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(The Detroit_News)   The guy who jumped into the Bronx Zoo's tiger pit and got mauled pleads not guilty to trespassing charges, planning a "dumbass" defense   (detroitnews.com) divider line 60
    More: Followup, Bronx Zoo, dumbass, zoos, David Villalobos  
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3153 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Jan 2013 at 3:18 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-11 01:52:01 PM  
static.tvfanatic.com

Expert witness
 
2013-01-11 01:56:27 PM  
i386.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-11 02:47:00 PM  
DON'T FARK WITH TEH KITTEHS, FOR YOU ARE GOOSHY INSIDE.
 
2013-01-11 03:21:51 PM  
I can't believe he didn't sue the zoo for not having a system to prevent him from getting into the tiger pit. What's America becoming?!?!
 
2013-01-11 03:23:53 PM  
If the dumbass did it on purpose they should throw him back in so Darwin's work can be done.
 
2013-01-11 03:24:35 PM  
this actually happened? well, he almost become one with the tiger
 
2013-01-11 03:25:09 PM  
Any other country and he wouldn't be in a criminal trial. He'd have some time in a mental ward.
 
2013-01-11 03:25:21 PM  

PsyLord: I can't believe he didn't sue the zoo for not having a system to prevent him from getting into the tiger pit. What's America becoming?!?!


In my day getting mauled by farking tigers was a pretty good deterant to keep people out of an area. I cant help it if people done went full retard
 
2013-01-11 03:26:45 PM  
It's too bad he wasn't hurt even more. Being eaten would be too good for him, but missing a limb or three, pooping into a bag, and not having a face anymore would be acceptable.
 
2013-01-11 03:29:20 PM  
The good news is no inmates will try to punk someone who purposely jumped into a lion's den and got mauled.
 
2013-01-11 03:30:06 PM  
"I was testing my natural fear."

Roar...chomp....chomp

Aaaaaahhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh!

"Yep, it's still there."
 
2013-01-11 03:30:09 PM  
The tigers were quoted saying he tasted great.
 
2013-01-11 03:30:26 PM  
How can he possibly think he's not guilty of trespassing?
 
2013-01-11 03:32:21 PM  
susler

How can he possibly think he's not guilty of trespassing?

Public zoo, no "Keep Out" sign... stupid but that is what a lawyer will go with.
 
2013-01-11 03:33:35 PM  

PsyLord: I can't believe he didn't sue the zoo for not having a system to prevent him from getting into the tiger pit. What's America becoming?!?!

 
2013-01-11 03:35:20 PM  
Can't imagine why he thought it was a good idea when things like this always work out for the kooks.

static.guim.co.uk
 
2013-01-11 03:39:58 PM  
Only thing that guy is not guilty of is going in the pit without wearing steak sauce.
 
2013-01-11 03:40:25 PM  

gregory311: Can't imagine why he thought it was a good idea when things like this always work out for the kooks.

[static.guim.co.uk image 598x390]


lol, fatty getting wrecked by a polar bear.

/would only be better were it a black bear
 
2013-01-11 03:40:32 PM  
When I was a kid I climbed into the zoo a couple of times to get in free. I remember being a little relieved to get onto the main trails and blend into the crowd.
 
2013-01-11 03:41:20 PM  
I grew near the zoo. There was a boy in my class whom everyone hated. He'd grab your ears from behind and just about tear them off. And when his father would drop him off at school in the morning, he'd always make the kid kiss him on the mouth. Some mornings he would kiss him longer than others, but despite the duration, it was disturbing to everybody. I stayed away from him, but felt sorry for him at the same time.

One day we took a field trip to the Bronx Zoo. Just my luck, I got buddied with the kid. I didn't care if he lived or died, so I didn't make for a very good buddy, though the teacher kept telling me to stick with him every time I'd try to get off by myself. He kept pestering me about his backpack - "hey, I got something. I got something to show ya. Hey take a look at this." I ignored it for as long as I could.

He finally drug me away from the group and we were off by ourselves near the tiger cage. He said, "Hey, hey, look at this." Then he took out a big hunk of fatty stew meat. I asked him what he was going to do with it. Then he peeled back a piece of the raw meat and showed me what was inside - fish hooks, sharp little bastard fish hooks, and lots of them.

