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(CEO.com)   Five signs you might have hired the wrong person. "Has a Fark handle" suspiciously absent   (ceo.com) divider line 143
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6164 clicks; posted to Business » on 14 Jan 2013 at 3:54 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-14 03:44:10 PM
Thank goodness "walk in the first day with your ball sack out" isn't on there.
 
2013-01-14 03:47:16 PM
What the hell? They left off "Stabbing someone".
 
2013-01-14 03:57:04 PM
They take your jerb.
 
2013-01-14 03:59:51 PM
"Violating Attendance Standards"? What is this, Grade School? You miss a day, it comes out of your salary, period.
 
2013-01-14 04:00:58 PM
I have a triangle in a circle on my desk. If the interviewee knows what it is and starts talking about it I know not to hire them.

Remember it's against the law for me to ask but if they start talking about it I can choose to not stop them.
 
2013-01-14 04:06:38 PM
Wow, good thing I don't have a fark handle then!
 
2013-01-14 04:06:38 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: I have a triangle in a circle on my desk. If the interviewee knows what it is and starts talking about it I know not to hire them.

Remember it's against the law for me to ask but if they start talking about it I can choose to not stop them.


What's that mean? Is that the AA thing (only thing a quick Googling turns up)?
 
2013-01-14 04:07:09 PM

akula: The Stealth Hippopotamus: I have a triangle in a circle on my desk. If the interviewee knows what it is and starts talking about it I know not to hire them.

Remember it's against the law for me to ask but if they start talking about it I can choose to not stop them.

What's that mean? Is that the AA thing (only thing a quick Googling turns up)?


upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-01-14 04:07:59 PM
FTFA: I once analyzed attendance records for more than 1,000 employees over a five-year period and found employees late or absent in the first week of employment had a 35% likelihood of violating attendance standards and a 45% likelihood of hovering, for years, within one or two absences of violating standards.

There are exceptions, but an employee who misses one day early only usually misses a lot of days later.


According to his own statistics the exceptions amount to 55% to 65%?
 
2013-01-14 04:11:29 PM

Klopfer: FTFA: I once analyzed attendance records for more than 1,000 employees over a five-year period and found employees late or absent in the first week of employment had a 35% likelihood of violating attendance standards and a 45% likelihood of hovering, for years, within one or two absences of violating standards.

There are exceptions, but an employee who misses one day early only usually misses a lot of days later.

According to his own statistics the exceptions amount to 55% to 65%?


I'm guessing he means that 35% will violate the rules and an additional 45% will come very close to violating the rules (for a total of 80%), but he could've made that clearer.
 
2013-01-14 04:13:11 PM
List fails without:

"plans on having children" Hello to missed work, inane conversations, and reduced focus.
 
2013-01-14 04:13:57 PM

Klopfer: FTFA: I once analyzed attendance records for more than 1,000 employees over a five-year period and found employees late or absent in the first week of employment had a 35% likelihood of violating attendance standards and a 45% likelihood of hovering, for years, within one or two absences of violating standards.

There are exceptions, but an employee who misses one day early only usually misses a lot of days later.

According to his own statistics the exceptions amount to 55% to 65%?


This analysis is useless without variance, standard deviation, and analysis of H0. I think one of my signs is "has no idea what 'statistics' are, and cannot perform any sort of rational analysis when presented with results".

// I bet this guy thinks of himself as a "numbers" guy, too
 
2013-01-14 04:14:27 PM

Because People in power are Stupid: akula: The Stealth Hippopotamus: I have a triangle in a circle on my desk. If the interviewee knows what it is and starts talking about it I know not to hire them.

Remember it's against the law for me to ask but if they start talking about it I can choose to not stop them.

What's that mean? Is that the AA thing (only thing a quick Googling turns up)?

[upload.wikimedia.org image 200x200]


oh, i thought it had to do with the triforce.
 
2013-01-14 04:18:49 PM
I'm glad I'm not the only one that don't get the whole 'circle/triangle' thing.
 
2013-01-14 04:21:07 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: I have a triangle in a circle on my desk. If the interviewee knows what it is and starts talking about it I know not to hire them.

Remember it's against the law for me to ask but if they start talking about it I can choose to not stop them.


i236.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-14 04:22:06 PM
That looks like a list of all my company will hire. But they did leave out the person that is there a month and gets mad that they are not made Regional VP.
 
2013-01-14 04:22:28 PM

xaks: I'm glad I'm not the only one that don't get the whole 'circle/triangle' thing.


