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(GoComics)   How cyclists see their fellow humans   (gocomics.com) divider line 66
    More: Amusing, swines  
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30031 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Jan 2013 at 2:04 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-01-13 02:14:09 PM
15 votes:

Quantum Apostrophe: /Proud red light runner since like forever


I'm looking forward to rinsing you out of my grill one day.
2013-01-13 02:21:40 PM
13 votes:
I remember a great cyclist moment.

Where I used to live, the road outside my house was a popular one for those huge long "trains" of 30 cyclists who ignore all traffic laws and in general act like total douchebags. I lived on the intersection of that road and a small road that went to a community behind my block. I've often almost been struck as a pedestrian by these asses. Well, one day, there was a big ol F-350000 huge honkin pick'up truck at the intersection, the light turned green, and he started into the intersection. Just as one of these douche-trains was in the process of ignoring their red light.

That "THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP sound that they made each smacking into the side of the pickup truck made my day. It was probably the most satisfying sound I've ever heard in my life.

/ #2 was afterwards, the shreeking and biatching and moaning from the lawbreaking cyclists picking up their twisted wrecked bikes, who were FURIOUS at the truck driver who dared to enter the intersection on a green light.
2013-01-13 02:09:51 PM
7 votes:
I always pack heat when I cycle, so that if a driver swerves and crushes my legs, I can shoot him in the dick afterwards.
2013-01-13 03:01:29 PM
6 votes:

Fuggin Bizzy: I always pack heat when I cycle, so that if a driver swerves and crushes my legs, I can shoot him in the dick afterwards.


I always keep a gun in the car so if I hit a cyclist and only crush its legs, I can put the thing out of its misery.
2013-01-13 02:35:01 PM
5 votes:
Q. Why wasn't this joke funny?
A. It was two tired...
2013-01-13 02:16:04 PM
5 votes:

doyner: I'm looking forward to rinsing you out of my grill one day.


If a cyclist runs a red light and no motorist's right-of-way is infringed, does a driver still get butthurt?
2013-01-13 03:03:17 PM
4 votes:
Any problems would be solved if we all drove in Chinese cars and rode German bikes...

i.imgur.com
2013-01-13 02:26:21 PM
4 votes:
D-Bag cyclist about to zip past my car.

Open car door innocently.

*P-THUMP!*

Bask in the glory.

Then, get cyclist's name in order to have car door repaired by his insurance. Sue him if he doesn't have one. Further bask in greater glory.
2013-01-13 02:16:38 PM
4 votes:
I just love when I heard from the cyclist in question who was followed by a cop for a bit in a downtown environment. When he was finally pulled over he was given three tickets for running three red lights. $124 per light.
2013-01-13 02:53:06 PM
3 votes:

Hamanu: That's funny; as a downhill racer that's how I see road cyclists. Little effete bike riders with tiny bicycles and prissy pants.

/Buy they weally weally twy so hard and it's just so cuuuute.


I don't have a tiny bicycle or prissy pants but you would impress me more if you raced up hills too.
2013-01-13 02:22:28 PM
3 votes:
Did you hear about the blonde that wanted to trade her Menstruated Cylcle in for a Schwinn?
2013-01-13 02:19:30 PM
3 votes:
That's funny; as a downhill racer that's how I see road cyclists. Little effete bike riders with tiny bicycles and prissy pants.

/Buy they weally weally twy so hard and it's just so cuuuute.
2013-01-13 02:13:15 PM
3 votes:

Quantum Apostrophe: If a bike weighs 3000 pounds and has 300 horsepower at its disposal, they might have a point. I have this thing called a brain. It allows me to understand my surroundings and plan my movements. I can stop on a dime. My bike weighs 13 pounds. At worst, someone will have a contusion.
/Proud red light runner since like forever
//Cyclists who smoke and wear headphones and text while cycling are the problem. (I've seen that)
///And don't get me started on Rascals and scooters on the bike path


Holy crap, we're in complete agreement.

