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(Fark)   Subby just found out he is going to be a father today. What sage advice/snark do you have for the future dad?   (fark.com) divider line 572
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2297 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jan 2013 at 9:28 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-07 11:12:51 PM  
Just do the best you can; children are surprisingly resilient to your minor mistakes.

It's worth having/raising kids because that's the only way to get grandchildren; you'll have figured it out by then.
 
2013-01-07 11:13:20 PM  
Go easy on the infant toys and convince your relatives and friends to do the same.
My 11 mo nephew has thousands of dollars in highly rated infant development toys he doesn't give a rats ass about.
You need a couple of flashy light music playing things, not dozens of them. Limit yourself to a couple from each category of stuffed animals, squishy plastic books you can throw in the dishwasher, multitextured fabric and plastic thingies with loads of tags on them, squishy fabric thingies that make crinkly noises, and chewy rubber squeaky things.
Have the relatives gift useful things like pharmacy and kiddy clothing store gift cards instead of toys the the kid will never play with for more than 30 seconds.
Start a college fund now and have relatives give to that now instead of buying a 30th plush penguin. Compound interest isn't just a theory.
Most importantly, don't be a dick and teach your kid not to be a dick.
 
2013-01-07 11:15:00 PM  
Subby - congrats!

The only advice I have is to watch out for Charlie Sheen...

He's out there..

and waiting....
 
2013-01-07 11:15:02 PM  
Congratulations. My only advice would be to save something every pay to begin building an education fund for Junior.
 
2013-01-07 11:15:07 PM  
They will physically hurt you. Bad. And their cuteness will prevent you from defending yourself. Wear protection:

www.kochmartialarts.net

www.silvermane.com
 
2013-01-07 11:15:15 PM  

wjmorris3: If I was subby, I would turn myself in for rape right now. After all, rape is any sexual act a man performs on a woman.


But she wouldn't have gotten pregnant if that were the case. The woman's body has defenses against that, remember. The Repubs said so.
 
2013-01-07 11:15:44 PM  
Put a diaper over your shoulder before burping the kid, unless you have a spit-up fetish.

View nighttime feedings/diaper changing as little happy visits instead of a chore. I have a lot of happy memories of sitting in the near dark with John and a bottle ALL BY MYSELF. Mwa ha ha!

If he's breast feeding, be careful how you hold him unless you've got a tshirt on, because they'll latch onto YOU, and it really feels weird as hell.

Keep a hand on him when changing, they wait for you to turn your back and try to throw themselves on the floor. I never had it happen to me, but the missus was changing John at about 10 months and he did a snap roll off the changing table, landed in the drawer full of diapers below, no harm no foul.

Also if it's a boy, he'll try to pee on you when you change him. Peel the thing back, let the cold air hit, then put the old diaper back on for a few seconds. Unless you like faceful-o'-pee.
 
BBH
2013-01-07 11:15:52 PM  
The more parenting you do early, even through the "terrible twos", will ease the "terrible teens".
 
2013-01-07 11:16:50 PM  
You guys...I'm so torn after reading all of this.

I'm a single Dad.

I don't know what the fark I am doing and I need help for my brains.

The only true love I'll defend to the death was when the three of us hugged and were close. No one can ever take that away from me.
 
2013-01-07 11:19:09 PM  
1. Baby Signing: Kids can learn basic sign language as early as 6-9 months. Knowing that they want "more" or a "drink" or "eat" or they "pooped" covers 90% of the conversations and cuts down on your stress and their screaming.
2. I know people have mentioned sleep, but it bears mentioning again. Your wife will want to "take care of stuff" when the baby is napping. Until your kid sleeps through the night, your wife should be napping when the baby is napping. Especially if she's breast feeding.
3. breast feeding: Do what every you can to support your wife in this. Go to breast feeding classes with her. Breast feeding is great. it's good for the kid, good for the mom, it's free, and their poop doesn't smell (or at least doesn't smell bad).
4. Post-birth visitors: Any visitor who stays for more than an hour should be helping! They should be cooking, cleaning, holding the baby. You should not be serving them.
5. If you can afford it, we had umbilical blood drawn and sent off to store umbilical stem cells. In case your kid gets some weird disease, you'll have access to their own stem cells.
6. Make sure you have a support system, either friends or family who can help. If your wife will be home alone with the kid without support, she'll start to go MORE nutso than she would otherwise.
7. Enjoy your baby and all the things that happen. It'll be hard at first. You'll fight with your wife, you'll snap at each other. You'll get the wrong diapers, or you won't do it they way she wants you to. Just try to be reasonable and realize that it'll get easier.
8. Getting out of the house on time will be nearly impossible. Understand that you will be late to almost everything. Don't stress it. People who have kids will understand. People who don't--fark 'em.
9. Sleep. SLEEP damnit. There's a line from one of the Bourne books about how sleep is a weapon. The better rested you are, the better you'll be able to deal with everything.
10. Baby's do NOT need a bath every day.

