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(AOL)   House sold AS-IS. (*low fast talking*) ::some customers may get their wangs ripped off::   (realestate.aol.com) divider line 107
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19560 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Jan 2013 at 11:33 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-08 11:35:15 AM
That means the walls are smeared with shiat, the plumbing leaks, toilets smashed and a human sacrifice may have happend somewhere in the house.
 
2013-01-08 11:36:23 AM
Wait, what was that about wang ripping?
 
2013-01-08 11:36:30 AM
Gratuitous reference to the "Dickesode" episode of ATHF.
 
2013-01-08 11:36:49 AM
Just needs a couple of dick rotors.
 
2013-01-08 11:36:52 AM
You're a madman, Wongburger! This ship will never fly!
 
2013-01-08 11:37:28 AM
www.troll.me
 
2013-01-08 11:37:41 AM
There could be anything inside the house, gold doubloons, priceless art, dead hobos, you name it. Don't be a pussy, take your chance!
 
2013-01-08 11:37:49 AM
Hmm...I wonder if they take $25k cash for it?
 
2013-01-08 11:37:59 AM
It also means the seller may not actually own the house in question.

My aunt almost fell for one of these scams - found a condo listed on Zillow that looked great, contacted the seller, and was told that he was out of the country and couldn't show her around the place, but it looked just like the pictures, so send him a $10k deposit via an escrow service and he'd get all the paperwork started.
 
2013-01-08 11:38:06 AM
Not news.

ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2013-01-08 11:38:20 AM
It's in the slummy section of gaytown. What could go wrong?
 
2013-01-08 11:38:33 AM
And just off the main entrance is the torture room..just past that is..well another torture room. Plenty of room for the little ones...oh that...yes as best we can tell that is the "trophy room". All the chains and hooks will convey with the house of course as well as the four big freezers in the basement.
 
2013-01-08 11:38:48 AM

Fano: There could be anything inside the house, gold doubloons, priceless art, dead hobos, you name it. Don't be a pussy, take your chance!


Umm... I'm betting no as there are all ready tenants in there. I'm thinking a fair price, given the risk, is around 100,000 to 150,000 dollars.
 
2013-01-08 11:39:15 AM
farm9.staticflickr.com
 
2013-01-08 11:39:54 AM
my bet is it's a meth house or something to that extent. Something that is going to make the owner responsible for 5-20+k of clean up to get the house out of quarantine once the truth is reviled and the meth heads are expelled.
 
2013-01-08 11:40:24 AM
New paint and shrubs.
 
2013-01-08 11:40:31 AM
They're probably hoping to find a buyer who wants it to redevelop the lot.
 
2013-01-08 11:40:44 AM
Realtor: This is the Hot Chicks Room. The breakfast table's just over this way...
Wife: Excuse me? What was that room again?
Realtor: Oh, this is the Hot Chicks Room. It's filled with assorted hot chicks, who party in here 24 hours a day. But you'd be more interested in the kitchen.
Wife: You know what? We're not going to need a sexy chicks room.
Realtor: Well, actually it's a Hot Chicks Room.
Wife: Well, whatever it is, we don't need it.
Husband: You said the same thing about the microwave, and we use that darned thing all the time.
[to realtor]
Husband: So, a Hot Chicks Room, huh?
Realtor: Yeah. The previous owner installed the room in the 80's, and I'll be honest with you, some of the chicks aren't all that hot anymore. However, they are replacable.
 
2013-01-08 11:43:00 AM

Slaves2Darkness: Fano: There could be anything inside the house, gold doubloons, priceless art, dead hobos, you name it. Don't be a pussy, take your chance!

Umm... I'm betting no as there are all ready tenants in there. I'm thinking a fair price, given the risk, is around 100,000 to 150,000 dollars.


Sold! Send me a certified check. The deed will be delivered... Just wait for it.
 
2013-01-08 11:44:20 AM
i232.photobucket.com

approves
 
2013-01-08 11:44:37 AM
San Francisco, eh? It'll get multiple offers.
 
