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(Chicago Trib)   Breaking into your neighbor's condo with a knife, duct tape and an 8 inch sexual device is no way to spend a Saturday night, even if you are the Fire Chief   (chicagotribune.com) divider line 25
    More: Dumbass, Tinley Park, Illinois, fire chiefs, condos, knife, Cook County Circuit Court, Gary M. Swiercz  
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9034 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Jan 2013 at 8:44 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2013-01-06 09:16:57 PM  
3 votes:
I had to give a death notification several years ago to a wife whose husband had died. Apparently the respectable businessman father of 2 decided to pick up a crack ho, take her to a sleazy motel, have lots of sex, then croak while doing a line of blow. The best part was the recovered newly purchased and used strap-on called "the violator 1000". Biggest damn thing I ever seen. That was a very awkward conversation with his wife.
2013-01-06 09:46:16 PM  
2 votes:

Gyrfalcon: With all that equipment and violence, I have to assume the motive for the attack was sexual assault. However, since he arrived with a "sexual device" I also have to assume he couldn't, shall we say, achieve penetration of his own volition. So will his attorney be making that point at his trial, one wonders? That he couldn't actually have raped the victim? Is that the kind of defense a potential rapist wants to present?

Decisions, decisions...


Maybe his girlfriend was in the next room, waiting for the "exciting surprise" he had planned for the night.
2013-01-06 09:18:12 PM  
2 votes:
I knew a fire chief named Gary I guess you could say he was a sex fiend,
I met him in a condo lobby holding a dildo that was really obscene.
2013-01-06 09:13:50 PM  
2 votes:
Was the 8 inch device a modified wooden toilet paper roller?
2013-01-06 09:13:46 PM  
2 votes:
"Swiercz's attorney, Colleen McSweeney Moore, called the incident out of character for the fire chief."

Indeed. Normally he's found carrying two dildos, a knife, duct tape, and lube.
2013-01-06 09:11:21 PM  
2 votes:
Hey he brought lubricant, so at least he was thinking of her comfort....


/unless of course the 8 inch sexual device was for his exclusive use
2013-01-06 09:02:18 PM  
2 votes:
If he was a cop, he'd be...still spending the rest of his life in prison.

I think it was funny that they felt the need to mention that the sexual device was eight inches.
2013-01-06 08:56:09 PM  
2 votes:
8 inches? What, was this some kind of beginner orientation or something?
2013-01-06 08:55:17 PM  
2 votes:
A Fire Chief? He's a goddamn hero, anyone approach by him with a sexual device should feel honored to receive it!
2013-01-06 08:54:31 PM  
2 votes:
Did she have a burning bush?
2013-01-06 08:51:38 PM  
2 votes:
an 8-inch sexual device...

Are we talking length, or girth?
2013-01-06 08:50:54 PM  
2 votes:
How about a Tuesday?
2013-01-07 01:46:11 AM  
1 votes:
What a dildo in the news may look like. Probably (NSFW) or prime time.
2013-01-06 10:02:29 PM  
1 votes:
This thread embodies the laughter at horror that Fark brings.

I laughed, I cried.

/window seat please, I want a good look at Gandhi.
2013-01-06 09:47:26 PM  
1 votes:

UsikFark: Gyrfalcon: With all that equipment and violence, I have to assume the motive for the attack was sexual assault. However, since he arrived with a "sexual device" I also have to assume he couldn't, shall we say, achieve penetration of his own volition. So will his attorney be making that point at his trial, one wonders? That he couldn't actually have raped the victim? Is that the kind of defense a potential rapist wants to present?

Decisions, decisions...

Maybe his girlfriend was in the next room, waiting for the "exciting surprise" he had planned for the night.


You know, sometimes you really deserve your handle....
2013-01-06 09:37:39 PM  
1 votes:
With all that equipment and violence, I have to assume the motive for the attack was sexual assault. However, since he arrived with a "sexual device" I also have to assume he couldn't, shall we say, achieve penetration of his own volition. So will his attorney be making that point at his trial, one wonders? That he couldn't actually have raped the victim? Is that the kind of defense a potential rapist wants to present?

Decisions, decisions...
2013-01-06 09:24:12 PM  
1 votes:

ROGUECOP: I had to give a death notification several years ago to a wife whose husband had died. Apparently the respectable businessman father of 2 decided to pick up a crack ho, take her to a sleazy motel, have lots of sex, then croak while doing a line of blow. The best part was the recovered newly purchased and used strap-on called "the violator 1000". Biggest damn thing I ever seen. That was a very awkward conversation with his wife.


Did he have a receipt? You could have returned it for store credit on the side.
2013-01-06 09:14:21 PM  
1 votes:

the_chief: ongbok: Sexual assault with a concrete dildo.

Leaving satisfied.


I bet you did chief.
2013-01-06 09:11:59 PM  
1 votes:
Some of us pay extra for that, subby.
2013-01-06 09:09:48 PM  
1 votes:
Breaking into your neighbors condo with a knife, duct tape and an 8 inch sexual device-
blogs.telegraph.co.uk
I came.
2013-01-06 09:08:40 PM  
1 votes:
Did someone say assault dildo?
2013-01-06 09:04:45 PM  
1 votes:

Nina Haagen Dazs: Whose sexual device was it?


Officiail policy is to use the indefinite article "a" dildo...never "his" dildo.
2013-01-06 09:01:56 PM  
1 votes:
The hell you say! That's the beginning of a GREAT weekend around these parts.
2013-01-06 08:52:51 PM  
1 votes:
Whose sexual device was it?
2013-01-06 08:51:40 PM  
1 votes:
Sexual assault with a concrete dildo.
 
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