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(The Daily Beast)   Incessantly stalked by a guy you only dated a few times? Trying to bring a lawsuit against him to make him stop? That's a lot of tabloid stories and a firing   (thedailybeast.com) divider line 98
    More: Scary, Married... with Children, modeling agency, online harassment, Googled  
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12056 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jan 2013 at 5:22 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-12 04:39:28 PM  
The story doesn't add up.

If someone is stalking and harassing you, you get a restraining order.  Then you call the cops when the stalker turns up.

Make it a criminal issue, not a civil one.  Suing someone is a lot less effective than getting them locked up.

Either she never talked to a lawyer or she talked to ones who, miraculously, did not know what a restraining order was.
 
2013-01-12 04:52:24 PM  

L.D. Ablo: If someone is stalking and harassing you, you get a restraining order.  Then you call the cops when the stalker turns up.


I wonder if TFA takes up six or seven paragraphs talking about that at all.
 
2013-01-12 05:25:26 PM  
Oh great. Another man-hating much-ado-about-nothing from TDB.
 
2013-01-12 05:26:24 PM  
FTA: She went to Duke...
 
2013-01-12 05:28:27 PM  
Only one more thread until we have a stalking trifecta.

The question is, what will it be? First we had fake stalking, then we had real stalking. Maybe the next one will be simultaneous stalking?

Don't let me down, FARK.
 
2013-01-12 05:31:07 PM  
Huh.  A controlling psychopath got an MBA at Wharton.  Wonder how often that happens.
 
2013-01-12 05:32:55 PM  
Is a software consultant anything like a pharmaceutical sales rep?
 
2013-01-12 05:35:49 PM  

KiwDaWabbit: Only one more thread until we have a stalking trifecta.

The question is, what will it be? First we had fake stalking, then we had real stalking. Maybe the next one will be simultaneous stalking?

Don't let me down, FARK.


I'm surprised no one linked her facebook page.
 
2013-01-12 05:36:28 PM  

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: Oh great. Another man-hating much-ado-about-nothing from TDB.


Yeah. Chicks take this stalking thing way to seriously. I mean, is it really that bad if I, say, hang around outside her house 8 months after she dumped me, calling her from a burner phone whenever that asshole she moved in with leaves to go to work? I mean, I only do it because I love her.
 
2013-01-12 05:36:57 PM  

BarkingUnicorn: Huh.  A controlling psychopath got an MBA at Wharton.  Wonder how often that happens.


26 minutes, eh?
 
2013-01-12 05:37:51 PM  
It's easy to say "get a restraining order" but hard to do when you're scared. I had a guy harassing me; I hired him to fix my laptop and then he said I could have it back if I went out with him. I gave him the computer over Christmas break and needed it for school. I didn't get it back until February, after a lot of nasty arguments. I was 19 and terrified of this guy. I'm pretty sure he followed me to my dorm one night (it was like two blocks from where he worked) so he knew where I lived. I was afraid to involve the cops in case that flipped him from "nasty texts" to "I'm gonna kill that biatch."

/got my lawyer mother to write him a letter in legalese explaining that he needed to give me back the computer, then we went together and picked it up
//got it back, but he had cannibalized parts from it and never even fixed it in the first place
 
2013-01-12 05:39:41 PM  
Yeah, this guy is crazy. But in typical female form, she goes out of her way to make it worse for herself by contacting him a few times and constantly looking herself up online. If it was a guy, he would only take action if she was doing physical things to him. Why not just go to the cops and get a restraining order? Then take pictures of him when he shows up and have him arrested.
 
2013-01-12 05:42:21 PM  
Stalking is very hard to prove. The cops can't sit around all day waiting for someone to violate a restraining order. Not to mention they may flat out call you paranoid, and without something criminal committed against you, all you have is someone accusing another person of terrifying them. Without some way to corroborate the bad behavior, a lot of people can't even get a restraining order.

There is a show called "Stalked". I can't watch it; it makes me too uncomfortable, especially when you realize just how hard it is to charge someone with stalking. Unless you are internationally famous, there are a lot of hurdles to jump to get el creepo from terrorizing you. Especially if you live in a town where the guy is buddies with the cops (one of the episodes). Or if you're my ex, and people thought he was a "gentle giant". Took seeing my broken face before people believed he beat me.

