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Kim Kardashian lets Kanye finish, Lovie Smith sacked faster than Jay Cutler, and Kobe gives away the bride to record an assist: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 12/30 - 1/5
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-01-07 12:38:50 PM (11 comments) | Permalink

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3761 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jan 2013 at 12:41 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Those of you who were out might have missed our congratulations thread for our  Headline of the Year winners last Friday. Well done to all of them.

For the rest, hrere are the best from last week.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-12-30 to Sat 2013-01-05:

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  110% of statisticians would like to see better use of statistics in 2013    
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  NYC mayor blames crime increase on iPhone thefts, recommends deterring robberies by telling crooks that your wireless provider is AT&T    
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  Fiat builds a monster truck by putting its "Panda" body on a Jeep CJ7 chassis. All it needs to be street legal is a huge pair of truck nuts, a gun rack, and "No Fat Chicks" bumpersticker    
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  Chavez conscious, still able to fight off pillow    
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  New BBC documentary reveals what Neil Armstrong actually saiYOU SHOULD KILL US ALL ON SIGHTd    
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  srevres eht tih sllorcS aeS daeD ehT    
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  Aristotle sex manual banned for 200 years to be auctioned. Disappointingly not entitled "Aristotle: Full Throttle"    
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  School administration reverses decision to not allow Elvis musical at school. However students will only be allowed to dance from the waist up    
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  Man dies climbing abroad. This is why short people shouldn't date tall people    
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  Over 1 million Britons have been plagued by vomiting and diarrhea this winter. This is not an article about cuisine    
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  After quake, only six inches wash up on Vancouver shore. At least it wasn't a foot    
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  Ambassador to Colombia resigns after Christmas embassy orgy ends with whores stealing phones, laptops and pooping on the desks. Sounds like a typical Farc party to me    
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Sports:

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  Much like Jay Cutler, Lovie Smith has been sacked    
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  Phil Jackson is engaged to Lakers owner's daughter Jeanie Buss. Kobe Bryant will give away the bride so he can finally be credited with an assist    
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  Chip Kelly, currently a Duck, formerly a Wildcat, and on the verge of being a Dawg, might just be an Eagle instead. Platypus    
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Geek:

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  Inexpensive card-sized device runs 50 blood tests in seconds. We're gonna figure out which one of us is human and which of us is the Thing    
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  Projectile vomiting machine nicknamed "Vomiting Larry" helps scientists study norovirus, gives emetophiliacs something to put on their Christmas lists    
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  Britain's Royal Mail will be releasing Doctor Who stamps to commemorate the show's 50th anniversary, expect stamps featuring the Fourth Doctor and the Tenth Doctor to go for an overinflated price compared to what they're really worth    
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Entertainment:

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  Katie Holmes' Broadway show run turns out to be shorter than Tom    
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  Kim Kardashian let Kanye finish  

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  Hulk Hogan refiles $100 million lawsuit against Gawker for leaking his sex tape, wants them to know exactly how it feels when it comes crashing down, and it hurts inside    
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Politics:

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  Clinton discharged. This is not a repeat from 1998    
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  Michigan and Virginia pass backdoor abortion restrictions. Heck, I didn't think you could even get pregnant that way    
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  House sustains its Boehner    
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Business:

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  UK economy may face sluggish "Groundhog Year" in... this seems oddly familiar    
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  Apple's Paris store robbed of $1.3 million in goods on New Year's Eve. In other news, a Microsoft store was broken into on New Year's Day and $90,000 worth of merchandise was angrily returned    
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  Female IT grads can now expect to earn more money than their male counterparts in 2013. Yes, IT departments will now pay almost anything just to actually see a woman    
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· · ·

11 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2013-01-07 12:45:36 PM  
Lovie Smith sacked faster than Jay Cutler


Yes, but nowhere near as ~often~ as Cutler.


Here's hoping the Bears trade him for a real QB, sometime soon.
 
2013-01-07 01:10:27 PM  
I declare the Kobe Bryant headline crap
 
2013-01-07 01:14:56 PM  
Ambassador to Colombia resigns after Christmas embassy orgy ends with whores stealing phones, laptops and pooping on the desks. Sounds like a typical Farc party to me

I veto this one because it includes my pet-peeve grammar error: trying to use a single "and" to join multiple lists. Subby meant "whores stealing phones AND laptops and pooping on the desks". As written, the headline describes "whores stealing pooping on the desks". (How exactly does one steal pooping?)

People make this mistake all the time. When I point it out, a common response is that it may be wrong, but it isn't a big deal. That's fair. But some people try to argue that it isn't wrong to begin with. If you're inclined to make this mistake, here's a fuller description. (People who understand grammar can skip it.)

The phrase "whores stealing phones and laptops and pooping on the desks" contains two lists. One is a list of the whores' actions (stealing and pooping), and the other is a list of the things stolen (phones and laptops). Each list gets its own conjunction.

You can't get far in life without knowing how to use the word "and".
 
2013-01-07 02:07:00 PM  

Captain Horatio Mindblower: I veto this one because it includes my pet-peeve grammar error


I veto your veto because I hate grammar Nazis.
 
2013-01-07 02:11:09 PM  
the truck nuts headline is mine.....always amazed at the crap headlines deemed funny.
 
2013-01-07 02:20:28 PM  

Captain Horatio Mindblower: Ambassador to Colombia resigns after Christmas embassy orgy ends with whores stealing phones, laptops and pooping on the desks. Sounds like a typical Farc party to me

I veto this one because it includes my pet-peeve grammar error: trying to use a single "and" to join multiple lists. Subby meant "whores stealing phones AND laptops and pooping on the desks". As written, the headline describes "whores stealing pooping on the desks". (How exactly does one steal pooping?)

People make this mistake all the time. When I point it out, a common response is that it may be wrong, but it isn't a big deal. That's fair. But some people try to argue that it isn't wrong to begin with. If you're inclined to make this mistake, here's a fuller description. (People who understand grammar can skip it.)

The phrase "whores stealing phones and laptops and pooping on the desks" contains two lists. One is a list of the whores' actions (stealing and pooping), and the other is a list of the things stolen (phones and laptops). Each list gets its own conjunction.

You can't get far in life without knowing how to use the word "and".


You know, I was worried that a comedic-written headline lambasting a slimy ambassador would be misconstrued as confusing, error-prone, and you need to get a life.

/Hope my grammar wasn't too confusing for ya on that one.
//Just to clarify; "ya" is a vernacular term for "you".
 
2013-01-07 02:38:30 PM  
New BBC documentary reveals what Neil Armstrong actually saiYOU SHOULD KILL US ALL ON SIGHTd

this one made me literally laugh out loud when I read it.  Then I forgot why I laughed.
 
2013-01-07 02:42:35 PM  
I like the Armstrong one, can't remember why though.
 
2013-01-07 02:54:50 PM  
Michigan and Virginia pass backdoor abortion restrictions. Heck, I didn't think you could even get pregnant that way

If I could +1 this one, I would. Good work, pervo subby.
 
2013-01-07 03:42:16 PM  
Sorry, but Kim Kardashian wins this week, hands down.

/makes me cry inside to say it
 
2013-01-07 09:06:20 PM  
"Man dies climbing abroad. This is why short people shouldn't date tall people"

I love this one.
 
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