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(Slate)   Hey, look: a $369 modification that lets your AR-15 fire 900 rounds a minute. You know, for hunting   (slate.com) divider line 49
    More: Interesting, assault weapons ban, semi-automatic rifle, National Firearms Act, trigger fingers  
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16484 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Jan 2013 at 11:17 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-01-08 06:24:19 PM  
17 votes:

FlashHarry: FTFY


You know, I'm curious about something here. There seem to be a few of you who have deemed themselves penis experts and I can only assume that you are one of them seeing as you have made such a post. Since you are such an aficionado of the penis and the sizes of them when it comes to the types of firearms that one might or might not own, how exactly do you determine what the firearm/penis size is? I mean does an average dick qualify for a .22 single shot rifle or maybe a Derringer handgun and a bigger wang get you a Red Rider BB gun while a smaller dangle score you a larger caliber weapon? Or does there some other criteria that you use not based on size vs caliber but size vs rate of fire? How many penises did you study to arrive at your determination? Did you consider them while flaccid or turgid? Was this done in person or were lots of pictures enough for you?  If in person did you hold them or was a good long look enough? One of the guys I work with is in the market for a new handgun. Perhaps he could send you a picture of his cock and you could tell him what would work best for him. Let me know eh?
2013-01-08 05:59:09 PM  
10 votes:

Dinjiin: [images55.fotki.com image 450x720]


i50.tinypic.com

FTFY
2013-01-08 09:11:45 PM  
4 votes:

violentsalvation: We need something like Godwin's law for when someone brings up their penis envy in a gun thread. FlashHarry peniswinned the thread.


He "Flashed Henry."
2013-01-08 09:03:16 PM  
4 votes:

Dancin_In_Anson: FlashHarry: FTFY

You know, I'm curious about something here. There seem to be a few of you who have deemed themselves penis experts and I can only assume that you are one of them seeing as you have made such a post. Since you are such an aficionado of the penis and the sizes of them when it comes to the types of firearms that one might or might not own, how exactly do you determine what the firearm/penis size is? I mean does an average dick qualify for a .22 single shot rifle or maybe a Derringer handgun and a bigger wang get you a Red Rider BB gun while a smaller dangle score you a larger caliber weapon? Or does there some other criteria that you use not based on size vs caliber but size vs rate of fire? How many penises did you study to arrive at your determination? Did you consider them while flaccid or turgid? Was this done in person or were lots of pictures enough for you?  If in person did you hold them or was a good long look enough? One of the guys I work with is in the market for a new handgun. Perhaps he could send you a picture of his cock and you could tell him what would work best for him. Let me know eh?


It's easy to figure out. We use the Lenny Scale.

If you are exactly like me -- that is, if you are me -- you have precisely the perfectly sized penis. It is so large that it satisfies all women without appearing to be the result of plastic surgery or Satanic pacts. Therefore, everything I own represents that perfect penis.

If you own something slightly more macho than what I have, it is because your penis is too small.

If you own something slightly less macho than what I have, it is because you are gay.

These are not mutually exclusive. You can be both gay and have a small penis, depending on your consumer choices. For example, you own both a 4x4 3/4-ton pick-up AND a Mazda Miata.
2013-01-08 11:21:25 PM  
3 votes:

Dancin_In_Anson: There seem to be a few of you who have deemed themselves penis experts


I'm a Christian and a Republican! Of course I'm a penis expert!
2013-01-08 09:43:11 PM  
3 votes:

Nina_Hartley's_Ass: violentsalvation: We need something like Godwin's law for when someone brings up their penis envy in a gun thread.

Just say, "I'm sensitive about that."


"My penis makes Nina_Hartley's_Ass sensitive" ... o_O Okaaay. Not bad, but I think we can do better. I'm still liking Shostie's "Flashed Harry" .
2013-01-08 09:33:19 PM  
3 votes:

violentsalvation: We need something like Godwin's law for when someone brings up their penis envy in a gun thread.


Just say, "I'm sensitive about that."
2013-01-08 08:23:13 PM  
3 votes:

dahmers love zombie: I believe I've seen those on farkingmachines.com. They're recoil-powered assvibrators.