He said, "hey, hey, watch this." Then he threw it over the wall, down into the tiger pit, where the big male tiger jumped all over it. He batted it a few times and then, when another tiger started coming over, he gobbled it down, fish hooks and all.

I was frozen and just stared at the tiger, waiting for something to happen. Like maybe it'd explode or something. But it just went and laid down while I kept staring at it. The kid was going on and on about it, "hey, look at him. look at that big one. he's gonna die. he's gonna die tonight!" He was happy about it, happier than I'd ever seen him, which wasn't hard for him to surpass.

Finally, I asked him, "what did you do that for?" And he said, "I dunno. Always wanted to, I guess." Then he went running off toward the group.

I was sweating. My stomach hurt. It felt worse and worse, the longer I stood there and stared at the tiger, who didn't seem to know what had happened to him. Finally, I couldn't take thinking about it, so I ran off and found one of the staff, who could barely wrap his mind around what I was telling him. "Fish hooks? He fed fish hooks to the tiger?" Then all hell broke loose as they tried to figure out what to do about it.

There wasn't anything they could do, I guess. I saw in the paper that they had to put the tiger down after multiple attempts at fixing it. I went up to my room and cried after I saw that.

The kid was out of school for a few days, but he eventually came back. He was sullen and wrapped into himself, just sat in the back of class. He'd wait until everyone had left before he would get up to go. I watched him too, expecting something to more to happen, but nothing ever did. His father kept dropping him off and picking him up, kissing him on the mouth.
 
2013-01-11 03:44:01 PM  

StokeyBob: When I was a kid I climbed into the zoo a couple of times to get in free. I remember being a little relieved to get onto the main trails and blend into the crowd.


wut
 
2013-01-11 03:44:34 PM  

spentmiles: I grew near the zoo. There was a boy in my class whom everyone hated. He'd grab your ears from behind and just about tear them off. And when his father would drop him off at school in the morning, he'd always make the kid kiss him on the mouth. Some mornings he would kiss him longer than others, but despite the duration, it was disturbing to everybody. I stayed away from him, but felt sorry for him at the same time.

One day we took a field trip to the Bronx Zoo. Just my luck, I got buddied with the kid. I didn't care if he lived or died, so I didn't make for a very good buddy, though the teacher kept telling me to stick with him every time I'd try to get off by myself. He kept pestering me about his backpack - "hey, I got something. I got something to show ya. Hey take a look at this." I ignored it for as long as I could.

He finally drug me away from the group and we were off by ourselves near the tiger cage. He said, "Hey, hey, look at this." Then he took out a big hunk of fatty stew meat. I asked him what he was going to do with it. Then he peeled back a piece of the raw meat and showed me what was inside - fish hooks, sharp little bastard fish hooks, and lots of them.

He said, "hey, hey, watch this." Then he threw it over the wall, down into the tiger pit, where the big male tiger jumped all over it. He batted it a few times and then, when another tiger started coming over, he gobbled it down, fish hooks and all.

I was frozen and just stared at the tiger, waiting for something to happen. Like maybe it'd explode or something. But it just went and laid down while I kept staring at it. The kid was going on and on about it, "hey, look at him. look at that big one. he's gonna die. he's gonna die tonight!" He was happy about it, happier than I'd ever seen him, which wasn't hard for him to surpass.

Finally, I asked him, "what did you do that for?" And he said, "I dunno. Always wanted to, I guess." Then he went running off toward the group.

I was sweating. My stomach hurt. It felt worse and worse, the longer I stood there and stared at the tiger, who didn't seem to know what had happened to him. Finally, I couldn't take thinking about it, so I ran off and found one of the staff, who could barely wrap his mind around what I was telling him. "Fish hooks? He fed fish hooks to the tiger?" Then all hell broke loose as they tried to figure out what to do about it.

There wasn't anything they could do, I guess. I saw in the paper that they had to put the tiger down after multiple attempts at fixing it. I went up to my room and cried after I saw that.

The kid was out of school for a few days, but he eventually came back. He was sullen and wrapped into himself, just sat in the back of class. He'd wait until everyone had left before he would get up to go. I watched him too, expecting something to more to happen, but nothing ever did. His father kept dropping him off and picking him up, kissing him on the mouth.


You even included fishhooks in the damn story. Work of art, I tell ya.
 
2013-01-11 03:45:15 PM  
I always feel sorry for the animals in stories like this.
 