I still don't get it. Someone who supports homosexual rights?
 
2013-01-14 04:23:44 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: I have a triangle in a circle on my desk. If the interviewee knows what it is and starts talking about it I know not to hire them.

Remember it's against the law for me to ask but if they start talking about it I can choose to not stop them.


You'd rather have a non-recovering alcoholic then. Right on. Those office Christmas parties can be a bore.
 
2013-01-14 04:25:33 PM
What about if you previously hired a guy 5 years ago and he turned out to be worthless so he quit...now he's gunning for another job in a different organization that you recently were made in charge of and his resume looks great, but you know he's the wrong person for the job? How do you quantify that?
 
2013-01-14 04:32:00 PM

Because People in power are Stupid: akula: The Stealth Hippopotamus: I have a triangle in a circle on my desk. If the interviewee knows what it is and starts talking about it I know not to hire them.

Remember it's against the law for me to ask but if they start talking about it I can choose to not stop them.

What's that mean? Is that the AA thing (only thing a quick Googling turns up)?

[upload.wikimedia.org image 200x200]


OK... still have no idea what that is. Appears to be a reference to something dealing with homosexuality, but hell if I've ever seen that before.
 
2013-01-14 04:32:21 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: I have a triangle in a circle on my desk. If the interviewee knows what it is and starts talking about it I know not to hire them.

Remember it's against the law for me to ask but if they start talking about it I can choose to not stop them.


I don't blame you, I wouldn't hire an alien either. Let em jobs on their own damn planet.

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-14 04:33:40 PM

Outlawtsar: What about if you previously hired a guy 5 years ago and he turned out to be worthless so he quit...now he's gunning for another job in a different organization that you recently were made in charge of and his resume looks great, but you know he's the wrong person for the job? How do you quantify that?


You don't feel comfortable saying "I know this guy and he's a crap employee"?
 
2013-01-14 04:33:45 PM

akula: Because People in power are Stupid: akula: The Stealth Hippopotamus: I have a triangle in a circle on my desk. If the interviewee knows what it is and starts talking about it I know not to hire them.

Remember it's against the law for me to ask but if they start talking about it I can choose to not stop them.

What's that mean? Is that the AA thing (only thing a quick Googling turns up)?

[upload.wikimedia.org image 200x200]

OK... still have no idea what that is. Appears to be a reference to something dealing with homosexuality, but hell if I've ever seen that before.


Never mind, found it.

Not sure why they bother with a logo, but whatever floats their boat.
 
2013-01-14 04:36:59 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: I have a triangle in a circle on my desk. If the interviewee knows what it is and starts talking about it I know not to hire them.

Remember it's against the law for me to ask but if they start talking about it I can choose to not stop them.


I know you're being flippant, but the "they volunteered it" isn't going to keep you from getting sued for disability discrimination. In fact, knowing will make things worse, because you won't be able to take the position of "I had no reason to know he was an alcoholic and therefore couldn't discriminate against him because of it" defense.

In fact, there's one school of thought that says that people with disabilties should announce as much at a job interview for that very reason. Don't get the job? Then you can argue that it was because the employer knew about your disability and discriminated against you.
 
2013-01-14 04:38:19 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: I have a triangle in a circle on my desk. If the interviewee knows what it is and starts talking about it I know not to hire them.

Remember it's against the law for me to ask but if they start talking about it I can choose to not stop them.


I had to google it but if you are a recovering alcoholic, why would you discriminate against others in the same boat? Or is that thing on your desk a trap? If it's a trap, I wonder how many people walked out of your office thinking "no way I want to work for one of THOSE guys"
 
2013-01-14 04:44:21 PM
They exercise the inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of social media. I realize employees assume having Facebook, Twitter and Internet access for personal reasons are a given.

Almost every employee will take time out of their day for a little non-work social media action. But if you catch a new employee during non-break periods updating his Facebook status (especially if the new status is, "My new job sucks!") you can bet his personal web time will only grow in the future. The same goes for texting.


I guess its time to get off your lawn.

one of the few things I liked about banking was they left us alone about this as long as we were not leaking information and/or missing deadlines. with the hours that we worked, we wouldn't have any life outside of work at all without phone/texting/internet.
 
2013-01-14 04:45:31 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: I have a triangle in a circle on my desk. If the interviewee knows what it is and starts talking about it I know not to hire them.

Remember it's against the law for me to ask but if they start talking about it I can choose to not stop them.