/gotta love the justice system sometimes... still, I'd rather know it was there when I needed it, rather than shooting the craps in Somalia
//stalking in Somalia? yea right... it'd be my fault because I have tits
 
2013-01-12 05:43:08 PM  
Article from DB in October? Without a clever headline? That's a greenlight.
 
2013-01-12 05:43:49 PM  
CSB- A friend of mine had a stalker ex. She had restraining orders against him and he was arrested every time he came around but he kept coming around. Every time he was drunk and fought with the cops. Her 20 Y.O. son had friends over when he showed up the last time. He tried to pick a fight with one of them and when he made a lunge at the kid he split the top of the ex's head with a 2X4.

He hasn't been back since.

Ladies, and guys, if you're being stalked do all the legal paperwork necessary. Call the cops every time and keep copies of the arrests and other reports. That way when the stalker is eventually tased/beaten/shot into compliance it will be well documented that they deserved it.
 
2013-01-12 05:46:29 PM  

KiwDaWabbit: Only one more thread until we have a stalking trifecta.

The question is, what will it be? First we had fake stalking, then we had real stalking. Maybe the next one will be simultaneous stalking?


How would that work? Is that two stalkers stalking each other? Multiple stalkers competing with each other for the same target? Multiple stalkers co-operating to work on the same target? Stalking as the next new event at the Olympics?
 
2013-01-12 05:50:07 PM  

oukewldave: Yeah, this guy is crazy. But in typical female form, she goes out of her way to make it worse for herself by contacting him a few times and constantly looking herself up online. If it was a guy, he would only take action if she was doing physical things to him. Why not just go to the cops and get a restraining order? Then take pictures of him when he shows up and have him arrested.


In "typical male form", you don't read the article to explain why getting a restraining order doesn't work in this case (e.g. law hasn't caught up to crimes like cyber-bullying, it took work to prove who did the cyber-bulying, etc), and then go on to say why she deserved it. Because victim-blaming makes you cool.
 
2013-01-12 05:50:13 PM  

L.D. Ablo: The story doesn't add up.

If someone is stalking and harassing you, you get a restraining order.  Then you call the cops when the stalker turns up.

Make it a criminal issue, not a civil one.  Suing someone is a lot less effective than getting them locked up.

Either she never talked to a lawyer or she talked to ones who, miraculously, did not know what a restraining order was.


You obviously have no experience in this matter. I do. The time and effort a person will put into this type of harrassement is astounding. The police and courts aren't helpful. Lawyers and detectives want a hefty sum to get involved. It is an ordeal.
 
2013-01-12 05:50:40 PM  
More likely she got knocked up on a one night stand and doesn't want baby daddy to have contact with his kid. And, oh yea, she wants $800/mo from him. But don't call, don't text, don't email. Have the lawyers you are paying for talk to each other and I'll get around to answering you when I damn well feel like. Jerk.

/amirite?
 
2013-01-12 05:55:25 PM  

oukewldave: Yeah, this guy is crazy. But in typical female form, she goes out of her way to make it worse for herself by contacting him a few times and constantly looking herself up online. If it was a guy, he would only take action if she was doing physical things to him. Why not just go to the cops and get a restraining order? Then take pictures of him when he shows up and have him arrested.


I'm sure she is to blame here.
RTFA, comprehend it and STFU.
 
2013-01-12 05:59:38 PM  

muchgoodmojo: FTA: She went to Duke...


He should've went to Jared's
 
2013-01-12 05:59:51 PM  
i had a restraining order i couldn't do anything about because the damn guy kept showing up on my property wearing a mask. really.

also my county refused to give me a restraining order until the man had been arrested for assaulting me (he lived in my house). it took 6 calls to the cops for assault for him to actually get arrested.

there's not much you can prove until you are hurt and the cops can see the blood or bruises. or you can pay money and get a lawyer, not always an option for some.

/system is broken
 
2013-01-12 06:02:48 PM  

L.D. Ablo: The story doesn't add up.

