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(Telegraph)   Welcome to your new home. There's a stiff penalty if dishes are left in the sink, cooking must be limited to 30 minutes, and pork is banned entirely   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 88
    More: Strange, landlords  
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16322 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jan 2013 at 3:32 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-12 03:16:32 PM  
Also, no solids in the second floor lav.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-01-12 03:22:16 PM  
This is for rental of a room, not a fully equipped apartment. These are roommate rules as much as tenant rules.
 
2013-01-12 03:27:39 PM  
Good to know up-front that the rental is a S&M dungeon.
 
2013-01-12 03:32:52 PM  
I could see the landlord having two sets of printed rules - one that's ridiculously long & absurd handed to those who he doesn't want as renters.
 
2013-01-12 03:36:39 PM  
"Alcohol must be kept in room". Hmm, bit of ambiguity of English here.

I MUST keep alcohol in my room? I don't even drink... will you be coming into my room and inspecting to ensure I am keeping some there?
 
2013-01-12 03:38:37 PM  
Who is the landlord, Sheldon Cooper?

/Rule 16: no whistling.
 
2013-01-12 03:41:12 PM  

ZAZ: This is for rental of a room, not a fully equipped apartment. These are roommate rules as much as tenant rules.


Yeah, but even as roommate rules this is control-freak territory. The rent better be suuuuper cheap for that asshole to find anybody.
 
2013-01-12 03:43:27 PM  
Must be one o them Mooslem types.  No pork, and you have to keep alcohol in your room?

Keep your room.  Nazis were probably less strict.

/sorry for Godwining
 
2013-01-12 03:43:52 PM  
Sleeping must be conducted while standing, between the hours of 11pm and 5am.
Sexual intercourse is prohibited, unless you promise to give my goat a go as well (this will be deducted from your twice monthly visitor quota).
All noises are prohibited.
It is forbidden to fall ill. If you fall ill, you must sleep outside until you recover completely, with a doctors' note to prove that you are well.
You must wish death to America five times per day.
 
2013-01-12 03:44:01 PM  
Oznog : I MUST keep alcohol in my room? I don't even drink

Rubbing alcohol?
 
2013-01-12 03:44:44 PM  
But anal sex on the kitchen table is still a go, right?
 
2013-01-12 03:45:00 PM  
not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.
 
2013-01-12 03:46:22 PM  
What's the problem?
 
2013-01-12 03:48:26 PM  

baronbloodbath: Keep your room. Nazis were probably less strict.


Yeah, they let you use the oven whenever you wanted.
 
2013-01-12 03:48:34 PM  

walrusonion: not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.


Absolutely.

The cultures of Pakistan and India tend to turn their people into lying, OCD lunatics. And I hate to sound racist, but there it is.
 
2013-01-12 03:48:46 PM  

walrusonion: not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.



No probs..

Pakistani isn't a "race".
 
2013-01-12 03:48:53 PM  

walrusonion: not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.


Paki's are not a race so you're all good.
 
2013-01-12 03:49:08 PM  

Bonzo_1116: ZAZ: This is for rental of a room, not a fully equipped apartment. These are roommate rules as much as tenant rules.

Yeah, but even as roommate rules this is control-freak territory. The rent better be suuuuper cheap for that asshole to find anybody.


Average rent in London is over $2000/month now. It's really just a supply and demand thing. Cheap(er) rentals are in huge demand so he can afford to be a dick about it since somebody is bound to bite eventually.
 
2013-01-12 03:50:32 PM  

realmolo: walrusonion: not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.

Absolutely.

The cultures of Pakistan and India tend to turn their people into lying, OCD lunatics. And I hate to sound racist, but there it is.



"Diversity is our strength".
 
2013-01-12 03:51:35 PM  
Seeing as this is for the rental of a room, not an apartment, most of those sound like they would be pretty fair. The pork thing sounds a little weird but if the guy is Jewish or Muslim I can see why. Visitors, cleaning up after yourself, no using other peoples things, no loud music, no drugs etc seem like a pretty standard agreement for renting a room.
 
2013-01-12 03:52:07 PM  

indarwinsshadow: But anal sex on the kitchen table is still a go, right?


As long as you keep the doors open and engage in activities for less than 30 minutes, or the landlord will charge for the wallpaper. Don't want that stank building up.
 
2013-01-12 03:55:19 PM  
Wait, I've seen this before.  You must bring with you two pairs of black socks, one pair of Combat boot, one lack ski mask, two pairs of black pants, two pairs of Black shirts, one portable mattress and $500 personal burial money.
 
2013-01-12 03:55:36 PM  
No bacon? Fark that!
 
