If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CNN)   "You mean that Jesus might have had severe diarrhea?" "Yep, That's exactly what I mean." Holy crap   (religion.blogs.cnn.com) divider line 29
    More: Amusing, Nazareth, self-help, Liberty University, Christian mythology  
•       •       •

17057 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jan 2013 at 4:08 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-01-07 04:20:55 PM
7 votes:

Vegan Meat Popsicle: Johnnie Moore is ... a professor of religion and vice president at Liberty University.

You're asking me to read an awful lot of words about something that happened 2000 years ago when those words come from a guy who is completely unqualified to talk about anything that happened on this planet before he was about five years old...


At least from a religion standpoint, the article is pretty reasonable.
Christian or not (I'm not), most of the story of Jesus is a lot more interesting, poignant, and morally relevant if people consider Jesus as the prosaic, vulnerable human he was, not some snow-white beneficent angel.
2013-01-07 04:11:28 PM
3 votes:
I dunno, I think if I had the ability to turn water into wine I'd also do something about that emergency roadside diarrhea.
2013-01-07 04:58:40 PM
2 votes:

suthrnrunt: Supes: TwilightZone: How can a purely fictional character have any disease? That's like saying Zeus had gallstones.

There's more evidence for a historical Jesus than an historical Zeus... Whether he was divine or not, you can make a credible argument an individual named Jesus existed.

just like you can prove that robin hood existed and merlin?

oh wait... no, no you can't.


Jesus existed but he wasn't a man-god. The stories about him were stolen from other gods to give his worldview credence.
2013-01-07 04:43:34 PM
2 votes:

suthrnrunt: Supes: TwilightZone: How can a purely fictional character have any disease? That's like saying Zeus had gallstones.

There's more evidence for a historical Jesus than an historical Zeus... Whether he was divine or not, you can make a credible argument an individual named Jesus existed.

just like you can prove that robin hood existed and merlin?

oh wait... no, no you can't.


Please. I'm Jewish and could give a rat's ass whether he actually existed or not, and I definitely don't believe he's divine. But there's no question at all there's a significant amount of historical evidence that a "Jesus" existed, and most historical scholars believe this.

Can anyone prove it? Of course not. But there's way more evidence there than for a historical Robin Hood or Merlin.
2013-01-07 04:42:48 PM
2 votes:

Wayne 985: Don't only Catholics believe that Jesus is God? I was raised as a non-denominational Protestant and attended a Baptist church, where it was made clear that he was meant to be the son of God, almost like a prince regent.

Are there Protestant sects who believe the two are synonymous?


Uhm...no. That's basically a complete misreading of the doctrine of the Trinity; that's closer to the official dogma of the Mormon churches.

Well, let me rephrase that. Uhm...probably not. A non-denominational Protestant church is probably not part of any larger communion or organization and therefore can form whatever Christology it wants. Baptist churches are generally self-governing, but usually at least affiliated with some sort of larger organization (the Southern Baptist Convention, for example), which does have a statement of faith that disagrees with the statement you made. Of course, just like "non-denominational Protestant" churches, there are churches that call themselves "Baptist" that aren't affiliated with anyone else, and so can have their own confessions.

That being said, it would be unusual - essentially all churches in the world that have well-defined theologies (which you would think would be all of them, but unfortunately that isn't the case) have accepted the doctrine of the Trinity, in which God is one God in three Persons, with one essence and all of which are co-eternal.

/ not Christian
// know more about Christianity and its history than any Christian I know
/// everyone has a hobby
2013-01-07 04:31:11 PM
2 votes:
That article was SO VERY badly written. I'll not get into a whole "Jesus v. Whatever" argument because there is no need...but look at this, FTA:

The brilliance of Christianity is the image of a God, named Jesus, arrived with dirty hands.

What? OK; so perhaps an editor could have remedied this little overlooking of basic English diction. Then, we are given this:

FTA: "Jesus came in a time period when Greco-Roman gods were housed in gigantic temples and portrayed with superhuman powers and with superhuman physiques. Gods were believed to be far away from people on their mountains or hemmed up in their sanctuaries."