If someone is stalking and harassing you, you get a restraining order.  Then you call the cops when the stalker turns up.

Make it a criminal issue, not a civil one.  Suing someone is a lot less effective than getting them locked up.

Either she never talked to a lawyer or she talked to ones who, miraculously, did not know what a restraining order was.


Already addressed by the comment below yours, but I take it you've never actually tried to get a restraining order? I got one, and I had to fight like hell to get it. And I had more documentation than would convince any reasonable person one was necessary that I was being stalked by my ex-husband (who had previously threatened to kill me). And that was just for starters, not including the additional documentation I had. Still, the judge was reluctant to give me one (despite the fact that two attorneys--one of whom was not even a divorce attorney--told the judge it was absolutely necessary and that the man was dangerous) because I had been married to the guy and was "only" legally separated, then newly divorced (no kids involved, so no reason to communicate). Restraining orders are difficult to get, even when an attorney asks for them because they impact many areas of a person's life, from employment to civil rights. Just because an attorney asks--even with evidence--doesn't mean a judge will grant it. Which, if you had read the article, is the point of the issue: when it comes to cyberstalking, the law and the technology are not on the same level and many judges and LEOs do not see cyberstalking as "harmful" because it does not leave physical marks or put people in physical danger, as a general rule.

She is pursuing it civilly because of the damage done to her career and reputation. Just as a restraining order affects one's employment opportunities and potentially their civil rights, so can cyberstalking...which is exactly what it did in this case... which you'd know if you'd actually read the farking article.
 
2013-01-12 06:05:35 PM  
This sounds more like harassment than stalking. From everything she described the only thing that comes close to stalking is showing up to the same parties, and as she said, they do run in the same circles and he never even spoke to her at them. I'm a little confused how she calls this stalking.
 
2013-01-12 06:05:54 PM  
"I've been stalked and harassed by this guy, and here's all of his personal details, where he went to school, where he lives, etc. I'm publicly accusing him of criminal acts, and also saying that judges have told me that I don't have a case and none of this is actionable... What do you mean 'countersuit'?"

/facepalm
//this is why you find a good lawyer, rather than (i) complaining about bad lawyers, (ii) trying to file your own lawsuits, and (iii) simultaneously publishing stories that are themselves going to spawn better lawsuits against you.
 
2013-01-12 06:06:40 PM  
I have two daughters. This will never happen to them.

/Scary smile
//Feel free to think that I kid
 
2013-01-12 06:07:21 PM  

L.D. Ablo: The story doesn't add up.

If someone is stalking and harassing you, you get a restraining order.  Then you call the cops when the stalker turns up.

Make it a criminal issue, not a civil one.  Suing someone is a lot less effective than getting them locked up.

Either she never talked to a lawyer or she talked to ones who, miraculously, did not know what a restraining order was.


FYI:

Restraining orders currently do not cover online activities, nor do they cover harassment via phone (cell or landlines). Basically, unless he really does physically show up at her door, a protection order is useless.
 
2013-01-12 06:09:07 PM  

Taylor Mental: More likely she got knocked up on a one night stand and doesn't want baby daddy to have contact with his kid. And, oh yea, she wants $800/mo from him. But don't call, don't text, don't email. Have the lawyers you are paying for talk to each other and I'll get around to answering you when I damn well feel like. Jerk.

/amirite


No.
 
2013-01-12 06:10:37 PM  
In "typical male form", you don't read the article to explain why getting a restraining order doesn't work in this case (e.g. law hasn't caught up to crimes like cyber-bullying, it took work to prove who did the cyber-bulying, etc), and then go on to say why she deserved it. Because victim-blaming makes you cool.

just got back from a day of backyard car tinkering. a gal we hate calls and offers us blowjobs if we will work on her car. we say fu. she comes over in a borrowed car with her kid in it and offers to do anything we want to her if we will buy the parts and fix the car tomorrow. again we tell her to diaf along with her sob stories. she leaves calling us homos. oh and she told us since the car broke down along the side of the road we'll have to do the nasty on the side of the road with the kid in the car. women are always classy.
 
