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(The New Yorker)   G.O.P. Freshmen Saddened by Failure to Shut Down Government on First Day   ( newyorker.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Republican, House majority leaders, candy store, U.S. Capitol, freshman, Eric Cantor, Boehner  
•       •       •

6651 clicks; posted to Politics » on 08 Jan 2013 at 2:34 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



95 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2013-01-08 11:39:29 AM  
That read like a fill in the blanks template from The Onion.
 
2013-01-08 11:47:40 AM  

brap: That read like a fill in the blanks template from The Onion.


There's something about The Onion that makes them satirical news stories right and everyone else seem pathetic when they try. They've just got no competition.
 
2013-01-08 11:50:04 AM  
"We were all pretty bummed that the government just kept running" ... "but bringing the government to a random standstill was the whole reason we became Republicans" ... 'We'll be paralyzing the government "

And somehow democrats anyone who does not self-describe as a conservative are the ones who hate America? Wow. I honestly did not think it was at this point. Can I go back to bed, now?
 
2013-01-08 11:55:48 AM  
refs.net

"Misuse of the AMUSING tag for a Borowitz New Yorker column.  Five yard penalty.  FIRST DOWN!"
 
2013-01-08 12:03:55 PM  
I liked the tone: "They're like kids who want to close down a candy store."
 
2013-01-08 12:09:38 PM  
Keep in mind, he was elected by these kinds of people...

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-08 12:14:56 PM  

clancifer: Keep in mind, he was elected by these kinds of people...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 550x400]


We've hit the Barack "botton?"

You can see her looking at her proud little bumper sticker slogan, and you can almost hear the gears in her head creaking.
 
2013-01-08 12:15:06 PM  
www.newyorker.com

Who cares, Ron Howard looks really swell.
 
2013-01-08 12:21:04 PM  
Borowitz is only funny when he's talking about his bowels.
 
2013-01-08 12:29:14 PM  
"but bringing the government to a random standstill was the whole reason we became Republicans,"

Democrats, there's your campaign slogan for the next two years.
 
2013-01-08 12:31:47 PM  
www.newyorker.com

are you ginger everywhere?
 
2013-01-08 12:34:03 PM  

www.newyorker.com
"Who's 'tarded, y'all?"

 
2013-01-08 12:34:29 PM  

clancifer: Keep in mind, he was elected by these kinds of people...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 550x400]


Does...does his hat say Viking Redneck?
 
2013-01-08 12:37:39 PM  
"but bringing the government to a random standstill was the whole reason we became Republicans," he said.

To what farking end? They never talk about that part. WTF do they think will happen if they succeed in dismantling the US government? Shiat, terrorists would be more successful if they just forgot about the bombs and planes and instead just came here and voted GOP regularly.
 
2013-01-08 12:37:41 PM  

www.newyorker.com

"Did ya just let one rip, newbie?"

 
2013-01-08 12:41:45 PM  

Vodka Zombie: clancifer: Keep in mind, he was elected by these kinds of people...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 550x400]

We've hit the Barack "botton?"

You can see her looking at her proud little bumper sticker slogan, and you can almost hear the gears in her head creaking.


Considering the man DOES work out, I don't blame her for wanting to reach Barrack bottom.
 
2013-01-08 12:44:15 PM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: Does...does his hat say Viking Redneck?


Looks that way--as evidenced by the "Viking" horns on the side of his headgear.  I'm sure he believes that sends some sort of message, but I don't speak Derp, so I have no idea what the message might be.
 
2013-01-08 12:46:57 PM  
I'd be more amused if my new freshman GOP congressman didn't cast his first two significant votes to
1) let Boehner keep the gavel and
2) oppose Sandy relief "to send a message" when Pennsylvania was one of the states impacted by power outages (even if the damage was a fraction of a fraction of NJ/NY, he still opposed a plan to help his own state).
 
2013-01-08 12:57:15 PM  
i595.photobucket.com

"Imma potato the gubmints!"
 
2013-01-08 12:58:27 PM  

Rev. Skarekroe: brap: That read like a fill in the blanks template from The Onion.

