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(CNN)   "You mean that Jesus might have had severe diarrhea?" "Yep, That's exactly what I mean." Holy crap   (religion.blogs.cnn.com) divider line 180
    More: Amusing, Nazareth, self-help, Liberty University, Christian mythology  
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17060 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jan 2013 at 4:08 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-07 01:51:48 PM
Was Japanese.
 
2013-01-07 01:55:27 PM
 If Jesus got dysentry then Arius was right.
 
2013-01-07 02:01:04 PM
I was laughing at the headline before clicking the link.

+1 subby
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-01-07 02:08:50 PM
i wonder if anyone ever passed off a desiccated turd as a Jesus relic?  There was a whole industry for that sort of thing.

65.96.0.19

This is his poo!
 
2013-01-07 03:14:48 PM
www.jimbo.info
 
2013-01-07 03:33:02 PM
So the Shroud of Turin may be the Toilet Paper of Turin?
 
2013-01-07 04:09:48 PM
Fakkir, heal thyself.
 
2013-01-07 04:09:55 PM

Ed Finnerty: So the Shroud of Turin may be the Toilet Paper of Turin?


Ewwwww. He wiped his face with it?
 
2013-01-07 04:10:43 PM

vpb: This is his poo!


Hahaha, outstanding.
 
2013-01-07 04:11:28 PM
I dunno, I think if I had the ability to turn water into wine I'd also do something about that emergency roadside diarrhea.
 
2013-01-07 04:11:40 PM

Ed Finnerty: So the Shroud of Turin may be the Toilet Paper of Turin?


Shroud Of Turdin?
 
2013-01-07 04:12:20 PM
So he's answering Joan Osborne's question?
 
2013-01-07 04:12:23 PM

Peaceboy: I dunno, I think if I had the ability to turn water into wine I'd also do something about that emergency roadside diarrhea.


Where do you think all those loaves and fishes came from?
 
2013-01-07 04:12:26 PM
amberbooks.com
 
2013-01-07 04:12:45 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-01-07 04:12:56 PM
Everybody poops
 
2013-01-07 04:14:03 PM
The best part about hanging around with Jesus when he had dysentery was when he turned the explosive diarrhea into delicious chocolate milk shakes.
 
2013-01-07 04:14:53 PM
Holy Hershey squirts, Batman!
 
2013-01-07 04:16:02 PM
How can a purely fictional character have any disease? That's like saying Zeus had gallstones.
 
2013-01-07 04:16:05 PM
Johnnie Moore is ... a professor of religion and vice president at Liberty University.

You're asking me to read an awful lot of words about something that happened 2000 years ago when those words come from a guy who is completely unqualified to talk about anything that happened on this planet before he was about five years old...
 
2013-01-07 04:16:30 PM
I hear he was quite fond of the Portuguese breakfast, followed by a Tijuana milkshake. Dirty indeed.
 
2013-01-07 04:16:55 PM
I bet His poops smelled like fresh baked cookies.
 
2013-01-07 04:18:11 PM
That might explain all the foot washing. Splashback is a biatch
 
2013-01-07 04:18:36 PM

downstairs: [www.jimbo.info image 558x220]


i.imgur.com
 
2013-01-07 04:20:18 PM

Hack Patooey: Peaceboy: I dunno, I think if I had the ability to turn water into wine I'd also do something about that emergency roadside diarrhea.

Where do you think all those loaves and fishes came from?


One of my favorite miracle explanations is that Jesus loved to trip on shrooms (how he spoke to god, angels, etc.). The active ingredients in shrooms are excreted in urine which is darkly colored. Jesus created the bread by breaking up dried shrooms (look like bread). Jesus created wine by staining water with his dark urine. Everyone was tripping balls, so they weren't hungry.
 
2013-01-07 04:20:18 PM
A fictional character had the runs.

It's not news, it's CNN.
 
2013-01-07 04:20:47 PM

Parthenogenetic: downstairs: [www.jimbo.info image 558x220]

[i.imgur.com image 600x396]


Meat mingling with the dairy? Oy vey... no wonder he had the runs.
 
2013-01-07 04:20:50 PM
No! Jesus was a Caucasian man that spoke English!
 
2013-01-07 04:20:55 PM

Vegan Meat Popsicle: Johnnie Moore is ... a professor of religion and vice president at Liberty University.

You're asking me to read an awful lot of words about something that happened 2000 years ago when those words come from a guy who is completely unqualified to talk about anything that happened on this planet before he was about five years old...


At least from a religion standpoint, the article is pretty reasonable.
Christian or not (I'm not), most of the story of Jesus is a lot more interesting, poignant, and morally relevant if people consider Jesus as the prosaic, vulnerable human he was, not some snow-white beneficent angel.
 
2013-01-07 04:21:58 PM
If Jesus was gay to, I'd bet he had something that would plug him up nicely.
 
2013-01-07 04:22:11 PM
Of course he was dirty.

When did you last see a clean gardener?
 
