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(The Onion)   Joe Flacco's AFC Divisional playoff preparation includes a preemptive apology to Ray Lewis for a disappointing end to his Hall of Fame career   (theonion.com) divider line 51
    More: Satire, Joe Flacco, Hall of Fames, AFC, playoffs, Denver Broncos, gropes  
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1287 clicks; posted to Sports » on 11 Jan 2013 at 2:23 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-11 02:24:53 PM
Somehow when I read this earlier today I knew it would be on fark.
 
2013-01-11 02:30:42 PM

H31N0US: Somehow when I read this earlier today I knew it would be on fark

ESPN as news come Monday morning.

Flacco is the picture of a 'sorry, but no' QB in the NFL. It used to be Drew Bledsoe.
And I think Mr. Dalton is in the same group, not just the AFC North group.
 
2013-01-11 02:32:15 PM
Who plans to wear a white suit for the Ravens game, to remember Ray?
 
2013-01-11 02:32:51 PM
 
2013-01-11 02:48:19 PM
At least they'll always have that night in jail where they danced to "I Will Survive".
 
2013-01-11 02:48:24 PM
'All those muffed snaps'. Some of the folks out there still can't tell Flacco from Boller. Flacco is the best passer in the Ravens short history.
 
2013-01-11 02:48:31 PM
Hi, Ravens fan here. Flacco is inaccurate, poor at decision making, and generally a mediocre QB. I weep for the next five years and look forward to Ray Rice free agency or the Tyrod Taylor era.
 
2013-01-11 02:54:44 PM
"I've been plugging away on a couple of drafts this week, but I definitely want to focus on what a great teammate Ray has been and how bad I feel that he's going out like this," said Flacco, adding that Lewis "deserves better" than to force and recover a critical fourth-quarter Denver fumble only to watch helplessly from the sidelines as Flacco throws a pick-six interception on the following play, bringing the future Hall of Famer's 17-year NFL career to a discouraging close.

I will piss myself laughing if the game ends this way.
 
2013-01-11 02:58:38 PM

EyeballKid: Who plans to wear a white suit for the Ravens game, to remember Ray?


The media's incessant worship of this guy blows my mind. He's a con man, working the "I found Jesus & changed" angle for all it's worth. Gotta love this country - you stab a guy, convince your then-girlfriend to hide the evidence, get lucky a shiat in the justice system, then go on DWTS and re-dedicate your life to Christ and you literally get away with murder.
 
2013-01-11 02:59:25 PM

Rhypskallion: Flacco is the best passer in the Ravens short history.


I'd be pointing & laughing about this & how Vinny Testaverde has the 3rd most passing yards in the Ravens franchise history if it weren't for the fact that Testaverde & Trent Dilfer are No. 1 & 2 in yardage in my Bucs history.
So it could be worse.
 
2013-01-11 02:59:41 PM
I'll just leave this here.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/2013/01/10/ray-lewis-baltimo r e-ravens-atlanta-murder-2000/1566198/
 
2013-01-11 03:08:46 PM

Homer Nixon: I'll just leave this here.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/2013/01/10/ray-lewis-baltimo r e-ravens-atlanta-murder-2000/1566198/


Wait... Ray Lewis KILLED people?
 
2013-01-11 03:14:44 PM

studleystudstutterson:

I'd be pointing & laughing about this & how Vinny Testaverde has the 3rd most passing yards in the Ravens franchise history if it weren't for the fact that Testaverde & Trent Dilfer are No. 1 & 2 in yardage in my Bucs history.
So it could be worse.


Ah. Testaverdiclees, Hero of Greek Myth. (Say it out loud, funny).

Your stadium, is awesome.
/no hate for the Bucs
 
2013-01-11 03:16:44 PM

WinoRhino: Homer Nixon: I'll just leave this here.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/2013/01/10/ray-lewis-baltimo r e-ravens-atlanta-murder-2000/1566198/

Wait... Ray Lewis KILLED people?


Oh, no, I read that wrong. He didn't. Thank goodness.
 
2013-01-11 03:37:57 PM

velvet_fog: EyeballKid: Who plans to wear a white suit for the Ravens game, to remember Ray?

The media's incessant worship of this guy blows my mind. He's a con man, working the "I found Jesus & changed" angle for all it's worth. Gotta love this country - you stab a guy, convince your then-girlfriend to hide the evidence, get lucky a shiat in the justice system, then go on DWTS and re-dedicate your life to Christ and you literally get away with murder.


THIS. Maybe Ray will screw up again and end in prison after all, a la O.J.
 
2013-01-11 03:39:48 PM
So not even the ravens think they have a shot Saturday?
 
2013-01-11 03:43:28 PM
ProFootballMock, are you taking notes? This is how you do satire.
 