There's something about The Onion that makes them satirical news stories right and everyone else seem pathetic when they try. They've just got no competition.


I came here to reference The Onion as well. Christ.
 
2013-01-08 12:58:50 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: "to send a message"


What The Fark is this 'message' they're trying to send? What the actual fark?!

/shiat's depressing
 
2013-01-08 01:03:25 PM  
Borowitz
Satire
Hand in hand
 
2013-01-08 01:07:28 PM  

brap: That read like a fill in the blanks template from The Onion.


You're being generous.
 
2013-01-08 01:17:38 PM  
Such fine representation they have there in Kentucky.
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-01-08 01:49:19 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Vodka Zombie: clancifer: Keep in mind, he was elected by these kinds of people...

Considering the man DOES work out, I don't blame her for wanting to reach Barrack bottom.


What does she want to do with his bottom exactly?
 
2013-01-08 01:50:14 PM  
"We were all like, 'O.K., we're sworn in, let's shut this thing down,'" said freshman Rep. Byron Ernie (R-Kentucky). "We were all pretty bummed that the government just kept running."

Rep. Ernie acknowledged that it might have been "overly optimistic" of the freshman Republicans to expect to engineer a government shutdown on their very first day, "but bringing the government to a random standstill was the whole reason we became Republicans," he said.


Alright, where is the satire tag?
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-01-08 01:51:04 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: Mr. Coffee Nerves: "to send a message"

What The Fark is this 'message' they're trying to send? What the actual fark?!


I had assumed that this was satire, but it's getting hard to tell.
 
2013-01-08 01:54:58 PM  
*hands out sarcasm detectors to thread*
 
2013-01-08 02:38:45 PM  

clancifer: Keep in mind, he was elected by these kinds of people...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 550x400]


If we've reached Barack Bottom, then we're due for The People's Elbow any time now.
 
2013-01-08 02:40:52 PM  

Nadie_AZ: "We were all like, 'O.K., we're sworn in, let's shut this thing down,'" said freshman Rep. Byron Ernie (R-Kentucky). "We were all pretty bummed that the government just kept running."

Rep. Ernie acknowledged that it might have been "overly optimistic" of the freshman Republicans to expect to engineer a government shutdown on their very first day, "but bringing the government to a random standstill was the whole reason we became Republicans," he said.

Alright, where is the satire tag?


We may have to rename Poe's Law to "Typical Republican Day at the Office" Law.
 
2013-01-08 02:40:53 PM  

Godscrack: [www.newyorker.com image 465x309]

Who cares, Ron Howard looks really swell.


It's good to see the Weasley boy get work after graduation.
 
2013-01-08 02:43:28 PM  
"but bringing the government to a random standstill was the whole reason we became Republicans," he said.

real Republicans don't care about stopping government unless it is a means to their true goal of watching it all burn. When your watching a thunderstorm you want to see a big storm and when there is a blizzard a foot of snow isn't enough you need four feet. When playing with the economy slowing the recovery isn't enough we need to bring it back to 1898
 
2013-01-08 02:46:23 PM  

vpb: Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Vodka Zombie: clancifer: Keep in mind, he was elected by these kinds of people...

Considering the man DOES work out, I don't blame her for wanting to reach Barrack bottom.

What does she want to do with his bottom exactly?


Squeeze the Socialism out of it with her bare hands.
 
2013-01-08 02:46:40 PM  
The current GOP is the greatest threat to the U.S. since the Civil War.
 
2013-01-08 02:46:42 PM  
Sadly, I didn't realize this was satire for about half the article.
Even sadder was that it wasn't until Cantor's "quote", because I realized Cantor would never actually say what he thinks OUT LOUD.
 
2013-01-08 02:47:39 PM  
Certainly not Borowitz's worst work, but still not good enough to put him on the Onion staff
 
2013-01-08 02:48:35 PM  

Vodka Zombie: clancifer: Keep in mind, he was elected by these kinds of people...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 550x400]

We've hit the Barack "botton?"

You can see her looking at her proud little bumper sticker slogan, and you can almost hear the gears in her head creaking.