2013-01-12 06:13:28 PM  

ReapTheChaos: This sounds more like harassment than stalking. From everything she described the only thing that comes close to stalking is showing up to the same parties, and as she said, they do run in the same circles and he never even spoke to her at them. I'm a little confused how she calls this stalking.


he relocated to the same city that she moved to, and started showing up to parties at her new school.
 
2013-01-12 06:13:44 PM  
I've had a couple of stalker chicks over the years. It isn't fun to get 37 calls at 3 in the morning, asking "what are you doing?".

/ but, enough about my girlfriend.

// I keed, I keed

/ really have had stalker chicks; so I can joke about it
 
2013-01-12 06:13:45 PM  

Loreweaver: L.D. Ablo: The story doesn't add up.

If someone is stalking and harassing you, you get a restraining order.  Then you call the cops when the stalker turns up.

Make it a criminal issue, not a civil one.  Suing someone is a lot less effective than getting them locked up.

Either she never talked to a lawyer or she talked to ones who, miraculously, did not know what a restraining order was.

FYI:

Restraining orders currently do not cover online activities, nor do they cover harassment via phone (cell or landlines). Basically, unless he really does physically show up at her door, a protection order is useless.


Unless you get a "no contact" order included.
 
2013-01-12 06:14:37 PM  

LordOfThePings: L.D. Ablo: If someone is stalking and harassing you, you get a restraining order.  Then you call the cops when the stalker turns up.

I wonder if TFA takes up six or seven paragraphs talking about that at all.


Hahahaaaa. No shiat.

hehee, tired as hell, had an awful day, needed a killer laugh, thanks.
 
2013-01-12 06:14:41 PM  

BarkingUnicorn: Huh.  A controlling psychopath got an MBA at Wharton.  Wonder how often that happens.


cdn.cstatic.net
 
2013-01-12 06:18:35 PM  

AbbeySomeone: oukewldave: Yeah, this guy is crazy. But in typical female form, she goes out of her way to make it worse for herself by contacting him a few times and constantly looking herself up online. If it was a guy, he would only take action if she was doing physical things to him. Why not just go to the cops and get a restraining order? Then take pictures of him when he shows up and have him arrested.

I'm sure she is to blame here.
RTFA, comprehend it and STFU.


Yes, because saying she made it worse for herself is the same as saying that she is at fault. Ok then...
 
2013-01-12 06:19:35 PM  
That article's three months old. Any updates?
 
2013-01-12 06:20:28 PM  

Shedim: KiwDaWabbit: Only one more thread until we have a stalking trifecta.

The question is, what will it be? First we had fake stalking, then we had real stalking. Maybe the next one will be simultaneous stalking?

How would that work? Is that two stalkers stalking each other? Multiple stalkers competing with each other for the same target? Multiple stalkers co-operating to work on the same target? Stalking as the next new event at the Olympics?


There are so many possibilities, I just wasn't creative enough to come up with options.
 
2013-01-12 06:21:14 PM  

Typhoid: In "typical male form", you don't read the article to explain why getting a restraining order doesn't work in this case (e.g. law hasn't caught up to crimes like cyber-bullying, it took work to prove who did the cyber-bulying, etc)


What is 'cyber' about this?
"And then, he showed up randomly at a mixer for Columbia MBA students in New York. He walked in, made a beeline for me, and said he had moved to the city for a job."

or this?
"Then, he started showing up at Columbia events where I happened to be, such as a black business-student gala. He didn't speak to me; he just stared."

or this?
"he randomly appeared and followed me onto a subway platform, startling me and complaining about problems in his new marriage. I felt a wave of fear. He rode the subway with me, and when we got out, I was terrified that he would follow me."

or this?
"Soon after, I saw him at a mutual friend's barbecue. "

and then go on to say why she deserved it. Because victim-blaming makes you cool.

No, but she herself realizes she did stuff she shouldn't have: "I sent him a brief goodbye email, wishing him luck .... Looking back, I can see that the friendly gesture was a misstep.", " I was distant, but polite. I see now that he misinterpreted my politeness as interest.", "I kept hoping that if I ignored him, he would get bored and fixate on someone else....He didn't...".
 
2013-01-12 06:21:45 PM  
Shes kinda hot "looks up her...wait a minute! Im not falling for that!"