2013-01-07 04:22:34 PM
Is this the thread where liberals make fun of Jesus and get themselves put on a list of people going to hell?
 
2013-01-07 04:23:58 PM
So that Christian believes that Jesus could raise Lazarus from the dead and save himself from crucifixion at any point but couldn't cure his own illnesses. I'd say that is blasphemy in the Christian faith.
 
2013-01-07 04:25:05 PM
medievalotaku.files.wordpress.com

"Dude, pull my finger ... No, just do it. C'mon..."

www.miamibeach411.com

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-07 04:25:42 PM
Don't only Catholics believe that Jesus is God? I was raised as a non-denominational Protestant and attended a Baptist church, where it was made clear that he was meant to be the son of God, almost like a prince regent.

Are there Protestant sects who believe the two are synonymous?
 
2013-01-07 04:25:50 PM
Putting aside the rather lurid dysentery angle, the rest of the article demonstrates someone who has actually read the gospels, and not just skimmed over them.

That puts him in the 0.1%.  Based on my experience anyway.
 
2013-01-07 04:26:01 PM
Jesus, Javier or Cesar, whatever their name might be, they all like tacos. It might be from that.
 
2013-01-07 04:26:48 PM

TwilightZone: How can a purely fictional character have any disease? That's like saying Zeus had gallstones.


There's more evidence for a historical Jesus than an historical Zeus... Whether he was divine or not, you can make a credible argument an individual named Jesus existed.
 
2013-01-07 04:26:54 PM

TwilightZone: How can a purely fictional character have any disease? That's like saying Zeus had gallstones.


I dunno about that, but Taranis had Gaulstones.
 
2013-01-07 04:29:37 PM

HAMMERTOE: Holy Hershey squirts, Batman!


Jesus Hershey-squirts Christ!

//we now know what the H. stood for.
 
2013-01-07 04:30:54 PM

Brian Ryanberger: Is this the thread where liberals make fun of Jesus and get themselves put on a list of people going to hell?


Is saying he was human "making fun of Jesus"?
Also, if heaven is full of conservatives, count me out. Hell, here I come.

/if I die before Pete Townshend maybe Moon and Entwistle will let me play guitar in their band for a while
 
2013-01-07 04:31:11 PM
That article was SO VERY badly written. I'll not get into a whole "Jesus v. Whatever" argument because there is no need...but look at this, FTA:

The brilliance of Christianity is the image of a God, named Jesus, arrived with dirty hands.

What? OK; so perhaps an editor could have remedied this little overlooking of basic English diction. Then, we are given this:

FTA: "Jesus came in a time period when Greco-Roman gods were housed in gigantic temples and portrayed with superhuman powers and with superhuman physiques. Gods were believed to be far away from people on their mountains or hemmed up in their sanctuaries."

This is completely untrue. Every Roman citizen had at least one temple or shrine in their homes to pay specific regard to individual dieties. The completely...well, made-up idea that Roman and Greek gods and goddesses were viewed as distant is completely ridiculous. I mean, look - there's Mount Olympus right there! Hell, half of the gods can't go a week without molesting a mere mortal! This man is a christer who is twisting history and sociology to fit his own desires.
 
2013-01-07 04:31:53 PM

Peaceboy: I dunno, I think if I had the ability to turn water into wine I'd also do something about that emergency roadside diarrhea.


news flash... that wasn't wine ;-) it _was_ his roadside emergency that colored and flavored that water
 
2013-01-07 04:32:55 PM
The Judeo-Christian God is pretty big on cleanliness, both ritual and physical. The technology of the time obviously limited what one could do compared to today; Jesus had no Sonicare, no antibacterial soap, and (probably) no clue what a loofah was. But he probably still had better personal hygiene than half the Politics tab.
 
2013-01-07 04:33:15 PM

Brian Ryanberger: Is this the thread where liberals make fun of Jesus and get themselves put on a list of people going to hell?


You know who else makes a list?


Santa

i234.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-07 04:33:59 PM

Supes: TwilightZone: How can a purely fictional character have any disease? That's like saying Zeus had gallstones.

There's more evidence for a historical Jesus than an historical Zeus... Whether he was divine or not, you can make a credible argument an individual named Jesus existed.


just like you can prove that robin hood existed and merlin?

oh wait... no, no you can't.
 
2013-01-07 04:34:10 PM
"Hey Jesus, c'mon man, we're late."

"Hang on, I'm in the can burnin' a last supper."
 
2013-01-07 04:36:14 PM
"Imodium BCE" just doesn't sound right.
 
2013-01-07 04:38:06 PM
I guess that's what the Bible means when it says, "And it came to pass."
 
2013-01-07 04:40:19 PM

Millennium: The Judeo-Christian God is pretty big on cleanliness, both ritual and physical. The technology of the time obviously limited what one could do compared to today; Jesus had no Sonicare, no antibacterial soap, and (probably) no clue what a loofah was. But he probably still had better personal hygiene than half the Politics tab.


I'm intrigued that water poured through the red heifer's ashes was used in purifying rituals. That sounds close to the process for producing lye.
 
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