Modified wooden toilet roll holder? Wow. Just wow.
2013-01-08 07:55:01 PM  
3 votes:

Three Crooked Squirrels: Dancin_In_Anson: FlashHarry: FTFY

You know, I'm curious about something here. There seem to be a few of you who have deemed themselves penis experts and I can only assume that you are one of them seeing as you have made such a post. Since you are such an aficionado of the penis and the sizes of them when it comes to the types of firearms that one might or might not own, how exactly do you determine what the firearm/penis size is? I mean does an average dick qualify for a .22 single shot rifle or maybe a Derringer handgun and a bigger wang get you a Red Rider BB gun while a smaller dangle score you a larger caliber weapon? Or does there some other criteria that you use not based on size vs caliber but size vs rate of fire? How many penises did you study to arrive at your determination? Did you consider them while flaccid or turgid? Was this done in person or were lots of pictures enough for you?  If in person did you hold them or was a good long look enough? One of the guys I work with is in the market for a new handgun. Perhaps he could send you a picture of his cock and you could tell him what would work best for him. Let me know eh?

[cdn-ugc.cafemom.com image 364x500]

Bushmaster seems to think a gun substitutes for a cock.


To be fair, I DO refer to my penis as "Bushmaster."

Although my penis has never killed anyone that I'm aware of.
2013-01-08 07:54:41 PM  
3 votes:
i.imgur.com
I believe I've seen those on farkingmachines.com.  They're recoil-powered assvibrators.
2013-01-08 11:46:54 PM  
2 votes:
Maybe I've just spent too much time in these threads. But I need to know - is it bad if, when someone attempts to make a correlation between any particular thing and someone's genital size, I feel a pressing need to punch that person in the face? It's gotten as bad as Obama hatred or people who studman69 and are serious about it (especially if it's the wrong person).
2013-01-08 11:28:29 PM  
2 votes:

Lando Lincoln: Seriously.  The 2nd Amendment is not to guarantee that we can hunt.  Stop trying to insinuate this.


I'm starting to believe it was an eighteenth century practical joke
2013-01-08 10:58:36 PM  
2 votes:
Sassypants.

You can't argue with sassypants.  They are slacks that are sassy.   They really manage to dance around the dominant paradigm, whilst being both sassy and pantaloonish.
2013-01-08 10:49:15 PM  
2 votes:
I hug shiate out a lot.
Like, rapidly even.
I don't know what your carrying in the yambaggal region but I'm rapid fire and on heavy repeat if you know what I mean.  In a spermal sense.

- I have no idea what I'm talking about and fear that I have wandered into a room full of choloform.
2013-01-08 09:22:32 PM  
2 votes:

Shostie: violentsalvation: We need something like Godwin's law for when someone brings up their penis envy in a gun thread. FlashHarry peniswinned the thread.

He "Flashed Henry."


Oooo that has my vote.

Anybody else have a suggestion for what we should call this gun thread debate curiosity?? Use the funny button to vote.
2013-01-08 07:51:25 PM  
2 votes:
i236.photobucket.com

You libs think it's really that easy to take a bunch of these down?
2013-01-08 07:39:54 PM  
2 votes:
cdn.motinetwork.net
2013-01-08 05:42:44 PM  
2 votes:
images55.fotki.com
2013-01-08 04:39:25 PM  
2 votes:
Well, how else should one be expected to hunt clouds of gnats?
2013-01-09 12:03:29 PM  
1 votes:

Dancin_In_Anson: FlashHarry: FTFY

You know, I'm curious about something here. There seem to be a few of you who have deemed themselves penis experts and I can only assume that you are one of them seeing as you have made such a post. Since you are such an aficionado of the penis and the sizes of them when it comes to the types of firearms that one might or might not own, how exactly do you determine what the firearm/penis size is? I mean does an average dick qualify for a .22 single shot rifle or maybe a Derringer handgun and a bigger wang get you a Red Rider BB gun while a smaller dangle score you a larger caliber weapon? Or does there some other criteria that you use not based on size vs caliber but size vs rate of fire? How many penises did you study to arrive at your determination? Did you consider them while flaccid or turgid? Was this done in person or were lots of pictures enough for you?  If in person did you hold them or was a good long look enough? One of the guys I work with is in the market for a new handgun. Perhaps he could send you a picture of his cock and you could tell him what would work best for him. Let me know eh?


The funniest thing about this post?

It's the longest post i've EVER seen you make and sure enough, it's about penis.
2013-01-09 03:32:00 AM  
1 votes:

log_jammin: Nina_Hartley's_Ass: ...but don't you dare call it a fetish...

stop being a child.


You're right.