2013-01-11 03:46:00 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
/obligatory
 
2013-01-11 03:48:54 PM  
He was rescued by zoo officials, who used a fire extinguisher to chase the animal away.

seejulestravel.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-01-11 03:51:10 PM  

PsyLord: I can't believe he didn't sue the zoo for not having a system to prevent him from getting into the tiger pit. What's America becoming?!?!


Yeah, the zoo should really do something about that. They could use a guard of some kind. An animal, perhaps; something big and fierce, that would maul anyone who got into the pit. Who in their right mind would tresspass in the face of something like that?
 
2013-01-11 03:52:26 PM  
Dumbass plea is accepted!
 
WGJ
2013-01-11 03:53:23 PM  

pute kisses like a man: this actually happened? well, he almost become one with the tiger


Only for a day or two.
 
2013-01-11 04:32:09 PM  

spentmiles: I grew near the zoo. There was a boy in my class whom everyone hated. He'd grab your ears from behind and just about tear them off. And when his father would drop him off at school in the morning, he'd always make the kid kiss him on the mouth. Some mornings he would kiss him longer than others, but despite the duration, it was disturbing to everybody. I stayed away from him, but felt sorry for him at the same time.

One day we took a field trip to the Bronx Zoo. Just my luck, I got buddied with the kid. I didn't care if he lived or died, so I didn't make for a very good buddy, though the teacher kept telling me to stick with him every time I'd try to get off by myself. He kept pestering me about his backpack - "hey, I got something. I got something to show ya. Hey take a look at this." I ignored it for as long as I could.

He finally drug me away from the group and we were off by ourselves near the tiger cage. He said, "Hey, hey, look at this." Then he took out a big hunk of fatty stew meat. I asked him what he was going to do with it. Then he peeled back a piece of the raw meat and showed me what was inside - fish hooks, sharp little bastard fish hooks, and lots of them.

He said, "hey, hey, watch this." Then he threw it over the wall, down into the tiger pit, where the big male tiger jumped all over it. He batted it a few times and then, when another tiger started coming over, he gobbled it down, fish hooks and all.

I was frozen and just stared at the tiger, waiting for something to happen. Like maybe it'd explode or something. But it just went and laid down while I kept staring at it. The kid was going on and on about it, "hey, look at him. look at that big one. he's gonna die. he's gonna die tonight!" He was happy about it, happier than I'd ever seen him, which wasn't hard for him to surpass.

Finally, I asked him, "what did you do that for?" And he said, "I dunno. Always wanted to, I guess." Then he went running off toward the group.

I was sweating. My stomach hurt. It felt worse and worse, the longer I stood there and stared at the tiger, who didn't seem to know what had happened to him. Finally, I couldn't take thinking about it, so I ran off and found one of the staff, who could barely wrap his mind around what I was telling him. "Fish hooks? He fed fish hooks to the tiger?" Then all hell broke loose as they tried to figure out what to do about it.

There wasn't anything they could do, I guess. I saw in the paper that they had to put the tiger down after multiple attempts at fixing it. I went up to my room and cried after I saw that.

The kid was out of school for a few days, but he eventually came back. He was sullen and wrapped into himself, just sat in the back of class. He'd wait until everyone had left before he would get up to go. I watched him too, expecting something to more to happen, but nothing ever did. His father kept dropping him off and picking him up, kissing him on the mouth.


I am familiar with your work but that story took some imagination! Stephen King style
 
2013-01-11 04:38:17 PM  
spentmiles:
...well? Did he cum?
 
2013-01-11 04:49:23 PM  
Calvin's all grown up. . .
 
2013-01-11 04:57:45 PM  
Okay... So he admits to jumping in to the pt on purpose, but he is somehow not guilty of trespassing?!

Sense. It makes none.
 
2013-01-11 04:59:35 PM  
I always wondered what happened to Calvin after he grew up.

Cranialsodomy: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 320x249]
/obligatory


Woah, what's that from?
 
2013-01-11 05:00:23 PM  

dragonchild: Calvin's all grown up. . .


Damn, beat me to it.
 
2013-01-11 05:01:58 PM  

Cranialsodomy: /obligatory


Pretty sure thats a fake blood on back wall is showing up too good
 
2013-01-11 05:12:02 PM  

Random Anonymous Blackmail: susler

How can he possibly think he's not guilty of trespassing?