Good luck!
 
2013-01-07 11:19:52 PM  
Oh, and be consistent. Being wishy-washy or letting the kid split you and the missus leads to endless whiny negotiations later, and I think the kid feels like he knows where his boundaries are a bit better if you're as consistent as possible. If you're NOT going to be consistent, that's the time to explain. It saves a lot of grief later.

/Dad, can I ...
//Can you?
///No.
////There you go, then. Next year, we'll reevaluate that. But for now, you can't without your mother or myself there. Maybe if you're at Uncle Todd or Dan's. But not with your buddies.
 
2013-01-07 11:20:48 PM  
Oh, and be aware that baby-brain is a real thing. A woman's brain shrinks by like 6% during pregnancy. It's believed that the baby takes lipids or something. It takes 6 months to 2 years to recover. So if your wife seems a little more scatterbrained than usually, she can't help it.
 
2013-01-07 11:22:51 PM  
Move out of the USA. This ship is going down.

In the parlance of the Eco-Communists and their brethren who are responsible for its demise, the current situation is not "sustainable."
 
2013-01-07 11:22:57 PM  
Some to add:

During pregnancy: Almost every symptom imaginable is apparently both a normal symptom of pregnancy and a symptom of a serious life threatening condition. Not much to do about this but be prepared for frustration if you try looking up whether something is harmless or not.

Take your SO's side on visitation scheduling for your parents/siblings immediately after the baby is born.

Adopt a "haters gonna hate" attitude to the multitudes who will offer unsolicited advice and/or commentary on parenting and naming choices.
 
2013-01-07 11:23:16 PM  
Oh, and breast fed kids hardly ever spit up. When they're bottle fed they tend to drink too much.
If your kid seems colicky then look up "elimination diet". My wife cut out everything except turkey, rice, and two other plain things (I can't remember which) and my kid went from screaming all the time to screaming 10% of the time. Something my wife was eating was bothering the kid when breast feeding. Most of the stuff the elimination diet eliminated was stuff she ate a lot of.
 
2013-01-07 11:25:33 PM  
Falcon Punch?
 
2013-01-07 11:25:50 PM  

White_Scarf_Syndrome: I'm a single Dad.

I don't know what the fark I am doing and I need help for my brains.



As another single dad, I can offer the following advice, ignore the woman who act like they know better than you because you are a man. Also you will find a lot of married women will suddenly try to fix you up with single friends. You can do this by yourself, I've done it for the last 4 years since my wife died.

/did recently get engaged to my daughters babysitter, long strange story there.
 
2013-01-07 11:26:07 PM  
No snark here as I'm a sucker for my kids (one turned 2 on Saturday and the other is 6 months). This has probably been stated, but I'm too lazy to read all the comments:
1. If your wife wants to breastfeed and can't or cannot sustain it for very long, just be supportive no matter what. Nursing is hard work and a lot of women feel like failures if they can't do it, so just lend an ear if she wants to talk about it and support her.

2. If your wife doesn't want to breastfeed at all, support her in that too.

3. You CANNOT spoil a baby. Their brains are not developed enough to link cause and effect (eg, If I cry, they'll pay attention). Crying is their only way to communicate when they're new, so pick them up, cuddle them, tend to them immediately. And don't give your wife crap if she drops everything to tend to the baby when he/she is crying. The crying of a baby causes a very realistic painful feeling for most moms.