I wouldn't want to get shot.
2013-01-09 02:50:30 AM  
1 votes:

Eatin' Queer Fetuses for Jesus:
Same people that still think black people should be worth 3/5 of a white person. I wish you all would move to the South with your guns and you could suck each others' small dicks all day long. In case you didn't notice, we won the election in November and we are on track to keep winning. Get ready for some changes.


motores.com.py
2013-01-09 02:50:01 AM  
1 votes:
B53 nuclear warhead. 9 megatons of compensation power.

upload.wikimedia.org

/yes, it's that small
//you know what I mean
2013-01-09 02:16:21 AM  
1 votes:
Penis Size (inches) = 2 / Caliber (inches)

For example:

.45 = 4-1/2"
.22 = 9-1/8"
2013-01-09 12:25:33 AM  
1 votes:
No real hunters use AR-15s for hunting game. Only dumbass fat asses that can barely make it 50 yards from their cars without a Hoveround pretend they are useful for hunting. If you weigh 300 lbs and can run the 40 yard dash in 10 minutes, then the AR-15 is your weapon.

They're excellent for taking down a whole herd of feral hogs though, so I don't think they're quite as useless as you make out.
2013-01-09 12:24:37 AM  
1 votes:

simkatu: To pretend that every tom dick and harry needs an AR-15 with a 100 round magazine is just stupid. If your government wanted to destroy you, they will do it from 50,000 feet in the sky with unmanned drones. Your stupid little AR-15 will do nothing to stop it you fat slob.


But imagine the fun of 100 ketchup-filled barbie dolls and a high-speed video camera....
2013-01-09 12:22:51 AM  
1 votes:
No real hunters use AR-15s for hunting game. Only dumbass fat asses that can barely make it 50 yards from their cars without a Hoveround pretend they are useful for hunting. If you weigh 300 lbs and can run the 40 yard dash in 10 minutes, then the AR-15 is your weapon.

I'm from Kansas. My family has hunted for years. I own over 50 firearms myself. We have over 6000 acres of land that people hunt on every year. We have hunting lodges that house hundreds of hunters every season that come to hunt game. In the last 30 years, not a single hunter has ever come to hunt game and brought an AR-15 as their weapon of choice. None of them has ever brought a magazine that holds 30 rounds.

To pretend that every tom dick and harry needs an AR-15 with a 100 round magazine is just stupid. If your government wanted to destroy you, they will do it from 50,000 feet in the sky with unmanned drones. Your stupid little AR-15 will do nothing to stop it you fat slob.
2013-01-09 12:17:04 AM  
1 votes:

Without Fail: duffblue: A few dead kids is a drop in the barrel in a nation responsible for the deaths of millions due to imperialism.

Please give me the names and addresses of a few American kids who don't matter.
Maybe some young relatives of yours?

Just 20 for now. A drop in the barrel.

Thanks.


Why? are you going to murder some kids to prove a point? How progressive of you.
2013-01-08 11:56:00 PM  
1 votes:

Surpheon: military assault weapon


AR-15 = millitary assault weapon

1-media-cdn.foolz.us

My sides are killing me! Keep talking. I haven't heard anyone this dumb since... well yesterday when that idiot they dug up for Piers Morgan to yell at was on TV, but you're even dumber than he is. It's great!
2013-01-08 11:55:50 PM  
1 votes:

Dancin_In_Anson: FlashHarry: FTFY

You know, I'm curious about something here. There seem to be a few of you who have deemed themselves penis experts and I can only assume that you are one of them seeing as you have made such a post. Since you are such an aficionado of the penis and the sizes of them when it comes to the types of firearms that one might or might not own, how exactly do you determine what the firearm/penis size is? I mean does an average dick qualify for a .22 single shot rifle or maybe a Derringer handgun and a bigger wang get you a Red Rider BB gun while a smaller dangle score you a larger caliber weapon? Or does there some other criteria that you use not based on size vs caliber but size vs rate of fire? How many penises did you study to arrive at your determination? Did you consider them while flaccid or turgid? Was this done in person or were lots of pictures enough for you?  If in person did you hold them or was a good long look enough? One of the guys I work with is in the market for a new handgun. Perhaps he could send you a picture of his cock and you could tell him what would work best for him. Let me know eh?