2013-01-11 03:46:14 PM

WinoRhino: Hi, Ravens fan here. Flacco is inaccurate, poor at decision making, and generally a mediocre QB. I weep for the next five years and look forward to Ray Rice free agency or the Tyrod Taylor era.


I think Flacco is a pretty good QB. He is accurate (with time and protection), makes good decisions mostly (throws the ball away if the receiver is not open, forces few passes). I also think he's not far from his ceiling. He will never be among the all time greats, and should not be blamed for that. Only 3 QBs in the league right now might be on the ATGQB list someday.

Taylor is just too short. He showed in limited action this year that he can't throw over the line, so his game is limited (3balls were batted down against Cincinatti and they hadn't even prepped for Taylor). Flacco's 6'6' height allows him to throw over the line. Taylor has the speed that might work for some plays, but he is 'Vick lite'.

Rice is a little bit overrated. He's a very good scatback. If the Ravens win more playoff games this year, Pierce, a big bruising back with speed, will be the main reason why on offense. Pierce may be faster than Rice. Rice is a more proven receiver.
 
2013-01-11 03:49:28 PM

Rhypskallion: WinoRhino: Hi, Ravens fan here. Flacco is inaccurate, poor at decision making, and generally a mediocre QB. I weep for the next five years and look forward to Ray Rice free agency or the Tyrod Taylor era.

I think Flacco is a pretty good QB. He is accurate (with time and protection), makes good decisions mostly (throws the ball away if the receiver is not open, forces few passes). I also think he's not far from his ceiling. He will never be among the all time greats, and should not be blamed for that. Only 3 QBs in the league right now might be on the ATGQB list someday.

Taylor is just too short. He showed in limited action this year that he can't throw over the line, so his game is limited (3balls were batted down against Cincinatti and they hadn't even prepped for Taylor). Flacco's 6'6' height allows him to throw over the line. Taylor has the speed that might work for some plays, but he is 'Vick lite'.

Rice is a little bit overrated. He's a very good scatback. If the Ravens win more playoff games this year, Pierce, a big bruising back with speed, will be the main reason why on offense. Pierce may be faster than Rice. Rice is a more proven receiver.


1) Flacco has not had a good OC, and he had Cam freakin' Cameron as his coach for the past season. That would kill any QB.

2) Shortness? It totally derailed Russell Wilson's career.
 
2013-01-11 03:52:14 PM
i280.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-11 03:52:50 PM
I'm still on the fence about whether Flacco is a good (but not all-star) quarterback who just looks lost in some games due to unimaginative play-design and play-calling, or if the reason the plays and the manner in which they are called are so predictable because he has a limited skill-set.

But at the end of the day I don't see him leading the team by force of personality and performance, which is kind of what the NFL requires.

Ravens need too many things to go right in order to get to and win the Superbowl - I don't see it happening.
 
2013-01-11 03:57:51 PM

whizbangthedirtfarmer:

2) Shortness? It totally derailed Russell Wilson's career.


Wow. He's two inches shorter than Taylor. Thanks! I would change my SEA/ATL pick now, that's huge. Difficulty: Mike Nolan. The most fired DC in the NFL.
 
2013-01-11 04:00:09 PM

Wadded Beef: [i280.photobucket.com image 559x420]


Damn. I totally wanted to submit that as a headline after they lost. I guess I'm not surprised it's been done.
 
2013-01-11 04:02:15 PM

Rhypskallion: Wow. He's two inches shorter than Taylor. Thanks! I would change my SEA/ATL pick now, that's huge.


Can't tell if serious.

/Drew Brees is also shorter than Taylor
 
2013-01-11 04:58:53 PM
farm9.staticflickr.com
 
2013-01-11 05:39:24 PM
I remember before a playoff game Joe Flacco said if we win I won't get any credit for it. They won and he didn't.
 
2013-01-11 05:56:01 PM

This Looks Fun: Wadded Beef: [i280.photobucket.com image 559x420]

Damn. I totally wanted to submit that as a headline after they lost. I guess I'm not surprised it's been done.


Ha! It's actually a quick shoop I did this morning. I was wondering if it would be taken in the correct context (RL's career ending tomorrow) as opposed to it being the Ravens' battle cry.
 
2013-01-11 06:06:16 PM

Rhypskallion: WinoRhino: Hi, Ravens fan here. Flacco is inaccurate, poor at decision making, and generally a mediocre QB. I weep for the next five years and look forward to Ray Rice free agency or the Tyrod Taylor era.

I think Flacco is a pretty good QB. He is accurate (with time and protection), makes good decisions mostly (throws the ball away if the receiver is not open, forces few passes). I also think he's not far from his ceiling. He will never be among the all time greats, and should not be blamed for that. Only 3 QBs in the league right now might be on the ATGQB list someday.

