If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Yahoo)   Soft-spoken wife of poisoned lottery winner tearfully declares, "I didn't do it even though he died right after eating the dinner I cooked him"   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 103
    More: Followup, Aziz Ansari, Illinois Lottery  
•       •       •

11403 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Jan 2013 at 6:26 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



103 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-01-09 12:27:53 AM
Must have been suicide.
 
2013-01-09 12:52:29 AM
If the oven mitt doesn't fit, you must acquit.
 
2013-01-09 01:12:36 AM
Cui bono
 
2013-01-09 01:18:52 AM
IDIDN'TDOITNOBODYSAWMEDOITYOUCAN'TPROVEANYTHING
 
2013-01-09 01:48:01 AM

fusillade762: Must have been suicide.


Obviously, he knew his life had peaked, and he was just going to waste all that lottery money and wind up broker than ever, so he took a massive dose of cyanide so he could go out on a high note.
 
2013-01-09 01:49:29 AM
That's pretty sad. I can't even snark. I would be offended if somebody died after eating my cooking. Nobody had died yet, apparently yoi have to add the arsenic after you take the pie out of the oven.
 
2013-01-09 01:55:53 AM
He only won $425,000 too.  I mean, that is a lot of money, but you're hardly set for life after it and if it was the wife, can she really run 3 dry cleaning businesses by herself?  This would make a lot more sense if he was abusive or something, but it really doesn't seem like he was.  Very odd
 
2013-01-09 02:45:21 AM
Him: First thing I'm doing is divorcing you and getting a hot young trophy wife.

Her: Hmmm. Have some more chicken tikka masala.
 
2013-01-09 05:04:32 AM
With a fine glass of Chianti!
 
2013-01-09 05:51:18 AM
Well, we know that correlation does not equal causation.
 
2013-01-09 06:15:28 AM
Either the wife or the daughter.  Maybe both.
 
2013-01-09 06:22:44 AM
Wanted for questioning:

hitchcockandme.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-01-09 06:27:58 AM
I was making Chinese food, and the recipe said, "Add rice in."
 
2013-01-09 06:29:34 AM
FTA: "Urooj Khan"

He was marooned on Ceti Alpha Five, clearly. No enemies indeed.
 
2013-01-09 06:29:53 AM
I coulda' been anybody.
 
2013-01-09 06:31:00 AM

Lenny_da_Hog: I was making Chinese food, and the recipe said, "Add rice in."


Who keeps that in their kitchen? Iocane powder, is what I use.
 
2013-01-09 06:31:45 AM
poor bastard. The sad part is someone had to prod the coroner to find the damned poison. Came back clean the first time. If you dont properly autopsy a recent lottery winner, who warrants a thorough examination?
 
2013-01-09 06:34:10 AM
She didn't curry any favor with her husband with her cooking...
 
2013-01-09 06:34:10 AM
A little too ironic.
 
2013-01-09 06:34:21 AM
it is suspicious when you both have the same dish for dinner but one plate has poison in it in the other plate doesn't
 
2013-01-09 06:36:55 AM
She's (They're) Indian? A relative asked for the autopsy?

Yep, the wife did it.
 
2013-01-09 06:37:41 AM
Also whenever I read a tragic lottery story, it always begins with them accepting the lump sum. I'm not saying there's a curse, but who the hell takes the lump sum?
 
2013-01-09 06:41:29 AM
Clearly many people in the thread are not regular readers of the various Indian daily papers. I believe they have an entire section dedicated to "today's spousal homicides" and have them further broken down into sections like "burned in stone oven" or "hanging from fixture" and the ever popular "fed to the monkeys". Happens disturbingly often.
 
2013-01-09 06:42:00 AM

duffblue: That's pretty sad. I can't even snark. I would be offended if somebody died after eating my cooking. Nobody had died yet, apparently yoi have to add the arsenic after you take the pie out of the oven.


You have to follow the recipe to the letter.
 
2013-01-09 06:42:36 AM

JonnyG: She's (They're) Indian? A relative asked for the autopsy? Yep, the wife did it.


Wait. I agree that she probably did it, but what does her being Indian have to do with anything?
 
2013-01-09 06:43:58 AM

JonnyG: Clearly many people in the thread are not regular readers of the various Indian daily papers. I believe they have an entire section dedicated to "today's spousal homicides" and have them further broken down into sections like "burned in stone oven" or "hanging from fixture" and the ever popular "fed to the monkeys". Happens disturbingly often.


Ah, alright. I've never been to India, so I wouldn't know. :P

/*shakes tiny fist*
 
2013-01-09 06:45:40 AM
Danny Kaye's Words of Advice:

content.internetvideoarchive.com

"The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true!"
 
2013-01-09 06:45:56 AM
"It's always good if and when the case goes to trial to have as much data as possible," said Cook County Medical Examiner Stephen Cina.

No s--t Sherlock
 
2013-01-09 06:48:21 AM

moothemagiccow: Also whenever I read a tragic lottery story, it always begins with them accepting the lump sum. I'm not saying there's a curse, but who the hell takes the lump sum?


I would. I don't trust the state to keep my money safe. I'll take care of that myself. Arrrrggggg....
 
2013-01-09 06:48:53 AM

moothemagiccow: Also whenever I read a tragic lottery story, it always begins with them accepting the lump sum. I'm not saying there's a curse, but who the hell takes the lump sum?


This.

Take the payments and then get loans if you have to. Always play with other people's money.
 
2013-01-09 06:49:06 AM

JonnyG: Clearly many people in the thread are not regular readers of the various Indian daily papers. I believe they have an entire section dedicated to "today's spousal homicides" and have them further broken down into sections like "burned in stone oven" or "hanging from fixture" and the ever popular "fed to the monkeys". Happens disturbingly often.


