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(Crap My Kids Watch)   In real life, Disney's "Pocahontas" was only 11 years old. Luckily for John Smith, the story in the movie was total bullshiat   (crapmykidswatch.com) divider line 63
    More: Interesting, Disney, real-life  
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3605 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 07 Jan 2013 at 4:26 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-07 01:03:04 PM
media.comicvine.com
 
2013-01-07 01:19:02 PM
FTFA: You see, John Smith was something of an asshole and a liar, and his fellow soldiers thought so.  Apparently it was fairly common knowledge during this time that John Smith was a douche.

Well at least the casting was accurate
 
2013-01-07 01:27:59 PM
what I got from that blog "I had a joyless childhood, so I have to ruin it for everyone."
 
2013-01-07 01:53:50 PM
You mean they didn't have a big production number where everyone sang about savages?
 
2013-01-07 02:33:41 PM
My kids like the movie, and all I can say is that for a Disney film, the music is pretty good, but the story us just plain awful.
 
2013-01-07 02:52:24 PM
Not news indeed. Am I the only person who learned all this in an American history class by the time I was 12 or so?
 
2013-01-07 03:05:03 PM
i48.tinypic.com
 
2013-01-07 04:09:05 PM
Here's another shock: toys don't come to life when you leave the room.

But I gotta admit my wife's Mule Tamer 5000 sure does make a lot of noise when I'm downstairs playing Xbox.
 
2013-01-07 04:30:37 PM
I think the statute of limitations was reached a while ago, Subby.
 
2013-01-07 04:31:50 PM
oldnewsisoexciting.com

It's not like this wasn't thoroughly covered when the movie was released in 1995.
 
2013-01-07 04:32:07 PM
What the f...?

*checks calendar*

Yep, its still 2013.
 
2013-01-07 04:32:32 PM
Whats that even mean, submitter? In true life, DISNEY'S Pocahontas.... In true life, the character had nothing to do with Disney, whatsoever.

If Disney is simply your point of reference, thats equally odd, as the story is quite well known even had Disney never made a movie about it.
 
2013-01-07 04:33:25 PM
Great. And next you'll tell us ex-slaves weren't kindly old men that would sit on the veranda and tell stories to dopey honky child's.
 
2013-01-07 04:34:43 PM
Disney movies arent 100% factually accurate? So does this mean when my tea pot sings to me, it really is all in my head?
 
2013-01-07 04:34:49 PM
When are they going to make a porno called "Poke My Hontas"?

It's about damn time!
 
2013-01-07 04:38:36 PM

ManateeGag: what I got from that blog "I had a joyless childhood, so I have to ruin it for everyone."


That poor unfortunate soul.
 
2013-01-07 04:40:10 PM

doczoidberg: When are they going to make a porno called "Poke My Hontas

Hot Ass"?

It's about damn time!

FTFY
 
2013-01-07 04:40:52 PM

Fano: ManateeGag: what I got from that blog "I had a joyless childhood, so I have to ruin it for everyone."

That poor unfortunate soul.


...

Damn you.
 
2013-01-07 04:42:10 PM
Old news is so exciting!
 
2013-01-07 05:12:47 PM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Here's another shock: toys don't come to life when you leave the room.

But I gotta admit my wife's Mule Tamer 5000 sure does make a lot of noise when I'm downstairs playing Xbox.


Mule Tamer 5000

I'm using that one.
 
2013-01-07 05:14:10 PM

RatMaster999: doczoidberg: When are they going to make a porno called "Poke My Hontas Hot Ass Haunches"?

It's about damn time!

FTFY


FTF those looking for extra words.
 
2013-01-07 05:21:09 PM
This blog again?
 
2013-01-07 05:47:26 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: This blog again?


Glancing at the posts since it isn't rendering properly on my mobile, he appears to root for Syndrome and Gaston, which pretty much means he should be rotoscoped singing Hellfire.
 
2013-01-07 05:50:22 PM
I guess the next blog post will be about the blatant racism in Peter Pan. I mean, they say "Injuns!" I'm outraged, and I demand that Disney fix it before people see it.
 
2013-01-07 05:58:20 PM

fickenchucker: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Here's another shock: toys don't come to life when you leave the room.

But I gotta admit my wife's Mule Tamer 5000 sure does make a lot of noise when I'm downstairs playing Xbox.

Mule Tamer 5000

I'm using that one.


Make sure the harness is correctly secured.
 