2013-01-08 11:45:33 AM
If you buy a house without even seeing the inside of it and without having it inspected first then you deserve everything you get.
 
2013-01-08 11:45:53 AM
House of a thousand cats.
 
2013-01-08 11:46:24 AM

tricycleracer: Realtor: This is the Hot Chicks Room. The breakfast table's just over this way...
Wife: Excuse me? What was that room again?
Realtor: Oh, this is the Hot Chicks Room. It's filled with assorted hot chicks, who party in here 24 hours a day. But you'd be more interested in the kitchen.
Wife: You know what? We're not going to need a sexy chicks room.
Realtor: Well, actually it's a Hot Chicks Room.
Wife: Well, whatever it is, we don't need it.
Husband: You said the same thing about the microwave, and we use that darned thing all the time.
[to realtor]
Husband: So, a Hot Chicks Room, huh?
Realtor: Yeah. The previous owner installed the room in the 80's, and I'll be honest with you, some of the chicks aren't all that hot anymore. However, they are replacable.


That's what came to mind for me too. I was wondering if I was the only one who remembered that sketch.
 
2013-01-08 11:46:51 AM

Slaves2Darkness: Hmm...I wonder if they take $25k cash for it?


My bet would be a giant resounding YES
 
2013-01-08 11:49:22 AM

Theaetetus: Sold! Send me a certified check. The deed will be delivered... Just wait for it.


Do it. A lawyer wouldn't screw you over. You can trust him.
 
2013-01-08 11:51:36 AM
probably an avocado bathroom

Link
 
2013-01-08 11:53:15 AM
Some banks are liquidating at prices near the value of an empty lot, or less. The price is already so low that it is a commodity, the address is all you need to know. Take it or leave it.

I've done some work on bank owned houses bought in the blind.

Most were in good condition, one had no fixtures of any kind - not one interior door, toilet paper holder or door stopper. That was a weird one. The previous owner was an old Jewish lady from NY who nobody in the neighborhood liked. She had a home in NYC and one in FL but tried to game the system and get mortgage relief and work a deal with the bank and the bank found out what she was worth. She spent months in that house, alone, per the neighbors, doing "construction" lol. She put Quikrete into every drain line (below the trap even lol), expoxied the sliding glass doors (had to be a hundred dollars worth of epoxy). The kicker was she bought another condo 10 minutes away when she moved.
 
GBB
2013-01-08 11:54:00 AM

Slaves2Darkness: Hmm...I wonder if they take $25k cash for it?


I'll offer them a $100,000 personal check. That way we can BOTH take chances.
 
2013-01-08 11:54:35 AM
I recall looking at a bank-owned house that seemed like a real steal because it was listed at 135K and the kast time it sold it was $450K.  The landscaping outside was exquisite, it also had an awesome workshop/shed with lots of space, dozens of power outlets, heating and AC,  the house itself was good solid brick construction.  Awesome all the way around-until we got inside.   There were water leaks that would compel replacing at least two ceilings and all the walls were smeared with a brown substance I presumed was dogshiat.  At least I sincere HOPE it was dogshiat.  and the Smell....indescribeable.

I've heard even worse horror stories from a buddy who was a carpenter/plumber/electrician who often got hired to check out foreclosed homes for an investor.  The sneakiest abotage by a homeowner was a place owned by an construction worker that when my buddy  first went inside looked pristine and in perfect condition.  Then he tried to turn on the lights and nothing happened.  It turned out that this guy had carefully severed ever electrical wire in the house about an inch above the junction box or outlet and then carefull patched the walls and re-painted.   Residential building codes do NOT allow spliced wires anywhere in a house, which meant that almost all the drywall would have to come down and the entire house would have to be re-wired.
 
