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(Bradenton Herald)   Dave Barry's take on the Great Florida Snake Hunt of 2013. Come for the snark, stay for the "recently castrated Teletubby" comment   (bradenton.com) divider line 76
    More: Florida, Everglades, Early bird dinner, Florida Department of Health, Coral Gables, Burmese pythons  
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9695 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jan 2013 at 2:24 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-14 02:29:36 PM
5. Change underwear.

Excuse me while I wipe coffee off the monitor.
 
2013-01-14 02:29:48 PM
Apparently no one is coming or staying for either.
 
2013-01-14 02:32:56 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-01-14 02:34:46 PM
War canoe?
 
2013-01-14 02:34:50 PM
That guy is what they print in newspapers for humor?

No wonder print is dead.
 
2013-01-14 02:35:04 PM
Is the Florida tag on vacation?
 
2013-01-14 02:35:59 PM
Interivew with the star...

media.bradenton.com

...does that reporter even know Burmese?
 
2013-01-14 02:36:18 PM
O whacking day! O whacking day!
Our sacred snake's skull cracking day.
 
2013-01-14 02:38:24 PM
FTFA: if there is one word that comes to mind whenever you hear the name "Florida," that word is "ethics."

LOL
 
2013-01-14 02:38:40 PM
O.K. , I guess I'll wear pants today.
 
2013-01-14 02:40:14 PM
Wait. Aren't Burmese pythons a pet species? Or am I thinking of ball pythons? I know ball pythons are adorable, there's one in the next room named Kaa who is allowed to sleep on my neck.

Snake thread, please?
 
2013-01-14 02:40:20 PM
FTveryendoftheFA: You know how good this state is at counting things.

LOL again
 
2013-01-14 02:40:54 PM
For the Snark was a Boojum, you see.
 
2013-01-14 02:44:21 PM
Who is this Dave Berry farker and why should we care? Seriously I've rarely read such unfunny, better then thou, douche bag crap in my life.
 
2013-01-14 02:46:03 PM
when i worked in a landscape nursery yard in chesapeake va I had a run in with a copperhead. i was weeding the yard and piling them up. i was using a wooden pallet as a base since the yard was muddy. i was in the process of putting the piles in a barrel for collection. i leaned over and almost grabbed a copperhead. it started slithering away.

to follow mr. barry's list....

1.Make an extremely non-masculine sound such as might be emitted by a recently castrated Teletubby. (YEP!)

2. Run out to the patio and grab the barbecue tongs. (No, but Warren did run out of the greenhouse with a hoe when he 'heard a woman scream'...I told him she saw it to, ran to her car and drove away).

3. Run back into the office and, while squinting really hard so as not to make eye contact with the snake, pick it up with the tongs. (Sorta...just ran away...like Bravely Bold Sir Robin)

4. Run, whimpering, back out onto the patio with mincing steps and quickly release the snake in such a manner that it falls into your swimming pool. (left the area for the rest of the day)

5. Change your underwear.(think I just took it off and buried it somewhere on the property)
 
2013-01-14 02:46:35 PM
How long before Discovery makes a reality show for this?
 
2013-01-14 02:46:50 PM

SpiderQueenDemon: Wait. Aren't Burmese pythons a pet species? Or am I thinking of ball pythons? I know ball pythons are adorable, there's one in the next room named Kaa who is allowed to sleep on my neck.

Snake thread, please?


I believe that's the problem. People bought them for pets, and when they escaped due to hurricanes, negligence, etc, the snakes found out they could grow to 18ft long once they weren't living in a 10 gallon aquarium.
 
2013-01-14 02:49:49 PM

Slaves2Darkness: Who is this Dave Berry farker and why should we care? Seriously I've rarely read such unfunny, better then thou, douche bag crap in my life.


He is the Garrison Keillor of print.
 
2013-01-14 02:50:07 PM
Gawd - I had forgotten how funny DB is. I stopped reading him back when he was going through his divorce (he seemed bitter/negative at the time). Great link!

Florida needs to have a Kudzu Challenge.
 
2013-01-14 02:50:58 PM

SpiderQueenDemon: Wait. Aren't Burmese pythons a pet species?


They started off as a pet species, yes. Idiot Floridians bought them as pets, then released them into the wild when they decided they didn't want them any more. The snakes thrived in the wild by wreaking havoc on native species and propagated like bunnies until it's come to this: mass cullings.
 
2013-01-14 02:50:59 PM

Slaves2Darkness: Who is this Dave Berry farker and why should we care? Seriously I've rarely read such unfunny, better then thou, douche bag crap in my life.


ecx.images-amazon.com

This guy. He's partial to Harp Lager.
 