2013-01-12 03:56:34 PM  
"No farking in the living room" should be in there. You're living swanky now guys!
 
2013-01-12 03:57:10 PM  
I think I'd throw a massive Lightswitch Rave/Crazy Stripper Party with pulled pork barbecue to follow; and when the fine showed up, I'd tell 'em to talk to my lawyer and pound sand.

/ I think that would do it
 
2013-01-12 03:58:35 PM  
As someone whose household is suffering thru an immature and selfish roomate, I'm seriously regretting NOT having a list of rules.
 
2013-01-12 04:00:00 PM  

realmolo: walrusonion: not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.

Absolutely.

The cultures of Pakistan and India tend to turn their people into lying, OCD lunatics. And I hate to sound racist, but there it is.


No you don't. You just love fuh-LAUN-ting that racism.

/I keed
 
2013-01-12 04:00:09 PM  

Big Merl: Wait, I've seen this before.  You must bring with you two pairs of black socks, one pair of Combat boot, one lack ski mask, two pairs of black pants, two pairs of Black shirts, one portable mattress and $500 personal burial money.


The first rule of al Qaeda training camp is you don't talk about al Qaeda training camp.

/I've seen rants of similar tone on okcupid
 
2013-01-12 04:00:54 PM  

ZAZ: This is for rental of a room, not a fully equipped apartment. These are roommate rules as much as tenant rules.


Showers between the hours of 6am to 10am or 7pm to 11pm. No longer than 15 minutes. What? Does that 15 minutes count from the moment you step into the restroom?

Cooking only 30 minutes.

It sounds like this person wants to make money off his rooms without actually wanting people there. When I lived with roommates it was like, hey do you want to split a pizza? No? Ok I'm gonna cook something, you want some? No? Alright, later.

If you are gonna have people living with you, you will have to make contact with them.
 
2013-01-12 04:00:55 PM  
This is a picture of the landlord

data.whicdn.com
 
2013-01-12 04:01:52 PM  
Dishes left in the sink for days at a time? Rendering chicken carcasses for hours at a time?

Sure, rules are evil, but most would complain if their roommate did this things regularly. He who holds the lease makes the rules, apparently.
 
2013-01-12 04:02:31 PM  

drewogatory: As someone whose household is suffering thru an immature and selfish roomate, I'm seriously regretting NOT having a list of rules.


You should have said something when I moved in. By the way I ate your leftovers, do you mind making more, I'm still kind of hungry...
 
2013-01-12 04:04:39 PM  

proteus_b: drewogatory: As someone whose household is suffering thru an immature and selfish roomate, I'm seriously regretting NOT having a list of rules.

You should have said something when I moved in. By the way I ate your leftovers, do you mind making more, I'm still kind of hungry...


I thought the bag with your name on it was from you!
 
2013-01-12 04:05:56 PM  

Krikkitbot: This is a picture of the landlord

[data.whicdn.com image 469x500]


Yes! This was exactly what I was thinking as well
 
2013-01-12 04:08:00 PM  

ph0rk: Dishes left in the sink for days at a time? Rendering chicken carcasses for hours at a time?

Sure, rules are evil, but most would complain if their roommate did this things regularly. He who holds the lease makes the rules, apparently.


See, the thing is; taping a list of rules to the fridge isn't legally binding in any way. Even if the terms are spelled out in the lease or sub-lease; that is no guarantee that the rules are legally binding. Even with a lease; it's a daunting process to enforce fines and such. The only way it works is if the tenant doesn't fight it or is a scumbag
 
2013-01-12 04:09:26 PM  
militantlibertarian.org

The landlord(s).
 
2013-01-12 04:09:29 PM  
What gets me aren't the behavior rules as much as the visitor rules which basically mean that you will never have your friends over and if you family visits town they won't be able to see your place because you didn't inform your landlord early enough. That and the fact that some of the rules seem intentionally vague so the landlord can really kick you out at any time desired for being to noising or because he thinks you stole some of his shampoo.
 
2013-01-12 04:14:06 PM  
I remember seeing an ad on Craigslist for homes for rent at about 1/4th to 1/5th of average market prices.  The catch was that the homes were for sale and your furniture was for staging.  You'd be given 2hrs notice of when an estate agent would show up and you have to leave the house while they were viewing.  Viewing hours were from 9 til 9.

Just for grins, I asked for a copy of the tenant rules.  No clutter on the floors, no food with strong odors, all surfaces had to be clean, no smoking, etc...  They also had to pre-interview you to see if your furniture was acceptable.