Taylor is just too short. He showed in limited action this year that he can't throw over the line, so his game is limited (3balls were batted down against Cincinatti and they hadn't even prepped for Taylor). Flacco's 6'6' height allows him to throw over the line. Taylor has the speed that might work for some plays, but he is 'Vick lite'.

Rice is a little bit overrated. He's a very good scatback. If the Ravens win more playoff games this year, Pierce, a big bruising back with speed, will be the main reason why on offense. Pierce may be faster than Rice. Rice is a more proven receiver.


I'm a huge fan of Rice since day one of his time at Rutgers, so I fully admit being biased there-- but not to the point that I don't recognize Pierce's talent. This year I liked him better than Rice in some ways. But Flacco is just completely mediocre in my eyes. I don't think he sucks. But in this league, to win it all, you need a good QB. Not a mediocre one. There's a difference and Flacco is just below that line. They win just as many games in spite of him as they do because of him.
 
2013-01-11 06:36:28 PM
Hi, Ravens fan here. Flacco is inaccurate, poor at decision making, and generally a mediocre QB. I weep for the next five years and look forward to Ray Rice free agency or the Tyrod Taylor era.

You must be either a masochist or Mike Preston. While Flacco is no Rodgers or Brady, he's more than adequate as a QB. With Cam Cameron gone, he actually has a chance to develop into a decent QB.
 
2013-01-11 06:46:56 PM
Hey news media, remember when Ray Rice straight up killed a guy?
 
2013-01-11 06:57:33 PM
I love all of the so called Ravens fans conveniently forgetting that the Ravens won a Super Bowl with TRENT DILFER.

Saying the QB play from Flacco hasn't been good enough is pretty silly when you consider he's won a playoff game every year he's been in the league.

"Oh, but anyone could win with that defense". Sorry, Elvis Grbac had "that defense". Kyle Bowler had "that defense". Flacco has not had "that defense" for two years.

"Joe lost to Charlie Batch!" Which defense was it that let Batch sustain a 7 minute drive down the field at the end of the game? Who was the offensive coordinator who decided that after getting a 13 point lead on the Steelers, that the gameplan should change from "attack attack attack" to "sustain sustain sustain". Look at the play calling in the first and second quarter of that game then look at the play calling of the third and fourth quarter. You'll see a stark difference.

"Joe has horrible pocket awareness!" Sure, it would help if Joe had more pocket awareness, but you know what would help even more? Not letting free runners in from the blind side. The offensive line, during their three game loosing streak was ranked close to last in the NFL (San Diego and Greenbay had worse pass defenses and Arizona and Tennesee had worse run defenses). Granted, a lot of that was due to injury and the line being shuffled around, but all of the blame goes to Flacco's "lack of awareness" instead of the line's lack of protection.

My main gripe about Flacco is his home vs. away performance. If he played away from M&T the same way he does at M&T, there wouldn't be any arguments about how good he is. He plays very well in Foxborough as well while most teams do not. It would be nice if some receivers could hold onto the balls that are thrown to them however.
 
2013-01-11 06:59:25 PM
Ray Lewis is tied for #2 on the all-time NFL murders list, behind OJ. Impressive
 
2013-01-11 07:15:59 PM

machoprogrammer: Ray Lewis is tied for #2 on the all-time NFL murders list, behind OJ. Impressive


Ray's 2 for 2, same as O.J.
 
2013-01-11 07:30:38 PM

natural316: So not even the ravens think they have a shot Saturday?


That is correct. Flacco has apologized to Lewis in advance and this article is in no way satirical. Now, I shall return to my job at People's Daily, here in China.
 
2013-01-11 07:33:39 PM

shanteyman: he actually has a chance to develop into a decent QB.


I mean, look, I'm no hater, but... haven't there been enough years now where they've been saying this? Every year we see tons of preseason forecasts along the lines of "this is gonna be the breakout year for Flacco, for sure." This season might have been the all-time high. At some point we have to accept that WYSIWYG with this guy.
 
2013-01-11 07:49:00 PM
Oh, hey guys. What's going' on in here?
thematadorsports.com
 
2013-01-11 09:13:24 PM

machoprogrammer: Ray Lewis is tied for #2 on the all-time NFL murders list, behind OJ. Impressive


Of course a person who focus in or Ray Lewis, who hasn't been convicted of murder, would conveniently forget about... oh, Jovan Belcher from earlier this season.

How about Junior Seau? Suicide is murder.

Donte Stallworth?
Dwayne Goodrich?
Andre Waters?
Dave Duerson?
Ray Easterling?
Kurt Crain?
OJ Murdock?
Rae Carruth?
Robert Rameses?
Eric Naposki?

Obviously, your selective memory servers you quite well.
 