4. Make sure you and your wife give yourselves a break from the baby. Parenting is hard work and you'll have times where you just want a break. That's totally okay and you should allow yourselves that freedom from time to time.

5. Read, sing, talk to the baby. They love to hear your voices.

6. You know what's best for your child. Take everyone's advice with a grain of salt as no one will know your child's quirks better than you. Follow your gut. If you feel like something's wrong and you want to ask your doctor, call them. That's why they're there. Don't feel stupid or that you should know better.

And remember:
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'til tomorrow
For children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep

/yes, I'm a sap
 
2013-01-07 11:26:45 PM  
You can not own enough bibs. There are dishwasher safe silicone bibs for solid feeding time. Buy them.
 
2013-01-07 11:27:39 PM  

farkerintx: During delivery, don't look under the sheet that will be placed over your wife's knees. That sheet is there for your protection. It protects you from a nightmarish vision that you cannot UNSEE. Not kidding. Seriously, don't look. You don't want to see that. You will be scarred.

Don't believe me? Go get a nice roast beef sandwich from the deli, nice warm bread, perfectly marbled meat, crisp fresh lettuce, the perfect amount of sauce.....looks delicious doesn't it? A work of art.........Now, ad a little too much ketchup to that sandwich, and set it on the ground. Now stomp on it a few times, kick some dirt into it......now do you want to eat that sandwich? Will you ever see another roast beef sandwich without remembering what that stomped-ketchupy-mess looked like after you mangled it?


I saw my kids before my wife did. If I hadn't looked I wouldn't have seen:

My son come out with his fist up by his head (making it even harder on my wife).
My daughter come out with a full head of hair that looked like a mass of freshly cut grass because there was meconium in the amniotic sac (meconium is baby poop).

Those are some of the most vivid and exciting memories I have of those days.
 
2013-01-07 11:28:11 PM  
farm4.staticflickr.com
 
2013-01-07 11:29:37 PM  

willicus: skullkrusher: Congrats subs!
You are going to be objectively right an awful lot of times over the next 7 or 8 months. Know that in your head but admit you are wrong every time.

Holy crap, this.

My wife's due date was today. Looks like we're going into overtime. She is...less than pleased with this development.

And, because now I'm going to get curious, I'm probably going to sniff the umbilical cord stump.


hehe good luck. My wife went almost a week over. If he waited another 2 days she was going in to be induced.
Now i have the funniest little adorable monster ever entertaining the hell out of me the whole time I am home :)
 
2013-01-07 11:31:10 PM  

Jixa: wjmorris3: If I was subby, I would turn myself in for rape right now. After all, rape is any sexual act a man performs on a woman.

But she wouldn't have gotten pregnant if that were the case. The woman's body has defenses against that, remember. The Repubs said so.


The Bible says "Thou shalt not lie with... a woman, this is an abomination."
 
2013-01-07 11:31:28 PM  
Speak to your kids using real words, not baby talk. The more real words you use, the less they have to learn then unlearn.

e.g. use cut or scrape instead of "boo boo". use vagina instead of "hoo hoo". :) Use the real words. You can use them in a soothing voice, but made up words just makes the learning harder.
 
2013-01-07 11:34:13 PM  

Zelron: Speak to your kids using real words, not baby talk. The more real words you use, the less they have to learn then unlearn.

e.g. use cut or scrape instead of "boo boo". use vagina instead of "hoo hoo". :) Use the real words. You can use them in a soothing voice, but made up words just makes the learning harder.


No, the word is vulva.
 
2013-01-07 11:34:29 PM  

prickle27



Kids can't see beyond their own needs. So they'll act like little selfish assholes, try not to let it get to you.


weird you say that, because I was just listening to "Ideas" on CBC radio, and the guest speaker on it was talking about how around the age of 7 or 8, kids get out of the "self centered" era into the "putting yourself in another's shoes" era of their life.
 
2013-01-07 11:35:31 PM  

blueyd1:
2. If your wife doesn't want to breastfeed at all, support her in that too.