I briefly considered it, but I wasn't cool about having people showing up so late.  What if I was in the middle of cooking dinner?  They also never gave you a day off, so having company over was impossible.  There was also no guarantee that you'd be in a house for more than a week, so you'd essentially be living out of a box.  Then you have all of the abuse your furniture would suffer from all the moves.


/the agent who was doing this ended up having his license yanked and was being investigated by the state for breaking tenant law
 
2013-01-12 04:25:36 PM  

indarwinsshadow: But anal sex on the kitchen table is still a go, right?


Oh, man, that reminds me of the time I was looking for a room to rent in SoCal and I walked into the most bizarre home interior I've ever seen. It was a large place, easily 5,000 square feet and I only saw four rooms in the downstairs portion and came to the conclusion that it was a porn set. The large room to the left of the entry had a floor that was raised 2 steps up from ground level with stone (possibly marble) columns about 4' high with stone busts on top (heads, not boobs) on each corner of the raised area. There were fake plants all the way around the edge on ground level and the only furnishing in the room on the raised area was a Queen Anne sofa backed by red, velvet drapery hanging from the ceiling to the floor. So we go up onto the platform, across the other side, and down into the kitchen.

Huge room. 35-40' on a side. There's the usual high-end kitchen along two walls two walls and a gigantic, marble island right in the center of the room. Totally impractical placement if the island was intended for cooking prep. But perfect placement if you want to make sure there's room for cameras and lighting equipment on all sides. I'm pretty sure there was a lot of anal going on in that kitchen. Then they showed me what would be my room. Looks like it was a den or something. Wet bar along one wall. And my bathroom would have been a guest bathroom that "nobody ever uses". Right. If nobody ever uses it, why are there a dozen different body washes, shampoos, and conditioners in the shower and a bunch of brushes and loofahs? Looked like a hose-off-the-jizz shower to me.

I was kinda tempted to take the room but decided I didn't want a bunch of weirdness at home. Even if it was totally legit and the owner just had a weird sense of home decor, the vibe I got from him was a bit creepy. I ended up renting a room in a normal, boring house.
 
2013-01-12 04:28:15 PM  
"Pots are to be kept inside the oven when not in use." Guess the nationality.
 
2013-01-12 04:28:55 PM  
I went to look at a room for rent once. The guy had a list at least twice as long as that list. 4.5 pages, numbered and itemized. Among the demands, er..."rules":

I was to park on the street only, even though there was ample room in the large driveway.

I was to collect all garbage from all trash receptacles in the house (they were listed) on Tuesday nights after 10:00pm and take all trash to the curb for Wednesday morning pickup.

I was to make myself scarce whenever there was a (frequent) dinner party planned. Closing myself in my room would be acceptable.

I was to be allowed a laughably small amount of space in the fridge and kitchen cabinets for food. No food allowed in the bedroom.

I was to pay 1/3 of the utilities and cable even though I would barely be allowed to use anything outside my room.

Blackout times I was not to use the bathroom.

All for a price that I easily could have rented an apartment of my own.
 
2013-01-12 04:33:18 PM  
Some of these are a bit of a stretch and verging on crazy territory. Some are pretty obviously things you shouldn't do (use the guy's internet for illegal activities) or are at least reasonable for shared living situations (guy doesn't like booze so keep it in your own room), but the way that they're all laid out emphasizes the guy's controlling personality. Even if you think every single one of these rules is fine and you can abide by them, you don't want anything to do with this situation.

I've had many friends who rented a room from a home where the landlord resides and it usually ends badly. When you have roommates and everyone is on equal footing there's a lot less stress than when one person owns the place. You need compromise to live with other people and people in that position seem to be less likely to work with you.
 
2013-01-12 04:38:31 PM  

Fano: "Pots are to be kept inside the oven when not in use." Guess the nationality.



German?
 
2013-01-12 04:42:07 PM  
Reminds me of the sort of BS rules my mom used to push upon her boarders.
 
2013-01-12 04:48:08 PM  

Amos Quito: Fano: "Pots are to be kept inside the oven when not in use." Guess the nationality.


German?


I now know it if possible to get warmer without getting righter.
 
2013-01-12 04:49:03 PM  

Anenu: What gets me aren't the behavior rules as much as the visitor rules which basically mean that you will never have your friends over and if you family visits town they won't be able to see your place because you didn't inform your landlord early enough. That and the fact that some of the rules seem intentionally vague so the landlord can really kick you out at any time desired for being to noising or because he thinks you stole some of his shampoo.


Seeing as this is a room that landlord rents out, he/she doesn't need a reason to terminate the lease at all.

I think the rules are there because some people don't get that using other peoples shampoo isn't OK, nor is hanging out in the kitchen.
 
