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(Telegraph)   Welcome to your new home. There's a stiff penalty if dishes are left in the sink, cooking must be limited to 30 minutes, and pork is banned entirely   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 25
    More: Strange, landlords  
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16307 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jan 2013 at 3:32 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
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Archived thread
2013-01-12 03:48:26 PM
7 votes:

baronbloodbath: Keep your room. Nazis were probably less strict.


Yeah, they let you use the oven whenever you wanted.
2013-01-12 03:38:37 PM
6 votes:
Who is the landlord, Sheldon Cooper?

/Rule 16: no whistling.
2013-01-12 03:52:07 PM
4 votes:

indarwinsshadow: But anal sex on the kitchen table is still a go, right?


As long as you keep the doors open and engage in activities for less than 30 minutes, or the landlord will charge for the wallpaper. Don't want that stank building up.
2013-01-12 03:45:00 PM
3 votes:
not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.
2013-01-12 03:36:39 PM
3 votes:
"Alcohol must be kept in room". Hmm, bit of ambiguity of English here.

I MUST keep alcohol in my room? I don't even drink... will you be coming into my room and inspecting to ensure I am keeping some there?
2013-01-12 03:16:32 PM
3 votes:
Also, no solids in the second floor lav.
2013-01-12 04:04:39 PM
2 votes:

proteus_b: drewogatory: As someone whose household is suffering thru an immature and selfish roomate, I'm seriously regretting NOT having a list of rules.

You should have said something when I moved in. By the way I ate your leftovers, do you mind making more, I'm still kind of hungry...


I thought the bag with your name on it was from you!
2013-01-12 03:55:19 PM
2 votes:
Wait, I've seen this before.  You must bring with you two pairs of black socks, one pair of Combat boot, one lack ski mask, two pairs of black pants, two pairs of Black shirts, one portable mattress and $500 personal burial money.
2013-01-12 03:48:34 PM
2 votes:

walrusonion: not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.


Absolutely.

The cultures of Pakistan and India tend to turn their people into lying, OCD lunatics. And I hate to sound racist, but there it is.
2013-01-12 03:44:44 PM
2 votes:
But anal sex on the kitchen table is still a go, right?
2013-01-12 03:43:52 PM
2 votes:
Sleeping must be conducted while standing, between the hours of 11pm and 5am.
Sexual intercourse is prohibited, unless you promise to give my goat a go as well (this will be deducted from your twice monthly visitor quota).
All noises are prohibited.
It is forbidden to fall ill. If you fall ill, you must sleep outside until you recover completely, with a doctors' note to prove that you are well.
You must wish death to America five times per day.
2013-01-12 03:32:52 PM
2 votes:
I could see the landlord having two sets of printed rules - one that's ridiculously long & absurd handed to those who he doesn't want as renters.
2013-01-12 03:27:39 PM
2 votes:
Good to know up-front that the rental is a S&M dungeon.
2013-01-12 06:41:53 PM
1 votes:
The headline used the words "stiff" and "pork". Now I have to go look at porn.


/rule 73
2013-01-12 05:28:33 PM
1 votes:

Gordon Bennett: This is when you send all of your mates around one at a time to view the room, each one blind stinking drunk and messily devouring a pork pie throughout the entire tour.


Nah. You move in with a fake name, and on day three, you throw an all night bacon party with a live DJ, and 45 of your closest friends. Cops show up? Who cares? I'm at my real home watching it all unfold on the installed webcam I left behind.
2013-01-12 05:03:46 PM
1 votes:
I found a picture of the landlord.

www.biography.com

I'd strongly advise not using the shower.
2013-01-12 04:28:55 PM
1 votes:
I went to look at a room for rent once. The guy had a list at least twice as long as that list. 4.5 pages, numbered and itemized. Among the demands, er..."rules":

I was to park on the street only, even though there was ample room in the large driveway.

I was to collect all garbage from all trash receptacles in the house (they were listed) on Tuesday nights after 10:00pm and take all trash to the curb for Wednesday morning pickup.

I was to make myself scarce whenever there was a (frequent) dinner party planned. Closing myself in my room would be acceptable.

I was to be allowed a laughably small amount of space in the fridge and kitchen cabinets for food. No food allowed in the bedroom.

I was to pay 1/3 of the utilities and cable even though I would barely be allowed to use anything outside my room.

Blackout times I was not to use the bathroom.

All for a price that I easily could have rented an apartment of my own.
2013-01-12 04:14:06 PM
1 votes:
I remember seeing an ad on Craigslist for homes for rent at about 1/4th to 1/5th of average market prices.  The catch was that the homes were for sale and your furniture was for staging.  You'd be given 2hrs notice of when an estate agent would show up and you have to leave the house while they were viewing.  Viewing hours were from 9 til 9.

Just for grins, I asked for a copy of the tenant rules.  No clutter on the floors, no food with strong odors, all surfaces had to be clean, no smoking, etc...  They also had to pre-interview you to see if your furniture was acceptable.

I briefly considered it, but I wasn't cool about having people showing up so late.  What if I was in the middle of cooking dinner?  They also never gave you a day off, so having company over was impossible.  There was also no guarantee that you'd be in a house for more than a week, so you'd essentially be living out of a box.  Then you have all of the abuse your furniture would suffer from all the moves.


/the agent who was doing this ended up having his license yanked and was being investigated by the state for breaking tenant law
2013-01-12 04:02:31 PM
1 votes:

drewogatory: As someone whose household is suffering thru an immature and selfish roomate, I'm seriously regretting NOT having a list of rules.


You should have said something when I moved in. By the way I ate your leftovers, do you mind making more, I'm still kind of hungry...
2013-01-12 04:00:55 PM
1 votes:
This is a picture of the landlord

data.whicdn.com
2013-01-12 04:00:09 PM
1 votes:

Big Merl: Wait, I've seen this before.  You must bring with you two pairs of black socks, one pair of Combat boot, one lack ski mask, two pairs of black pants, two pairs of Black shirts, one portable mattress and $500 personal burial money.


The first rule of al Qaeda training camp is you don't talk about al Qaeda training camp.

/I've seen rants of similar tone on okcupid
2013-01-12 04:00:00 PM
1 votes:

realmolo: walrusonion: not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.

Absolutely.

The cultures of Pakistan and India tend to turn their people into lying, OCD lunatics. And I hate to sound racist, but there it is.


No you don't. You just love fuh-LAUN-ting that racism.

/I keed
2013-01-12 03:58:35 PM
1 votes:
As someone whose household is suffering thru an immature and selfish roomate, I'm seriously regretting NOT having a list of rules.
2013-01-12 03:48:53 PM
1 votes:

walrusonion: not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.


Paki's are not a race so you're all good.
2013-01-12 03:48:46 PM
1 votes:

walrusonion: not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.



No probs..

Pakistani isn't a "race".
 
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