I'm a little hesitant to ask, but is he a good punter on top of everything else? I'm looking at his stats and realizing that I have no farking idea what punting stats should look like. And even then, it seems like a lot of the obviously important ones would have a lot to do with how your team as a whole was playing that year. (I.e., a punter with a lot of 60+ yard punts is getting a lot of chances from his own 10-yard line.)

I would like to hear the story of his one and only pass attempt, a glorious 27-yard completion. Yeah, it's probably the usual fake-punt thing where he just zips it at the gunner perched on the line of scrimmage, but I bet he could dress it up.

semiotix: I would like to hear the story of his one and only pass attempt, a glorious 27-yard completion. Yeah, it's probably the usual fake-punt thing where he just zips it at the gunner perched on the line of scrimmage, but I bet he could dress it up.

The linebacker was |-------------------THIS------------------------| big!

semiotix: I'm a little hesitant to ask, but is he a good punter on top of everything else? I'm looking at his stats and realizing that I have no farking idea what punting stats should look like. And even then, it seems like a lot of the obviously important ones would have a lot to do with how your team as a whole was playing that year. (I.e., a punter with a lot of 60+ yard punts is getting a lot of chances from his own 10-yard line.)

I would like to hear the story of his one and only pass attempt, a glorious 27-yard completion. Yeah, it's probably the usual fake-punt thing where he just zips it at the gunner perched on the line of scrimmage, but I bet he could dress it up.

return yardage is usually considered the defining stat for a punter, I think

Did someone call for the Gooey 4 Kluwe brigade?

The man's writing is a delight to read. Damn, I want a Gooey 4 Kluwe jersey so much...

I .love him for his MIND

evilmrsock: Is uh... is being replaced usually the reward for excellence?

It was for the poor bastard I replaced.

Hearing on NFL network that he needs surgery during the offseason. I has a sad

semiotix: I would like to hear the story of his one and only pass attempt, a glorious 27-yard completion. Yeah, it's probably the usual fake-punt thing where he just zips it at the gunner perched on the line of scrimmage, but I bet he could dress it up.

To answer my own question, fake FG shovel pass, according to his team bio.

Among the many, many reasons I couldn't be a football player (and I'm not counting stupid, irrelevant things like the fact that I can't bench press the bar they put the weights on, or how I get bruises from wearing heavy sweaters) is my lack of discipline. If I were the holder, every FG would become a fake FG.

I have other great ideas, too. Like, on kickoffs, instead of the traditional hop-and-flop onside kick, why not kick a line drive as fast as humanly possible square at one of the guys on the line ten yards away? No way they can field it cleanly or signal for a fair catch in time. With a little luck it'd bounce right back at you.

Also, we don't see enough laterals or two-point conversions. But we don't get any laterals on two-point conversions, obviously a huge oversight. I've drawn up a modified center-eligible flea-flicker specifically to be used for that situation.

Man, Kluwe and I should collaborate. With his showmanship and my innate football genius, we could revolutionize the game.

I liked a few "tales from the trenches" but they're basically just "my job sucks; my boss is a moron."