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(Telegraph)   Welcome to your new home. There's a stiff penalty if dishes are left in the sink, cooking must be limited to 30 minutes, and pork is banned entirely   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 88
    More: Strange, landlords  
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16315 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jan 2013 at 3:32 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-12 03:16:32 PM  
Also, no solids in the second floor lav.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-01-12 03:22:16 PM  
This is for rental of a room, not a fully equipped apartment. These are roommate rules as much as tenant rules.
 
2013-01-12 03:27:39 PM  
Good to know up-front that the rental is a S&M dungeon.
 
2013-01-12 03:32:52 PM  
I could see the landlord having two sets of printed rules - one that's ridiculously long & absurd handed to those who he doesn't want as renters.
 
2013-01-12 03:36:39 PM  
"Alcohol must be kept in room". Hmm, bit of ambiguity of English here.

I MUST keep alcohol in my room? I don't even drink... will you be coming into my room and inspecting to ensure I am keeping some there?
 
2013-01-12 03:38:37 PM  
Who is the landlord, Sheldon Cooper?

/Rule 16: no whistling.
 
2013-01-12 03:41:12 PM  

ZAZ: This is for rental of a room, not a fully equipped apartment. These are roommate rules as much as tenant rules.


Yeah, but even as roommate rules this is control-freak territory. The rent better be suuuuper cheap for that asshole to find anybody.
 
2013-01-12 03:43:27 PM  
Must be one o them Mooslem types.  No pork, and you have to keep alcohol in your room?

Keep your room.  Nazis were probably less strict.

/sorry for Godwining
 
2013-01-12 03:43:52 PM  
Sleeping must be conducted while standing, between the hours of 11pm and 5am.
Sexual intercourse is prohibited, unless you promise to give my goat a go as well (this will be deducted from your twice monthly visitor quota).
All noises are prohibited.
It is forbidden to fall ill. If you fall ill, you must sleep outside until you recover completely, with a doctors' note to prove that you are well.
You must wish death to America five times per day.
 
2013-01-12 03:44:01 PM  
Oznog : I MUST keep alcohol in my room? I don't even drink

Rubbing alcohol?
 
2013-01-12 03:44:44 PM  
But anal sex on the kitchen table is still a go, right?
 
2013-01-12 03:45:00 PM  
not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.
 
2013-01-12 03:46:22 PM  
What's the problem?
 
2013-01-12 03:48:26 PM  

baronbloodbath: Keep your room. Nazis were probably less strict.


Yeah, they let you use the oven whenever you wanted.
 
2013-01-12 03:48:34 PM  

walrusonion: not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.


Absolutely.

The cultures of Pakistan and India tend to turn their people into lying, OCD lunatics. And I hate to sound racist, but there it is.
 
2013-01-12 03:48:46 PM  

walrusonion: not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.



No probs..

Pakistani isn't a "race".
 
2013-01-12 03:48:53 PM  

walrusonion: not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.


Paki's are not a race so you're all good.
 
2013-01-12 03:49:08 PM  

Bonzo_1116: ZAZ: This is for rental of a room, not a fully equipped apartment. These are roommate rules as much as tenant rules.

Yeah, but even as roommate rules this is control-freak territory. The rent better be suuuuper cheap for that asshole to find anybody.


Average rent in London is over $2000/month now. It's really just a supply and demand thing. Cheap(er) rentals are in huge demand so he can afford to be a dick about it since somebody is bound to bite eventually.
 
2013-01-12 03:50:32 PM  

realmolo: walrusonion: not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.

Absolutely.

The cultures of Pakistan and India tend to turn their people into lying, OCD lunatics. And I hate to sound racist, but there it is.



"Diversity is our strength".
 
2013-01-12 03:51:35 PM  
Seeing as this is for the rental of a room, not an apartment, most of those sound like they would be pretty fair. The pork thing sounds a little weird but if the guy is Jewish or Muslim I can see why. Visitors, cleaning up after yourself, no using other peoples things, no loud music, no drugs etc seem like a pretty standard agreement for renting a room.
 
2013-01-12 03:52:07 PM  

indarwinsshadow: But anal sex on the kitchen table is still a go, right?