2013-01-12 04:49:21 PM  

jtown: indarwinsshadow: But anal sex on the kitchen table is still a go, right?

Oh, man, that reminds me of the time I was looking for a room to rent in SoCal and I walked into the most bizarre home interior I've ever seen. It was a large place, easily 5,000 square feet and I only saw four rooms in the downstairs portion and came to the conclusion that it was a porn set. The large room to the left of the entry had a floor that was raised 2 steps up from ground level with stone (possibly marble) columns about 4' high with stone busts on top (heads, not boobs) on each corner of the raised area. There were fake plants all the way around the edge on ground level and the only furnishing in the room on the raised area was a Queen Anne sofa backed by red, velvet drapery hanging from the ceiling to the floor. So we go up onto the platform, across the other side, and down into the kitchen.

Huge room. 35-40' on a side. There's the usual high-end kitchen along two walls two walls and a gigantic, marble island right in the center of the room. Totally impractical placement if the island was intended for cooking prep. But perfect placement if you want to make sure there's room for cameras and lighting equipment on all sides. I'm pretty sure there was a lot of anal going on in that kitchen. Then they showed me what would be my room. Looks like it was a den or something. Wet bar along one wall. And my bathroom would have been a guest bathroom that "nobody ever uses". Right. If nobody ever uses it, why are there a dozen different body washes, shampoos, and conditioners in the shower and a bunch of brushes and loofahs? Looked like a hose-off-the-jizz shower to me.

I was kinda tempted to take the room but decided I didn't want a bunch of weirdness at home. Even if it was totally legit and the owner just had a weird sense of home decor, the vibe I got from him was a bit creepy. I ended up renting a room in a normal, boring house.


in Socal?? where did you find such a thing?
The normal, boring house I mean.

//Bartles and James anyone?
 
2013-01-12 04:50:18 PM  

BumpInTheNight: Reminds me of the sort of BS rules my mom used to push upon her boarders.



www.blacktabgroup.com

ALL ABOARD!

Sorry.

No offense!
 
2013-01-12 04:51:00 PM  
Sounds like he has set up some rules as to where he can charge you "as he feels" for any transgressions, and tell you to immediately leave without your deposit. He must not be aware of tenant rights. How would he know the state of your room, if he wasn't going in there without your permission? Sounds like this dickhead is setting himself up for a huge lawsuit. I would love to move in there, just to violate some of these rules that are clearly illegal, and then sue the fark out of him, just for the lulz.

ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2013-01-12 04:53:25 PM  
No pork allowed? fark off , if i can't have my bacon you can keep your room.
 
2013-01-12 04:55:47 PM  
Hey at least you get to see it first. Here in Quebec if you buy a condo and you don't know that there's a "déclaration de co-propriété" (that's the act of incorporation for the condo), too bad. When you buy, it's implied that you saw it, even if you never saw it or signed it. Usually these acts are FILLED with petty rules like these, written in the vaguest and densest legalese possible. At least if you are a renter you can leave, which is orders of magnitude faster and easier than selling.
/Just another reason real estate makes no sense at all
 
2013-01-12 04:57:49 PM  

spawn73: Seeing as this is a room that landlord rents out, he/she doesn't need a reason to terminate the lease at all.


I doubt all those "I keep your deposit" lines are legal.
 
2013-01-12 05:00:04 PM  
This is when you send all of your mates around one at a time to view the room, each one blind stinking drunk and messily devouring a pork pie throughout the entire tour.
 
2013-01-12 05:01:53 PM  

jtown: indarwinsshadow: But anal sex on the kitchen table is still a go, right?

Oh, man, that reminds me of the time I was looking for a room to rent in SoCal and I walked into the most bizarre home interior I've ever seen. It was a large place, easily 5,000 square feet and I only saw four rooms in the downstairs portion and came to the conclusion that it was a porn set. The large room to the left of the entry had a floor that was raised 2 steps up from ground level with stone (possibly marble) columns about 4' high with stone busts on top (heads, not boobs) on each corner of the raised area. There were fake plants all the way around the edge on ground level and the only furnishing in the room on the raised area was a Queen Anne sofa backed by red, velvet drapery hanging from the ceiling to the floor. So we go up onto the platform, across the other side, and down into the kitchen.

Huge room. 35-40' on a side. There's the usual high-end kitchen along two walls two walls and a gigantic, marble island right in the center of the room. Totally impractical placement if the island was intended for cooking prep. But perfect placement if you want to make sure there's room for cameras and lighting equipment on all sides. I'm pretty sure there was a lot of anal going on in that kitchen. Then they showed me what would be my room. Looks like it was a den or something. Wet bar along one wall. And my bathroom would have been a guest bathroom that "nobody ever uses". Right. If nobody ever uses it, why are there a dozen different body washes, shampoos, and conditioners in the shower and a bunch of brushes and loofahs? Looked like a hose-off-the-jizz shower to me.

