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(The Onion)   "If every person at that mall had a gorilla, then the tragedy probably never would have even happened in the first place"   (theonion.com) divider line 53
    More: Satire, shopping plaza, San Diego Zoo, skyrocket, systemic problems  
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7795 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Jan 2013 at 5:31 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



53 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-01-10 05:33:33 PM
Why wasn't that mall just simply declared a 'Gorilla Free Zone'??
 
2013-01-10 05:33:53 PM
Well, I'm gonna get a gorilla with a hammer.
 
2013-01-10 05:35:11 PM
I'm gonna rule the world!

www.unmuseum.org

/I get Fay Ray Ray though

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-10 05:35:32 PM
i carry a concealed gorilla

wanna see my grape ape?
 
2013-01-10 05:35:56 PM

TheyCallMeC0WB0Y: Why wasn't that mall just simply declared a 'Gorilla Free Zone'??


Because then the gorillas would know that there weren't any other gorillas there and would run wild.
 
2013-01-10 05:36:19 PM

blatz514: I'm gonna rule the world!

[www.unmuseum.org image 404x361]


ain't got shiat on me!

which is good, 'cause my umbrella couldn't handle it
 
2013-01-10 05:45:05 PM
I keep a gorilla on hand in case of Chinese Needle Snake outbreaks.
 
2013-01-10 05:45:35 PM
A monkey in your pocket serves you better than a gorilla at home
 
2013-01-10 05:48:29 PM

Watubi: A monkey in your pocket serves you better than a gorilla at home


GIS for pocket monkey is adorable

farm3.staticflickr.com
 
2013-01-10 05:48:56 PM
If we can't enact some sort of reasonable gorilla control, we should at least limit the size of their magazines.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-01-10 05:49:50 PM

Rufus Lee King: [blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com image 500x329]


Ouch
 
2013-01-10 05:52:14 PM
img.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-10 05:56:24 PM
Gorillas? Pfffft! REAL 'Murkins use Dynamite Monkey!
 
2013-01-10 06:11:20 PM

Broktun: Rufus Lee King: [blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com image 500x329]

Ouch


Huh?
 
2013-01-10 06:12:50 PM
And to think that most of the Western World thinks that Gorilla Combat is strictly a 3rd World issue...
 
2013-01-10 06:20:31 PM
I'd carry a gorilla, but my gun is smaller and eats less.
 
2013-01-10 06:39:29 PM
Of course the analogy is flawed, but I'll let you figure out how
 
2013-01-10 06:39:58 PM
but if they outlaw silverbacks, only outlaws will have silverbacks.
 
2013-01-10 06:41:04 PM
emptysuit.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-01-10 06:44:52 PM
Come on guys. You are demonizing an animal here- an animal that doesn't know any better. Gorillas don't kill people, people who can't control their gorillas kill people. I grew up around gorillas and never once did my dad let his gorillas run free. Now a bunch of chucklehead kids let their gorillas run rampant and I'm at fault? Why should I give up my God-given right to protect myself by owning a gorilla? When the gorillas are outlawed, only the outlaws will have gorillas.

/concealed gorilla license holder
//I stick a wig and some lipstick on him and call him my wife
 
2013-01-10 06:45:34 PM
I am applying for my own Concealed Gorilla Permit.
 
2013-01-10 06:52:01 PM

It's Me Bender: [emptysuit.files.wordpress.com image 750x590]


Suck a thousand cocks in Hell, you racist piece of shiat.
 
2013-01-10 06:58:23 PM
The American patriots used gorilla tactics, and we shall never have that right taken away!
 
2013-01-10 06:59:33 PM
hapkh.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-01-10 07:00:01 PM

omnibus_necanda_sunt: It's Me Bender: [emptysuit.files.wordpress.com image 750x590]

Suck a thousand cocks in Hell, you racist piece of shiat.


So I assume you are just as outraged that we did the EXACT SAME THING that to ol' Dubya?
 
2013-01-10 07:01:53 PM
media.tumblr.com
I could stick your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies!

/watch it, sucka
 
2013-01-10 07:07:48 PM

Frankenstorm: [hapkh.files.wordpress.com image 814x800]


The Bush monkey one is still the best. Somebody put way too much effort into it.
 
2013-01-10 07:20:06 PM

ajgeek: omnibus_necanda_sunt: It's Me Bender: [emptysuit.files.wordpress.com image 750x590]

Suck a thousand cocks in Hell, you racist piece of shiat.