Here we have lucked out and been granted a glimpse into the mind of the ever-petulant internet gun jockey. When presented with a clearly juvenile but ultimately harmless jab at the "stereotypical gun owner"'s penis size he does not ignore. He does not resort to internet tough guy speak (initially at least). He immediately jumps into a diatribe about cocks in an attempt - in his mind - to 1) showcase the perceived obsession with male genitalia that gun control advocates display and 2) hopes to belittle the offending party by implying that they have a predilection to penis, hoping this will be taken as a slight to their manhood. What the internet gun jockey fails to realize is that in his own post he has mentioned penis far more than the initial offender ever did and at the same time he has sunk to a level of debate equivalent to, "No you're gay!" In short, the internet gun jockey has not only embarrassed himself to anyone other than those who would react upon hearing his speech in a manner not unlike, "You tell um Skeeter!" but also has not succeeded in enlarging the size of his microphallus. And the sad March of the Derp continues with us only able to be witnesses.
2013-01-08 11:41:47 PM  
1 votes:

BravadoGT: fusillade762: Lenny_da_Hog: fusillade762: t3knomanser: Similarly, requiring firearm owners to carry insurance would create a social net system.

I'm fond of this idea. You have to have insurance to drive a car, why not for owning a gun?

Because they are very different in their uses, the computed risk of simply owning a gun and incurring liability without criminal action is absurdly low (and no carrier will ever insure liability from illegal activity), and you don't have a constitutional right to own an automobile.

15,000 or so accidental shootings (with about 600 fatalities) per year is "absurdly low"?

Compared to 300 million guns in private hands--yeah, I'd agree with that.


Yet when we have dozens of people maybe abusing cash assistance from welfare out of 200 million everyone wants to change the system.
2013-01-08 11:39:47 PM  
1 votes:

Ghastly: Does it upgrade the barrel too, because at 900 rounds a minute an AR-15 barrel isn't going to last long.

/crappy rifle to begin with anyways.


I still want to see .22 miniguns. I don't even think you could overheat it. It would be physically impossible to damage that gun from firing. Imagine, 1,000,000 consecutive little rounds. PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. Perfect for area denial and covering fire. Just get one of those turned on a position like a hose and enemies will have to take cover. A single marine could carry 10 minutes worth of ammunition. It would be like Predator, but much smaller.
2013-01-08 11:34:23 PM  
1 votes:

violentsalvation: "My penis makes Nina_Hartley's_Ass sensitive" ... o_O Okaaay. Not bad, but I think we can do better.


Now that's funny, right there, I don't care who you are!
2013-01-08 11:32:31 PM  
1 votes:

FlashHarry: Dinjiin: [images55.fotki.com image 450x720]

[i50.tinypic.com image 450x720]

FTFY


Only 886 greenlit links = you have a small penis. You need 1000.

Just as valid a theory as the bullshiat you're spouting
2013-01-08 11:29:48 PM  
1 votes:

Mangoose: Why don't I need to fire 900 rounds a minute?


Well, you'll empty a 30 round magazine in about 2 seconds. With ammo prices you could blow $50 in ammo in less than a minute. If I'm blowing that much money for that little bit of fun time... my money won't be the only thing getting blown.
2013-01-08 11:29:25 PM  
1 votes:
Anti-gun people are like creationists.

"I don't know anything and I have no experience, but based on some crap I heard once on TV and some youtube videos I didn't watch the whole way through here's Jesus riding a dinosaur a bunch of things that won't stop crime but would me feel good because I'm very ignorant."
2013-01-08 11:28:04 PM  
1 votes:

Dancin_In_Anson: Let me know eh?


Well, I have a large penis.

I spend my time deep stroking my curly red-haired bubble butt equipped wife.
You go out with your gun and kill defenseless animals with a substitute penis.

Guess that makes you a better man than me, huh?
2013-01-08 10:52:02 PM  
1 votes:

Lenny_da_Hog: Dancin_In_Anson: FlashHarry: FTFY

You know, I'm curious about something here. There seem to be a few of you who have deemed themselves penis experts and I can only assume that you are one of them seeing as you have made such a post. Since you are such an aficionado of the penis and the sizes of them when it comes to the types of firearms that one might or might not own, how exactly do you determine what the firearm/penis size is? I mean does an average dick qualify for a .22 single shot rifle or maybe a Derringer handgun and a bigger wang get you a Red Rider BB gun while a smaller dangle score you a larger caliber weapon? Or does there some other criteria that you use not based on size vs caliber but size vs rate of fire? How many penises did you study to arrive at your determination? Did you consider them while flaccid or turgid? Was this done in person or were lots of pictures enough for you?  If in person did you hold them or was a good long look enough? One of the guys I work with is in the market for a new handgun. Perhaps he could send you a picture of his cock and you could tell him what would work best for him. Let me know eh?

It's easy to figure out. We use the Lenny Scale.