As long as you keep the doors open and engage in activities for less than 30 minutes, or the landlord will charge for the wallpaper. Don't want that stank building up.
 
2013-01-12 03:55:19 PM  
Wait, I've seen this before.  You must bring with you two pairs of black socks, one pair of Combat boot, one lack ski mask, two pairs of black pants, two pairs of Black shirts, one portable mattress and $500 personal burial money.
 
2013-01-12 03:55:36 PM  
No bacon? Fark that!
 
2013-01-12 03:56:34 PM  
"No farking in the living room" should be in there. You're living swanky now guys!
 
2013-01-12 03:57:10 PM  
I think I'd throw a massive Lightswitch Rave/Crazy Stripper Party with pulled pork barbecue to follow; and when the fine showed up, I'd tell 'em to talk to my lawyer and pound sand.

/ I think that would do it
 
2013-01-12 03:58:35 PM  
As someone whose household is suffering thru an immature and selfish roomate, I'm seriously regretting NOT having a list of rules.
 
2013-01-12 04:00:00 PM  

realmolo: walrusonion: not sound like a racist but, I guarantee you this landlord is Pakistani.

Absolutely.

The cultures of Pakistan and India tend to turn their people into lying, OCD lunatics. And I hate to sound racist, but there it is.


No you don't. You just love fuh-LAUN-ting that racism.

/I keed
 
2013-01-12 04:00:09 PM  

Big Merl: Wait, I've seen this before.  You must bring with you two pairs of black socks, one pair of Combat boot, one lack ski mask, two pairs of black pants, two pairs of Black shirts, one portable mattress and $500 personal burial money.


The first rule of al Qaeda training camp is you don't talk about al Qaeda training camp.

/I've seen rants of similar tone on okcupid
 
2013-01-12 04:00:54 PM  

ZAZ: This is for rental of a room, not a fully equipped apartment. These are roommate rules as much as tenant rules.


Showers between the hours of 6am to 10am or 7pm to 11pm. No longer than 15 minutes. What? Does that 15 minutes count from the moment you step into the restroom?

Cooking only 30 minutes.

It sounds like this person wants to make money off his rooms without actually wanting people there. When I lived with roommates it was like, hey do you want to split a pizza? No? Ok I'm gonna cook something, you want some? No? Alright, later.

If you are gonna have people living with you, you will have to make contact with them.
 
2013-01-12 04:00:55 PM  
This is a picture of the landlord

data.whicdn.com
 
2013-01-12 04:01:52 PM  
Dishes left in the sink for days at a time? Rendering chicken carcasses for hours at a time?

Sure, rules are evil, but most would complain if their roommate did this things regularly. He who holds the lease makes the rules, apparently.
 
2013-01-12 04:02:31 PM  

drewogatory: As someone whose household is suffering thru an immature and selfish roomate, I'm seriously regretting NOT having a list of rules.


You should have said something when I moved in. By the way I ate your leftovers, do you mind making more, I'm still kind of hungry...
 
2013-01-12 04:04:39 PM  

proteus_b: drewogatory: As someone whose household is suffering thru an immature and selfish roomate, I'm seriously regretting NOT having a list of rules.

You should have said something when I moved in. By the way I ate your leftovers, do you mind making more, I'm still kind of hungry...


I thought the bag with your name on it was from you!
 
2013-01-12 04:05:56 PM  

Krikkitbot: This is a picture of the landlord

[data.whicdn.com image 469x500]


Yes! This was exactly what I was thinking as well
 
2013-01-12 04:08:00 PM  

ph0rk: Dishes left in the sink for days at a time? Rendering chicken carcasses for hours at a time?

Sure, rules are evil, but most would complain if their roommate did this things regularly. He who holds the lease makes the rules, apparently.


See, the thing is; taping a list of rules to the fridge isn't legally binding in any way. Even if the terms are spelled out in the lease or sub-lease; that is no guarantee that the rules are legally binding. Even with a lease; it's a daunting process to enforce fines and such. The only way it works is if the tenant doesn't fight it or is a scumbag
 
2013-01-12 04:09:26 PM  
militantlibertarian.org

The landlord(s).
 