Public zoo, no "Keep Out" sign... stupid but that is what a lawyer will go with.


Well, it's not like you're under oath when you plead.
 
2013-01-11 05:16:33 PM  
spentmiles:

That story made me feel AWFUL! And then I looked up and noticed who wrote it. Why I don't check the author before the posting I will never know.
 
2013-01-11 05:17:30 PM  

uncleacid: The tigers were quoted saying he tasted great.


a.abcnews.go.com
 
2013-01-11 05:20:59 PM  

spentmiles: I grew near the zoo. There was a boy in my class whom everyone hated. He'd grab your ears from behind and just about tear them off. And when his father would drop him off at school in the morning, he'd always make the kid kiss him on the mouth. Some mornings he would kiss him longer than others, but despite the duration, it was disturbing to everybody. I stayed away from him, but felt sorry for him at the same time.

One day we took a field trip to the Bronx Zoo. Just my luck, I got buddied with the kid. I didn't care if he lived or died, so I didn't make for a very good buddy, though the teacher kept telling me to stick with him every time I'd try to get off by myself. He kept pestering me about his backpack - "hey, I got something. I got something to show ya. Hey take a look at this." I ignored it for as long as I could.

He finally drug me away from the group and we were off by ourselves near the tiger cage. He said, "Hey, hey, look at this." Then he took out a big hunk of fatty stew meat. I asked him what he was going to do with it. Then he peeled back a piece of the raw meat and showed me what was inside - fish hooks, sharp little bastard fish hooks, and lots of them.

He said, "hey, hey, watch this." Then he threw it over the wall, down into the tiger pit, where the big male tiger jumped all over it. He batted it a few times and then, when another tiger started coming over, he gobbled it down, fish hooks and all.

I was frozen and just stared at the tiger, waiting for something to happen. Like maybe it'd explode or something. But it just went and laid down while I kept staring at it. The kid was going on and on about it, "hey, look at him. look at that big one. he's gonna die. he's gonna die tonight!" He was happy about it, happier than I'd ever seen him, which wasn't hard for him to surpass.

Finally, I asked him, "what did you do that for?" And he said, "I dunno. Always wanted to, I guess." Then he went running off toward the group ...


That was you? Man. You were the only kid in school who was ever nice to me. And here you are telling stories about me on Fark of all places? You bastard.
 
2013-01-11 05:31:37 PM  
At least this wasn't yet another "man tries to feed (large carnivore): Succeeds" headline.
 
2013-01-11 05:38:39 PM  
Shame on you...
 
2013-01-11 05:44:53 PM  

Jument: spentmiles:

That story made me feel AWFUL! And then I looked up and noticed who wrote it. Why I don't check the author before the posting I will never know.


Yep, like his fictional tiger, I swallowed the hook until I saw the author. Well done.

And I never look at the name of the poster first, it takes the fun out of it.
 
2013-01-11 05:56:14 PM  
"The tiger pulled me in with PSI." could be a better defense.
 
2013-01-11 06:10:17 PM  
There's always the toxoplasmosis defense. A brain parasite forced him to try to feed himself to the tiger so it could reproduce in its natural definitive host
 
2013-01-11 06:36:16 PM  
This is what happens when you won't share your weed with the tiger...

i.imgur.com

/Doesn't want to bite anything but some funyuns now
 
2013-01-11 06:43:53 PM  

uncleacid: The tigers were quoted saying he tasted grrrrrrrRRRRREAT!.


FTFTony
 
2013-01-11 06:57:43 PM  
No duh
 
2013-01-11 07:04:36 PM  
Trespassing: Intentional entry into the property of another.

What this guy did: Intentionally entered into a tiger pit which was not his.

Plea: Not guilty of entry into a tiger pit which was not mine, because...?

I'd say let him go, because sooner or later he's going to not-trespass onto a busy freeway to test his natural agility or not-jump off a skyscraper to test his natural gravity, and that will be that.
 
2013-01-11 07:14:50 PM  
Gyrfalcon:
I'd say let him go, because sooner or later he's going to not-trespass onto a busy freeway to test his natural agility or not-jump off a skyscraper to test his natural gravity, and that will be that.

It does seem like one of those problems that's largely self-correcting
 
2013-01-11 07:20:36 PM  
Ok the guy already got farked up by a big kitty right? Why bother pressing charges? Just because you can? That's just more NY cock-blocking.
 
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