This is completely untrue. Every Roman citizen had at least one temple or shrine in their homes to pay specific regard to individual dieties. The completely...well, made-up idea that Roman and Greek gods and goddesses were viewed as distant is completely ridiculous. I mean, look - there's Mount Olympus right there! Hell, half of the gods can't go a week without molesting a mere mortal! This man is a christer who is twisting history and sociology to fit his own desires.
2013-01-07 04:26:54 PM
2 votes:

TwilightZone: How can a purely fictional character have any disease? That's like saying Zeus had gallstones.


I dunno about that, but Taranis had Gaulstones.
2013-01-07 04:25:50 PM
2 votes:
Putting aside the rather lurid dysentery angle, the rest of the article demonstrates someone who has actually read the gospels, and not just skimmed over them.

That puts him in the 0.1%.  Based on my experience anyway.
2013-01-07 04:20:18 PM
2 votes:

Hack Patooey: Peaceboy: I dunno, I think if I had the ability to turn water into wine I'd also do something about that emergency roadside diarrhea.

Where do you think all those loaves and fishes came from?


One of my favorite miracle explanations is that Jesus loved to trip on shrooms (how he spoke to god, angels, etc.). The active ingredients in shrooms are excreted in urine which is darkly colored. Jesus created the bread by breaking up dried shrooms (look like bread). Jesus created wine by staining water with his dark urine. Everyone was tripping balls, so they weren't hungry.
2013-01-07 04:16:05 PM
2 votes:
Johnnie Moore is ... a professor of religion and vice president at Liberty University.

You're asking me to read an awful lot of words about something that happened 2000 years ago when those words come from a guy who is completely unqualified to talk about anything that happened on this planet before he was about five years old...
2013-01-07 04:16:02 PM
2 votes:
How can a purely fictional character have any disease? That's like saying Zeus had gallstones.
2013-01-07 06:00:16 PM
1 votes:
Fundys of any stripe are bad, but holy crap internet atheists come off as some of the most smug and condescending people i think i could meet.

Organized religion sucks, but nobody likes a smarty pants.
2013-01-07 05:27:12 PM
1 votes:

TwilightZone: There in NO evidence that Jesus ever existed. Stories in the bible are all hearsay. There is no a single nonbiblical source that mentions him. So , no you can't make a credible argument that he existed. On the other hand, there are statues of Zeus.


Ignoring the obvious sarcasm in your response, hearsay is actually a type of evidence. It may not admissible in American courts, but that's not relevant to historical research.
2013-01-07 05:23:04 PM
1 votes:
Non-sequiter. Being "fully man" doesn't mean experiencing each possible biological complication a human might be subject to experience. If I believe Jesus was fully man, there is no logical chain of reasoning holding me to other beliefs regarding his humanity. It is no rational contradiction to believe Jesus did not have dysentery in his life time. To wit, I have yet to succumb to gingivitis, as often humans do. Does that make me not human?
2013-01-07 05:17:27 PM
1 votes:

suthrnrunt: Supes: TwilightZone: How can a purely fictional character have any disease? That's like saying Zeus had gallstones.

There's more evidence for a historical Jesus than an historical Zeus... Whether he was divine or not, you can make a credible argument an individual named Jesus existed.

just like you can prove that robin hood existed and merlin?

oh wait... no, no you can't.


Cite your evidence that Jesus didn't exist. You seem pretty well convinced he didn't.

To save time, the Bible, both those parts written by the ancient Hebrews and those written by later writers during the Roman era, contains a ton of historical information that is easily verified by secondary sources and archeological evidence. Of course there is allegory and things that are probably "amplified" depending upon your beliefs. But on balance, there's enough there that can be verified that you must take it into account when studying or writing about ancient Middle Eastern history.