I'm gonna go 3D print a beer in celebration.
2013-01-13 02:09:41 PM
3 votes:
If a bike weighs 3000 pounds and has 300 horsepower at its disposal, they might have a point. I have this thing called a brain. It allows me to understand my surroundings and plan my movements. I can stop on a dime. My bike weighs 13 pounds. At worst, someone will have a contusion.
/Proud red light runner since like forever
//Cyclists who smoke and wear headphones and text while cycling are the problem. (I've seen that)
///And don't get me started on Rascals and scooters on the bike path
wee [TotalFark]
2013-01-13 01:41:04 PM
3 votes:

serial_crusher: Is that supposed to have been funny?


I think he was going for accurate more than funny.
2013-01-13 12:16:47 PM
3 votes:
This all went by in such a blur.
2013-01-13 05:45:57 PM
2 votes:

Kit Fister: doyner: Kit Fister: Yes, because a firearm kept as a tool for self defense equates one to being homosexual. Got it.

It's the fanny pack itself.  Think of it...  Fanny. Pack.  And he already outed himself and his boyfriend.

Fanny.  Pack.

Yeah, it's not like it's called the "Ass Blaster 4000" or something.


Or "Kit Fister"
2013-01-13 05:07:10 PM
2 votes:
www.phawker.com
2013-01-13 03:48:55 PM
2 votes:
knstrct.com
Here in Canada, we go everywhere..brah.
2013-01-13 03:38:59 PM
2 votes:
www.tonyrogers.com
2013-01-13 03:29:01 PM
2 votes:

Glendale: Quantum Apostrophe: If a bike weighs 3000 pounds and has 300 horsepower at its disposal, they might have a point. I have this thing called a brain. It allows me to understand my surroundings and plan my movements. I can stop on a dime. My bike weighs 13 pounds. At worst, someone will have a contusion.
/Proud red light runner since like forever
//Cyclists who smoke and wear headphones and text while cycling are the problem. (I've seen that)
///And don't get me started on Rascals and scooters on the bike path

You have to be trolling, or you're that cyclist in San Francisco that hit and killed a pedestrian then lamented about his helmet being broken. Cyclists on 13 pound bikes do kill pedestrians just as dead as cars do.


The bike weighs 13lbs, but the momentum striking the pedestrian includes the 130-170 lb dickhead riding it.  Physics motherfarker, how does it work?
2013-01-13 03:19:40 PM
2 votes:
What burns me up is when I hit a cyclist, they wipe out, then they expect you to stop and help them.

I mean really, what am i, a Doctor?

Give me a break.
2013-01-13 02:31:38 PM
2 votes:

Any Pie Left: Quantum Apostrophe is also a bike douche; this explains much about his threadshiatting in space threads.


i'm also getting the "precious and unique snowflake" vibe.
2013-01-13 02:23:09 PM
2 votes:
Quantum Apostrophe is also a bike douche; this explains much about his threadshiatting in space threads.
2013-01-13 02:17:33 PM
2 votes:
before the internet, cartoons had to be funny or else they didn't get published
2013-01-13 02:16:40 PM
2 votes:

Quantum Apostrophe: theorellior: See what fun we can have together? Betcha if we met in real life we'd be best bum buddies like ever, in the whole universe.


Until our atoms wear down, at least.
2013-01-13 02:16:21 PM
2 votes:

xanadian: Jef had boobs. Is 'Jef' short for 'Jefercina,' or 'Jefelle'?


Guest artist Rob Liefeld.
2013-01-13 02:12:09 PM
2 votes:
There's a difference between a two-ton steel vehicle powered by distilled petroleum and a twenty pound vehicle powered by oatmeal and sausage. Most of the present traffic laws were written when the top speed of both vehicles were around eighteen miles per hour. But keep complaining, I know it's terribly difficult to accelerate an automobile, you have to depress your right foot by about a centimeter, you might get a blister or something.
2013-01-13 01:29:06 PM
2 votes:
Yeah. That's about right.