Seriously, I've had a stalker, its no fun. Restraining orders are trivial to get though.
 
2013-01-12 06:22:10 PM  
Damn! Why do I need to get rid of her email addy?
 
2013-01-12 06:24:34 PM  

DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: ReapTheChaos: This sounds more like harassment than stalking. From everything she described the only thing that comes close to stalking is showing up to the same parties, and as she said, they do run in the same circles and he never even spoke to her at them. I'm a little confused how she calls this stalking.

he relocated to the same city that she moved to, and started showing up to parties at her new school.


Moving to the same city isn't stalking, parking your car across the street from her house is stalking. As for the parties, her own words on that were "It wasn't necessarily inappropriate for him to be at the event-we ran in similar circles"
 
2013-01-12 06:26:00 PM  

L.D. Ablo: The story doesn't add up.

If someone is stalking and harassing you, you get a restraining order.  Then you call the cops when the stalker turns up.

Make it a criminal issue, not a civil one.  Suing someone is a lot less effective than getting them locked up.

Either she never talked to a lawyer or she talked to ones who, miraculously, did not know what a restraining order was.


Except he's not going to. Everything he's done is electronic.
 
2013-01-12 06:29:14 PM  

KiwDaWabbit: Shedim: KiwDaWabbit: Maybe the next one will be simultaneous stalking?

How would that work? Is that two stalkers stalking each other? Multiple stalkers competing with each other for the same target? Multiple stalkers co-operating to work on the same target? Stalking as the next new event at the Olympics?

There are so many possibilities, I just wasn't creative enough to come up with options.


I liked the idea of two stalkers stalking each other, especially if neither of them realises at first. Or maybe a sort of "tag team" or shift work arrangement.

Or maybe you could invent a new type of stalking - say, Munchausen's Stalking by Proxy...
 
2013-01-12 06:35:12 PM  
why would you call someone a "whore" that you wanted to MARRY??
 
2013-01-12 06:36:01 PM  
I'll just leave this here:  http://www.linkedin.com/in/shonmoss
 
2013-01-12 06:36:50 PM  
illannoyin:

"Ladies, and guys, if you're being stalked do all the legal paperwork necessary. Call the cops every time and keep copies of the arrests and other reports. That way when the stalker is eventually tased/beaten/shot into compliance it will be well documented that they deserved it"

Good advice, whether or not it comes to actual violence.

Even if she didn't get physically beaten, cyber-stalking can cause someone to live in constant fear and ruin their reputation, as it did for the chick in tfa.

I'm glad she did something about it. It's scary how easy it is to fark up someone's life using info you find online.
 
2013-01-12 06:38:49 PM  

Jon iz teh kewl: why would you call someone a "whore" that you wanted to MARRY??


Stalker logic. Why would you harass anyone you liked? He didn't see her as a person, he saw her as his property, and he was mad that he couldn't control her.
 
2013-01-12 06:41:19 PM  
RealAmericanHero:
"I'll just leave this here:  http://www.linkedin.com/in/shonmoss"

Ha, total creeper face.
 
2013-01-12 06:42:45 PM  

Shedim: KiwDaWabbit: Shedim: KiwDaWabbit: Maybe the next one will be simultaneous stalking?

How would that work? Is that two stalkers stalking each other? Multiple stalkers competing with each other for the same target? Multiple stalkers co-operating to work on the same target? Stalking as the next new event at the Olympics?

There are so many possibilities, I just wasn't creative enough to come up with options.

I liked the idea of two stalkers stalking each other, especially if neither of them realises at first. Or maybe a sort of "tag team" or shift work arrangement.

Or maybe you could invent a new type of stalking - say, Munchausen's Stalking by Proxy...


Man BItes Dog Link There's a point where two camera crews, each following a serial killer, run into each other.
 
2013-01-12 06:43:30 PM  

Chinchillazilla: Jon iz teh kewl: why would you call someone a "whore" that you wanted to MARRY??

Stalker logic. Why would you harass anyone you liked? He didn't see her as a person, he saw her as his property, and he was mad that he couldn't control her.


i thought getting mad was something that only gay people do
 
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