2013-01-14 02:53:51 PM
I liked the Teletubbies. I found it to be very peaceful and relaxing to watch. I also like the Wonderpets. The episode with the monkey trapped in the space capsule was hysterical.
 
2013-01-14 02:54:38 PM

Rumpertumpskin: Slaves2Darkness: Who is this Dave Berry farker and why should we care? Seriously I've rarely read such unfunny, better then thou, douche bag crap in my life.

He is the Garrison Keillor of print.


Well put. Haven't heard it put that way before.
 
2013-01-14 02:54:59 PM
Wait, he needed BBQ tongs just to pick up a two foot long snake?
What a pussy! When I was a kid a 3 foot long black rat snake got tangled up in the plastic netting over our garden so my mom held open the pillow case while I cut him loose. He still had mesh around him so we drove down to a local animal clinic to get him completely unstuck. Then we drove back to our house and set the little guy free in the woods behind our house.

/Not scared of snakes.
//prefer snakes to mice and rats.
 
2013-01-14 02:57:31 PM

macdaddy357: O whacking day! O whacking day!
Our sacred snake's skull cracking day.


Took 8 posts, 7 more than what I expected. But win
 
2013-01-14 03:00:47 PM

Slaves2Darkness: Who is this Dave Berry farker and why should we care? Seriously I've rarely read such unfunny, better then thou, douche bag crap in my life.


He's usually pretty good. Unfortunately, the company he works for has taken a very obvious stance on this snake hunt. If it's not Dave Berry, it's any one of the other editorialists or "experts" quoted in the non-editorial sections.

They keep saying the same damned points:

1) This won't be effective.
2) These people are amateurs and are either going to shoot themselves or get lost out in the everglades.
3) Innocent snakes will be killed.
4) This is just a way of torturing poor snakes.
5) Nobody is going to be able to find the snakes.
6) These people are amateurs, and they definitely WILL shoot themselves and then got lost in the everglades.

At this point I want to cancel my subscription. I've never seen such blatant hostility to an act that is designed to HELP the environment. But it seems that since guns will be involved this is evil. Oh, and also people are nothing more than overgrown children and should all be wrapped in bubble wrap, lest they scrape their knees. At least that's what the paper tells me.
 
2013-01-14 03:01:35 PM
I think you shd value Dave Barry for his social commentary.

He has in the past pointed out that what South Florida really needed in the way of civic improvement was a good tidal wave
 
2013-01-14 03:02:06 PM

Spartacus Outlaw: I liked the Teletubbies. I found it to be very peaceful and relaxing to watch. I also like the Wonderpets. The episode with the monkey trapped in the space capsule was hysterical.


I always wondered just what the hell teletubbies are supposed to be. I say that they're aliens because they look weird and live in a buried spaceship. It gets a little creepy when you realize that they eat a pinkish liquid that looks vaguely like liquified entrails and eat a brown block with a face seared on it.
I'm not saying that teletubbies are invading aliens that eat humans, but they're invading aliens that eat humans.
 
2013-01-14 03:02:46 PM

halB: I've never seen such blatant hostility to an act that is designed to HELP the environment.


How does killing snakes 'HELP' the environment?
 
2013-01-14 03:05:13 PM
My father is deathly afraid of snakes after a negative experience in Vietnam with a snake. He was out on patrol and he said it jumped from the bushes while he was on patrol hissing at him and scared the crap out of him. Fast forward about 20 something years we are doing yard work and dad finds a garden snake in a window well. He freaks my brother walks over grabs it and starts to chase dad around the yard with it. Me & mom had a nice laugh dad was not amused.
 
2013-01-14 03:06:01 PM

TheOther: halB: I've never seen such blatant hostility to an act that is designed to HELP the environment.

How does killing snakes 'HELP' the environment?


They are Burmese Pythons. Burma =/= Florida
 
2013-01-14 03:08:24 PM

Spartacus Outlaw: I liked the Teletubbies. I found it to be very peaceful and relaxing to watch. I also like the Wonderpets. The episode with the monkey trapped in the space capsule was hysterical.


Bubble Guppies is way better.
 
2013-01-14 03:14:47 PM

Spartacus Outlaw: . I also like the Wonderpets. The episode with the monkey trapped in the space capsule was hysterical.


The baby monster episode of wonderpets reduced my wife and I to tears. "somboddy has got a sewious case of grumpitude" left me on the floor. (I had a manager at the time who was going into rages that ultimately caused him to leave the company... which made it even funnier)

Pythons vs swamp hillbillies: Fight!

Oh yes, I want to know which bodycount ends up higher.
 
2013-01-14 03:17:57 PM

cgraves67: TheOther: halB: I've never seen such blatant hostility to an act that is designed to HELP the environment.

