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(Glossy News)   Proof that horoscopes are a joke... I present to you the random horoscope generator. It actually works. Hit refresh a few times and you'll see   (glossynews.com) divider line 84
    More: Obvious, horoscopes, authors  
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11937 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Jan 2013 at 11:39 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-09 08:32:05 AM
Of course it's a joke. Why someone would want to look so closely at a whore is beyond me.
 
2013-01-09 08:38:40 AM

St_Francis_P: Of course it's a joke. Why someone would want to look so closely at a whore is beyond me.


Huh?

Oh... whore a scope... grody. Nice joke but gag-some concept.
 
2013-01-09 11:41:21 AM
Somebody needs to mash this up with the Guy Fieri Menu Generator.
 
2013-01-09 11:41:25 AM
Even so, I'd think the randomness of horoscopes would be an improvement on the decision-making skills of people dumb enough to believe in them.
 
2013-01-09 11:41:47 AM
Mine said a man wearing knickers will kill me on a cross town bus today. Anyone else get that?
 
2013-01-09 11:42:41 AM
More proof.
 
2013-01-09 11:44:08 AM

St_Francis_P: Of course it's a joke. Why someone would want to look so closely at a whore is beyond me.


ha... and now it makes think it's a tool a gynecologist would use.
 
2013-01-09 11:44:10 AM
I sister in law openly said she believes in astrology to me. I felt bad as she is a very great person and is nothing but kind. I just had to back off and say "okay" and wait for another topic.
 
2013-01-09 11:44:49 AM

Kuroshin: Somebody needs to mash this up with the Guy Fieri Menu Generator.


The stars are pointing to blackened chicken with a spicy mango glaze, topped with blue cheese and a side of not scumming to the negative emotions of those around you.
 
2013-01-09 11:46:44 AM
Yeah, but at least fortune cookies still work.
 
2013-01-09 11:47:04 AM
Mine was all about getting a big raise at work and getting along with my coworkers.

I haven't worked since May 2011.
 
2013-01-09 11:47:29 AM

Buttknuckle: Yeah, but at least fortune cookies still work.


...in bed.
 
2013-01-09 11:47:43 AM
Horoscopes and Myers-Briggs tests too. My old company loved them, and I worked there for years so I ended up taking the Myers-Briggs test at least 4 times.... and got 4 different answers. So I pretty much put the Myers-Briggs test in the same category as horoscopes - answers given to you which are written vaguely enough to apply to most people.
 
2013-01-09 11:48:41 AM
My favorites were the ones that told you to "Avoid important purchasing decision before 4:00am" AKA - try not to buy shiat online when you're up late drinking
 
2013-01-09 11:49:28 AM

Nestchick: Mine was all about getting a big raise at work and getting along with my coworkers.

I haven't worked since May 2011.


s3-ak.buzzfeed.com
 
2013-01-09 11:50:26 AM
CSB:

My sister had a pretty hot friend in college who became very unattractive after we found out she took astrology very literally. For example if her horoscope said something bad would happen to her that day, she wouldn't leave the house even if she had something fun planned. Yeah, something bad did happen, you canceled your fun plans because you're an idiot.

/CSB
//Don't stick it in crazy
 
2013-01-09 11:50:43 AM
The thing about horoscopes is that yes, the advice is generic. It's almost always good, boring stuff to do that won't hurt you a bit, and might help.

Here's part of mine for today: "You're able to commence with a plan but have grown accustomed to waiting. The sky's giving you a nudge to get moving now. Don't keep it waiting. "

That's... not too specific, but generally useful for most folks. Best kind of fortune-telling. Let the mark fill in the blanks, and pretty much anything they do will end up as "came true."
 
2013-01-09 11:51:11 AM
You're only saying that cause you're a (*insert astral sign here).
 
2013-01-09 11:52:59 AM

Carn: CSB:

My sister had a pretty hot friend in college who became very unattractive after we found out she took astrology very literally. For example if her horoscope said something bad would happen to her that day, she wouldn't leave the house even if she had something fun planned. Yeah, something bad did happen, you canceled your fun plans because you're an idiot.

/CSB
//Don't stick it in crazy


Oh buddy, I ALWAYS stick my dick in crazy. It's only led to a few stabs, a few random babies I'm still paying for, and metric tons of sex that would blow your friggen mind... worth it.
 
2013-01-09 11:53:38 AM
Still not as good as the Deepak Chopra Quote Generator

"Wholeness exists as unparalleled marvel."
 
2013-01-09 11:57:27 AM
"Help! I am trapped in a random horoscope generator!"

/here all night
 
2013-01-09 11:58:25 AM

Kuroshin: Somebody needs to mash this up with the Guy Fieri Menu Generator.


That, uh, wtf, I don't even...
 