2013-01-08 11:55:32 AM
There really isn't anything suspicious here. Not seeing the inside of a house when you buy it occurs in most auction sales, and it would make sense that if the unit is tenant-occupied and was a foreclosure. The bank would need the permission of the tenant to enter the property. If the tenant didn't want to move, he probably won't let you in.

The price paid should reflect the fact that it probably needs to be gutted.
 
2013-01-08 11:57:03 AM

Fano: There could be anything inside the house, gold doubloons, priceless art, dead hobos, you name it. Don't be a pussy, take your chance!


Yep, it's the real-estate version of the grab bag.
 
2013-01-08 11:58:58 AM

Magorn: I've heard even worse horror stories from a buddy who was a carpenter/plumber/electrician who often got hired to check out foreclosed homes for an investor.  The sneakiest abotage by a homeowner was a place owned by an construction worker that when my buddy  first went inside looked pristine and in perfect condition.  Then he tried to turn on the lights and nothing happened.  It turned out that this guy had carefully severed ever electrical wire in the house about an inch above the junction box or outlet and then carefull patched the walls and re-painted.   Residential building codes do NOT allow spliced wires anywhere in a house, which meant that almost all the drywall would have to come down and the entire house would have to be re-wired.


That's ingenious, but I can't help but think that if the moron had spent that kind of energy doing something productive he would have been in a better situation. Maybe not one where he'd have been able to keep the house, but possibly one that wouldn't result in him stewing in his own self loathing and projected hatred for weeks on end.
 
2013-01-08 11:59:19 AM
Time for the Zillow.
This neighborhood, Excelsior, has 50+ houses in foreclosure.
Why buy the one you cannot see inside of?
 
2013-01-08 11:59:21 AM

Slaves2Darkness: Umm... I'm betting no as there are all ready tenants in there. I'm thinking a fair price, given the risk, is around 100,000 to 150,000 dollars.


Actually, the listing says the property is bank owned (but does not identify the bank, although property records would). It also says that former owners still live there. So:

1. The owners defaulted on their mortgage
2. The bank foreclosed and now owns the property.
3. The bank tried to evict the former owners / current tenants and was unable to successfully do so. (Speculative reasons: too much of a hassle, the tenants are armed and scared away the sheriff, the tenants are bat-sh*t crazy and scared away the sheriff, the tenants own 2,000 cats and the sheriff wouldn't go near the place, the bank totally messed up the eviction and now is estopped but the tenants are lovely, friendly people, etc.)
4. The interior might be ok, but the current residents, as they no longer own the place and wouldn't leave, may have trashed it out of spite or negligence or, they may have kept a nice house because they live there. Either way, they ain't lettin' no one in.
5. It can all be yours for a measly $452,500 and, you don't even get to step into the shoes of the bank in the foreclosure case! You have to start your own. Rent? You'll never see a penny from the people you live there. What a a deal! (See the listing linked in the article).
6. Oh, and without an interior appraisal, you'll never get a mortgage, so you gotta pay cash!

Deal o' the century!
 
2013-01-08 12:00:02 PM
House sold AS-IS. (*low fast talking*) ::some customers may get their wangs ripped off::
i798.photobucket.com
"As is"
 
2013-01-08 12:00:48 PM
I'll take the box!
 
2013-01-08 12:01:04 PM

Uniquely Common: my bet is it's a meth house or something to that extent. Something that is going to make the owner responsible for 5-20+k of clean up to get the house out of quarantine once the truth is reviled and the meth heads are expelled.


Truth is often reviled, less often revealed.
 
2013-01-08 12:02:19 PM

Uniquely Common: my bet is it's a meth house or something to that extent. Something that is going to make the owner responsible for 5-20+k of clean up to get the house out of quarantine once the truth is reviled and the meth heads are expelled.


Nah... meth is comparatively cheap to clean up. It's probably somebody's home-based dry cleaning business or chrome plating shop. That kind of stuff can cost millions to clean.
 
2013-01-08 12:03:32 PM
Based on subby's headline, I expected TFA to be about the House of Representatives.

Fits, no?
 