If you are exactly like me -- that is, if you are me -- you have precisely the perfectly sized penis. It is so large that it satisfies all women without appearing to be the result of plastic surgery or Satanic pacts. Therefore, everything I own represents that perfect penis.

If you own something slightly more macho than what I have, it is because your penis is too small.

If you own something slightly less macho than what I have, it is because you are gay.

These are not mutually exclusive. You can be both gay and have a small penis, depending on your consumer choices. For example, you own both a 4x4 3/4-ton pick-up AND a Mazda Miata.


Now that was a really well thought out retort. Maybe too well thought out.
2013-01-08 09:31:47 PM  
1 votes:

violentsalvation: Shostie: violentsalvation: We need something like Godwin's law for when someone brings up their penis envy in a gun thread. FlashHarry peniswinned the thread.

He "Flashed Henry."

Oooo that has my vote.

Anybody else have a suggestion for what we should call this gun thread debate curiosity?? Use the funny button to vote.


Actually, that should be "Flashed Harry," I guess.

Stupid typos.
2013-01-08 09:09:22 PM  
1 votes:
We need something like Godwin's law for when someone brings up their penis envy in a gun thread. FlashHarry peniswinned the thread.
2013-01-08 08:52:05 PM  
1 votes:

Nabb1: dahmers love zombie: [i.imgur.com image 450x720]
I believe I've seen those on farkingmachines.com.  They're recoil-powered assvibrators.

Ordered a pair, didn't you?


I dunno. I don't think dahmers is a Republican politician. It's the internet, though. Crazier things happen.
2013-01-08 08:26:08 PM  
1 votes:

dahmers love zombie: [i.imgur.com image 450x720]
I believe I've seen those on farkingmachines.com.  They're recoil-powered assvibrators.


Ordered a pair, didn't you?
2013-01-08 08:22:15 PM  
1 votes:
I don't understand the reasoning that something must be useful in order to be ownable. I own a few firearms. I would never turn them on another human being or animal, not even in self defense (okay, maybe an animal in self defense).

Is there anything inherently wrong with chucking 900 rounds of lead downrange in a controlled environment if that's what you want to do? I think it's incredibly silly, but it's a kind of neat engineering challenge.

The problem with firearms is one of externalities. Firearms create an attractive nuisance- we are all measurably less safe because firearms exist and are common in the US. Between accidents, outlier incidents like mass shootings (which, by population, are exceedingly rare), and crime (which usually doesn't involve legally owned firearms, which makes new laws on the subject difficult).

So let's apply economics to the problem: each firearm carries with it a risk that it is used in a negative fashion. Each negative application carries with it a social cost- deaths, medical bills, public fear, and so on. This gives us a strategy for attacking the problem in a fashion far more nuanced than "2nd Amendment, biatches!" and "Ban (some/most/all) guns!"

A gun tax, for example, would be perfectly reasonable- an assessment at the point of purchase for the total social costs of allowing firearms to be owned. It could be adjusted based on its ability to enact costs- high fire rates and large magazines would be taxed more steeply. Similarly, requiring firearm owners to carry insurance would create a social net system.

This allows us to restrict access to firearms without taking active steps to ban anything, it allows us to evaluate our measures based on measurable economic values, it creates a new class of charge to be brought against those who use firearms illegally. It addresses things in terms of externalities.
2013-01-08 05:29:44 PM  
1 votes:
i42.tinypic.com
2013-01-08 04:46:12 PM  
1 votes:
You can get Gatling-esque systems too where you mount multiple guns into them and use a crank to rotate them around and pull the triggers.  Since you're turning the crank it isn't a machine gun.

Put a drill on the crank, though, and now it's a machine gun.
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-01-08 04:38:03 PM  
1 votes:

R.A.Danny: vpb: R.A.Danny: FlashHarry: i wonder if adam lanza had one on order...

Nah, you can't hit the side of a school from the inside using one of those.

It would be great for a flock of first graders though.

We're going to hell.


I am informed of that on a regular basis.
2013-01-08 04:24:32 PM  
1 votes:
Wouldn't it be easier (& cheaper) to just learn how to aim guns? You'd have to stop waving them above your head while you pontificate to do it.
2013-01-08 04:23:23 PM  
1 votes:

FlashHarry: i wonder if adam lanza had one on order...


Nah, you can't hit the side of a school from the inside using one of those.
2013-01-08 04:17:48 PM  
1 votes:
i wonder if adam lanza had one on order...
 
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