Man, you really don't like Harry Potter fans huh?
 
2013-01-14 04:46:24 PM

Lost Thought 00: "Violating Attendance Standards"? What is this, Grade School? You miss a day, it comes out of your salary, period.


Salary doesn't work that way.
 
2013-01-14 04:50:44 PM

H31N0US: The Stealth Hippopotamus: I have a triangle in a circle on my desk. If the interviewee knows what it is and starts talking about it I know not to hire them.

Remember it's against the law for me to ask but if they start talking about it I can choose to not stop them.

I had to google it but if you are a recovering alcoholic, why would you discriminate against others in the same boat? Or is that thing on your desk a trap? If it's a trap, I wonder how many people walked out of your office thinking "no way I want to work for one of THOSE guys"


Man... I've worked with a recovering alcoholic before, he was upfront about it but awesome.  Last time I saw him was a conference in Virginia and he figured out where the local AA meeting was ahead of time.  Course I'm sure he had trouble finding employment before he got hired because of that... sucks for other employers though because he works his ass off and is second in charge at that office now and is a huge reason why the office that had been struggling pretty badly is doing awesome now.

I really hope someone calls you out on that one of these days.  Unfortunately with the way the job market is, I doubt anyone will have the guts to.  But they should.
 
2013-01-14 04:52:34 PM

Uzzah: In fact, there's one school of thought that says that people with disabilties should announce as much at a job interview for that very reason. Don't get the job? Then you can argue that it was because the employer knew about your disability and discriminated against you.


I never hired anyone for anything (unless it involved sitting on my lap in a nightclub) but I never got the whole "hiring discrimination" thing. Are you old and didn't get hired? Sue for age discrimination. Crippled? Crip discrimination. minority? Call Jesse Jackson.  What if you're also not qualified? Seems like a hard thing to prove either way.
 
2013-01-14 04:54:03 PM

bionicjoe: Lost Thought 00: "Violating Attendance Standards"? What is this, Grade School? You miss a day, it comes out of your salary, period.

Salary doesn't work that way.


Actually, it does in a lot of places. It's usually (not always) illegal to set it up that way, but businesses can easily get away with putting a policy in place where a salaried worker cannot take time off without it being vacation or unpaid leave. You miss a day, it does come out of your salary, period. People are usually too stupid to fight it. They usually justify this with workers with, "You're just called salary to make it easier on accounting."
 
2013-01-14 04:55:06 PM

bionicjoe: Lost Thought 00: "Violating Attendance Standards"? What is this, Grade School? You miss a day, it comes out of your salary, period.

Salary doesn't work that way.


Vacation, Sick time, PTO, whatever you call it is all a part of salary
 
2013-01-14 05:00:31 PM
I was hired by mistake at a job I had a few years ago. It was a one-year contract job at a college and I know they would have fired me if they could have, easily, but it was very difficult to fire people.  Within the first week, the boss was complaining about how I dressed and how I look. I was baffled when she sat me down and had a talk with me about how I dressed and my hair, and I said "but I am wearing the same thing I interviewed in" -- which was true, but by coincidence.

She then went on about how I had interviewed in a nice red suit and heels, and I started laughing because I despise that sort of look and own nothing of the sort. And any heels I own are all but stripper shoes I wear when my band plays or to clubs, so I'd never wear them to a job interview.   ANYWAY... as the story went on - their first choice turned down the job.  They went back to the resume pile for a #2, wanted the red suit and heels lady, and called me to offer me the job, thus getting a red headed girl who doesn't feel comfortable in business clothes and doesn't own them.

That year was one of the longest years of my life... that woman would have done anything she could to make me miserable after realizing her stupid mistake.
 
2013-01-14 05:01:10 PM

Lost Thought 00: bionicjoe: Lost Thought 00: "Violating Attendance Standards"? What is this, Grade School? You miss a day, it comes out of your salary, period.

Salary doesn't work that way.

Vacation, Sick time, PTO, whatever you call it is all a part of salary


Yes, but those aren't deductions in pay. Just benefits set-up for time off. If you're salary you get a set amount in each paycheck.
 
2013-01-14 05:02:19 PM

Mugato: I never hired anyone for anything (unless it involved sitting on my lap in a nightclub) but I never got the whole "hiring discrimination" thing. Are you old and didn't get hired? Sue for age discrimination. Crippled? Crip discrimination. minority? Call Jesse Jackson.  What if you're also not qualified? Seems like a hard thing to prove either way.