I was kinda tempted to take the room but decided I didn't want a bunch of weirdness at home. Even if it was totally legit and the owner just had a weird sense of home decor, the vibe I got from him was a bit creepy. I ended up renting a room in a normal, boring house.


Sounds like a plus to me
 
2013-01-12 05:03:46 PM  
I found a picture of the landlord.

www.biography.com

I'd strongly advise not using the shower.
 
2013-01-12 05:06:18 PM  

Quantum Apostrophe: Hey at least you get to see it first. Here in Quebec if you buy a condo and you don't know that there's a "déclaration de co-propriété" (that's the act of incorporation for the condo), too bad. When you buy, it's implied that you saw it, even if you never saw it or signed it. Usually these acts are FILLED with petty rules like these, written in the vaguest and densest legalese possible. At least if you are a renter you can leave, which is orders of magnitude faster and easier than selling.
/Just another reason real estate makes no sense at all


Tell me about it. We just found out that the owners of a few condos in our building got together with a couple of other condo owners and changed the whole condo agreement without formally calling a meeting. They had a unaminous vote of those present, since quarum is around 20%. Now we are all screwed.

The rules arent too bad for a renter, but we own. Screw this.

They also voted to change quarum so we need damn near everyone to reverse it, including them
 
2013-01-12 05:14:03 PM  

Fano: "Pots are to be kept inside the oven when not in use." Guess the nationality.


Italian? Eastern European general area?

As for TFA, cooking for only 30 minutes? How is that even possible? You can't cook a turkey breast in that time, or make soup. This landlord, basically, wants you confined to your room . He wants your money, but nothing associated with having another human being living there.
 
2013-01-12 05:21:20 PM  
At least the prospective tenant got to see the rules in advance before signing any kind of lease. I've heard some horror stories where:
* lists of rules like this get sprung on the tenant by surprise after move-in
* lists of rules get added on to arbitrarily, at the landlord's whim, in a "boiling the frog" fashion
* there is no "list of rules" other than "anything that pisses off the landlord is not allowed," and no real way to know in advance that your otherwise-reasonable behavior is going to piss him or her off

She's lucky she had the opportunity to run away screaming and look for something else, so no real harm done.
 
2013-01-12 05:27:28 PM  

montreal_medic: Quantum Apostrophe: Hey at least you get to see it first. Here in Quebec if you buy a condo and you don't know that there's a "déclaration de co-propriété" (that's the act of incorporation for the condo), too bad. When you buy, it's implied that you saw it, even if you never saw it or signed it. Usually these acts are FILLED with petty rules like these, written in the vaguest and densest legalese possible. At least if you are a renter you can leave, which is orders of magnitude faster and easier than selling.
/Just another reason real estate makes no sense at all

Tell me about it. We just found out that the owners of a few condos in our building got together with a couple of other condo owners and changed the whole condo agreement without formally calling a meeting. They had a unaminous vote of those present, since quarum is around 20%. Now we are all screwed.

The rules arent too bad for a renter, but we own. Screw this.

They also voted to change quarum so we need damn near everyone to reverse it, including them


Sounds like a Quebec problem.
 
2013-01-12 05:28:33 PM  

Gordon Bennett: This is when you send all of your mates around one at a time to view the room, each one blind stinking drunk and messily devouring a pork pie throughout the entire tour.


Nah. You move in with a fake name, and on day three, you throw an all night bacon party with a live DJ, and 45 of your closest friends. Cops show up? Who cares? I'm at my real home watching it all unfold on the installed webcam I left behind.
 
2013-01-12 05:29:29 PM  
Avoiding Pacific Heights?
 
2013-01-12 05:50:50 PM  

Oznog: "Alcohol must be kept in room". Hmm, bit of ambiguity of English here.

I MUST keep alcohol in my room? I don't even drink... will you be coming into my room and inspecting to ensure I am keeping some there?


How about "Any alcohol  must be kept in room"?
 
2013-01-12 05:52:25 PM  

ciberido: Oznog: "Alcohol must be kept in room". Hmm, bit of ambiguity of English here.

I MUST keep alcohol in my room? I don't even drink... will you be coming into my room and inspecting to ensure I am keeping some there?

How about "Any alcohol  must be kept in room"?


Hey, any but mine man, leave mine alone!

/that's a lot of alcohol.
 