2013-01-08 12:03:52 PM
One of my neighbors years ago lost his job and the utility companies turned off his power/water. The family proceeded to use the fireplace for heat and cooking, fueled by every piece of wood they could remove from the inside of the house. Doors, cabinets, molding, whatever, they used it for fuel in the fireplace. They either got water from public sources or stole it from neighbors' outside faucets.

When the bank finally foreclosed on them, they skipped town and left the bank with a shell of a house with no doors or cabinets, holes punched in the walls, paint splashed on the walls, burn marks all over the carpet in the living room, trash and moldy food everywhere, and graffiti in the bedrooms.

The bank then hired someone to rebuild the interior and sold the house at a government assisted discount to a retired woman, who still lives there. She hasn't bothered to maintain it that much though; there are trees growing in her gutters...
 
2013-01-08 12:08:58 PM
What seller may look like
 
2013-01-08 12:09:04 PM

Magorn: I recall looking at a bank-owned house that seemed like a real steal because it was listed at 135K and the kast time it sold it was $450K.  The landscaping outside was exquisite, it also had an awesome workshop/shed with lots of space, dozens of power outlets, heating and AC,  the house itself was good solid brick construction.  Awesome all the way around-until we got inside.   There were water leaks that would compel replacing at least two ceilings and all the walls were smeared with a brown substance I presumed was dogshiat.  At least I sincere HOPE it was dogshiat.  and the Smell....indescribeable.

I've heard even worse horror stories from a buddy who was a carpenter/plumber/electrician who often got hired to check out foreclosed homes for an investor.  The sneakiest abotage by a homeowner was a place owned by an construction worker that when my buddy  first went inside looked pristine and in perfect condition.  Then he tried to turn on the lights and nothing happened.  It turned out that this guy had carefully severed ever electrical wire in the house about an inch above the junction box or outlet and then carefull patched the walls and re-painted.   Residential building codes do NOT allow spliced wires anywhere in a house, which meant that almost all the drywall would have to come down and the entire house would have to be re-wired.


why not just raise the outlet two inches?
 
2013-01-08 12:10:27 PM
i.ytimg.com
 
2013-01-08 12:12:33 PM
Just needs a little cleaning up
a248.e.akamai.net
 
2013-01-08 12:16:13 PM
My brother bought a house in Vegas from the bank, and got an amazing deal on it.  But the prior residents (who'd been foreclosed on) took out their anger on the place before they left.  If I remember right they punched holes in a couple walls, took the HVAC compressors from outside, removed all the electrical outlet baseplates, and, most randomly, ripped out part of the kitchen floor.  Not just the tile, but several inches of the concrete foundation under it.
 
2013-01-08 12:16:45 PM
Hmmm ... won't let you see the inside of the house and you're responsible for "evicting" the current tenants? Yeah, sounds legit.

Still, it's in SF, which means someone will probably fall for it. I'm hoping for a followup "Man tries to evict meth dealers from his newly purchased house, hilarity ensues" story.
 
2013-01-08 12:18:06 PM

Fano: There could be anything inside the house, gold doubloons, priceless art, dead hobos, you name it. Don't be a pussy, take your chance!


A friend was actually trying to get me to buy a cottage in Long Island down the street from her and the house was filled with the life's work of the semi-famous artists that had lived there.  Apparently the contents of the house and garage were worth more than the property itself.  I read about it in the paper about six month later when the new owner was trumpeting their dumb luck all over the place.

Oh well hindsight is 20-20 and all that jazz.  GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
 
2013-01-08 12:19:17 PM
Well maybe they could fix it up with a... With a dick!
 
2013-01-08 12:20:22 PM

Slaves2Darkness: Hmm...I wonder if they take $25k cash for it?


Too Pretty For Prison: My bet would be a giant resounding YES


Considering that the asking price on the listing is $452,500, I'm guessing no. LINK  Didn't you guys have some kind of a housing market crash??? I think someone forgot to tell the seller.
 
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