During an interview if someone spends a lot of time on the "age" issue or another characteristic of themselves they don't get asked back.  I simply don't have the patience for it.

Similarly - when I'm interviewing for a position - I don't mention I'm gay unless I'm talking to the HR drone.  Its just not relevant to the interview.  And the only reason I mention it to the HR drone is because I'm need to know if they offer domestic partner benefits.  And if the HR done freaks out (which has happened) - its a good indication that the place isn't too tolerant and I should stop try the process.  And I know I haven't been asked back because of the ghey thing.  I don't look to sue them - I'm just relieved it came out as soon as possible.
 
2013-01-14 05:03:11 PM
Attendance records? What the fark kind of mickey mouse business are they talking about?
 
2013-01-14 05:06:18 PM

FitzShivering: Actually, it does in a lot of places. It's usually (not always) illegal to set it up that way, but businesses can easily get away with putting a policy in place where a salaried worker cannot take time off without it being vacation or unpaid leave. You miss a day, it does come out of your salary, period. People are usually too stupid to fight it. They usually justify this with workers with, "You're just called salary to make it easier on accounting."


my companies policy is that you get your agreed time off (sick days, vaca, holidays) and if you go over it comes out of your salary
 
2013-01-14 05:06:47 PM

bionicjoe: Yes, but those aren't deductions in pay. Just benefits set-up for time off. If you're salary you get a set amount in each paycheck.


As a manager - I have the authority to deduct from my employees paychecks.  In practice it doesn't work that way and its not a good way to resolve the issue.  Typically I would work with HR to develop a plan to resolve whatever issue I'm having (such as the person not showing up and doing their job).  If it doesn't get resolved after an agreed upon period - I fire their ass.
 
2013-01-14 05:12:13 PM

Cluckity: Attendance records? What the fark kind of mickey mouse business are they talking about?


Some places call it a time keeping system....
 
2013-01-14 05:15:06 PM

H31N0US: I had to google it but if you are a recovering alcoholic, why would you discriminate against others in the same boat? Or is that thing on your desk a trap? If it's a trap, I wonder how many people walked out of your office thinking "no way I want to work for one of THOSE guys"


I've hired a few recovering alcoholics and none of them can put in a full 50 hour work week. Being a Sponsor is a full time job and I don't need to hire anyone that spends a couple of hours a day talking someone out of a bar. Hell, I thought one guy started drinking again come to find out he just was on the phone all night helping people out. I'd love to be able to support these people and the work they're doing but I'm a small company and need people to be here while they are here if you get my meaning.

Uzzah: I know you're being flippant, but the "they volunteered it" isn't going to keep you from getting sued for disability discrimination. In fact, knowing will make things worse, because you won't be able to take the position of "I had no reason to know he was an alcoholic and therefore couldn't discriminate against him because of it" defense.

In fact, there's one school of thought that says that people with disabilties should announce as much at a job interview for that very reason. Don't get the job? Then you can argue that it was because the employer knew about your disability and discriminated against you.



Since when did an employer call you back to tell you why you didn't get the job? How many interviews have you been on that the interview was so awesome that you felt like you could sue if you didn't get the job? Now I have had people dive under the cover of the Americans with Disabilities Act when they thought I was about to fire them. Luck for me that only people who have done this are CDL drivers. They are paid by the mile and only get vacation time after a year. So I have to keep the job for them while they get treatment but it doesn't cost me anything. That and the testing requirements for you to get your CDL back after saying you're an alcoholic are nuts. I tried to talk them out of it (only 2 have tried it) but you can't unring that bell. Never had an office employee try that. I'm not sure how you handle that.
 
2013-01-14 05:16:52 PM
They left out women with children. One of the women at my work has three kids. I don't think shes worked a full week the entire 12 years I've been there.

"My kid is sick I can't come in"
"My kid is sick I gotta leave to pick them up at school"
"My kid has a doctors appointment, dentist apt etc..
"My kid this, my kid that..."
 
2013-01-14 05:18:00 PM

gingerjet: Mugato: I never hired anyone for anything (unless it involved sitting on my lap in a nightclub) but I never got the whole "hiring discrimination" thing. Are you old and didn't get hired? Sue for age discrimination. Crippled? Crip discrimination. minority? Call Jesse Jackson.  What if you're also not qualified? Seems like a hard thing to prove either way.

During an interview if someone spends a lot of time on the "age" issue or another characteristic of themselves they don't get asked back.  I simply don't have the patience for it.