2013-01-09 11:59:36 AM

thecpt: I sister in law openly said she believes in astrology to me. I felt bad as she is a very great person and is nothing but kind. I just had to back off and say "okay" and wait for another topic.


This is what annoys me most about this shiat. I can't point out how pants on head retarded it is because that somehow makes me the bad guy.
 
2013-01-09 12:01:55 PM

Carn: CSB:

My sister had a pretty hot friend in college who became very unattractive after we found out she took astrology very literally. For example if her horoscope said something bad would happen to her that day, she wouldn't leave the house even if she had something fun planned. Yeah, something bad did happen, you canceled your fun plans because you're an idiot.

/CSB
//Don't stick it in crazy


Ah, too bad. You missed an opportunity. Just make sure her horoscope was 'suitably' favorable and bang, it was written in the stars.
 
2013-01-09 12:02:26 PM
"Mrs. O: You have green, scaly skin, and a soft yellow underbelly with a series of fin-like ridges running down your spine and tail. Although lizardlike in shape, you can grow anything up to thirty feet in length with huge teeth that can bite off great rocks and trees. You inhabit arid sub-tropical zones and wear spectacles."

/derry and toms
 
2013-01-09 12:02:32 PM
I have never read anything like that in my horoscope.

Not that I care.
 
2013-01-09 12:05:44 PM

Crocoduck: Still not as good as the Deepak Chopra Quote Generator

"Wholeness exists as unparalleled marvel."


Dude, that sounds deep as shizz. Not deep as AkChopra, but close.
 
2013-01-09 12:05:47 PM
I know it is bad to make snap judgements about people, but I automatically assume anyone who takes astrology seriously is unbalanced and possibly developmentally disabled. (it's also bad to call them crazy retards these days.)
 
2013-01-09 12:06:14 PM
I like this one for Libra

The stars say that your Uranus is increasing, which means that you should keep close individuals of the sign Scorpio who may watch your back, if you've watched theirs. You know what your heart says. Trust that instinct. Seek out something beautiful and keep it for yourself.
 
2013-01-09 12:12:06 PM
Now you may find it inconceivable or at the least a little bit unlikely that the relatives positions of the planets and the stars can have a special deep significance that applies to only you but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid scientific evidence so you would have to be some kinda moron not to believe that each and everyone one of them is absolutely true where was I?
 
2013-01-09 12:12:35 PM
Greetings, my friends. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember, my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future.

farm4.static.flickr.com
 
2013-01-09 12:17:32 PM

Fark-N-Noodle: I like this one for Libra

The stars say that your Uranus is increasing, which means that you should keep close individuals of the sign Scorpio who may watch your back, if you've watched theirs. You know what your heart says. Trust that instinct. Seek out something beautiful and keep it for yourself.


Mine said: Today your Uranus is rising

/giggity.jpg
 
2013-01-09 12:18:43 PM
your Pluto is waxing,

It's OK, I got loads of tissues.
 
2013-01-09 12:18:55 PM

mongbiohazard: Horoscopes and Myers-Briggs tests too. My old company loved them, and I worked there for years so I ended up taking the Myers-Briggs test at least 4 times.... and got 4 different answers. So I pretty much put the Myers-Briggs test in the same category as horoscopes - answers given to you which are written vaguely enough to apply to most people.


Myers-Briggs is actually pretty useful. Just measures the way you think and react to things, doesn't try to claim anything about your personality necessarily.

Results change over time and can change based on how stressed you are. When I first found it and took it I was between three. Forgot it for years, took again, and now I consistently get one.
 
2013-01-09 12:20:58 PM
Horoscopes are as accurate as fortunes from fortune cookies... in bed.
 
2013-01-09 12:21:20 PM
...waits for PsyChick...
 
2013-01-09 12:23:38 PM
Mine:

If you feel your life needs more meaning, then you should look beyond yourself to do some good in the community. When doing this things will start to look up for you. Your feeling the urge to nest and take care of yourself, and maybe your family.

I mean, how can you take this seriously? It messed up "you're" and "your"!!! GET YOUR PITCHFORKS!!
 
2013-01-09 12:24:05 PM

mongbiohazard: Horoscopes and Myers-Briggs tests too. My old company loved them, and I worked there for years so I ended up taking the Myers-Briggs test at least 4 times.... and got 4 different answers. So I pretty much put the Myers-Briggs test in the same category as horoscopes - answers given to you which are written vaguely enough to apply to most people.


Unlike horoscopes, which could literally apply to anything, Myers-Briggs does have SOME limited utility. Unlike IQ which stays pretty static, there's absolutely no reason your MB results shouldn't change over time as your tastes and experiences alter your worldview. There's nothing unusual about changing results.