Self identified cyclists are the lowest form of life on the road. Basically they're below possums and deed. At least there's 70lbs of good eatin' on a deer. You hit a cyclist, the best you can hope for is the police charging them for causing the accident. Too stringy for the cookpot.
2013-01-13 01:22:50 PM
2 votes:

Nothing To See Here: This all went by in such a blur.


It didn't even hand-signal or slow down, either.
2013-01-14 05:17:05 AM
1 votes:

mark12A: Viola!


www.clipart.dk.co.uk
2013-01-13 11:25:31 PM
1 votes:
I'd like to feel reasonably likely to get to my destination alive on a bicycle, but the small fraction of incompetent, belligerent morons who drive cars and the small fraction of conceited, belligerent morons on bicycles who make the other morons even less rational where bicyclists are concerned make this unattainable. I kind of wish Fark had a "mark all as idiots" button for anyone who posts in a thread like th... aw crap.
2013-01-13 07:56:15 PM
1 votes:

kendelrio: Pedo


kendelrio: SN1987a goes boom: JasonOfOrillia: The My Little Pony Killer: Hey fark you too buddy.

/pedestrian
//doesn't jaywalk

///seriously, equating people who jaywalk with people who are sexual predators of children? I'd invite you to stay classy but I'd have to believe you had any in the first place

The fact that you don't jaywalk is cool. That is the responsible thing to do. And "Pedo" is merely short for pedestrian. As for those sexual predators of children, I'm not sure someone who seems to advertise themselves and a fan of a children's show should be raising that issue at all.

Not sure what planet you live on, but on Earth the term "pedo" has only ever meant one thing.

So what would a "pedometer" be used for? Measuring someone's tendency toward child molestation?


The internet is way ahead of you.

i49.tinypic.com
2013-01-13 06:54:41 PM
1 votes:

radarlove: fireclown: Kit Fister: Well as an ardent pagan, I respect his teachings, but did he not also teach that one should defend one's self? I do recall that his philosophy did not suggest simply laying down before one who would kill you. His teachings do stress respect for life, but do not go so far as to deny the right to defend one's self, or to kill in self defense. No, I have no citations other than the off quoted bit about selling one's cloak to buy a sword, etc.

/eyeroll

farking LOL....can you SEE me? do you have some kind of a camera installed in here? or is it just a safe bet that when someone says, "Well as an ardent pagan" there's gonna be rollin' and twitchin' a-plenty?


Same thing if I said ardent atheist? Or ardent scientologist? But yes, let's make fun of people who don't believe the same things you do. Odhinn bless you.
2013-01-13 06:51:57 PM
1 votes:

Kit Fister: A pink F-150 with a "Ride'em cowboy" sticker on the window while wearing assless chaps?


Now you've done it. If you think bike nuts vs. asshole drivers makes for a bad thread, just wait until the "all chaps are assless" people get here.
2013-01-13 05:50:39 PM
1 votes:

radarlove: Kit Fister: Yes, because a firearm kept as a tool for self defense equates one to being homosexual. Got it.

No, not homosexual. Most homosexuals, myself included, have huge cocks and thus no need to carry a weapon to compensate.

But being a lilting, cowering, sniveling gun owner who is so afraid of death and his fellow man that he feels the need to carry around a gun? That makes you GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

And their weakness makes my penis hard and shiny.


Ah, projection issues and lack of comprehension. Thank you. I now know how to classify you. Have a better one!
2013-01-13 05:42:26 PM
1 votes:

RatMaster999: Fuggin Bizzy: I always pack heat when I cycle, so that if a driver swerves and crushes my legs, I can shoot him in the dick afterwards.

I always keep a gun in the car so if I hit a cyclist and only crush its legs, I can put the thing out of its misery.


That is a damn good idea. I had to drag one off the road and drown it in a ditch once because I didn't have my gun. It wasn't a pleasant experience. I never travel without it anymore.
2013-01-13 05:41:15 PM
1 votes:

megarian: is there such a thing as gay cyclist porn?