Similarly - when I'm interviewing for a position - I don't mention I'm gay unless I'm talking to the HR drone.  Its just not relevant to the interview.  And the only reason I mention it to the HR drone is because I'm need to know if they offer domestic partner benefits.  And if the HR done freaks out (which has happened) - its a good indication that the place isn't too tolerant and I should stop try the process.  And I know I haven't been asked back because of the ghey thing.  I don't look to sue them - I'm just relieved it came out as soon as possible.


Can't you just, you know, not be gay any more?
 
2013-01-14 05:20:03 PM

StreetlightInTheGhetto: H31N0US: The Stealth Hippopotamus: I have a triangle in a circle on my desk. If the interviewee knows what it is and starts talking about it I know not to hire them.

Remember it's against the law for me to ask but if they start talking about it I can choose to not stop them.

I had to google it but if you are a recovering alcoholic, why would you discriminate against others in the same boat? Or is that thing on your desk a trap? If it's a trap, I wonder how many people walked out of your office thinking "no way I want to work for one of THOSE guys"

Man... I've worked with a recovering alcoholic before, he was upfront about it but awesome.  Last time I saw him was a conference in Virginia and he figured out where the local AA meeting was ahead of time.  Course I'm sure he had trouble finding employment before he got hired because of that... sucks for other employers though because he works his ass off and is second in charge at that office now and is a huge reason why the office that had been struggling pretty badly is doing awesome now.

I really hope someone calls you out on that one of these days.  Unfortunately with the way the job market is, I doubt anyone will have the guts to.  But they should.


I used to work with a recovering alcoholic as well. A really positive, productive man and a very supportive co-worker. He had developed a drinking problem when his young daughter was killed in a car accident. After about a year of grieving and drinking, he decided that he wasn't going to ruin his life anymore so he got help and got sober. I would never hold it against anyone that they were a recovering alcoholic.
 
2013-01-14 05:20:55 PM
Glad I don't work for that person.

Can you do the job? Are you not afraid of documenting what you did? Do you have enough confidence to discuss your ideas with others? Are you willing to defend it against criticism on why you think it's the right way and adjust your plan if there are valid flaws?

Yes? Then I don't really care the hours you work or what sites you surf (long as it's not illegal or pr0n on a work system). Do the job and you'll get a good review from me.
 
2013-01-14 05:21:23 PM

serpent_sky: She then went on about how I had interviewed in a nice red suit and heels, and I started laughing because I despise that sort of look and own nothing of the sort.


serpent_sky: thus getting a red headed girl who doesn't feel comfortable in business clothes and doesn't own them.


You don't feel comfortable in business clothes? And yet you interviewed at a college? Why?
 
2013-01-14 05:24:41 PM

gingerjet: And if the HR done freaks out (which has happened) - its a good indication that the place isn't too tolerant and I should stop try the process.


Jesus. really?

I've worked my whole professional life in college campuses in Massachusetts. The idea of an HR drone having an issue with a gay employee baffles me. I think that's actually a check mark in your favor at a lot of places.
 
2013-01-14 05:28:49 PM

Lost Thought 00: "Violating Attendance Standards"? What is this, Grade School? You miss a day, it comes out of your salary, period.


I don't agree. If you are paid a salary, you get paid whether you work 0 hours or 24 hours in a day. Now, if they were paid hourly, then I'd agree.
 
2013-01-14 05:29:12 PM
I'm the "I need" guy and you need to STFU and give me what I need so I can do my job because you have no idea how to do it and the guy who was here last sucked at it and you suck at it and that's why you hired me.
 
2013-01-14 05:30:33 PM

abhorrent1: They left out women with children. One of the women at my work has three kids. I don't think shes worked a full week the entire 12 years I've been there.

"My kid is sick I can't come in"
"My kid is sick I gotta leave to pick them up at school"
"My kid has a doctors appointment, dentist apt etc..
"My kid this, my kid that..."


She's probably just a recovering alcoholic that's dealt with the hiring types in this thread.
 
2013-01-14 05:31:31 PM

abhorrent1: They left out women people with children. One of the women at my work has three kids. I don't think shes worked a full week the entire 12 years I've been there.

"My kid is sick I can't come in"
"My kid is sick I gotta leave to pick them up at school"
"My kid has a doctors appointment, dentist apt etc..
"My kid this, my kid that..."


If found it doesn't matter the sex; children are apparently a get out of work free card.
 
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