2013-01-12 05:58:03 PM  

rockforever: ZAZ: This is for rental of a room, not a fully equipped apartment. These are roommate rules as much as tenant rules.

Showers between the hours of 6am to 10am or 7pm to 11pm. No longer than 15 minutes. What? Does that 15 minutes count from the moment you step into the restroom?

Cooking only 30 minutes.

It sounds like this person wants to make money off his rooms without actually wanting people there. When I lived with roommates it was like, hey do you want to split a pizza? No? Ok I'm gonna cook something, you want some? No? Alright, later.

If you are gonna have people living with you, you will have to make contact with them.


I rented a room in Chile for a couple of months that had some pretty strict rules about showers (when and how long).  But the landlady was in other respects quite nice and accommodating, so long as the topic of Pinochet didn't come up.
 
2013-01-12 06:00:41 PM  
montreal_medic: Civil Code supercedes that. Get to a lawyer NOW. This will degenerate quickly. Quebec really is a farking third-world banana republic without the decency of tropical weather. Condos are SUCH shiat. Real estate in general is garbage but condos in Quebec? I'd rather be homeless. I see these plastic and cardboard monstrosities being tossed up by Ontario companies with their pathetic brochures with no useful information in them and the sleazy full-size ads in the Metro... gahhh....

farking real estate, the domain of scammers, liars and thieves.
You can join the RGCQ or some sort of condo owners group, they will gladly hand out information.

/My parents don't understand why I rent
//They're too stuck in the past, home ownership made sense back when a single-income family had a reasonable expectation of employment in the same area for decades
///Real estate now is coasting on the mythology of a bygone era
 
2013-01-12 06:06:29 PM  
change1211: How are the leaky roofs going in the strata over your way?
/Quebec is a third-world trash heap, but BC ain't much better from what I hear
 
2013-01-12 06:10:40 PM  
If he's this much of a prick to total strangers, imagine how he treats his wife.
 
2013-01-12 06:29:43 PM  
I moved to a new city with my wife to stay in her sister's basement. Well, it turned out it was an "unfinished" basement, and we weren't allowed to use the one bathroom, come in the front door, or play music or talk after 8 PM.

Did I mention new city with no jobs as of yet?

That sucked.

Never, ever, ever live with anyone, ever. Not even if you know them.
 
2013-01-12 06:41:53 PM  
The headline used the words "stiff" and "pork". Now I have to go look at porn.


/rule 73
 
2013-01-12 06:44:23 PM  

Mixolydian Master: Gordon Bennett: This is when you send all of your mates around one at a time to view the room, each one blind stinking drunk and messily devouring a pork pie throughout the entire tour.

Nah. You move in with a fake name, and on day three, you throw an all night bacon party with a live DJ, and 45 of your closest friends. Cops show up? Who cares? I'm at my real home watching it all unfold on the installed webcam I left behind.


I want an all-night bacon party now.
 
2013-01-12 06:47:05 PM  
Every roommate I've ever had, if the booze wasn't kept in your room, it'd be gone. I became very adept at finding places to hide liquor from the last set (never again).

Started out in the closet, tucked into pants and coats, then in the air vents, then bagged up, under the potted plant...even came home from the county fair once with a huge blue snake I won at a game. That sucker gave his many a Sailor Jerry bottle until it was discovered.

S'okay though...I up resorting to pinching their weed to compensate.
 
2013-01-12 06:48:44 PM  
ugh, damn cold fingers...
 
2013-01-12 06:52:00 PM  

Big Merl: Wait, I've seen this before.  You must bring with you two pairs of black socks, one pair of Combat boot, one lack ski mask, two pairs of black pants, two pairs of Black shirts, one portable mattress and $500 personal burial money.


/the first rule of Fight Club?
 
2013-01-12 06:53:38 PM  
Scam to keep deposits, IMHO.
 
2013-01-12 07:05:49 PM  
Judging from the majority of the comments I don't think most people even read the article, typical Fark behavior. If they had they would have realized that this isn't about renting a house, apartment or flat, it's renting a bedroom in someone else's house.

The landlord isn't granting full access to the house, they can use the bathroom when necessary and showers are to be 15 minutes or less, which is more than enough time to do what's necessary in a shower, and he lists appropriate time when those showers can be taken.

They can use the kitchen long enough to cook a reasonable meal, eat and clean up afterwards, then it's back to their room. They can have visitors as long as it's approved first, in other words you cant bring home whatever farktoy you picked up at the bar that night. Again, perfectly reasonable.

No parties, no loud music, no drugs or other illegal activities, no using his things, again, these are all perfectly reasonable expectations for someone who's renting a bedroom in your house.