It's an "m", but you have to look close. You just allowed your natural outrage to overwhelm your natural restraint.
 
2013-01-08 02:49:27 PM  
www.newyorker.com

Look a red-headed goog!
 
2013-01-08 02:58:31 PM  

Lost Thought 00: Certainly not Borowitz's worst work, but still not good enough to put him on the Onion staff


It seems to have fooled half the people in here...
 
2013-01-08 02:59:10 PM  
They got their repeal Obamacare vote in though.

Will they try more than 30 times this session?
 
2013-01-08 03:01:08 PM  

meat0918: They got their repeal Obamacare vote in though.

Will they try more than 30 times this session?


i think they're going to focus more on impeachment this time.
 
2013-01-08 03:10:47 PM  
I was not familiar with this writer's work and had to read all the way down to Kantor's quote before I could begin to think it was a spoof. Because up until that point, I figured it was just another "unguarded Republican moment."

/slow today
 
2013-01-08 03:13:00 PM  

Godscrack: Who cares, Ron Howard looks really swell.


'and then I was like ' go fark yourself, Harry'
 
2013-01-08 03:13:14 PM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: meat0918: They got their repeal Obamacare vote in though.

Will they try more than 30 times this session?

i think they're going to focus more on impeachment this time.


If they impeach two Democratic Presidents in a row, do you think anyone will have a moment of clarity and realize that they've gone too far politically, making every single thing a Democratic President does out to be treasonous?
 
2013-01-08 03:13:24 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: "We were all pretty bummed that the government just kept running" ... "but bringing the government to a random standstill was the whole reason we became Republicans" ... 'We'll be paralyzing the government "

And somehow democrats anyone who does not self-describe as a conservative are the ones who hate America? Wow. I honestly did not think it was at this point. Can I go back to bed, now?


Not quite yet....you should know that you just read something called satire. I know it's difficult to tell when you look at the GOP...are they serious?....is this a ....this is a joke, right?

This one is a bit of both. Yes it's a joke. But yes, this is what they want. They've declared it themselves many times.
 
2013-01-08 03:18:24 PM  

joonyer: Not quite yet....you should know that you just read something called satire. I know it's difficult to tell when you look at the GOP...are they serious?....is this a ....this is a joke, right?

This one is a bit of both. Yes it's a joke. But yes, this is what they want. They've declared it themselves many times.


We should totally get a tag for satire. It would be awesome and everyone would use it. In the butt.
 
2013-01-08 03:19:25 PM  

joonyer: CapeFearCadaver: "We were all pretty bummed that the government just kept running" ... "but bringing the government to a random standstill was the whole reason we became Republicans" ... 'We'll be paralyzing the government "

And somehow democrats anyone who does not self-describe as a conservative are the ones who hate America? Wow. I honestly did not think it was at this point. Can I go back to bed, now?

Not quite yet....you should know that you just read something called satire. I know it's difficult to tell when you look at the GOP...are they serious?....is this a ....this is a joke, right?

This one is a bit of both. Yes it's a joke. But yes, this is what they want. They've declared it themselves many times.


Poe's Law and all. You could try that with a bit less patronizing, however.

Gyrfalcon: We may have to rename Poe's Law to "Typical Republican Day at the Office" Law.


Yep.
 
2013-01-08 03:19:30 PM  

SilentStrider: clancifer: Keep in mind, he was elected by these kinds of people...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 550x400]

If we've reached Barack Bottom, then we're due for The People's Elbow any time now.


BAH GAWD KING! BUSINESS HAS JUST PICKED UP!
 
2013-01-08 03:23:15 PM  
Soooo, what I just read was Satire, then?

I just can't tell anymore.
 
2013-01-08 03:24:09 PM  

Cyberluddite: God Is My Co-Pirate: Does...does his hat say Viking Redneck?

Looks that way--as evidenced by the "Viking" horns on the side of his headgear.  I'm sure he believes that sends some sort of message, but I don't speak Derp, so I have no idea what the message might be.


White pride.

Anglo Saxon/Nordic pride.

Because minorities are now also considered "regular" people in addition to the whites he's probably "celebrating his heritage."
 
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