2013-01-07 06:11:58 PM
So, Assassin's Creed III is not an accurate portrait of the American Revolution?

Huh, live and learn...
 
2013-01-07 06:21:28 PM
You know what else? Lead animator for Pocahontas was Glen Keane, better known as Billy from Family Circus.
 
2013-01-07 06:26:03 PM
Good thing we aren't talking about Pocahontas II. That one was even worse.
 
2013-01-07 06:26:25 PM
That poor unfortunate soul.

So sad, so true!
 
2013-01-07 06:26:36 PM

Fano: Great. And next you'll tell us ex-slaves weren't kindly old men that would sit on the veranda and tell stories to dopey honky child's.


Thanks to Tracy Morgan, I cannot envision Uncle Remus without "Uncle Jamima's Mash Liqrua."

/it gets you f*cked up for less money
 
2013-01-07 06:43:18 PM

UNC_Samurai: Fano: Great. And next you'll tell us ex-slaves weren't kindly old men that would sit on the veranda and tell stories to dopey honky child's.

Thanks to Tracy Morgan, I cannot envision Uncle Remus without "Uncle Jamima's Mash Liqrua."

/it gets you f*cked up for less money


What the hell you swattin at?
 
2013-01-07 06:45:17 PM

bborchar: I guess the next blog post will be about the blatant racism in Peter Pan. I mean, they say "Injuns!" I'm outraged, and I demand that Disney fix it before people see it.


Wait til he finds out about the crows in Dumbo.
 
2013-01-07 06:48:54 PM
Disney will anamorphize animals to the point of them being human, but dude has an issue with the historical accuracy.

Idiot.
 
2013-01-07 06:52:23 PM

Fano: The My Little Pony Killer: This blog again?

Glancing at the posts since it isn't rendering properly on my mobile, he appears to root for Syndrome and Gaston, which pretty much means he should be rotoscoped singing Hellfire.


In all fairness, Gaston has the second-best musical number in all of Disney history, so it's hard not to root for him over the kidnapping rape-beast, though obviously no one is going to like him as much as Belle or her awesome inventor father. And Syndrome's end-game was to give everyone in the world free technology that would make the entire human race superhuman, his feud with the superheroes was more of a side-quest resulting from continual abuse and belittlement at their hands.

And literally the first thing the superheroes do once they're no longer illegal in the movie? Trash New York, proving the people that passed the law completely correct.

Just sayin'.

Also, if you're wondering, the first best song:
images2.wikia.nocookie.net
"Well, bye."
 
2013-01-07 06:52:39 PM
I love how people like to harp on this movie solely for the historical inaccuracy with regard to the age differences and romance between Pocahontas and John Smith, because IIRC the movie wasn't based on the actual fact but on the legend that had built up over the years. Also, why bother focusing on *only* those two facts, when there are so many more, and much more wrong with the movie besides?

/only found Thomas interesting
//probably because he was played by Christian Bale
///he later played John Rolfe in "The New World" and shares the same birthday as Thomas Rolfe, Pocahontas' son.
 
2013-01-07 06:53:56 PM
Who cares?  Jasmine was way hotter.
 
2013-01-07 06:56:47 PM

Counter_Intelligent: Who cares?  Jasmine was way hotter.


It's all about Post-hair slice Rapunzel from Tangled.
 
2013-01-07 07:19:05 PM

Small Town Misfit: I love how people like to harp on this movie solely for the historical inaccuracy with regard to the age differences and romance between Pocahontas and John Smith, because IIRC the movie wasn't based on the actual fact but on the legend that had built up over the years. Also, why bother focusing on *only* those two facts, when there are so many more, and much more wrong with the movie besides?

/only found Thomas interesting
//probably because he was played by Christian Bale
///he later played John Rolfe in "The New World" and shares the same birthday as Thomas Rolfe, Pocahontas' son.


It was probably about as historically accurate as Mulan, which I had thought was based on a kernel of truth from Chinese history.
 
2013-01-07 07:48:40 PM

Counter_Intelligent: Who cares?   Jasmine Belle was way hotter.


FTFY
 
2013-01-07 07:54:10 PM

Woolwine: Counter_Intelligent: Who cares?   Jasmine Belle was way hotter.

FTFY


Honorable mention to Ariel with a pair of legs.
 
2013-01-07 07:59:24 PM

UNC_Samurai: Fano: Great. And next you'll tell us ex-slaves weren't kindly old men that would sit on the veranda and tell stories to dopey honky child's.

