will see your completely unrelated political threadshiat and decide that they admire you because of it?


It was totally related though!

protip: "j/k" means "just kidding." File that one away for the next time someone (who has been called the "heart and soul of Fark") posts a funny picture.

/ now had I mentioned the folks who gave money to "Give Joe the Bird," you might have had a point.
 
2013-01-14 06:25:40 PM  
Has anybody seen the comments on the manufacturers site?
NSFW LINK TO SUPER SUCKER
Yeah, people take the time... to write about the experience they've had with the product. Bonus: ProTips can be had.
 
2013-01-14 06:27:55 PM  
halfof33:
/ now had I mentioned the folks who gave money to "Give Joe the Bird," you might have had a point.

I believe you've already been given the bird several times in this thread, so to speak.

j/k
 
2013-01-14 06:29:08 PM  

towatchoverme: No, THIS is a SuperSucker.

I drove one in university ...

[www.superproductsllc.com image 485x327]

... so to speak.


It'll rip your dick off.

/Nasty ass vacuum farkers
 
2013-01-14 06:29:43 PM  

special20: Has anybody seen the comments on the manufacturers site?
NSFW LINK TO SUPER SUCKER
Yeah, people take the time... to write about the experience they've had with the product. Bonus: ProTips can be had.


I wonder if they type with one hand or two.
 
2013-01-14 06:33:16 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-01-14 06:40:41 PM  
"Our Super Sucker is ideal for guys that need extra stimulation to satisfy their cravings."

Women everywhere are relieved that they can be easily replaced for sex.
 
2013-01-14 06:41:05 PM  

CygnusDarius: special20: Has anybody seen the comments on the manufacturers site?
NSFW LINK TO SUPER SUCKER
Yeah, people take the time... to write about the experience they've had with the product. Bonus: ProTips can be had.

I wonder if they type with one hand or two.


I read the first rating and wondered what the hell was wrong with this person. He's some kind of 59yo gangster who types in ALL CAPS and apparently was able to use the "solo" toy "mutually." There must be some serious hallway action going on, or he was getting a reach around, IDK.

BOTTOM LINE: this toy causes brain degradation in the elderly.
 
2013-01-14 06:44:00 PM  

Snarfangel: DON'T JUDGE ME!

Him, I mean. Don't judge him.


Too late!
 
2013-01-14 06:44:09 PM  

wambu: "Our Super Sucker is ideal for guys that need extra stimulation to satisfy their cravings."

Women everywhere are relieved that they can be easily replaced for sex.


Wow, just wow.

Thread: Link
 
2013-01-14 06:51:43 PM  
In Orlando, there's a place called "Fairvilla Adult Megastore." It's an adult shop that was designed to not be skeevy or seedy, but rather to be an open, bright, welcoming place for those seeking adult materials without shame. Couples are encouraged, and a young, friendly staff is there to help anyone out in a very matter-of-fact way. It's kind of refreshing to see.

They do have their pride, and anyone found shoplifting is given the most brutal treatment: they are photographed with the merchandise they tried to lift, and the photos and their DL identifying info are posted on the product endcaps as the "Wall of Shame". It was always amusing to see the Polaroid with the caption "Mr. Jerry N. Walton just couldn't wait to buy this 28" double-ended dildo, so he decided to steal it instead. Luckily, we caught him, and he's now been convicted of misdemeanor petit theft!", accompanied by the picture of a run-down old man hefting a wobbly dildo.
 
2013-01-14 06:54:21 PM  

towatchoverme: No, THIS is a SuperSucker.

I drove one in university ...

[www.superproductsllc.com image 485x327]

... so to speak.


www.ebolamonkeyman.com
 
2013-01-14 06:58:30 PM  

buckler: "Mr. Jerry N. Walton just couldn't wait to buy this 28" double-ended dildo, so he decided to steal it instead. Luckily, we caught him, and he's now been convicted of misdemeanor petit theft!",


That's just your opinion, man.
 
2013-01-14 06:58:31 PM  

buckler: In Orlando, there's a place called "Fairvilla Adult Megastore." It's an adult shop that was designed to not be skeevy or seedy, but rather to be an open, bright, welcoming place for those seeking adult materials without shame. Couples are encouraged, and a young, friendly staff is there to help anyone out in a very matter-of-fact way. It's kind of refreshing to see.

They do have their pride, and anyone found shoplifting is given the most brutal treatment: they are photographed with the merchandise they tried to lift, and the photos and their DL identifying info are posted on the product endcaps as the "Wall of Shame". It was always amusing to see the Polaroid with the caption "Mr. Jerry N. Walton just couldn't wait to buy this 28" double-ended dildo, so he decided to steal it instead. Luckily, we caught him, and he's now been convicted of misdemeanor petit theft!", accompanied by the picture of a run-down old man hefting a wobbly dildo.


Was he wearing a bunny suit at the time?.
 
2013-01-14 07:06:16 PM  
It would've been less embarrassing for him if he just stole Pop Rocks or something.

Marginally less embarrassing, but STILL.
 
2013-01-14 07:25:29 PM  
You mean the "story" didn't contain the link to buy a super sucker ?
Good marketing technique.
 
2013-01-14 07:27:21 PM  
The Smurfette Model

www.spencersonline.com
 
2013-01-14 07:30:05 PM  

ThrobblefootSpectre: So he was caught red handed?


Nah, just rosy palmed.
 
2013-01-14 07:36:29 PM  
i.cdn.turner.com
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2013-01-14 07:37:29 PM  
Give him one of these and send him home...

arkitipintel.com
 
2013-01-14 07:38:40 PM  
If you find the right girl, a bouquet of chupa chups will get you laid.
 
2013-01-14 07:39:22 PM  

Brick-House: Give him one of these and send him home...

[arkitipintel.com image 400x266]


Gaaah! Those just give me the willies, so to speak. Vagina Dentata, indeed.
 
2013-01-14 07:39:59 PM  

LazerFish: If you find the right girl, a bouquet of chupa chups will get you laid.


Yeah, but she's eight, and Mexican.
 
2013-01-14 08:03:52 PM  

buckler: LazerFish: If you find the right girl, a bouquet of chupa chups will get you laid.

Yeah, but she's eight, and Mexican.


So that means that she's not a virgin?
 
2013-01-14 08:41:42 PM  
...something something penal penile system...
 
2013-01-14 09:26:16 PM  

ringersol: A model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine?


"it's a gift"
 
2013-01-14 10:24:21 PM  
Now he's trading his Super Sucker for an Anal Intruder.
 
2013-01-14 11:53:33 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Now he's trading his Super Sucker for an Anal Intruder.


Just dont plug it into a 220v outlet.
 
2013-01-15 06:51:35 AM  

cig-mkr: TXEric: cig-mkr: Glancing Blow: "I'm gonna go find me one of those girls who can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch."

Willie Nelson

Or a golf ball through a garden hose.

Or suck-start a Harley.

Until your head caves in


Eats peanut butter with a straw.
 
2013-01-15 10:44:48 PM  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Just sayin.
 
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