So mariticide is India's "teacher has sex with 14-year-old boy?"
 
2013-01-09 06:51:03 AM
Yet another reason not to throw your hard-earned money into the rip-off that is the lottery.
 
2013-01-09 06:51:26 AM
It's his own fault if his wife killed him. When she found out he hit the lottery, she said she wanted to go somewhere she's never been before. He told her, "Why don't you go to the kitchen".
 
2013-01-09 06:51:52 AM
Chicago? Cyanide? Lottery?

Where would one ever get such an idea?

Oh, wait.......ummm.........never mind.
 
2013-01-09 06:54:37 AM

moothemagiccow: I'm not saying there's a curse, but who the hell takes the lump sum?


Someone who would like to see the bulk of their winnings before age 60.
 
2013-01-09 06:56:09 AM
In case anybody wants to know...

viricide = husband killing
uxoricide = wife killing
 
2013-01-09 06:58:35 AM
img259.imageshack.us

This is all I need to win the lottery.
 
2013-01-09 06:59:31 AM

generallyso: Someone who would like to see the bulk of their winnings before age 60.


Khan obviously didn't think this one through very hard, then.
 
2013-01-09 06:59:55 AM

Fluorescent Testicle: JonnyG: Clearly many people in the thread are not regular readers of the various Indian daily papers. I believe they have an entire section dedicated to "today's spousal homicides" and have them further broken down into sections like "burned in stone oven" or "hanging from fixture" and the ever popular "fed to the monkeys". Happens disturbingly often.

Ah, alright. I've never been to India, so I wouldn't know. :P

/*shakes tiny fist*


I'm not saying they're all crazy. Obviously there are a LOT of people in India. But the papers have this stuff in them every day. And they murder their spouses in strange ways. I'm not kidding with the examples above. I've read those stories myself, among many others.

I'll never forget my introduction to India: Fly in at 5am, arrive at the hotel to get my paper, and be greeted by a full front page picture of a "terrorist" leader with a bullet hole between his eyes.
 
2013-01-09 07:01:54 AM

SnakeLee: He only won $425,000 too.  I mean, that is a lot of money, but you're hardly set for life after it and if it was the wife, can she really run 3 dry cleaning businesses by herself?  This would make a lot more sense if he was abusive or something, but it really doesn't seem like he was.  Very odd


I thought they originally said he won $3 million? The very top prize on the ticket says $3 too.
 
2013-01-09 07:02:03 AM

moothemagiccow: Also whenever I read a tragic lottery story, it always begins with them accepting the lump sum. I'm not saying there's a curse, but who the hell takes the lump sum?


The way I understand it, the lump sum amount is determined by a present-value calculation based on the amount won, the number of payments, the length of time, and an interest rate of zero. So someone who takes the lump sum and invests it should end up with more money than they actually won, assuming even a nominal investment return.

But, really, who am I kidding? Most people take the lump sum so they can blow the money that much faster. People who have the financial discipline to invest a big lottery win are not likely to buy lottery tickets in the first place.
 
2013-01-09 07:03:46 AM

Cybernetic: People who have the financial discipline to invest a big lottery win are not likely to buy lottery tickets in the first place.


Interesting. Never thought of that, but you are probably on to something here.
 
2013-01-09 07:04:04 AM

Psycat: In case anybody wants to know...

viricide = husband killing
uxoricide = wife killing

Unless you live on the South Mountain in Nova Scotia, where technically fratricide, parricide or sororicide are equally applicable.
Not that those folks speak much latin.
They're even unsure about English. Think about the nastiest, most inbred group in W. Virginia. Now put it a thousand miles north and a lot colder, and double the amount of inbreeding and you have the Golers.
 
2013-01-09 07:06:00 AM

moothemagiccow: Also whenever I read a tragic lottery story, it always begins with them accepting the lump sum. I'm not saying there's a curse, but who the hell takes the lump sum?


I would.  The problem with the payments is that they can be suspended as everyone and their pet dog takes you to court.  With a lump sum they can try to take you to court anyway, but if you decide to flee to Elbonia you can take your money with you.
 
2013-01-09 07:06:26 AM
Ooops...

mariticide = husband killing
 
2013-01-09 07:09:43 AM

AbbeySomeone: A little too ironic.


Yeah, I really do think.
 
2013-01-09 07:12:41 AM

JonnyG: Cybernetic: People who have the financial discipline to invest a big lottery win are not likely to buy lottery tickets in the first place.

Interesting. Never thought of that, but you are probably on to something here.


It's well known that the vast majority of lottery winners blow their money in a few years. If I remember right, it's something like 9 out of 10 end up broke. It just takes those who win the big lotteries a little longer to blow their winnings.
 
2013-01-09 07:15:00 AM

cynicalbastard: Psycat: In case anybody wants to know...

viricide = husband killing
uxoricide = wife killing
Unless you live on the South Mountain in Nova Scotia, where technically fratricide, parricide or sororicide are equally applicable.
Not that those folks speak much latin.
They're even unsure about English. Think about the nastiest, most inbred group in W. Virginia. Now put it a thousand miles north and a lot colder, and double the amount of inbreeding and you have the Golers.


I am unaware of this clan even existing any longer. Were they not completely split up decades ago?

And yes, that was an awful, awful story.

/NS'n
 
2013-01-09 07:21:22 AM

Triumph: Cui bono


theopolitical.files.wordpress.com

/and it's spelled "cue", by the way
 
2013-01-09 07:23:48 AM
Ansari said her husband did not have a will and the money is now tied up in probate.

And that's why you wait until AFTER they collect the money to kill them. C'mon, that's day 1 stuff right there.
 
Displayed 50 of 103 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report