I went ahead and searched for "cyclist porn" without the word "gay".
But yeah, there was a decent amount of gay results.  Like, proportionally more than when you search for other kinds of porn.
2013-01-13 05:27:22 PM
1 votes:

theorellior: I know it's terribly difficult to accelerate an automobile, you have to depress your right foot by about a centimeter, you might get a blister or something.


And you have to peddle hard for a couple of feet. THE HORROR!!! That totally makes it ok to ignore laws.

I feel your pain though. I have a manual transmission, so I would have to downshift and then shift back into my current gear as well as stopping. I just blow through the light since it is such an inconvenience. If you don't want to get hit then you will stay the fark out of my way.
2013-01-13 04:57:10 PM
1 votes:

Dimensio: megarian: I just want someone to explain the outfits to me.

Do you wish an explanation for my jeans, for my T-shirt, for my windbreaker or for my fanny pack?


Yes.  Explain yourself.
2013-01-13 04:42:03 PM
1 votes:
I just want someone to explain the outfits to me.
2013-01-13 04:40:35 PM
1 votes:
CSB: While walking downtown a few years ago I was approaching an intersection. A driver coming alongside me got to the four-way intersection and just kept rolling. At the same time an oblivious headphoned jogger reached the crosswalk and didn't even break stride - jogging right into the path of the vehicle. In the next moment, the driver accelerated and the jogger ended up on the hood.
I stopped to make sure she was ok, and both the driver and the jogger started yelling to me, "you saw what happened! She ran out in front of me!", "you saw what happened!! She didn't even stop at the stop sign".
I just said, "You're both right." and kept walking.
2013-01-13 04:39:44 PM
1 votes:
As a cyclist I'd just like to say how 'bout you drive the way you wanna drive and do your level best not to hit anything or anybody and me & my Trek 1500 will ditto mmmkay?

/I typed slow for you non cyclists, pffftt.
2013-01-13 04:31:00 PM
1 votes:
*scans thread, notes some names*

I love this...expects tighter gun laws to save people's lives as people will obey those laws, brags about breaking laws that they don't feel are important.

/shakes head and makes a note to hit Quantum APostrophe if he ever has the chance.
2013-01-13 04:29:40 PM
1 votes:

radarlove: Wow, this thread has made me super happy with my informed decision to be a pedestrian. I can stroll, occasionally even strut. I can listen to an mp3 player while smoking a cigarette or blunt with one hand and eating a cheeseburger with the other. Nobody gives a shiat or even notices me unless I do something stupid and dangerous like cross against the light.

I totally win.


radarlove: Also, there is no need for me to wear wicked gay lycra or reflectors, I don't have to pay tax or registration fees on my shoes, don't have to carry ID, and have absolutely zero fear that my own stupidity or inability to pay attention to a thousand things at once is going to get somebody hurt.

Being a pedestrian is the shiat!


Sooo...how many DUIs did you get before they yanked your driver's license? ;^)
2013-01-13 03:51:26 PM
1 votes:
If you think cyclists are bad.....let me introduce you to MYSELF! I'm a whole different (and worse) breed....

I started off as a 'cyclist' after moving to a new country. Without a car, or a license, or wanting to learn to drive on the other side of the road; I decided to use a bicycle to commute to work. I quickly learned that laws don't apply to cyclists. If a light is red and I can go, I go. Stop signs are optional. If it suits me I jump from the road to the side-walk.

But then I started reading about electric bicycles....

Now, traffic enforcement is a lot more lax here than in the US. I rarely ever see a car pulled over by a cop. But it is non-existent for bicycles. And, electric bicycles (or in my case, a kit added to a traditional bicycle) look just like bicycles. Under the law here, I can have up to a 250W motor and a top assist-speed of ~15mph.