2013-01-11 09:14:24 PM

degenerate-afro: machoprogrammer: Ray Lewis is tied for #2 on the all-time NFL murders list, behind OJ. Impressive

Of course a person who focus in or Ray Lewis, who hasn't been convicted of murder, would conveniently forget about... oh, Jovan Belcher from earlier this season.

How about Junior Seau? Suicide is murder.

Donte Stallworth?
Dwayne Goodrich?
Andre Waters?
Dave Duerson?
Ray Easterling?
Kurt Crain?
OJ Murdock?
Rae Carruth?
Robert Rameses?
Eric Naposki?

Obviously, your selective memory serves you quite well.


FTFM
 
2013-01-11 09:24:13 PM

Rhypskallion: Testaverdiclees


The name means "glorious green testicles?"
 
2013-01-11 10:39:38 PM
It'll be a Jacoby Jones drop of a pass that hits him in the chest/hands that ends the game.

Same as Lee Evans last year.
Same as T.J. Hooshmanzadeh the year before.
 
2013-01-11 11:36:02 PM

Rhypskallion: WinoRhino: Hi, Ravens fan here. Flacco is inaccurate, poor at decision making, and generally a mediocre QB. I weep for the next five years and look forward to Ray Rice free agency or the Tyrod Taylor era.

Taylor is just too short. He showed in limited action this year that he can't throw over the line, so his game is limited (3balls were batted down against Cincinatti and they hadn't even prepped for Taylor). Flacco's 6'6' height allows him to throw over the line. Taylor has the speed that might work for some plays, but he is 'Vick lite'.


Wait - Pitman Arm Taylor is in the NFL now?

As a quarterback?

Who knew?
 
2013-01-12 12:07:13 AM

degenerate-afro: machoprogrammer: Ray Lewis is tied for #2 on the all-time NFL murders list, behind OJ. Impressive
Ray Lewis, who hasn't been convicted of murder.


There is also the fact that he wasn't even charged with murder but saying that Ray Lewis is tied for #2 on the all-time NFL obstruction of justice list does not really have the same ring to it.
 
2013-01-12 12:48:25 AM

Lunchlady: Hey news media, remember when RayJerry Rice straight up killed a guy?

 
2013-01-12 02:06:18 AM
All of the road teams are winning this weekend. Book it. Done.

/Disclaimer: does not apply to the Texans
 
2013-01-12 02:26:10 AM
Ray Lewis responds by stabbing Flacco in the chest.
 
2013-01-12 02:58:26 AM

degenerate-afro: machoprogrammer: Ray Lewis is tied for #2 on the all-time NFL murders list, behind OJ. Impressive

Of course a person who focus in or Ray Lewis, who hasn't been convicted of murder, would conveniently forget about... oh, Jovan Belcher from earlier this season.

How about Junior Seau? Suicide is murder.

Donte Stallworth?
Dwayne Goodrich?
Andre Waters?
Dave Duerson?
Ray Easterling?
Kurt Crain?
OJ Murdock?
Rae Carruth?
Robert Rameses?
Eric Naposki?

Obviously, your selective memory servers you quite well.


Kind of stunning you have those names at your fingertips.
 
2013-01-12 05:25:01 AM

Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: Kind of stunning you have those names at your fingertips.


It's kinda stunning that people who constantly complain about "convicted mass murder Ray Lewis" can't remember any of the other people who have died. Especially since one of them happened a few months ago. It shows that most people don't really care if there was a murder or not. They only care if they get a chance to hate Ray Lewis and make a lame joke at the same time.
 
2013-01-12 06:47:43 AM
Sports fans are so stupid sometimes.

Joe Flacco > Tyrod Taylor. By a lot. Seriously. Tyrod Taylor has had years to win that job and hasnt come close. By stats Flacco is ranked 12th in the league, do you seriously think Taylor is even half that good?!

If Taylor had a better game, we would use him as trade bait.
 
2013-01-12 07:51:38 AM

shanteyman: Hi, Ravens fan here. Flacco is inaccurate, poor at decision making, and generally a mediocre QB. I weep for the next five years and look forward to Ray Rice free agency or the Tyrod Taylor era.

a masochist or Mike Preston.


Fastynart...is that you?

Preston being Preston:

Cathy Fisher: How is Lardarius Webb doing since his surgery? No one has mentioned this as far as I know.

Sorry Cathy, Webb and I aren't in the same social circle.
 
2013-01-12 08:41:58 AM

WinoRhino: WinoRhino: Homer Nixon: I'll just leave this here.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/2013/01/10/ray-lewis-baltimo r e-ravens-atlanta-murder-2000/1566198/

Wait... Ray Lewis KILLED people?

Oh, no, I read that wrong. He didn't. Thank goodness.


He's either a killer or an accomplice to murder, so your mileage may vary.
 
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