And there's no reason she can't pump enough for the night, then it's YOUR turn to take up the load. I got to where I could hear my babies stirring around just before they'd wake up, I could change 'em and plug a bottle in before they started crying. Gives the missus a bit of unbroken rest.


5. Read, sing, talk to the baby. They love to hear your voices.


And dance. Don't forget dancing. Pick 'em up, hold 'em close, sing and dance around like an idiot.
 
2013-01-07 11:36:15 PM  

Majick Thise: Have ONE and ONLY ONE child.

Seriously.. If you have one it's a fun hobby. Work yeah but good work.

BUT the work load when you add a second kid doesn't just double.. oh no. It increases by an order of magnitude. Let's use the term 'work unit' as a measure of the work you do when having a child. If a single child is 10 work units a day, two children are 75 work units a day..

No one ever listens to me on this, maybe you will be the first.


I think we have more free time with two kids, because they play with each other. My son helps his younger sister. Sure they fight sometimes, but they spend a lot more time playing together. Making two sandwiches isn't that much harder than making one, and it doesn't take any more time for them to be eaten, etc.
 
2013-01-07 11:36:42 PM  

theMagni: Take a lot of pictures, but keep only the good shots.


No. Save a few special pictures that you can use to completely embarrass your child when he/she hits those teen years and is a miserable human being to be around.  It's the only power you will have at that point.
 
2013-01-07 11:37:10 PM  
One of you will be Soylent Green. Flip him for it.

And now the real advice: Teach the kid to read, to write and to do four-function math and to think critically. Because the schools aren't doing that to their precious snowflakes, although everyone is having fun with a capital farked.
 
2013-01-07 11:37:41 PM  
Don't let her read any of the blogs or birth sites while pregnant as there is just too much trauma there. If she has something that makes her wonder you look it up and only tell her when things might be an issue, it saves a lot of drama and worry and with her hormones on full tilt it helps to filter out the crazy.

There are a lot of people with opinions on what is best, and what you should do, but your best option is to read up a lot of different sides and find what you will be happy with tell the others to go fly a kite it is your kid you will raise them as you see fit.

There is never such a thing as giving your kid too much love, things yes, love no.

Remember that your kid is watching you at all times and trying to mimic you so when you are mad sad or indifferent remember that is what they will see and try to emulate.

Get ahead of the game and get the room ready asap so you have plenty of time to chill later and if you cherish sleep try to enjoy a few months of what you will remember as the last few months you actually slept well. The first 6 months are tough on the sleep side but it gets better.

When you are at the hospital just after birth, if you haven't slept in the last day or two let the nurses take the baby for a few hours and get sleep. You might not want to but it is best for the baby as well as the safety for them at that point is rapidly diminishing.

In the end it can be as great or horrible as you allow it to be. Life is what you make it. Having a kid is the best thing in the world but if you don't step back a bit and realize how great it is, you get caught up in some of the drudgery. There are tons of poopy diapers, getting peed on spit up on, a huge learning curve and all the rest of the fun, laugh about as much as you can because again this is how they will learn through you to deal with adversity and they will be the thing you love more than you can imagine possible.
 
2013-01-07 11:40:16 PM  

katerbug72: Don't let the kid sleep in the bed with you. You'll have a hell of a time getting them not to later.
If they bite you, don't bite them back, that doesn't help the matter.
Test out the different diaper brands before committing. NEVER buy Luvs, you may as well wrap them in a Kleenex.
An iPod touch is a sanity saver at the store or doctor's office.
Don't buy too many clothes in one size as they'll grow out of them before they can wear them all....that goes for shoes too.
Wipes warmers are awesome for those middle of the night changes, much less firehosing.

/I know there's more but that'll do for now


Well, unless you're practicing attachment parenting. Yah, it'll be hard to get them out of bed, but my kids always have friends and seem to be the kids that everyone in the class likes.
 
2013-01-07 11:40:50 PM  

skullkrusher: willicus: skullkrusher: Congrats subs!
You are going to be objectively right an awful lot of times over the next 7 or 8 months. Know that in your head but admit you are wrong every time.

Holy crap, this.