That didn't sound very appealing. So I did some searching online and found an 'off-road' kit. It's completely not street legal but it looks indistinguishable from a legal kit. It's either 350w or 400w, I honestly don't remember - but it's basically a very crappy motorcycle.

Not only do I get to break all sorts of traffic laws, like going through red lights/stop signs and riding on the sidewalk; I can trivially keep pace with Lance Armstrong.
2013-01-13 03:38:30 PM
1 votes:
This thread is full of Schwinn.
2013-01-13 03:30:02 PM
1 votes:

Nothing To See Here: What burns me up is when I hit a cyclist, they wipe out, then they expect you to stop and help them.

I mean really, what am i, a Doctor?

Give me a break.


Well, were you in the Police Box lane?
2013-01-13 03:15:53 PM
1 votes:

Skyd1v: doyner: Quantum Apostrophe: /Proud red light runner since like forever

I'm looking forward to rinsing you out of my grill one day.

Got hit by a red light running bicyclist 2 years ago. I had the green, the cyclist blew the light and hit my left front fender. The sight of her cartwheeling over my hood and *splatting* down in the middle of the intersection is something I will never forget.

/barely dented the fender
//farked her up


t2.gstatic.com
SAME ROAD SAME RULES MOTHERFARKER, HOW DOES IT WORK?
2013-01-13 03:13:08 PM
1 votes:

doyner: Quantum Apostrophe: /Proud red light runner since like forever

I'm looking forward to rinsing you out of my grill one day.


Got hit by a red light running bicyclist 2 years ago. I had the green, the cyclist blew the light and hit my left front fender. The sight of her cartwheeling over my hood and *splatting* down in the middle of the intersection is something I will never forget.

/barely dented the fender
//farked her up
2013-01-13 02:56:42 PM
1 votes:

JasonOfOrillia: Hamanu: That's funny; as a downhill racer that's how I see road cyclists. Little effete bike riders with tiny bicycles and prissy pants.

/Buy they weally weally twy so hard and it's just so cuuuute.

I don't have a tiny bicycle or prissy pants but you would impress me more if you raced up hills too.


? I just have a bike I bought at Costco. It gets me to and from work, to the grocery store, etc.

I play rugby, I don't need to prove I'm bad ass with a bicycle.
2013-01-13 02:47:50 PM
1 votes:
You cyclist haters sound fat. Maybe if you got off your rascals and got some cardio, you wouldn't be so bitter and out of shape.

/Cyclist
//I make my own rules
2013-01-13 02:46:38 PM
1 votes:

Mi-go amigo: Not all cyclists are of the dickish sort who disobey traffic laws, and those that are make the rest of us look bad. It's a problem. Still, the dickish drivers that try to run me off the road, throw things at me, or think it's clever to honk just as they are going past are not helping. That's also a problem.

Or in other words, a lot of people are dickish. It's a problem.


Fist bump.
2013-01-13 02:45:48 PM
1 votes:

The My Little Pony Killer: Hey fark you too buddy.

/pedestrian
//doesn't jaywalk

///seriously, equating people who jaywalk with people who are sexual predators of children? I'd invite you to stay classy but I'd have to believe you had any in the first place


The fact that you don't jaywalk is cool. That is the responsible thing to do. And "Pedo" is merely short for pedestrian. As for those sexual predators of children, I'm not sure someone who seems to advertise themselves and a fan of a children's show should be raising that issue at all.
2013-01-13 02:44:24 PM
1 votes:
Why must we have to share the road with the uninsured, untaxed, and unlicensed vehicles?
2013-01-13 02:37:15 PM
1 votes:

HTApprovedChick: Quantum Apostrophe: At worst, someone will have a contusion.

Sutchi Hui begs to differ
I get it, it takes you a while to get up to speed and you don't want to have to stop at every red light, but seriously, if you use the road, the rules apply to you.


You not only beat me to the reply, you put it perfectly.
2013-01-13 02:35:28 PM
1 votes:
PrivateCaboose: Please describe for who I am a problem when there is no one around?