2013-01-12 04:09:29 PM  
What gets me aren't the behavior rules as much as the visitor rules which basically mean that you will never have your friends over and if you family visits town they won't be able to see your place because you didn't inform your landlord early enough. That and the fact that some of the rules seem intentionally vague so the landlord can really kick you out at any time desired for being to noising or because he thinks you stole some of his shampoo.
 
2013-01-12 04:14:06 PM  
I remember seeing an ad on Craigslist for homes for rent at about 1/4th to 1/5th of average market prices.  The catch was that the homes were for sale and your furniture was for staging.  You'd be given 2hrs notice of when an estate agent would show up and you have to leave the house while they were viewing.  Viewing hours were from 9 til 9.

Just for grins, I asked for a copy of the tenant rules.  No clutter on the floors, no food with strong odors, all surfaces had to be clean, no smoking, etc...  They also had to pre-interview you to see if your furniture was acceptable.

I briefly considered it, but I wasn't cool about having people showing up so late.  What if I was in the middle of cooking dinner?  They also never gave you a day off, so having company over was impossible.  There was also no guarantee that you'd be in a house for more than a week, so you'd essentially be living out of a box.  Then you have all of the abuse your furniture would suffer from all the moves.


/the agent who was doing this ended up having his license yanked and was being investigated by the state for breaking tenant law
 
2013-01-12 04:25:36 PM  

indarwinsshadow: But anal sex on the kitchen table is still a go, right?


Oh, man, that reminds me of the time I was looking for a room to rent in SoCal and I walked into the most bizarre home interior I've ever seen. It was a large place, easily 5,000 square feet and I only saw four rooms in the downstairs portion and came to the conclusion that it was a porn set. The large room to the left of the entry had a floor that was raised 2 steps up from ground level with stone (possibly marble) columns about 4' high with stone busts on top (heads, not boobs) on each corner of the raised area. There were fake plants all the way around the edge on ground level and the only furnishing in the room on the raised area was a Queen Anne sofa backed by red, velvet drapery hanging from the ceiling to the floor. So we go up onto the platform, across the other side, and down into the kitchen.

Huge room. 35-40' on a side. There's the usual high-end kitchen along two walls two walls and a gigantic, marble island right in the center of the room. Totally impractical placement if the island was intended for cooking prep. But perfect placement if you want to make sure there's room for cameras and lighting equipment on all sides. I'm pretty sure there was a lot of anal going on in that kitchen. Then they showed me what would be my room. Looks like it was a den or something. Wet bar along one wall. And my bathroom would have been a guest bathroom that "nobody ever uses". Right. If nobody ever uses it, why are there a dozen different body washes, shampoos, and conditioners in the shower and a bunch of brushes and loofahs? Looked like a hose-off-the-jizz shower to me.

I was kinda tempted to take the room but decided I didn't want a bunch of weirdness at home. Even if it was totally legit and the owner just had a weird sense of home decor, the vibe I got from him was a bit creepy. I ended up renting a room in a normal, boring house.
 
2013-01-12 04:28:15 PM  
"Pots are to be kept inside the oven when not in use." Guess the nationality.
 
2013-01-12 04:28:55 PM  
I went to look at a room for rent once. The guy had a list at least twice as long as that list. 4.5 pages, numbered and itemized. Among the demands, er..."rules":

I was to park on the street only, even though there was ample room in the large driveway.

I was to collect all garbage from all trash receptacles in the house (they were listed) on Tuesday nights after 10:00pm and take all trash to the curb for Wednesday morning pickup.

I was to make myself scarce whenever there was a (frequent) dinner party planned. Closing myself in my room would be acceptable.

I was to be allowed a laughably small amount of space in the fridge and kitchen cabinets for food. No food allowed in the bedroom.

I was to pay 1/3 of the utilities and cable even though I would barely be allowed to use anything outside my room.

Blackout times I was not to use the bathroom.

All for a price that I easily could have rented an apartment of my own.
 