My wife's due date was today. Looks like we're going into overtime. She is...less than pleased with this development.

And, because now I'm going to get curious, I'm probably going to sniff the umbilical cord stump.

hehe good luck. My wife went almost a week over. If he waited another 2 days she was going in to be induced.
Now i have the funniest little adorable monster ever entertaining the hell out of me the whole time I am home :)


Thanks. I made her some spicy brownies that are supposed to help jump start labor, but they don't seem to be working yet. She's going to be induced on Sunday night if the kid waits that long. Man, I hope the kid doesn't wait that long.
 
2013-01-07 11:41:22 PM  
Sometimes it's really hard but you will survive!
 
2013-01-07 11:41:40 PM  
Oh - and say goodbye to friends who don't have kids.
 
2013-01-07 11:43:06 PM  
RUN!
 
2013-01-07 11:44:15 PM  
My advice:
You're preparing a future adult for a life worth living. Every attitude you demonstrate will be considered and absorbed by your children. They have a vibrant mind even before they're born. They're like a sponge: make sure they absorb the wonders, manners, and attitudes that will turn them into confident, compassionate, productive members of society.
Every person is a work of art. Go full Michelangelo on this one.
 
2013-01-07 11:44:28 PM  

Tom_Slick: /did recently get engaged to my daughters babysitter, long strange story there.


And that story starts, "Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me...."
 
2013-01-07 11:44:49 PM  
As soon as my son picked a stuffed dog that he had to sleep with every night and wanted to take everywhere, I went online and ordered two more of them. I kept them hidden, and ran them through with every load of laundry for a couple of weeks until they were as worn as the original. This way, any time he spilled juice on his dog, or soaked it with urine, or threw up on it, or his diaper failed and that got all over it, I could take the fouled dog to the laundry room "to wash him up" and simply swap it for a fresh one instead of having to go into immediate panic laundry mode while a crying kid waits for his stuffed animal. Having secret body doubles also came in handy a couple of times when the dog got left at grandma's house and it was too far to go back: "Oh, I bet he'll already be home by the time we get there, little buddy."
 
2013-01-07 11:45:27 PM  

willicus: skullkrusher: willicus: skullkrusher: Congrats subs!
You are going to be objectively right an awful lot of times over the next 7 or 8 months. Know that in your head but admit you are wrong every time.

Holy crap, this.

My wife's due date was today. Looks like we're going into overtime. She is...less than pleased with this development.

And, because now I'm going to get curious, I'm probably going to sniff the umbilical cord stump.

hehe good luck. My wife went almost a week over. If he waited another 2 days she was going in to be induced.
Now i have the funniest little adorable monster ever entertaining the hell out of me the whole time I am home :)

Thanks. I made her some spicy brownies that are supposed to help jump start labor, but they don't seem to be working yet. She's going to be induced on Sunday night if the kid waits that long. Man, I hope the kid doesn't wait that long.


Indian food kicked my wife off. If this is your first, don't stress. It's scary as shiat for everyone I think but it is awesome. Go home after the first night and get some sleep assuming your wife is going to be in the hospital until the next day (after some free shots at the local of course). You'll both need all your energy especially until you get a routine down.

If it's not your first, what the fark you having another for?? didn't you learn your lesson???
 
2013-01-07 11:46:21 PM  

Mr. Murder: /subby


Be careful of any advice given.  Pregnancy and parenthood tend to bring out people's inner moron.  Take all advice with a grain of salt.
 
2013-01-07 11:48:14 PM  

The Evil That Lies In The Hearts Of Men: Oh - and say goodbye to friends who don't have kids.


We found the opposite. We supply the booze and they are happy to come over and hang out here. Luckily the boy sleeps like a rock and has a nice, solid 2 hour nap in the late morning so mommy and daddy can sleep it off if need be.
 
2013-01-07 11:49:12 PM  
For boys' middle names, "Lee" and "Wayne" always lead to fame.