So I assume you are just as outraged that we did the EXACT SAME THING that to ol' Dubya?


People over the age of 13 know that is as a false equivalency. For decades, racists used images of monkeys and black people to say the black person is less than human. So yes, using monkeys for black public figures is much more offensive than using it for white public figures. Saying "well, I don't see color" as an excuse for racist behavior means that you don't think your behavior should be informed by your culture, which is an unreasonable position for any human being on this planet.

It also wasn't that clever or funny when people did it for Dubya, which is why you only saw that picture on stupid internet forms where all the content and humor is free.
 
2013-01-10 07:25:04 PM

Etchy333: ajgeek: omnibus_necanda_sunt: It's Me Bender: [emptysuit.files.wordpress.com image 750x590]

Suck a thousand cocks in Hell, you racist piece of shiat.

So I assume you are just as outraged that we did the EXACT SAME THING that to ol' Dubya?

People over the age of 13 know that is as a false equivalency. For decades, racists used images of monkeys and black people to say the black person is less than human. So yes, using monkeys for black public figures is much more offensive than using it for white public figures. Saying "well, I don't see color" as an excuse for racist behavior means that you don't think your behavior should be informed by your culture, which is an unreasonable position for any human being on this planet.

It also wasn't that clever or funny when people did it for Dubya, which is why you only saw that picture on stupid internet forms where all the content and humor is free.


It's especially stupid because humans, in general, resemble chimps, so any human could be made into a meme like that.
 
2013-01-10 07:34:50 PM

the ha ha guy: If we can't enact some sort of reasonable gorilla control, we should at least limit the size of their magazines.

[i.imgur.com image 468x624]


Well done, sir. Well done.
 
2013-01-10 07:42:36 PM
That's why I always keep my trunk monkey at the ready
 
2013-01-10 07:50:37 PM

machoprogrammer: It's especially stupid because

subby's mom is a chimp.
 
2013-01-10 08:05:16 PM

Etchy333: ajgeek: omnibus_necanda_sunt: It's Me Bender: [emptysuit.files.wordpress.com image 750x590]

Suck a thousand cocks in Hell, you racist piece of shiat.

So I assume you are just as outraged that we did the EXACT SAME THING that to ol' Dubya?

People over the age of 13 know that is as a false equivalency. For decades, racists used images of monkeys and black people to say the black person is less than human. So yes, using monkeys for black public figures is much more offensive than using it for white public figures. Saying "well, I don't see color" as an excuse for racist behavior means that you don't think your behavior should be informed by your culture, which is an unreasonable position for any human being on this planet.

It also wasn't that clever or funny when people did it for Dubya, which is why you only saw that picture on stupid internet forms where all the content and humor is free.



Please leave my planet.
 
2013-01-10 08:22:38 PM
i49.tinypic.com

If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat,which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?"
 
2013-01-10 08:26:59 PM

odinsposse: Watubi: A monkey in your pocket serves you better than a gorilla at home

GIS for pocket monkey is adorable

[farm3.staticflickr.com image 500x342]


i.imgur.com
 
2013-01-10 08:36:21 PM

Big Ramifications: If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat,which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?"

~
~
ps:
i47.tinypic.com
 
2013-01-10 08:46:07 PM

omnibus_necanda_sunt: It's Me Bender: [emptysuit.files.wordpress.com image 750x590]

Suck a thousand cocks in Hell, you racist piece of shiat.


Hey mods, can we get It's Me Bender banned? Please?
 
2013-01-10 08:47:42 PM

Bob Falfa: omnibus_necanda_sunt: It's Me Bender: [emptysuit.files.wordpress.com image 750x590]

Suck a thousand cocks in Hell, you racist piece of shiat.

Hey mods, can we get It's Me Bender banned? Please?



Stop being an asshat retard.
 
2013-01-10 09:45:31 PM
Simmons pointed to a 2011 University of Maryland study, which found that 98 percent of Americans who own a gorilla have never used them for defense against a home invasion.

This is due to the fact that the mere presence of the gorilla is sufficient to deter all but the most determined home invaders. The study failed to compare the rates of home invasions in areas with different rates of gorilla ownership.
 
2013-01-10 10:03:07 PM
When the Constitution was written, gorillas were as yet unknown to the Western world. The existence of the western lowland gorilla was first documented by scientists in 1847. Mountain gorillas were not discovered until 1902.