If Jesus is a conglomeration of different prophets that arose in the days before the Jewish revolt, then there would have been some sort of evidence that would have been unearthed by now. That hasn't happened. You can talk about secret Vatican documents or Imperial suppression of the Gnostics all you want, but we're still left with a guy that several people who knew him decided that his teachings were important enough that they wanted to write about them and they suffered terribly for it.
2013-01-07 05:13:02 PM
1 votes:

elchip: Everybody knows that a Paladin gains immunity to disease at level 3.

Jesus had to be at least level 6, because he could clearly cast "Remove Disease" on others.

We know he's a Paladin rather than a Cleric because he showed proficiency with a whip, and Clerics are restricted to simple weapons (which doesn't include whips).


Did you forget that Jesus raised several people from death? No Paladin would be able to do that, because Raise Dead is not on the Paladin spell list.

When Jesus wielded the whip, he accepted the -4 penalty to hit because of His lack of the exotic weapon proficiency. The money changers would have had a low Armor Class. Jesus would have a reasonably good Base Attack Bonus as a high-level cleric, and He would have been able to cast some decent attack buffs on Himself.
2013-01-07 05:00:19 PM
1 votes:

elchip: Everybody knows that a Paladin gains immunity to disease at level 3.

Jesus had to be at least level 6, because he could clearly cast "Remove Disease" on others.

We know he's a Paladin rather than a Cleric because he showed proficiency with a whip, and Clerics are restricted to simple weapons (which doesn't include whips).


I think I love you.
2013-01-07 04:53:06 PM
1 votes:

Ilmarinen: Supes: There's more evidence for a historical Jesus than an historical Zeus... Whether he was divine or not, you can make a credible argument an individual named Jesus existed.

This. You don't have to believe everything from the gospels to accept that parts reflect reality. Just like you don't have to be a muslim to accept Muhammad as a historical figure.


One non-Biblical contemporary reference to him would be nice. And please don't drag Josephus into this as he wasn't even in Jerusalem until 71 AD (and even that one violates Catholic dogma).
2013-01-07 04:46:20 PM
1 votes:

Supes: There's more evidence for a historical Jesus than an historical Zeus... Whether he was divine or not, you can make a credible argument an individual named Jesus existed.


This. You don't have to believe everything from the gospels to accept that parts reflect reality. Just like you don't have to be a muslim to accept Muhammad as a historical figure.
2013-01-07 04:43:54 PM
1 votes:
I will withhold an opinion until I see what Bevets says.
2013-01-07 04:33:59 PM
1 votes:

Supes: TwilightZone: How can a purely fictional character have any disease? That's like saying Zeus had gallstones.

There's more evidence for a historical Jesus than an historical Zeus... Whether he was divine or not, you can make a credible argument an individual named Jesus existed.


just like you can prove that robin hood existed and merlin?

oh wait... no, no you can't.
2013-01-07 04:32:55 PM
1 votes:
The Judeo-Christian God is pretty big on cleanliness, both ritual and physical. The technology of the time obviously limited what one could do compared to today; Jesus had no Sonicare, no antibacterial soap, and (probably) no clue what a loofah was. But he probably still had better personal hygiene than half the Politics tab.
2013-01-07 04:29:37 PM
1 votes:

HAMMERTOE: Holy Hershey squirts, Batman!


Jesus Hershey-squirts Christ!

//we now know what the H. stood for.
2013-01-07 04:25:42 PM
1 votes:
Don't only Catholics believe that Jesus is God? I was raised as a non-denominational Protestant and attended a Baptist church, where it was made clear that he was meant to be the son of God, almost like a prince regent.

Are there Protestant sects who believe the two are synonymous?
2013-01-07 04:20:18 PM
1 votes:
A fictional character had the runs.

It's not news, it's CNN.
2013-01-07 04:18:11 PM
1 votes:
That might explain all the foot washing. Splashback is a biatch
2013-01-07 04:14:03 PM
1 votes:
The best part about hanging around with Jesus when he had dysentery was when he turned the explosive diarrhea into delicious chocolate milk shakes.
2013-01-07 04:12:56 PM
1 votes:
Everybody poops
2013-01-07 01:51:48 PM
1 votes:
Was Japanese.
 
Displayed 29 of 29 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report