Any Pie Left : Please describe your mental process to arrive at that conclusion. I'm sure Elon Musk will build private space bike paths on Mars when he starts sending 80000 people a month there.
2013-01-13 02:32:00 PM
1 votes:

stiletto_the_wise: I remember a great cyclist moment.

Where I used to live, the road outside my house was a popular one for those huge long "trains" of 30 cyclists who ignore all traffic laws and in general act like total douchebags. I lived on the intersection of that road and a small road that went to a community behind my block. I've often almost been struck as a pedestrian by these asses. Well, one day, there was a big ol F-350000 huge honkin pick'up truck at the intersection, the light turned green, and he started into the intersection. Just as one of these douche-trains was in the process of ignoring their red light.

That "THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP sound that they made each smacking into the side of the pickup truck made my day. It was probably the most satisfying sound I've ever heard in my life.

/ #2 was afterwards, the shreeking and biatching and moaning from the lawbreaking cyclists picking up their twisted wrecked bikes, who were FURIOUS at the truck driver who dared to enter the intersection on a green light.


How long did it take you to stop laughing at them? It would've taken me a few minutes.
2013-01-13 02:24:01 PM
1 votes:

Soymilk: What if a red light running cyclist mows down and kills a pedestrian?


Then the cyclist goes to jail. Wow, that was easy, give me another.
2013-01-13 02:22:53 PM
1 votes:

JohnAnnArbor: So a driver has no right to expect you to behave as a vehicle? So they stop at the 4-way stop, expecting you to stop next. They go (all legal), you blow in front of them, they have to jam on the brakes. You think that's fine?


No, I always respect the right-of-way of a vehicle if one is present. It wigs drivers out when I wave them through a stop sign, but there you go.
2013-01-13 02:22:28 PM
1 votes:
There's a reason we don't follow all the rules of the road; no one in a position of authority ever tells us not to. I've blown through red lights with a cop sitting right there watching. They never do anything, ever. You can call us arrogant if you want but if you knew cops wouldn't ticket you for running a red light I'm pretty sure you would do the same thing.

I think of it like this; considering all the crap cyclists have to deal with on a daily basis - getting cut off, cursed at, splashed with water, run into (happened to me a few weeks ago), etc. we deserve to run a few red lights. Don't like it? Too bad, get your own bike and join us.
2013-01-13 02:19:49 PM
1 votes:

How bicyclists treat pedestrians:


1.bp.blogspot.com


If I had the money I would pay off every state politician in Massachusetts to pass a law requiring all bicyclists to ride in the road only. I'm tired of the riders who act like they own the sidewalk.

2013-01-13 02:19:22 PM
1 votes:

theorellior: doyner: I'm looking forward to rinsing you out of my grill one day.

If a cyclist runs a red light and no motorist's right-of-way is infringed, does a driver still get butthurt?


Not at all.  It's the motorist with a green light that has right-of-way and still has cross traffic because of pedal-powered assholes that gets "butthurt" as you call it.
2013-01-13 02:18:51 PM
1 votes:
This is why I dont feel bad for using cyclists for speed bumps. But they do a number on my tires.
2013-01-13 02:15:34 PM
1 votes:

Quantum Apostrophe: If a bike weighs 3000 pounds and has 300 horsepower at its disposal, they might have a point. I have this thing called a brain. It allows me to understand my surroundings and plan my movements. I can stop on a dime. My bike weighs 13 pounds. At worst, someone will have a contusion.
/Proud red light runner since like forever
//Cyclists who smoke and wear headphones and text while cycling are the problem. (I've seen that)
///And don't get me started on Rascals and scooters on the bike path


Keep running those red lights and forever is gonna take a turn for the worse. And my sympathy will be with the poor soul who ends up smacking you because they will bear the burden of running into your stupidity.
2013-01-13 02:12:56 PM
1 votes:
Tip for bicyclists, if you are really hardcore, you buy the heaviest/crappiest bike available and wear normal clothes if you want to get the best workout.
 
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