The only odd thing is the pork issue, which I'm sure is because he's either Jewish or Muslim, again, perfectly understandable.

Also I'm sure this guy would lighten up after a few months and the two of you got to know each other better, it's always best to bring all these things up before the person moves in, you can relax the rules later if things work out. However comparing this guy to Hitler and all this other stupidity is a bit much people.
 
2013-01-12 07:49:29 PM  
Sounds like someone just finished reading "how to alienate people and lose what friends you may have"
 
2013-01-12 07:54:22 PM  

Quantum Apostrophe: change1211: How are the leaky roofs going in the strata over your way?
/Quebec is a third-world trash heap, but BC ain't much better from what I hear


I assume you're referring to the leaky condo problem that BC had about 10 years ago, it was quite overblown. BC is nothing like the third-world trash heap you describe, the biggest complaint that people have is how expensive it is to buy any sort of real estate out there.
 
2013-01-12 08:03:06 PM  

rogue_L_chick: Every roommate I've ever had, if the booze wasn't kept in your room, it'd be gone. I became very adept at finding places to hide liquor from the last set (never again).

Started out in the closet, tucked into pants and coats, then in the air vents, then bagged up, under the potted plant...even came home from the county fair once with a huge blue snake I won at a game. That sucker gave his many a Sailor Jerry bottle until it was discovered.

S'okay though...I up resorting to pinching their weed to compensate.


Why the fark would you tolerate living with someone that steals?

Alcohol in the common areas I can understand (at least until they're told to stop.) If they are breaking into your room to steal shiat, that's time to call the cops.

Also, you can pick up a door handle that locks at Lowes for less than a handle of cheap whiskey.
 
2013-01-12 08:09:08 PM  
Sounds like my LL and I am renting a whole house, not just a room. He has invented all of these arbitrary rules and emails me all the time about them. We are apparently not allowed to appear that we live here from the outside, nothing on porches, no kid's toys or bikes or skateboards or ANYTHING outside. No trash or recycling bins near the house, he claims it is an "easement issue" whatever the fark that means, they are off the side of the porch. He has come in and done "inspections" multiple times, going through my closets, he sent me an email upset with me because I had laundry on the couch I was in the process of folding.

I am in a living hell. Lease is up soon, thank god.
 
2013-01-12 08:18:59 PM  

IamPatSajak: Sounds like my LL and I am renting a whole house, not just a room. He has invented all of these arbitrary rules and emails me all the time about them. We are apparently not allowed to appear that we live here from the outside, nothing on porches, no kid's toys or bikes or skateboards or ANYTHING outside. No trash or recycling bins near the house, he claims it is an "easement issue" whatever the fark that means, they are off the side of the porch. He has come in and done "inspections" multiple times, going through my closets, he sent me an email upset with me because I had laundry on the couch I was in the process of folding.

I am in a living hell. Lease is up soon, thank god.


Get. Out. Now.

I lived with the landlady from Hell and will never go back to renting. She and my boss, aka Satan, were BFFs. 1.5 years later she tried to sue us for a broken water pipe that had caused the rotting of flooring and black mold. I was sick the entire time I lived there, didn't know why until another couple I knew moved in and found it. Thankfully, she didn't affix her signature to the lease documents so the case was moot. Flee while you can.
 
2013-01-12 08:25:44 PM  

ReapTheChaos: Judging from the majority of the comments I don't think most people even read the article, typical Fark behavior. If they had they would have realized that this isn't about renting a house, apartment or flat, it's renting a bedroom in someone else's house.


Some of those rules are asinine. 30 minutes is enough time to cook some meals, but not everything. Can't cook a turkey breast, make soup/pizza/marinara/meatloaf, bake a cake, or anything more complicated than PB&J. The reasoning behind that is it's the landlord's "living space", as is everywhere else, and you're not entitled to be there. As stated in TFA, which you read, no living room use, so sit in kitchen, eat, and go back to your room. The 2 week rule is unreasonable, because the visit is only allowed per the landlord's discretion. They must stay in your room during the visit, not sleep over, and you're allowed 2 visitors per month. That is, if the landlord allows - he stated no visitors without prior consent, text and verbal. No loud noises - could a hacking cough count? Sneezing in the middle of the night?

As you yourself said, do your limited business, "then it's back to their room" - you'd have more freedom in prison.
 
2013-01-12 10:16:39 PM  

IamPatSajak: Sounds like my LL and I am renting a whole house, not just a room. He has invented all of these arbitrary rules and emails me all the time about them. We are apparently not allowed to appear that we live here from the outside, nothing on porches, no kid's toys or bikes or skateboards or ANYTHING outside. No trash or recycling bins near the house, he claims it is an "easement issue" whatever the fark that means, they are off the side of the porch. He has come in and done "inspections" multiple times, going through my closets, he sent me an email upset with me because I had laundry on the couch I was in the process of folding.