How does killing snakes 'HELP' the environment?

They are Burmese Pythons. Burma =/= Florida


Burma > Florida.

Proof: Burmese Pythons
 
2013-01-14 03:19:44 PM

TheOther: halB: I've never seen such blatant hostility to an act that is designed to HELP the environment.

How does killing snakes 'HELP' the environment?


Because less snakes in an area that is not supposed to have them means more winged and/or furry animals that are meant to be there. In this case, we are not killing Bambi, we are killing something that EATS Bambi.
 
2013-01-14 03:27:51 PM
First they came for the pythons...
 
2013-01-14 03:33:06 PM
Came for a "The Great Bloom County Snake Massacre" cartoon


/leaving disappointed
 
2013-01-14 03:43:16 PM

brandent: Rumpertumpskin: Slaves2Darkness: Who is this Dave Berry farker and why should we care? Seriously I've rarely read such unfunny, better then thou, douche bag crap in my life.

He is the Garrison Keillor of print.

Well put. Haven't heard it put that way before.


www.tor.com
 
2013-01-14 03:47:47 PM

Spartacus Outlaw: I liked the Teletubbies. I found it to be very peaceful and relaxing to watch. I also like the Wonderpets. The episode with the monkey trapped in the space capsule was hysterical.


My kids loved teletubbies for the longest time. (I should remember this fact for when they get married) Anyhow I still can't get that song out of my mind

Over the hills and far away,
Teletubbies come to play ....
Time for teletubbies,
time for teletubbies,
time for teletubbies....
Tinkywinky. "Tinkywinky!"
Dipsy. "Dipsy!"
Laalaa. "Laalaa!"
Po. "Po!"
Teletubbies. "Teletubbies!"
Say, Heeeeee-lo! "Eh-oh!"
Tinkywinky. Dipsy. Laalaa. Po.
Teletubbies. "Teletubbies!"
Say Heeeeeee ......... "Uh-oh!"
"Where have the teletubbies gone ?
Where have the teletubbies gone?"

/please shoot me.
 
2013-01-14 03:53:23 PM
I don't understand where all the Dave Barry hate is coming from. I don't know if it's the "bitter and unemployed" or "angry and senile" group that's browsing Fark at this hour.

/Bitter and unemployed
 
2013-01-14 03:53:52 PM

QueenMamaBee: Spartacus Outlaw: I liked the Teletubbies. I found it to be very peaceful and relaxing to watch. I also like the Wonderpets. The episode with the monkey trapped in the space capsule was hysterical.

Bubble Guppies is way better.


Please. Saving Olie was great.

/I am stinky.
 
2013-01-14 03:55:18 PM
A. They mean "kill."

3.bp.blogspot.com
/clean underwear
 
2013-01-14 04:06:03 PM

TheOther: How does killing snakes 'HELP' the environment?


The snakes are a non-native, invasive species. People released them into the wild and they took over. Anything that moves they can (and do) eat, which wreaks havoc on the ecosystem. They also have no natural predators, so to restore balance humans have to do the job of a predator.
 
2013-01-14 04:11:11 PM

MBooda: A. They mean "kill."

[3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x216]
/clean underwear


Worst movie *EVAR*.
 
2013-01-14 04:27:51 PM

funk_soul_bubby: Slaves2Darkness: Who is this Dave Berry farker and why should we care? Seriously I've rarely read such unfunny, better then thou, douche bag crap in my life.

[ecx.images-amazon.com image 300x300]

This guy. He's partial to Harp Lager.


No, that's a picture of Harry Anderson from the TV show Daves World where he played Dave Barry.

Dave Barry:
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-01-14 04:28:10 PM

UltimaCS: I don't understand where all the Dave Barry hate is coming from. I don't know if it's the "bitter and unemployed" or "angry and senile" group that's browsing Fark at this hour.

/Bitter and unemployed


Retired and bored.
 
2013-01-14 04:28:22 PM

Now I Is!: How long before Discovery makes a reality show for this?


There's once on NAT GEO called Python Hunters already.
 
2013-01-14 04:42:03 PM
"Castrated Teletubbie" would be a great name for a King Diamond/Mercyful Fate cover band.
 
2013-01-14 04:58:36 PM

orezona: "Castrated Teletubbie" would be a great name for a King Diamond/Mercyful Fate cover band.


[who'sawesomeyou'reawesome.jpg]
 
2013-01-14 05:21:27 PM

tnpir: orezona: "Castrated Teletubbie" would be a great name for a King Diamond/Mercyful Fate cover band.

[who'sawesomeyou'reawesome.jpg]

ight behind "Voodoo Pimps".
 
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