No, they're not the be-all and end-all that a lot of folks make them out to be, but if nothing else that at least give a reasonably accurate picture of how you see yourself. That can be useful.
 
2013-01-09 12:25:34 PM

doloresonthedottedline: mongbiohazard: Horoscopes and Myers-Briggs tests too. My old company loved them, and I worked there for years so I ended up taking the Myers-Briggs test at least 4 times.... and got 4 different answers. So I pretty much put the Myers-Briggs test in the same category as horoscopes - answers given to you which are written vaguely enough to apply to most people.

Myers-Briggs is actually pretty useful. Just measures the way you think and react to things, doesn't try to claim anything about your personality necessarily.

Results change over time and can change based on how stressed you are. When I first found it and took it I was between three. Forgot it for years, took again, and now I consistently get one.


Or I should say: the different types it specifies are clear and detailed enough to be useful and specifically fit individuals. That doesn't mean the tests are solid. Some try to get too particular about habits and interests which just doesn't work.
 
2013-01-09 12:26:09 PM

PsyLord: Horoscopes are as accurate as fortunes from fortune cookies... in bed.


How DARE you make me spit morning beer out my nose. You have NO right to do this to me!
 
2013-01-09 12:29:24 PM

unchellmatt: Mine:

If you feel your life needs more meaning, then you should look beyond yourself to do some good in the community. When doing this things will start to look up for you. Your feeling the urge to nest and take care of yourself, and maybe your family.

I mean, how can you take this seriously? It messed up "you're" and "your"!!! GET YOUR PITCHFORKS!!


I ran it a few times and didn't see it... perhaps it's TOO random?
 
2013-01-09 12:30:21 PM
I like what you did there subby

/but today the stars are saying its not entirely your day
 
2013-01-09 12:33:49 PM

No Time To Explain: I like what you did there subby

/but today the stars are saying its not entirely your day


here's mine I guess for shiats and giggles
/ The stars say that you will own an item you own,like a broken watch or a broken clock,and it will take on a new meaning to you. This means a lot to you,so act on it.
//huh, would you look at that, I found some money in the sofa cushions
 
2013-01-09 12:39:56 PM

Carn: CSB:

My sister had a pretty hot friend in college who became very unattractive after we found out she took astrology very literally. For example if her horoscope said something bad would happen to her that day, she wouldn't leave the house even if she had something fun planned. Yeah, something bad did happen, you canceled your fun plans because you're an idiot.

/CSB
//Don't stick it in crazy


Step 1: Refer her to this "really great horoscope", which is a website you put together.
Step 2: Have her horoscope say, "The signs favor good things happening whenever you sleep with your friend's bother (you know, the one with the Justin Bieber tattoo), but keep him at arm's length and avoid a relationship".

/don't do this, it's borderline rape
 
2013-01-09 12:41:39 PM

aerojockey: /don't do this, it's borderline rape


What's borderline between 'friends'?... Except for, you know, maybe an arrestable offense.
 
2013-01-09 12:41:42 PM

brianbankerus: St_Francis_P: Of course it's a joke. Why someone would want to look so closely at a whore is beyond me.

Huh?

Oh... whore a scope... grody. Nice joke but gag-some concept.


www.examiner.com
 
2013-01-09 12:44:30 PM

aerojockey: Carn: CSB:

My sister had a pretty hot friend in college who became very unattractive after we found out she took astrology very literally. For example if her horoscope said something bad would happen to her that day, she wouldn't leave the house even if she had something fun planned. Yeah, something bad did happen, you canceled your fun plans because you're an idiot.

/CSB
//Don't stick it in crazy

Step 1: Refer her to this "really great horoscope", which is a website you put together.
Step 2: Have her horoscope say, "The signs favor good things happening whenever you sleep with your friend's bother (you know, the one with the Justin Bieber tattoo), but keep him at arm's length and avoid a relationship".

/don't do this, it's borderline rape


I'm gonna go ahead and not :)

This particular opportunity is over a decade in the past anyhow.
 
2013-01-09 12:45:57 PM

Carn: CSB:

My sister had a pretty hot friend in college who became very unattractive after we found out she took astrology very literally. For example if her horoscope said something bad would happen to her that day, she wouldn't leave the house even if she had something fun planned. Yeah, something bad did happen, you canceled your fun plans because you're an idiot.

/CSB
//Don't stick it in crazy


Stick with your wife
 
2013-01-09 12:48:43 PM

JohnnyCanuck: /CSB
//Don't stick it in crazy

Stick with your wife


Who is also crazy... hey, the real problem with psycho exes is that you broke up with them. As long as you stay with them, they're just loyal, loving, exceptionally committed and caring partners... still psycho as fizzark, but whatever gets you to bed at night.
 
2013-01-09 12:50:19 PM
Sorry I'm a Taurus. We're not superstitious.
 
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