Surely, when the Founders guaranteed Americans the right to own primates in the Constitution, they meant human slaves (sorry, but it's true), and small critters like monkeys, tarsiers, tamarins, aye-ayes, and lemurs. They knew about orangutans, but those have a low rate of fire, limited range, and poor accuracy.

They could not have anticipated the lethality of the modern assault gorilla.

Look, I don't object to people owning a few spider monkeys for home defense. If you want an old-fashioned muzzleloader orangutan for hunting, that's fine.

But propaganda like this, undoubtedly distributed by the National Primates Association, is historically inaccurate and maliciously deceptive:

i.imgur.com
 
2013-01-10 11:12:46 PM
If we outlaw marauding gorillas, only outlaws will own marauding gorillas.
 
2013-01-10 11:28:18 PM

Bob Falfa: omnibus_necanda_sunt: It's Me Bender: [emptysuit.files.wordpress.com image 750x590]

Suck a thousand cocks in Hell, you racist piece of shiat.

Hey mods, can we get It's Me Bender banned? Please?


i217.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-10 11:44:01 PM

the ha ha guy: If we can't enact some sort of reasonable gorilla control, we should at least limit the size of their magazines.

[i.imgur.com image 468x624]


Your name sir. It's fitting.
 
2013-01-10 11:50:12 PM

ajgeek: omnibus_necanda_sunt: It's Me Bender: [emptysuit.files.wordpress.com image 750x590]

Suck a thousand cocks in Hell, you racist piece of shiat.

So I assume you are just as outraged that we did the EXACT SAME THING that to ol' Dubya?


Except for the "biatch stole my fish" pic, the bush one works much better.
 
2013-01-11 12:39:39 AM
That was amazing. Bill whittle did something similar in changing the word black to white and reading many of the administrations speeches. It was amazing how racist it was when it was white on black. But no one cared when its black on white. Strange. Anyway... I'm off to the gorilla range. Time to throw poop at liberals. We all know they deserve it.

/from my cold hairy hands. With a banana.
 
2013-01-11 12:41:16 AM
 
2013-01-11 12:43:24 AM
 
2013-01-11 12:50:02 AM

TOSViolation: Etchy333: ajgeek: omnibus_necanda_sunt: It's Me Bender: [emptysuit.files.wordpress.com image 750x590]

Suck a thousand cocks in Hell, you racist piece of shiat.

So I assume you are just as outraged that we did the EXACT SAME THING that to ol' Dubya?

People over the age of 13 know that is as a false equivalency. For decades, racists used images of monkeys and black people to say the black person is less than human. So yes, using monkeys for black public figures is much more offensive than using it for white public figures. Saying "well, I don't see color" as an excuse for racist behavior means that you don't think your behavior should be informed by your culture, which is an unreasonable position for any human being on this planet.

It also wasn't that clever or funny when people did it for Dubya, which is why you only saw that picture on stupid internet forms where all the content and humor is free.


Please leave my planet.


It's ok. We all know that black people can never be held accountable for their actions because somehow somewhere it's always a white persons fault. Even though in inner city areas where all or most crime is committed by gorillas with gorillas attacking white people or other gorillas how dare we ever point out their flaws when all they do is make is pay for them anyway.
 
2013-01-11 01:46:27 AM

Parthenogenetic: When the Constitution was written, gorillas were as yet unknown to the Western world. The existence of the western lowland gorilla was first documented by scientists in 1847. Mountain gorillas were not discovered until 1902.

Surely, when the Founders guaranteed Americans the right to own primates in the Constitution, they meant human slaves (sorry, but it's true), and small critters like monkeys, tarsiers, tamarins, aye-ayes, and lemurs. They knew about orangutans, but those have a low rate of fire, limited range, and poor accuracy.

They could not have anticipated the lethality of the modern assault gorilla.

Look, I don't object to people owning a few spider monkeys for home defense. If you want an old-fashioned muzzleloader orangutan for hunting, that's fine.

But propaganda like this, undoubtedly distributed by the National Primates Association, is historically inaccurate and maliciously deceptive:

[i.imgur.com image 600x340]


Favorited as 'gun monkeys'. Background awkward Orange 4. CtrlC, CtrlV in word. Saved.
 
2013-01-11 03:50:34 AM

ajgeek: omnibus_necanda_sunt: It's Me Bender: [emptysuit.files.wordpress.com image 750x590]

Suck a thousand cocks in Hell, you racist piece of shiat.

So I assume you are just as outraged that we did the EXACT SAME THING that to ol' Dubya?


I'm not, because making fun of the President is one thing, but their family members should be off limits.
 
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