I am in a living hell. Lease is up soon, thank god.


Landlords come in while you are away? What the fark is that shiat? No matter who's name is on the property papers, as soon as I rent it no one is getting in without my express permission. Rummaging through my stuff while I'm not there? Instant lawsuit. And I am very, very unlikely to sue anyone for anything.

/Rules may vary by country
 
2013-01-12 10:38:32 PM  

IamPatSajak: Sounds like my LL and I am renting a whole house, not just a room. He has invented all of these arbitrary rules and emails me all the time about them. We are apparently not allowed to appear that we live here from the outside, nothing on porches, no kid's toys or bikes or skateboards or ANYTHING outside. No trash or recycling bins near the house, he claims it is an "easement issue" whatever the fark that means, they are off the side of the porch. He has come in and done "inspections" multiple times, going through my closets, he sent me an email upset with me because I had laundry on the couch I was in the process of folding.

I am in a living hell. Lease is up soon, thank god.


Dude, at least spend a few hundred on a lawyer.  Entering the property unannounced and looking through your stuff.  ILLEGAL bro.  At a minimum, you can get out of your lease sooner rather than later.
 
2013-01-12 11:45:09 PM  
On the one hand I lived in group houses for a number of years, and half of those rules are unfortunately necessary, since it's better to spell out certain things in advance. The other half of them are batshiat insane.

I served on a local governmental Landlord-Tenant Commission for awhile, and most of those rules could not be legally enforceable here, especially since the landlord was probably: A) not licensed to rent under the local statutes, and B) most likely not using a standard lease. So, if a dispute came before the local commission, the landlord would most likely not be allowed to retain a security deposit using those rules.

/consumer protection laws are great
//this sort of thing would be a Free For All under a Randroid society. The renter would have absolutely no legal rights, and the landlord could throw the tenant out on an insane whim
///yes, we used to sometimes give the tenants 2x the security deposit back, in particularly egregious cases. But we also advocated for the landlords plenty
 
2013-01-12 11:56:45 PM  

Krikkitbot: This is a picture of the landlord

[data.whicdn.com image 469x500]


He doesn't look Pakistani...

//Haha!
 
2013-01-13 07:19:59 AM  

indarwinsshadow: table


Just not on the drafting table, right?
 
2013-01-13 04:06:56 PM  
Heh, I rented a room from the Chabad House my last semester at college. I was banned from the kitchen entirely, but because of this the rent was pretty low... maybe $250 / mo. instead of more than $500 everywhere else. I figured I could afford to eat out with all the money I saved on rent. I'd put my drinks just outside the window to keep cold, and have cans of soup on the furnace to eat warm. It actually worked out pretty well.

One weekend my landlord who lived with us asked me to turn up the thermostat because his kids were a bit chilly. I didn't know where the thermostat was so he walked me up near my room and pointed to it. Then in Monty Python style I was like, and you want me to turn it up to here. And he's like, yes, just slide it up a few degrees please, and I look at him like thanks for showing me where it is but now that you're here why don't you do it yourself. And finally I give up and slide it up and he says thanks and goes back downstairs. Then I realized it was Saturday and I was being a dick and enjoyed a nice slow facepalm.
 
2013-01-13 04:46:55 PM  

rwa2: Heh, I rented a room from the Chabad House my last semester at college. I was banned from the kitchen entirely, but because of this the rent was pretty low... maybe $250 / mo. instead of more than $500 everywhere else. I figured I could afford to eat out with all the money I saved on rent. I'd put my drinks just outside the window to keep cold, and have cans of soup on the furnace to eat warm. It actually worked out pretty well.

One weekend my landlord who lived with us asked me to turn up the thermostat because his kids were a bit chilly. I didn't know where the thermostat was so he walked me up near my room and pointed to it. Then in Monty Python style I was like, and you want me to turn it up to here. And he's like, yes, just slide it up a few degrees please, and I look at him like thanks for showing me where it is but now that you're here why don't you do it yourself. And finally I give up and slide it up and he says thanks and goes back downstairs. Then I realized it was Saturday and I was being a dick and enjoyed a nice slow facepalm.


heh, you played the shabbos goy then, they should have reduced your rent further if you agreed to turn the lights on and off for them, or do emergency jar opening duty.

Is it legal in all states for a room rental to not include a kitchen? For some reason I've got it in my head that in some states it's not legal.
 
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