Thanks to Tracy Morgan, I cannot envision Uncle Remus without "Uncle Jamima's Mash Liqrua."

/it gets you f*cked up for less money


"I JUST WANNA MAKE LIQUOR!"
 
2013-01-07 08:07:09 PM

Jim_Callahan: Fano: The My Little Pony Killer: This blog again?

Glancing at the posts since it isn't rendering properly on my mobile, he appears to root for Syndrome and Gaston, which pretty much means he should be rotoscoped singing Hellfire.

In all fairness, Gaston has the second-best musical number in all of Disney history, so it's hard not to root for him over the kidnapping rape-beast, though obviously no one is going to like him as much as Belle or her awesome inventor father. And Syndrome's end-game was to give everyone in the world free technology that would make the entire human race superhuman, his feud with the superheroes was more of a side-quest resulting from continual abuse and belittlement at their hands.

And literally the first thing the superheroes do once they're no longer illegal in the movie? Trash New York, proving the people that passed the law completely correct.

Just sayin'.

Also, if you're wondering, the first best song:
[images2.wikia.nocookie.net image 380x286]
"Well, bye."


I really like the cut of your jib.
 
2013-01-07 08:32:24 PM
Forget the historical inaccuracy. This movie carries on the Hollywood tradition that the story must be about a foreign woman who falls for the white American male. Would the movie have worked with a white woman falling for an Indian man?
 
2013-01-07 08:35:49 PM

fozziewazzi: Forget the historical inaccuracy. This movie carries on the Hollywood tradition that the story must be about a foreign woman who falls for the white American male. Would the movie have worked with a white woman falling for an Indian man?


It would have been a "taming the savage" and "pity this woman" type movie.
 
2013-01-07 08:45:13 PM

fozziewazzi: Forget the historical inaccuracy. This movie carries on the Hollywood tradition that the story must be about a foreign woman who falls for the white American male. Would the movie have worked with a white woman falling for an Indian man?


Broken English?
 
2013-01-07 08:50:51 PM
FTFA

But they did NOT fall in love. They never even dated. They never even held hands. There was no romantic relationship whatsoever between the two of them. There is no historical evidence from anyone, Native-American, White-Man, or otherwise, to even suggest this possibility. How can we be so certain that they didn't sneak off and have some secret romance? The girl was ELEVEN years old in real life, for Christ's sake. John Smith went back to England to write about his little summer in America, and he didn't even mention the girl.

OK, if you just farked an 11 year old girl while spending your summer abroad, would you write about it?
 
2013-01-07 09:08:33 PM

Brick-House: FTFA

But they did NOT fall in love. They never even dated. They never even held hands. There was no romantic relationship whatsoever between the two of them. There is no historical evidence from anyone, Native-American, White-Man, or otherwise, to even suggest this possibility. How can we be so certain that they didn't sneak off and have some secret romance? The girl was ELEVEN years old in real life, for Christ's sake. John Smith went back to England to write about his little summer in America, and he didn't even mention the girl.

OK, if you just farked an 11 year old girl while spending your summer abroad, would you write about it?


Mohammed did.

/Aisha was 9 when the marriage was consummated.
 
2013-01-07 09:32:53 PM
/ssb (sad story bro)
I was working at a movie theater when this 'film' came out. In walked a nice grandmother with 3 kids in tow. While getting their popcorn she mentioned that she was a direct decedent of Pocahontas and wanted her grandchildren to learn more about her.
I had to respond, "Mam, on behalf of every student of history, I apologize for what you are going to see. They did not do her justice."
She said that it was ok and that she knew they changed a few things around. So she took the kids in.
I gave a shout to my manager at the time and said that we'll be needing some refund tickets, and explained who just went in to the film.
To her credit, she stayed through the movie, and she came out bearly holding back the tears.
My manager gave her the refund tickets even though she sat through the whole thing.

/ Third worst film I ever watched
// Still feel bad for her.
 
2013-01-07 10:23:52 PM
It isn't out of the question that some thousands of years from now, the only surviving record of some events may be the Hollywood version. Of course, when I point this out, my wife tells me to shut up and let her just enjoy her movie
 
rka
2013-01-07 10:55:55 PM

fozziewazzi: Forget the historical inaccuracy. This movie carries on the Hollywood tradition that the story must be about a foreign woman who falls for the white American male. Would the movie have worked with a white woman falling for an Indian man?


John Smith was English. There was no America for another 160 years.
 
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