2013-01-12 04:33:18 PM  
Some of these are a bit of a stretch and verging on crazy territory. Some are pretty obviously things you shouldn't do (use the guy's internet for illegal activities) or are at least reasonable for shared living situations (guy doesn't like booze so keep it in your own room), but the way that they're all laid out emphasizes the guy's controlling personality. Even if you think every single one of these rules is fine and you can abide by them, you don't want anything to do with this situation.

I've had many friends who rented a room from a home where the landlord resides and it usually ends badly. When you have roommates and everyone is on equal footing there's a lot less stress than when one person owns the place. You need compromise to live with other people and people in that position seem to be less likely to work with you.
 
2013-01-12 04:38:31 PM  

Fano: "Pots are to be kept inside the oven when not in use." Guess the nationality.



German?
 
2013-01-12 04:42:07 PM  
Reminds me of the sort of BS rules my mom used to push upon her boarders.
 
2013-01-12 04:48:08 PM  

Amos Quito: Fano: "Pots are to be kept inside the oven when not in use." Guess the nationality.


German?


I now know it if possible to get warmer without getting righter.
 
2013-01-12 04:49:03 PM  

Anenu: What gets me aren't the behavior rules as much as the visitor rules which basically mean that you will never have your friends over and if you family visits town they won't be able to see your place because you didn't inform your landlord early enough. That and the fact that some of the rules seem intentionally vague so the landlord can really kick you out at any time desired for being to noising or because he thinks you stole some of his shampoo.


Seeing as this is a room that landlord rents out, he/she doesn't need a reason to terminate the lease at all.

I think the rules are there because some people don't get that using other peoples shampoo isn't OK, nor is hanging out in the kitchen.
 
2013-01-12 04:49:21 PM  

jtown: indarwinsshadow: But anal sex on the kitchen table is still a go, right?

Oh, man, that reminds me of the time I was looking for a room to rent in SoCal and I walked into the most bizarre home interior I've ever seen. It was a large place, easily 5,000 square feet and I only saw four rooms in the downstairs portion and came to the conclusion that it was a porn set. The large room to the left of the entry had a floor that was raised 2 steps up from ground level with stone (possibly marble) columns about 4' high with stone busts on top (heads, not boobs) on each corner of the raised area. There were fake plants all the way around the edge on ground level and the only furnishing in the room on the raised area was a Queen Anne sofa backed by red, velvet drapery hanging from the ceiling to the floor. So we go up onto the platform, across the other side, and down into the kitchen.

Huge room. 35-40' on a side. There's the usual high-end kitchen along two walls two walls and a gigantic, marble island right in the center of the room. Totally impractical placement if the island was intended for cooking prep. But perfect placement if you want to make sure there's room for cameras and lighting equipment on all sides. I'm pretty sure there was a lot of anal going on in that kitchen. Then they showed me what would be my room. Looks like it was a den or something. Wet bar along one wall. And my bathroom would have been a guest bathroom that "nobody ever uses". Right. If nobody ever uses it, why are there a dozen different body washes, shampoos, and conditioners in the shower and a bunch of brushes and loofahs? Looked like a hose-off-the-jizz shower to me.

I was kinda tempted to take the room but decided I didn't want a bunch of weirdness at home. Even if it was totally legit and the owner just had a weird sense of home decor, the vibe I got from him was a bit creepy. I ended up renting a room in a normal, boring house.


in Socal?? where did you find such a thing?
The normal, boring house I mean.

//Bartles and James anyone?
 
2013-01-12 04:50:18 PM  

BumpInTheNight: Reminds me of the sort of BS rules my mom used to push upon her boarders.



www.blacktabgroup.com

ALL ABOARD!

Sorry.

No offense!
 
2013-01-12 04:51:00 PM  
Sounds like he has set up some rules as to where he can charge you "as he feels" for any transgressions, and tell you to immediately leave without your deposit. He must not be aware of tenant rights. How would he know the state of your room, if he wasn't going in there without your permission? Sounds like this dickhead is setting himself up for a huge lawsuit. I would love to move in there, just to violate some of these rules that are clearly illegal, and then sue the fark out of him, just for the lulz.

ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2013-01-12 04:53:25 PM  
No pork allowed? fark off , if i can't have my bacon you can keep your room.
 
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