For a girl, you enjoy much more leeway to ensure her a lucrative career:
- Cars: Lexus/Lexi, Sable, Mercedes, Prius
- Minerals: Christal/Krystall, Diamond, Jade, Amber, Feldspar
- Foods/Spices: Ginger, Sage, Pepper, Jasmine, Candy, Cinnamon, Cinnabon
- Weather: Misty, Stormee, Cloud, Wendy, Snowe, Rayne, Windcock
- Places: Dakota, Savannah, China, Cheyenne, Asia, Dubuque
 
2013-01-07 11:49:51 PM  

skullkrusher: willicus: skullkrusher: willicus: skullkrusher: Congrats subs!
You are going to be objectively right an awful lot of times over the next 7 or 8 months. Know that in your head but admit you are wrong every time.

Holy crap, this.

My wife's due date was today. Looks like we're going into overtime. She is...less than pleased with this development.

And, because now I'm going to get curious, I'm probably going to sniff the umbilical cord stump.

hehe good luck. My wife went almost a week over. If he waited another 2 days she was going in to be induced.
Now i have the funniest little adorable monster ever entertaining the hell out of me the whole time I am home :)

Thanks. I made her some spicy brownies that are supposed to help jump start labor, but they don't seem to be working yet. She's going to be induced on Sunday night if the kid waits that long. Man, I hope the kid doesn't wait that long.

Indian food kicked my wife off. If this is your first, don't stress. It's scary as shiat for everyone I think but it is awesome. Go home after the first night and get some sleep assuming your wife is going to be in the hospital until the next day (after some free shots at the local of course). You'll both need all your energy especially until you get a routine down.

If it's not your first, what the fark you having another for?? didn't you learn your lesson???


It is our first. My wife used to love Indian food, but ever since she got pregnant, it makes her queasy. We're both excited and, while still nervous, ready for the kid to show up. She's excited to no longer have something squashing her bladder.
 
2013-01-07 11:52:42 PM  
Twins are much more common than you think, and they will own you 24/7 (x2).
 
2013-01-07 11:52:58 PM  
1. Then whenFor the next 9 months. Learn patience, and how to say 'yes dear'

2. Keep telling her how beautiful she is. She feels fat and ugly, and needs reassurance.

3. Learn how to give back rubs and foot massages.

4. When you pack a bag for that fateful night don't forget yourself. You'll need one to. I didn't and she threw up on me twice.

5. Then when the child is newly born and is looking you in the eye, as you wonder 'can I do this' the answer is 'yes you can'
 
2013-01-07 11:55:36 PM  

willicus: It is our first. My wife used to love Indian food, but ever since she got pregnant, it makes her queasy. We're both excited and, while still nervous, ready for the kid to show up. She's excited to no longer have something squashing her bladder.


my wife couldn't stand the taste or even smell of cooking red meat. She did find a post-partum fondness for Guinness that she never had before though.
Good luck dude, after a few weeks it is a shiatload easier than it sounds. Still a ton of work but once you're past your fear of breaking him/her and learn to relax it goes a lot more smoothly.
Sitz baths, ice packs and Tucks medicated pads will make your wife happy especially if she gets an episiotomy. Pick some up and have them ready to go at home.
 
2013-01-07 11:57:26 PM  
My dad is very special to me. He tells me the truth but is also encouraging. Do the best you an and she/he will appreciate it a lot!
 
2013-01-08 12:00:57 AM  
Know the signs of autism and get screened. The smallest little things wrong can be warnings for something huge.

//early intervention helps a lot.
 
2013-01-08 12:01:49 AM  
I didn't read the whole thread because I am a dad who is dealing with a 2 1/2 year old who decided sleep isn't cool. He can't find his teeny tiny Luke Skywalker angry bird figure and he is freaking the hell out. Here's my advice: you are going to screw up many times, but kids are hard to break. Don't be too hard on yourself. Also, get an external hard drive to save videos and photos. Smart phones fail or get broken all the time, and chances are you will use your phone to capture most stuff. The most important advice, though... routine. Work the sleep schedule. Believe in it, never vary. It is easy to let the kid into your bed at two AM because you are exhausted and half brain dead. You think it is a one time thing. It is not.

Also, get the "happiest baby on the block" video. Nevermind, Email me your address and I will send you mine.That stuff is golden, man. Congrats.
 
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